Chapter 4

4

" Y ou're sure you'll be all right?"

Charlotte was throwing clothes into a bag one of the children had left behind months ago. She had never been away from home, and the thought of a travel bag was foreign to her. It's what made the prospect of leaving with Alasdair and Ben even more absurd.

"Of course, I will," Sarah assured her. "I'll ask Anne to come by during the day. You know she loves the children."

Charlotte smiled at the thought of the milkman's wife, a favorite for the children since she always brought them sweets.

"And we have George to help."

George was an older man who had worked for the nuns when Charlotte was still a postulant. He maintained the gardens and helped with odd jobs around the old building, fixing leaky roofs or squeaky doors. When Charlotte converted the place into an orphanage, she didn't have the heart to let George go.

"Much help he is!" Charlotte laughed, thinking of George tracking mud across the floor as soon as Sarah had finished sweeping it.

She was suddenly overwhelmed with the enormity of what she was about to do, and Charlotte collapsed onto the bed, dropping her elbows to her knees. Her body flushed as she thought of Alasdair's strong body trapping her against the door, sending new and exciting sensations coursing through her.

"What am I doing?" she asked. "I can't leave here."

She felt Sarah's comforting hand on her back.

"You can," she said, and Charlotte looked up to her friend's kind face. "There's nothing here to stop you from going. If you want to go, that is."

Charlotte thought about this. She imagined the long ride on horseback and the cramped inns they would likely sleep in. She imagined traveling to a country she had never stepped foot in before. She imagined the food she had heard was inedible. And then there was Alasdair and those dark eyes she wanted to fall into. No, she couldn't leave.

But just as Charlotte convinced herself to stay, Ben's face popped into her mind.

"I can't abandon him," Charlotte said. "That little boy needs me."

"That's what I thought," Sarah said. She squeezed Charlotte's shoulder and stood up. "Now let's get you packed."

After much activity, they were finally on the road, ambling slowly on horseback toward Scotland.

Saying goodbye to the children had been harder than Charlotte imagined. The younger ones didn't understand why she had to leave, and they certainly didn't know how to calculate when she would be back. Charlotte ached for the little ones who sniffled, struggling to understand "one month" in terms of bedtime stories and games of hide-and-seek.

But the scowling gaze of Alasdair had made Charlotte move quickly down the line of children.

"I'll see you soon," she assured them, squeezing a hand and pulling a pigtail in a small gesture of goodbye.

"About time," Alasdair grumbled as Charlotte finally made her way to the waiting horses. They planned to ride north until they hit the first town in Scotland, a small hamlet just beyond the border. They would rest there for the night, and Alasdair would arrange for a carriage to take Charlotte and Ben the rest of the journey.

"Can ye ride?" A tall man with freckles across his face stood beside a brown mare, holding the horse steady.

"A bit," Charlotte said.

Growing up as a nun, there wasn't much need for horse-riding. In fact, the Mother Abbess frowned upon it. But there were times when they needed to go to town for supplies, and it wasn't always practical to wait for someone with a wagon who could bring them.

And so, Charlotte had learned to balance atop the horse, usually praying nothing would spook the thing to make it take off.

"Don't worry," the man said. "Juniper here is a skilled steed. She won't let ye down."

Charlotte nodded and allowed the man to help her onto the horse, feeling Alasdair's gaze on them the whole time.

"Could ye move any slower, Hayden?" Alasdair cried, and the man helping Charlotte turned back to pull a face in Alasdair's direction.

"And what about ye?" Hayden asked. "Are ye planning to walk to Scotland?"

Charlotte sensed the brotherly teasing between the two men. If it weren't for their drastically different looks, she would have wondered if Alasdair's brother had just helped her atop her horse.

"Ben, come on." The boy was saying his final silent goodbyes to the children from the orphanage, but he swiftly left them as soon as his father called to him. Charlotte smiled at Ben as he passed her, giving him an encouraging nod.

"Up you go," Alasdair said, reaching down, so he could lift Ben atop his horse, but the boy squirmed out of his reach. Ben rushed to Charlotte, grabbing hold of her leg and threatening to unseat her from the horse.

