Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

"A re you...Am I not going to help you with anything?" Anthony heard her ask while he lay back trying to calm his heart.

He had never desired a woman as strongly as he desired the slight woman beside him. She had been so responsive, so trusting and she had not at all acted as though she would rather be anywhere else than in his arms.

He searched her eyes now even as she asked. He didn't see any repulsion in her eyes, only a desire to please him and he wondered for a moment if she actually desired him too.

He had heard her say she wanted him but he couldn't believe them. Not after he had seen the fear in Rose's eyes when she had first seen him and how other women had paled when they looked at him.

He couldn't trust her.

Not fully.

A woman capable of conniving to steal her sister's fiancé the way she had was not to be trusted.

She could only be playing the plot of a devoted wife until he set up her accounts and then her true nature would shine through.

He rose from the bed, not looking back at her.

"Did I do something wrong?" She asked again. "I am sorry I don't know much of what to do but if you were to teach me I could do my duty."

Her words seemed so true that he was tempted to go back to her and sink himself into her sweet warmth but he couldn't trust her and as such he would keep away from her.

"You forget I warned you that you would pay for your deception." He said still not looking back at her. "I do not take kindly to people using such means to trap a husband."

"But Your grace..."

"Good night."

He stepped out of the room hurriedly so he would not see her expression even though he tried to tell himself he didn't care. He met his mother outside his study doors having a satisfied smile on her face.

"What is it, mother?" He asked with a frown. "I do not wish to be disturbed now."

"I just came to see if you would come here tonight and I wasn't wrong." She shrugged, opening the door and stepping in. "You ran away, didn't you?"

"Mother, I..."

"The staff reported they heard happy sounds coming from your chambers and I was headed there to see for myself but alas here you are."

He frowned, turning to her.

"Mother, why are the activities in my bedroom of any concern to the household staff?"

"Because you’ve holed up yourself in your study for months since your return and have finally married. A beautiful woman, no less." She answered.

"I thought you didn’t like her."

"I don’t. But I’m not blind." She shrugged pouring herself a glass of port. "She is beautiful."

"Its still no excuse." He sighed. "My relations with my wife are no ones concern. Not even yours. You will do well to remember that."

"There’s no need to be rude, son. I am still your mother." She sniffed. "I only came to offer you advice whether you want it or not. I saw your face during the wedding. You don’t seem to be bothered very much by your marriage to this girl and that is why I do this. Don’t let your reservations about what you look like stop you from actually enjoying something worth while."

"You don’t sound very much like someone who doesn’t approve of the match I made." He said trying to distract her.

He didn’t know why his mother chose to intrude his private space where he’d wanted to seek solace. She had been adamant in her disapproval of the match so he couldn’t understand why she saw the need to encourage his union with Victoria.

"I know you’re only trying to distract me but I will still tell you the truth. You can have a good thing if you let yourself." She continued. "You are worthy of love and happiness. I mean, I don’t approve of her but she was desperate enough to trap you in scandal and from what I hear is not disgusted by you so I assume you were the one to run from her and not that she rejected you."

He didn’t answer but looked away from her.

"I am right, aren’t I?" she sighed. "Oh darling boy. What am I to do with you? Why would you do that?"

"Mother please." He groaned already fed up. "I need my privacy."

"I will give it to you only because I want to give you time to think on my words." She said rising from her seat and coming to place a kiss on his cheek. "Have a good night, my darling. Tell your wife we will have breakfast together tomorrow."

"Good night, Mother."

When the door shut softly behind her, he sighed leaning back in his seat. He eyed the dark golden liquid and contemplated whether he wanted to deal with the consequences come morning but groaned, turning away.

Imbibing in alcohol had become a recent habit of his he didn't particularly enjoy but he had had to, if only to keep thoughts of Victoria at bay.

The memory of her slim curvy frame now would haunt his waking moments and dreams if he didn't drown them in alcohol.

Damn. He groaned internally.

He had not expected her body to feel so good or her womanhood to taste so sweet. He had nearly given into his desires and sank into her sweet warmth. He feared whether he would have survived the encounter when He had barely escaped their short entanglement with his self control intact.

He tried to justify his walking away by using her deception as reason but deep down he knew he feared her reaction would change when she finally saw the worst of his scars that raked his chest.

Even he could barely stomach the sight and it was his own body. She might scream and scramble away from him and that reaction scared him beyond what he could imagine.

She might successfully destroy the last shreds of his self esteem and he didn't know how he would handle that rejection.

But she had been a vision...

He groaned as he felt himself harden again at the image of her hard pink tips and how soaked and ready she had been for him. Her hips had been so supple and moved in time as his tongue had lapped her sweet juices and her sound...

He groaned and fisted his throbbing member, stroking to ease his raging lust. He had gone long without a woman's touch and now his body was punishing him for it.

