52. Lia

52

LIA

"You're the last thing I think about before I go to sleep, and the first thing I think about when I wake up. When I dream, I hope to dream of you—when I'm awake, you're all I want to see. And that shit didn't start last week, or last month, Sarah. I've felt like this since I was fifteen." I pushed her away from me because I needed her to see my face before I spoke next. "I was afraid for so long that that made me a bad person. It was why I went to college so far away. And when I came back, it was for him, not for you, please believe me. But I love you all the same. I only slept with Jessica to try and forget you, to prove to myself that I could move on—but I can't. I know that now. I never will. And now that Mason's gone, I don't know what ties us together anymore, but I want for us to build something real. Not just out of habit, or because we both loved him, but because after loving him, we know we can love each other."

My heart felt like I'd just run a marathon, it was beating so fast.

"So can you ever forgive me? Please?"

Sarah sniffled, wiped her eyes, and it felt like my life was in her hands. Then I watched the edges of her lips curve up and—for the first time in a long time—a spark of fresh hope inside her eyes. "We should try and find out," she said softly.

"Yeah?" I asked, still not ready to believe.

"Yeah," she said, and gave a nod.

—Caleb, from One of a Thousand Wishes by A. R. McGeorge

I stayed in the shower long enough that I could almost convince myself everything that'd happened to me was a dream.

Because it didn't make any sense for Rhaim to have come over to my house, admit that he was breaking up with me, and then finger-bang me to oblivion.

But—he had?

I stood there under the hot water as my sinuses opened, trying to figure out how many times he'd made me come—I was good with math, but the Dayquil was now winning, and he'd fucked me so many times I needed calculus.

He'd made things mostly-somewhat-clear, though.

Hadn't he?

I thought he'd still be there when I got out?

But I might not have bet a lot of money on it.

All I was really sure about was that I was confused, by the time I put on a fresh pair of underwear, sweatpants, a T-shirt, and came back out my bedroom door—only to find him at my dining room table, doling out soup into two bowls.

I walked over to join him, and things felt even more unreal now. "Where the fuck did you get hot-and-sour soup from?"

"I ordered it when I got here and saw you looking like that," he said, gesturing back at the couch, where I'd been perfectly happy reading and watching trashy TV till he showed up.

I looked from the soup to the door to him, and realized the real reason he might have stopped fucking me was because he knew he was going to get a soup delivery.

"I kind of hate you," I said, and he laughed.

"Good." He pulled out my chair for me. "Sit down. Eat."

I did as I was told because my only other option was to throw my bowl at him, and then have to clean up the mess afterwards. Plus, I was actually hungry.

He ate too, and then when we were finished, he took my bowl away.

"Lia, every single thing I said back there was true." He used his chin to gesture over my shoulder, to my living room.

I bit my lips. I'd had a feeling it was. "But you didn't really scare me."

"I noticed," he said, with a snort. "That still doesn't make it right. Look at me," he demanded, and so I did at once. "I can still teach you to run your father's company. And I can get you on the board. But—not a single one of them will ever respect you if they know you've sucked my dick. You know it's true?" he asked, making sure I knew it was a question.

I frowned, but swallowed, and nodded.

It was.

"So, knowing that, little girl," he said, nodding back, "what do you want?" He held both his hands out. "The empire?" he asked, lifting his right hand. "Or everything else?" He lifted his left before closing both hands into fists. "Just know this," he began, and my heart was racing as he continued. "I'll only respect you for one of those decisions. Choose the other and I will use you like a cum rag."

I opened my mouth and took a deep breath.