"Careful, Ben," Charlotte cried, grabbing hold to the horse's mane as she laughed. She was pleased to see that Hayden's praise of the horse was correct. She didn't budge with a woman pulling on her hair and a child hanging off of her side.

"Ben," Alasdair's said. He was suddenly next to them, frowning down at the boy.

"I think he wishes to ride with me," Charlotte said, doing her best to communicate Ben's wishes. She was starting to get very good at interpreting the child. She saw Ben look up at his father and nod enthusiastically.

Charlotte knew Alasdair planned to ride with Ben in front of him. Charlotte and Hayden were meant to ride their own horses to their stopping point tonight. She watched Alasdair closely, wondering if he would acquiesce to his son's request.

"Very well," Alasdair said. He reached down and lifted his son with ease, placing him in front of Charlotte. She wrapped her arm around the boy's waist in a show of protection. She wanted Alasdair to know he didn't have to worry about Ben falling off.

But Alasdair was no longer looking at them. Instead, he grabbed Juniper's reins from Charlotte's hands and led the horse directly to his own mare.

"What are you doing?" Charlotte asked, suddenly reduced to a child on a pony ride. She watched Alasdair tie Juniper's reins to his own horse's saddle.

"He may ride with ye," Alasdair said, "but that means ye will both ride with me . I cannae risk anyone taking me child away from me again."

Charlotte wanted to protest. She couldn't bear the thought of riding so close to the man for hours. Would she be forced to make conversation with him? She felt even worse when Alasdair mounted, and she felt his leg kiss against hers as he readjusted his position.

"Let's go," he said, nodding to Hayden, who took the lead. Charlotte felt her horse jerk forward, and she pulled Ben tighter against her as they both adjusted to the rhythm of the horse beneath them.

"Here we go," Charlotte whispered to Ben. She took a moment to look over her shoulder, taking in the monastery for a final time before it disappeared behind the trees.

"Time for a grand adventure."

He heard Ben and Charlotte giggling on the horse next to him. The woman seemed to be filled with silly stories she could whisper to the boy. Alasdair knew he should be grateful. After all, she was doing exactly what she had been brought along for: keeping Ben happy. She was here to help him transition back to his old life, and stories on the road were part of that.

But Alasdair couldn't help feeling resentful as he glanced at the two of them, smiling and making faces at each other. A part of him wanted to be the one whispering stories into his son's ear. He wanted to feel a close bond with the boy, something like Charlotte's connection with him.

Ye found the boy. That's the important thing.

Alasdair shook his head, forcing the tinge of jealousy aside.

"Ye're nothin' like we were expecting."

Alasdair's head shot up at Hayden's words, and he glared at him. If he could knock a man from his horse with a glare, then Hayden certainly would have been on the ground.

"Hayden!" he cried, but his friend only looked over with incredulity.

"What?" he asked. "It's a compliment!"

Alasdair rolled his eyes and tried to silently tell Hayden to behave, but his friend kept talking.

"After what we heard from Laird McEwan, we were expecting a nun. I didn't think we would find such a bonny woman."

Alasdair glared again, scowling at Hayden's crude language. He glanced at Charlotte and saw the deep blush of her cheeks.

"Well, I suppose I'm flattered," Charlotte answered though she kept her eyes on the top of Ben's head, avoiding both men's gaze.

Alasdair had been similarly surprised at Charlotte's appearance. McEwan's letter told them to go to an orphanage in an old monastery that was run by the Church. It was only natural to assume they would meet nuns at the door. Not that he was complaining. Alasdair was very happy he wasn't brushing knees with a nun right now.

"I revoked my vow when I opened the orphanage," Charlotte answered simply.

"And why did ye do that?" The question was out of Alasdair's mouth before he could stop it. He hadn't meant to pry, but he was finding himself fascinated by this woman and her mysterious past.

"I never wished to be a nun," Charlotte answered. He felt her eyes on him, but he kept his gaze ahead as he guided the horses forward. "It was a life that was forced on me, and when I had the opportunity to leave it, I took it. I'm forging my own path now."

"Then ye're free to marry?" Hayden asked, and for the second time in as many minutes, Alasdair shot a withering stare in Hayden's direction. He felt his stomach flip as he noticed her blush had crept to the top of her chest.

"Yes," she said quietly. "I suppose I am."