That was the only explanation he could give for why the sight of her nakedness.

"Damn." He groaned again as he felt the pressure build up.

His hands moved faster and soon he was groaning out his pleasure into the empty room.

When the reality of what he had just done set in, he cursed and wiped his hands on a rag, throwing it into the furnace and rearranged himself into his breeches. He poured himself a large helping of the dark liquid he had been avoiding and drank the first two glasses in one gulp, hissing at the burn at the back of his throat.

When his mind got fuzzy and the image of her body imprinted in his mind blurred, he somehow made his way back to his long sofa, reclining and staring at the portrait of his father he couldn't bring himself to remove.

He had done his best over the course of six months to continue where he had left off but he still felt he was inadequate. He wondered if the man would have approved his choice of wife; a woman on the shelf instead of a young debutante.

He needed to produce a heir and soon but he couldn't bring himself to complete his duty. Not when he feared rejection.

He sighed and leaned back on his seat. Victoria had at least kept to her promise and had not held back and she had made it easy for him by not blushing or trying to prolong the mating dance.

He needed to come up with a solution and fast before they were married long and tongues began wagging over their lack of heirs.

Their former conversations played out over in his head again.

" Your grace." She whispered, placing a hand against his chest. "You are much too close."

He smiled down at her.

"I want you to understand what it will be like when we are married." He said slowly. "As you said, I am not a man to hide my attraction and I am a man of many appetites. I require a woman who is unashamed to fulfill them."

She blushed and met his gaze with steely resolve.

"Are you one such woman?" He probed further, wanting to see if her resolve would cave under such bold scrutiny. "Do you think you will be able to satisfy me, Miss Victoria?"

"I do not presume to speak as one with experience in pleasing men. Your grace." She answered boldly. "But if you will be a patient teacher, I will prove to be a most diligent student and in no time at all, I may learn all the necessary skills to please you."

Her words, pouring from lips had been full and plump and begging to be kissed, incensed the desire that had pooled in his blood begging for release since he had returned from the war. It was no wonder he had asked her to kiss him. He had not been able to resist the sweet nectar od of them and had almost drowned in her if he had not remembered he couldn't trust her.

He couldn't help but wonder where the demure woman, she had been described as, was?

She was as bold as any of his past lovers, who had whispered similar words albeit practiced, but her innocence still shone through making them all the more enticing.

He could feel the familiar stirrings of his past self and was sore tempted to put on that shroud as he had as a young man and flirt and charm this woman into a forbidden adventure that would keep her warm for the rest of her life.

He would not marry her but he wondered if she had be thoroughly averse to him setting her up as his mistress until the wedding.

She looked like she would be eager to please him in bed and he had once delighted in teaching women tricks.

Her words reminded him of the young man he had been. When he had lived without a care in the world except the next woman he would bed.

And wasn't that what he had wanted?

To feel desired again.

To feel as unafraid as he had then, without the ghosts of the war or the memory it had left across his face.

"Your grace, I assure you that I can be the partner you need." She went on, unaware of the struggle she had set off in him. "My sister is young and innocent in the ways of the world. She..."

"...is the one I have chosen and I will thank you to remember that." He warned turning back to her.

"No. I am just a woman who would do everything she could to get what she wants." She answered. "I have coached my sister through a successful season. Taught her who to talk to, who to mingle with and who to avoid. She would not be the darling of the ton without me and she knows it."

"If you are that experienced, why aren't you married and situated in your own home yet?" He asked.

He knew the question stung from the way her resolve cracked momentarily but he was undeterred.

"What happens if you fail at helping me accomplish my goal?" He asked. "It is selfish of you to only consider it from your angle and foolish to only consider the possibility of success and not failure."

"What you call foolish, I call optimistic."

"Optimism will not bring back dead soldiers, Miss Victoria." He answered not liking the debate they had just begun. "Optimism will not restore my reputation or account for the scandal divorcing you will bring."

Her steely determination had rivaled that of many soldiers he had been deployed into battle with and he knew she would do all it took to get what she wanted.

When she had defended him, she had been bold and not putting on a show for him as he gad watched from the shadows.

" I would think you are taught better on how absolutely terrible gossip is. It is disheartening that you would stoop so low as to malign the name of a reputed gentleman, simply because of an injury. An injury he had sustained while defending our beloved country" she said her hands braced on her hips.

It had been a move so attractive, he noticed the slender curves of her frame and the elegance of how she carried herself. It wasn't the school taught practiced elegance of a debutante but that of a woman who knew herself.

" The freedom you so enjoy was hard worn by men like him You should show him respect if you possess working consciences at all" she admonished.

By the time she paused to take a breath. The three girls were looking down in remorse

" We're sorry" They had apologized looking remorseful but she had continued undeterred on her path.

