Chapter 21

21

" T he carriage is ready."

Alasdair looked up to Orlaith in the doorway. She looked utterly sad, mirroring Alasdair's feelings. The whole house seemed to have a dark cloud on it today with even the servants whispering and sighing with the imminent departure.

"Thank ye. I'll be down shortly."

Orlaith turned but then she hesitated. After a breath, she turned back and took a step into Alasdair's chambers.

"Why not ask her to stay? The whole household has grown quite attached. Perhaps it's too soon for Charlotte to go home."

He kept his eyes on the document in front of him though he was barely comprehending the words. He was too distracted by Charlotte's packed bags and the snorting horses ready to take off.

"Nay," he said, shaking his head. "It's for the best."

He hadn't been able to sleep. All night he tossed and turned, thinking about Charlotte's departure. Any time he closed his eyes, he saw those pink cheeks and her kissable lips or the way she smiled at Ben with such care and attention. It took everything in him not to ask her to stay.

But Alasdair knew he needed to focus on his son. It wasn't fair to Ben if Alasdair was distracted. Letting someone in would only make him more vulnerable. After all, it would mean there was someone else in the castle he needed to protect. He couldn't live through another moment of being unable to protect someone else he lov?—

Enough. Daenae say such things.

Alasdair shook his head, pushing all thoughts of love from it. But when he looked up at Orlaith, she had a curious expression on her face.

"Ye ken it's alright?" she asked. "It's alright to want her to stay."

"Let's go," Alasdair said. He shoved down the paper in his hands and stormed toward the door, eager to end this conversation. He would go down and say goodbye to Charlotte. She would return to the orphanage and take care of the children there. The best he could hope was that she would have fond memories of her time here.

Alasdair and Orlaith emerged outside to see the carriage packed and waiting. Charlotte stood nervously in front of it, as if unsure if she should climb inside. Alasdair caught her eye for a moment, but they quickly looked away.

"Safe travels, dear," Orlaith said, stepping forward to pull Charlotte into a hug. "Ye brought energy and beauty to this castle we haven't seen in a long time."

"Thank you," Charlotte said. She turned to the open door and rustled through the bag before returning to Orlaith.

"Here," she said, "this is yours."

Charlotte held out a small book with a blue fabric cover. Alisdair instantly recognized it as the book Orlaith had shared with Charlotte. The one he had read to her in her bedroom that night. Did Charlotte glance over at him when she handed it over?

"Oh no, child." He caught the mischievous smirk on Orlaith's face. "Let it be me gift to ye. I've read it so often, I have it practically memorized."

Charlotte seemed flustered by the idea of bringing the book home with her, but Orlaith wouldn't hear of anything else. She continued to shove the book back into Charlotte's hands until Charlotte finally relented and put the book back into her bag.

"And you let me know when you're ready for another one," Orlaith winked. "I'll be happy to send it to ye."

"Please don't," Charlotte laughed, her eyebrows raised in shock. "I can't have this sort of thing showing up at the orphanage."

Orlaith gave a final smile to the girl and stepped back, glancing expectantly at Alisdair.

Alisdair looked over his shoulder. Hayden had gone to fetch Ben, but they were not here yet. It meant that Alisdair was forced to step forward and make his goodbyes. Charlotte looked at him, and Alasdair swallowed hard, feeling his jaw tighten as he approached.

"I must thank ye," he said. "Ye did so much for Ben."

"It was no trouble," Charlotte said. "He's a very sweet boy."

They were speaking politely, acting like strangers despite all the intimate things they had done together. He scanned her face, searching for a hint of how Charlotte was feeling. Was she relieved to go back home? What would she think of them once she had left?

They held each other's gaze for a moment, neither sure what to say. But then he saw Charlotte smirk, and he saw that glimmer in her eye that he had come to love so much.

"His father, however, he was a bit of a handful."

He heard Orlaith snort from off to the side, and he gave her a playful glare. He brought his eyes back to Charlotte. Despite the joke, it gave him an opening. The chance to say something he had been hoping to say for quite some time now.

"Aye," Alasdair agreed. "Quite a stubborn mule, I hear."

This got a full smile from Charlotte, but Alasdair remained serious.

"I'm sorry for that," he said. "I'm sorry for all the times I didnae listen to a woman who is so much wiser than me."

He watched her smile, and she opened her mouth, ready to say something, but suddenly, they heard a cry from behind them.

"Charlotte!" Ben rushed past, nearly hitting Alasdair in the process. He ran full force into Charlotte's legs, latching on to her.

"Sorry!" Hayden followed behind him, nearly running to keep up. "He got away from me."

Alasdair heard the gentle sniffles that told him Ben was crying. He shared a shocked look with Charlotte before they both looked to Hayden for an explanation.

"Did either of you tell Ben that Charlotte was leaving today?"

Alasdair thought back to their recent meals around the dinner table or the last picnic they took in the garden. He remembered asking Charlotte to keep things light since he didn't want to upset Ben. He had never thought that Ben might be entirely unaware of Charlotte's upcoming departure.

He looked back at Hayden with a shrug, and Charlotte shook her head somberly.

"And now here we are," Hayden said, gesturing toward Ben. "I told him it was time to say goodbye to Charlotte, and it was like I killed his dog. The kid's devastated."

A stab of guilt and pain shot through Alasdair's chest as he realized that, once again, he had hurt his son. How could he be so bad at this? He watched Charlotte pull Ben's arms away from her legs, so she could bend down to be face-to-face with him.

"Oh, Ben," she said, brushing his unruly hair out of his face. "I have had such a good time with you this month. But you remember the other children at the orphanage, don't you?"

