Zak’s WhatsApp Messages

OSCAR

Did you watch the match earlier? What a bag of wank. We couldn't score in a titty bar atm.

ZAK

No I didn't watch it. I saw the result though. Another draw isn't great.

OSCAR

Hang on! Why didn't you watch it? Please don't tell me you're not supporting City or United? If it's United you're dead to me!

ZAK

Lol. No. I had Maddy round. We watched a film.

OSCAR

Back the fuck up. Maddy the girl you're not sure likes you?

ZAK

Yeah and it seems she does! We might have had a moment!!!

OSCAR

A moment! WTF is a moment? Have you turned into a teenage girl?

ZAK

Fuck off. I read it somewhere ??????.

OSCAR

Did you show her your tiny dick? That will only take a moment!

ZAK

NO! And you know it's not tiny. I was about to kiss her, but my sister walked in. Then my parents came home.

OSCAR

She's met your family!!! It must be serious! What do they think of her?

ZAK

…

OSCAR

Where are you? Why are you ignoring me???

ZAK

Was just asking if I could borrow Mum's car. Yeah they liked her. Mum says she sweet and very pretty.

OSCAR

Run now mate while you can. If Lisa likes her you're in trouble.

ZAK

Well Amelia loves her so…

OSCAR

Aww shit. I've been the victim of Amelia's love. Being trapped in that Wendy House when we were 12 and made to drink pretend tea has scarred me for life!!!

ZAK

You do know she still thinks she's going to marry you one day and have your babies.

OSCAR

I've just puked in my mouth you fucker! I'm going. I can't talk to you anymore.

ZAK

So you don't want to know about how I'm going to ask Maddy on a date then!