Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

Elle hunched over and held her nephew’s hands while he bounced on his toes and rocked his body toward the Christmas tree across the room.

“Max doesn’t seem to have any interest in walking,” she said to Kate.

Her sister stood at her kitchen island, arranging a charcuterie board. Kate and her husband, Alden, always hosted a dinner during the holidays when the McAlisters got together to draw names for Christmas gifts.

“Why walk when you can look adorable and have everyone else do your bidding?” Kate said. “And I’m in no hurry for him to start toddling. I can still plop him down with some toys or a board book while I enjoy a glass of wine after work. Once he finds his sea legs, all bets are off.”

Elle grunted as she lifted Max and took him over to admire the tree. “What are you feeding this kid? He’s built like a tank.”

“According to his pediatrician, he’s going to be ‘a freak of a rugby player.’” Kate’s imitation of her husband’s British accent was perfect.

Max reached for an ornament. Elle tickled his belly to distract him. The baby’s laughter had her giggling along with him. “There is no greater sound in the world. Someone should add it to those stress relief apps. It would work wonders.”

“Speaking of stress relief,” Kate said as she carried the platter to the bar area in her great room. “You look like you’re sleeping a lot better.”

“Mm.” Elle decided not to take the bait.

Kate sighed. “Well, I’m glad to see you’ve worked through your issues.”

She hadn’t. Not really. Elle suspected she was sleeping better because Hayden wrapped his warm body around hers every night, protecting her.

Of course, the sex might have something to do with it, too. It was still off-the-charts fantastic. So good that she could hardly move her limbs afterward. No wonder she slept like the dead.

Yet another reason she was still holding on to West’s memoirs. She wasn’t ready to face sleeping alone in her New York apartment again just yet. Part of her worried the demons would show up again, perhaps even louder than before.

Monday came and went days ago without Elle alerting Madelaine or Helen that the book was complete. She worried they’d cut her stay in Chances Inlet short and insist she return to the office. And she wasn’t ready to go yet. She wasn’t ready to face those demons.

At least, that was how she justified it to herself.

“I still sleep with my clothes, shoes and phone piled on my nightstand,” she admitted to her sister.

Kate paused briefly as she pulled wineglasses from a cabinet. “There’s no shame in that. That’s a mature coping mechanism.”

Elle snorted. “Jeremy used to say I was being a baby.”

“Jeremy was a twat.”

Max squirmed in Elle’s arms. She put him in his bouncy harness. He shrieked a laugh every time he jumped.

“What does Hayden say about it?” Kate asked.

Her sister was tenacious, she had to give her that.

“He was the one who gave me the idea. I couldn’t sleep at all when I got back from Croatia.” Elle shrugged. “Hayden has a lot more experience with, and knowledge about, post-traumatic stress.”

Kate smiled softly. “He does. And he cares about you.”

Elle wandered over to peruse the holiday cards Kate had displayed on her mantel.

“I’m going back to New York, Kate. I’ve been offered my own column at Vantage .”

Her sister nodded.

“You already knew.” Elle scoffed.

“Don’t blame Mom.” Kate offered her a guilty shrug. “What can I say? I have a knack for knowing how to drag these things out of our mother. Her face always gives it away when she has a secret she’s excited about.”

“Yeah, because she finally has something to be proud of me for.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Kate snapped a dish towel at Elle. “Mom has always been proud of you.”

“Oh, right. She’s so proud of her unfocused child who keeps ping-ponging from one career choice to the next while the rest of her kids are wildly successful at the first thing they chose.”

Kate recoiled as if Elle had punched her. “What the heck is going on inside that head of yours? And who says you’re unfocused? You’re months away from turning twenty-eight. No rule says you need to have it all figured out by now.”

“You did!”

Her sister groaned. “Yes, but I’m a bit of a type A personality that way. Actually, more like a type A plus plus if we are being fair. That doesn’t mean my way is the right way. Heck, Elle, I spent my twenties buried in boring textbooks while you’ve spent yours trying things out for size. Exploring the world. Finding your niche.” Kate took Elle’s hand in hers. “Truth be told, I’m a bit jealous that you have the freedom to do that.”

“It’s not all fun,” Elle argued. “It can be scary. The rest of you had big-time careers by my age.”

“There’s more to life than big-time careers, little sister. And there are plenty of well-adjusted people in this world without one who are content with their lives.”

“Name one.”

“Bernice.”

Both sisters laughed. Max joined in.

“Although, I wouldn’t be surprised if that woman doesn’t have her own Wikipedia page someday,” Kate admitted as she retrieved her son from his jumping harness. “Please tell me you aren’t taking the job in New York out of a sense of obligation to make Mom proud. To make any of us proud?”

Elle couldn’t find the words. She shook her head instead.

“Promise?” Kate insisted.

Elle nodded just as Emily, Henry and Whitney sprinted in the door. The rest of their growing family followed. The room was instantly crowded and loud, making any more conversation with Kate impossible.

Several moments later, however, Kate slipped a folded sticky note into Elle’s pocket.

“What’s that?” Elle asked.