Tears were still falling down Ben's cheeks as he gave loud gasping breaths, but he managed to nod.

"Those children need me. You have your faither and your aunt and Hayden to take care of you here."

Ben looked back at her with a wobbling chin, and then he began to sob, loud and heartbreaking sounds that only reminded Alasdair of his own distress over Charlotte's departure.

"I want ye to stay," Ben cried.

If the circumstances were different, Alasdair would have been thrilled to hear Ben speaking so much. Ever since the party, he had made great strides in his speech. Alasdair could only hope it wouldn't all go away as soon as Charlotte drove away.

"I know," she said gently. She took his hand in her own. "But right now, I must leave. I'm sorry."

Alasdair was prepared to step forward and take Ben in his arms. He saw the distress on Charlotte's face, and her own eyes threatening to spill with tears. But just as he moved to take over the comforting of Ben, his son glared at Charlotte.

"I hate ye!" he screamed. "It's not fair! I hate ye!"

Ben turned and ran away, dodging both Alasdair and Hayden who tried to grab him. Even Orlaith's gently calls to the boy wouldn't stop him.

"I've got it," Hayden said and then as he was running away, he said, "We'll miss you, Charlotte."

Hayden took off after Ben, leaving Alasdair and Charlotte staring at each other in shock.

"He didn't mean it."

Charlotte knew Ben had spoken from anger, but it didn't make her feel any less awful. Her cheeks flushed as her eyes filled with tears.

"Daenae think of it," Alasdair tried again, and she saw his hand raise up. Was he going to touch her? But just as he did this, he lowered his hand back to his side. Charlotte swallowed hard and forced herself to put on a brave face even when her body was numb from Ben's words.

"Well, I suppose it's time."

"Yes." Alasdair pushed his hands into his pockets and shifted back and forth on his feet. She waited, wondering if he would say something or…

Kiss me.

But as soon as she thought it, she shoved the thought away. Alasdair had not asked her to stay. He hadn't even told her he would miss her. There was no way the man would kiss her goodbye.

"Thanks again," Alasdair grumbled. Charlotte nodded and quickly turned away, needing to hide from those deep brown eyes and the curl of black hair hanging over his forehead. The driver closed the door quickly, and suddenly, Charlotte was plunged into darkness, feeling more alone than she had felt in a long time.

"Ye care about her."

Orlaith didn't ask a question. Instead, as she stood beside Alasdair, watching the carriage drive off, she dropped the fact into his ear. He gave a small grunt, neither agreement nor disagreement.

"Alasdair, please." Orlaith grabbed his hand and squeezed, forcing Alasdair to look at her. "Ye only get one real chance at these things. If ye feel something for this woman, don't let her leave ye."

"I must think about Ben," he said though the words sounded weak even to his own ears.

"Then at least tell her that this meant something. Daenae send the girl away with such a cold goodbye."

Cold.

Is that how he looked? Is that what Charlotte thought of him? Alasdair couldn't bear the thought. He didn't want Charlotte to leave here thinking that everything they had shared together had meant nothing to him. He couldn't bear for her last impression of him to be one of coldness.

Alasdair took off, running after the carriage.

"Stop the carriage!" he cried as he raced, struggling to navigate the tree roots and rocks that stuck out along the path. "Stop!"

The driver looked back over his shoulder and finally heard him. Alasdair heard the man call out to the horses, and suddenly, they were slowing down. Still, he ran, rushing with purpose and urgency. He thrust himself at the carriage door and yanked it hard, revealing Charlotte, tears streaming down her face.

"What are you doing?" she gasped, but Alasdair didn't speak. He launched himself into the carriage, knocking his hip into Charlotte's own as he did so.

"I couldnae let ye leave like that," he said, bringing his hand to her face. He wiped a tear from her cheek as he stared at her. And then, with a decisive sweep of his head, he brought his mouth to her own. It was one last kiss, a kiss to explain everything he was feeling.

There was love and pain and confusion all wrapped up in their touch. Charlotte leaned closer to him, and her mouth eased open. They kissed with eagerness and desperation, and Alasdair could feel more tears falling down Charlotte's face as they embraced.

"I can't stay," she said as she pulled away from him. Even though he hadn't asked the question, he felt his final hopes seep out of him. They both agreed it was time for Charlotte to go home.

"I ken," he said.

"I must go back to the orphanage."

Alasdair bent down and kissed her gently again.

"I ken," he said.

He brough his face close to hers, and their foreheads touched. They breathed together, feeling the weight of this moment. Would he ever see Charlotte again?

"Thank ye for everything. I wish ye all the happiness in the world. Ye deserve it."

He spoke with sincerity, looking deep into her eyes to ensure she would understand the earnestness of his words. Charlotte gave a wry laugh, something between a cry and a chuckle.

"How can I be happy when I'm so devastated?"

Alasdair took a breath and pulled away from her. He gripped her hand and squeezed, wanting nothing more than to pull her clear out of the carriage and walk her back into his house. But he had Ben to think about. And Charlotte had the orphanage.

"Those feelings will pass," he said. Alasdair certainly hoped they would. For Charlotte and for himself. Right now, he didn't know how he would continue his day or his week if his chest ached so much.

"They have to," he finished.

He couldn't take it anymore. Alasdair knew he needed to leave, or he would simply close this carriage door and tell the driver to drive on. He pulled his hand away from Charlotte and stepped back out.

I love ye.

But they weren't words he could speak out loud. It wouldn't be fair to Charlotte. Instead, he simply gave her an encouraging nod and put his hand on the carriage door.

"Goodbye," he said. He saw Charlotte's gentle nod, her eyes filled with unshed tears, and then he closed the door and the carriage lurched away.