" You have no need to apologize to me, I should think that sentiment should be reserved for the duke"

If he had not stopped her, he wondered how far she would have stormed off in her anger.

But for tonight, he would drown his fears in alcohol and fall into a dreamless slumber.

* * *

Victoria sat in bed, now dressed in her night garments as she wondered what she could have said that pushed the duke out of her bed.

Things seemed to be going well between them but perhaps in her desperation to please, she had acted too improperly revealing her desire to him.

But what was she to do?

Her cousin, the Viscountess of Windham, had told her to be as honest about her desires to her husband.

"Men love a woman who is passionate in bed. If you lay there like a log, he will tire of you quickly and will look for settlement elsewhere." She had said.

"But how will I know what to do?"

"Its instinctive." She had answered smiling a rather naughty smile. "But since the duke obviously has more experience than you, it will be best you ask him to teach you what he likes and prefers as compared to you making the decision for him."

She had nodded and asked questions about what to expect and her cousin had been gratefully forthcoming, if a bit too explicit.

"It might seem painful at first but you will enjoy it gradually. You are luckier than most women." She had smiled with a naughty wink. "I hear the duke was an ardent lover in his youth. Perhaps he had not lost that vigor even though it might seem scary with his scar. I wonder if its just his face."

She too had wondered and hoped she would see the extent of the scar but had been sorely disappointed when he had rushed out of her chambers.

She sighed and rolled to face the furnace they had lit for her.

Charlotte had been even worse. As someone who had never hidden the fact she enjoyed the marital bed. Her words had caused serious concerns for her.

" He'll look just like a..."

"Honey there's no need to ruin the surprise for her." Her husband the Viscount had said.

He had been present for the conversation and had been as scarred as she had.

"What do I tell her then?"

"That it is not as scary as it seems."

"Yes darling Victoria." She had smiled. "It is quite marvelous."

Her husband smiled satisfactorily and she had wanted to be anywhere but there.

"The duke is an experienced man so he might take charge." The Viscount had added. "just don't be a blushing bride and it should be fine. He seems like a good man so he'll understand if you would rather wait."

How was she to give him heirs when he removed himself from her bed?

She didn't mind him giving her pleasure as he had but she felt guilty as she would not be able to give him an heir in that manner.

She needed to convince him that she was truly sorry for her deception as he had claimed that was his reason for leaving and also show him she was dedicated to at least fulfilling her other promises. Perhaps in time, he would come to forgive her and trust her.

She rolled to face the other side and sighed.

He had been beautiful though.

She had spared a look even while he wreaked havoc on her senses with his tongue between her legs and he had had his eyes closed in determination and she couldn't help but bite her lip now. Her woman hood responded to the thought and throbbed with need.

She sighed and wondered if he would truly keep from her bed. Would she even survive it now she knew what pleasure felt like?

She already made a mental list of the seasons events as well as guests she would introduce him to that would help with his goal of re-entering society but even though she would not admit it out loud, she would have much preferred working on producing heirs instead.

She tossed and turned hoping sleep would claim her before the flame of desire consumed her but there was no such thing.

Her body throbbed as she was flooded with memories of the night.

"I want to show you something new." He smiled, sniffing her deeply. "Your desire smells divine. I cannot wait to drink of your nectar."

She had reddened because nothing in her inexperience could have prepared her for the combined sensation of his gravelly voice and lips and hands on her body or the heat that came off him in waves warming her deeply.

"I don't know what..."

"Lay back and trust me.".

He groaned against her, applying suction to the throbbing nub at a pace that winded her. It was altogether too much that no sounds could come out of her.

"You taste better than anything I could have imagined." He groaned against her as he licked her again in one long stroke. "Damn."

She bit her lip as he groaned again. He made her feel like he was actually enjoying the attention he was paying to her.

Soon her body began to buck as she felt her entire body light up.

"Your grace." She begged not knowing what she begged for but knowing it was only he who could give it to her. "Please."

He didn't speak but moved a finger to her entrance, sliding it in slowly and then increasing the pace.

The world grew in color and fell apart in a colorful stream that she wasn't sure she could survive and when it was over, she lay back trying to remember her name and where she was.

She was glad she had married him for she wondered if any man would have taken out the to teach her such things.

Novels were very insufficient in the knowledge they had given her. She wondered what other tricks he knew that he would teach her and she wondered if he too would show her how to bring him pleasure.

She would be extremely grateful if she learnt how to. Perhaps she could punish him for leaving her tonight just as he had.

She turned to the side and wondered whether it was truly improper of her to be having such thoughts of her new husband and giggled.

She would learn so well she would leave him begging too but until then, she'll play the well bred gentlewoman and introduce to everyone he needed to know but once she has him in her hands, he would rue the day he chose to walk out on her.

With that thought, she fell asleep with a broad smile on her face.

Indeed, he would pay for slighting her as he had.