“It’s the email address of a friend of mine. She’s also an expert in post-traumatic stress. Just in case you need it when you get back to New York. Or if you begin to suffer symptoms of withdrawal from the remedy you are using now.”

Elle had to chuckle at her sister’s analogy. Kate’s diagnosis was correct, though. “Withdrawal” from Hayden was going to hurt. A lot. And if she’d learned anything these past few weeks, the demons were easier to keep at bay if you didn’t have to face them alone. Heck, wasn’t West proof enough of that?

“Thank you,” she said. “I will get in touch with her tomorrow to set something up.”

Her sister’s look said “Yeah, right.”

“I mean it,” Elle insisted.

Kate pulled her in for a tight hug. “Whatever you do with your life, you will be successful at it.”

“Because I’m a McAlister,” Elle replied.

“And we are all here to cheer you on.”

They jumped apart when baby Hazel let out a shriek.

“Max pulled her hair,” Emily announced.

“She doesn’t have any hair,” Henry argued.

Hazel was crying in earnest now as everyone tried to placate her. Not to be left out, Max joined in.

“There’s a sleeper sofa at your place in New York, right?” Kate asked.

Elle nodded.

“Excellent. Sisters’ weekend at your place. Soon. Very soon.”

Hayden sat on the corner of his bed, tugging on his uniform boots. Elle’s contented sigh had him glancing over his shoulder at her. She was sprawled out on his sheets wearing a coy grin, and nothing else.

He groaned. “Could you maybe turn the sex appeal down a notch this morning? I have to pull a twelve-hour shift, and at this rate, I’ll be doing it with a hard-on.”

“Can I help it if my man thoroughly satisfied me last night? Multiple times, in fact.”

He was on top of her in an instant. “Is that a fact?” he murmured against her ear.

“Mm. It might have been a record.” She moaned when he fondled her breast. “In fact, I ought to add that to your website. Overachiever in bed .”

She broke out in a fit of giggles. Hayden silenced them with a possessive kiss. When she squirmed again, her thigh brushed against his arousal. He jumped off the bed before he made a fool of himself.

“Here.” He tossed her the T-shirt he’d left on the floor the night before when they’d both been stripping off their clothing in haste. “Put that on so you don’t keep distracting me. Please,” he pleaded.

She made a show of stretching the tee over her torso, causing him more discomfort. When she was finally covered up, she lifted her hair from beneath the collar and swung it behind her. She sat up on her knees like a prim schoolgirl.

“Better?”

It wasn’t. The shirt accentuated her pebbled nipples and the soft slope of one of her shoulders where it slid down her arm. He didn’t think he’d be able to take his eyes off her and leave for the station.

“Yes,” he croaked.

Hayden sucked in a breath to refocus his horny brain cells before mentally going through the checklist of things he needed to do before he reported for duty. It was critical he didn’t miss a step. Possibly the difference between someone’s life and death.

He opened the door to his closet and punched in the combination to his gun safe. His service revolver sat neatly inside, its ammo in a sleeve beside it. He retrieved them both and loaded his weapon. Once he’d ensured the safety was on, he slid the gun into the holster around his waist. He could feel Elle’s eyes on him the entire time.

“I drew Lamar’s name last night,” she said, her voice soft.

“Huh?”

“Our family is so big that we each pull a name out of a hat and buy a Christmas gift for that one person. I got Lamar this year.”

The delight and adoration in her eyes made his chest tight. The sheriff’s assimilation into the McAlister family had been a bumpy one. Mostly because Miles decided he needed to be an overprotective jerk where his mother was concerned.

Elle had been cautious with her acceptance, too. Her late father meant so much to her. It seemed the tide was turning, though. Hayden couldn’t be happier for all of them.

“Maybe you could help me come up with an idea?” she asked. “I want to get him something really special.”

He nodded before leaning down and brushing his lips against hers. “We’ll come up with something great.”

“Hayden, honey, are you home?”

The sound of his mother’s voice had them jumping apart.

“Oh my God,” Elle mouthed. Her wide eyes darted around the room.

“I’ll be right out,” he called as he helped Elle scoop up her clothing from the floor.

His mother’s heels were loud on the hardwood floor as she made her way down the hall.

“What on earth happened to this picture?” Her voice was getting closer.

Elle hurried into the open closet.

“Were you and your friends roughhousing inside the house?” his mom asked.

The woman still thought he was ten years old. Her comment had Elle fighting back another fit of giggles. Hayden put his finger to his lips before closing the closet door.

“Mom, could you wait in the kitchen? I’m getting dressed.”

Too late, she was already charging into the room.

“You look dressed to me.”

“That’s because I just finished. And I’m on my way out the door. My shift starts in a few minutes.”

She tsked in disgust. “Without making your bed? I know I raised you better than that. You know what they say? ‘If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed.’”

His mother leaned down to pull up the sheets. Hayden rushed forward when he spotted the heel of Elle’s Ugg boot sticking out from under the bed, inches away from his mother’s foot.

“Really, Mom, I got this.” He kicked the boot out of sight before taking the sheet from her and quickly making his bed. “What are you doing up and out this early anyway?”

“Today is your father’s breakfast for the dental reps. I thought I’d drop off the cat’s heartworm medicine while I was driving by.” She wandered over to his dresser and began to rearrange the photos he had there. “I have no idea when Kitty will remember to bring it over.”

She lowered her voice as if they weren’t the only ones in the room. Which they weren’t. Thankfully, she didn’t know that.

“Kitty is sleeping with Everett West, you know.” There was a hint of glee in his mother’s voice.

For crying out loud.

“None of my business.” He thumped the pillows on the bed. “There. Now, can I buy you a cup of coffee at the Java Jolt?”

“Why would I want to do that? I’m about to have coffee at the breakfast.” She bent over to pick up his socks off the floor.

The odds were high there was a condom wrapper somewhere in this room. He needed to get his mother out of here before she found it. Or decided to organize his closet.

“Your sister is coming in early for Christmas,” she announced. “She’ll be interested in the situation between Kitty and Mr. West.”

He dragged his fingers through his hair absently. “That’s great.”

His mom reached up and smoothed down the strands he’d just mussed up. “ Annnnd , she’ll get to meet Livi.”

Hayden froze. “What? Why?”

Her smile was smug as she hiked one shoulder in the air. “Why not?”

“Mom, nothing is going on between Livi and me.”

She adjusted the collar on his uniform. “That’s because you two have barely had a chance to spend any time together. She got back into town last night, and is here through Christmas Eve.”

“How do you know this?” he asked even though he really didn’t want to hear the answer.

“We talk. I adore her, Hayden. And I know something could be there if you just give it a chance. I’m not getting any younger.” She patted his chest. “I want grandchildren.”

Mother of God.

“Mom—”

Her phone chirping startled them both.

“That’s your father,” she said before she even looked at the screen. “He can’t function one minute without me. I made Aunt Edith’s rum cake last night. I’ll stop by the station house later to drop it off. I need you to do something for me in return.”

Hayden grimaced, knowing what was coming.

“Stop by the inn to say hello to Livi.” She kissed him on the cheek. “I’ve invited her to our family dinner after the snowman-in-the-sand contest tomorrow night.”

The click-click of her heels accompanied her from the house. Hayden sank down onto his bed. As soon as he heard her car pull away, he called out to Elle.

“She’s gone.”

Elle opened the door slowly. Rather than come out, she leaned a shoulder against the doorjamb, her long legs crossed at the ankles and the pile of her clothes still gathered against her midsection. The giggles were gone. A solemn expression replaced them.

He sighed. “I’ll find some time to stop by the inn and talk to Livi. I hate to think about what my mom might be filling her head with.”

She didn’t reply.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing.” Elle shook her head. “It’s cute, though. I mean that she wants to be a grandmother.”

Hayden wasn’t sure how to respond to that. She stepped out of the closet, moving in the direction of the door.

“I should get dressed and get gone in case she comes back,” she said.

He reached for her elbow when she passed and guided her down to the bed. His stomach rolled at the sight of her shiny eyes.

“Belle.” He kissed her forehead.

“We’ve been dancing around the elephant in the room for weeks now. But elephants are big creatures, Hayden. They are unavoidable. Even if my job were here, your mother would never accept me as her grandchildren’s mother.” The laugh that came out of her mouth lacked any humor. “She barely tolerates me being your friend.”

Anger at his mother coursed through him. How dare she ruin this? “My mother doesn’t figure into this.”

She shook her head. “You say that now, but she’s your mother, Hayden. She’s important to you.”

“So are you!” he shouted.

Elle pressed her palm to his cheek. “I know that. And you’re very important to me. But?—”

Hayden tried to ignore the lick of panic that raced down his spine.

“No buts!” He grabbed both her elbows. “We said we were going to live in the here and now until West finishes his damn book. He hasn’t done that yet.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “Let’s not spoil this special thing we have by wondering about the what-ifs.”

She dug her teeth into her bottom lip.

Hayden sighed. “I have to get to work. I’ll see you tonight?”

Elle slowly nodded.

The relief he should have felt at her agreement was nowhere to be found. After kissing him on the cheek, she padded on bare feet down the hall. The sound of the door closing was like a gut punch. He swore violently.

What a mess.

Hayden had no regrets about taking their relationship to the next level. He loved Elle. Maybe even more than he realized. And he was beginning to realize he’d sooner give up his other leg than live without her. His mother would just have to get over it. If she didn’t, so be it.

He hadn’t changed his mind about begging her to stay in Chances Inlet. It had to be her idea. Only they were running out of time. Which meant he needed to come up with a backup plan. The clock was ticking.

Shit.

There was no time to come up with one right now. Hayden was going to be late. He snatched his jacket from the chair and hurried into the hall only to stop short. Beula sat in the middle of the floor blocking his way. The look she gave him was so much like his grandmother’s “don’t screw this up” look, he was taken aback.

“Don’t look at me like that. I’m working on it,” he told the cat.

The cat continued eyeing him in disbelief.

“I promise.”

With a swish of her tail, the cat wandered off—message delivered. Hayden rushed out the door praying he could find a solution that would allow him to keep that promise.