Epilogue

T hings happen very quickly after that.

Once Nariel is gone, the angel turns her attention to Evram.

She already has what she wants from me, after all.

With the angel bearing down on him, the grand magus caves with bad grace to the new "agreement." He practically snarls it, glaring at me the whole time.

Even if I'm not exactly over the moon about this arrangement, I am absolutely vindictive enough to enjoy that.

I don't say anything to him, though. I beat him in every way that matters, and we both know it. Nothing I can say will make him madder than what he tells himself.

When he finally spits out his agreement, I do give him a little wave though. Just to watch his head try to explode.

It's the little things.

If I learned anything from Nariel, it's that.

But it's also an acknowledgement, because I do know Evram, and this isn't the last time I'll see him, the last time we'll clash. He'll withdraw to prepare, and I had better do the same.

As Evram storms away, Destien casts me a long, serious look I'm no longer certain I can interpret correctly. He's taking my measure, but as an enemy, ally, or force to be handled with caution? I don't know.

Nariel was right about that too, that people can surprise you.

Every thought of him is like stabbing my heart over and over again.

He left for his people, and ultimately, he was here in the first place for his people, too.

But he was also here for me. And if he hadn't been worried about me, he could have played that very differently. Oh, he still would have protected me, as the person who could defend this world's magic and thus his spirits' access to it, but I don't think that was all.

If that was all, he wouldn't have spent a whole train ride letting me cry on his shoulder.

We are very fast approaching the time when I'm going to have the space to process some emotions, and I know what I'm going to find there.

In this moment, Destien withdraws his people.

Koshiel turns once more to me and inclines her head with a very self-satisfied smile. As if to say, Look how generous I have been with you, and now you will be of use to me .

I smile widely, showing all my teeth, and incline my head graciously as I think, Just you wait, motherfucker.

The angel, too, withdraws, following Destien through the portal to High Earth.

The portal closes, and it's just me and Brook standing in the cold dark waves.

By now, she has waded up behind me. "Hey," my little sister says. "Are you okay?"

There will be time for revenge.

For now, for her and Nariel and all the wizards here, I have to build something out of the ashes in my heart.

I turn to my resilient little sister—and it's on me that she needed to be resilient—look her over quickly for injuries, and finding none, say, "I'm fine. Let's get you out of here."

Brook first.

Then the rest.

And there is so much of the rest.

B rook and I talk. Long explanations and stories from both of us. Her imprisonment in High Earth was about as painless as those things ever are, and although she's not showing much strain, I know the emotional impact of the fear and helplessness will take longer to process. I'll help however I can.

When I was taken there as a child, I knew, in a fundamental sense, that I was a prisoner, too. I rarely let myself think about it, and I think it's why many Low Earth wizards were always more ambivalent about association with magic than me. Throwing myself fully into learning magic was also an attempt at gaining control, because if I was good enough, I would have power to leverage. Or so I thought. So I never really felt like a captive, even if I was one—I couldn't leave of my own volition, and I had to do whatever Evram told me to maintain my comparatively good treatment—more like a second-class citizen always trying to prove my worth.

To my surprise and delight, my untried sister apparently treated them like the second-class citizens. Barbarians so weak and desperate they had to kidnap the innocent relative of their enemy for leverage. She understood that I was a real threat to them, and used that to her full advantage, shaming and scaring them into treating her better than they'd intended.

I knew Brook was smart, obviously, but I hadn't realized how politically astute she was. Her childhood years of having to sneak and steal her way to independence from our parents left their own mark. She can flit through any situation without letting it touch her.

I make sure she eats and drinks, but eventually Brook's adrenaline runs out and she conks out.

Brook takes Nariel's place in the futon at the ryokan, and seeing her sleep, protecting her in the place that he protected me, makes my eyes tear up so badly I have to leave the room and shut myself into the bathroom as I finally let go and sob.

For a brief, shining few minutes, I had magic, and my sister, and Nariel, and a future.

Now I have both magic and a future together, an outcome I did not anticipate but will seize.

But I'm never settling again. Not ever.

It's not magic or a life, it's magic and a life, and all that means.

I want it all, and I will have it.

No matter who I have to fight.

E ventually I sleep too—after establishing some heavy-duty protections on Brook—and once we're both back up, I get back to work.

The first order of business is to take stock of my anchor spell at the shrine gate. Harder to do without Nariel to cloak me.

I already set up some defenses, of course, because I thought I wasn't coming back. Now, everything is different.

Destien did add something to my spell, but nothing that interferes—I suspect he wasn't confident enough to mess with the complexity of my work without more thorough study, which, frankly, speaks better of his judgment than I would have been comfortable admitting a few days ago.

The tweak he's added is more like an alert system, so that if I alter the magical structure of the universe again through this anchor—which I'd almost have to—he'll know.

I ponder, and decide to leave it.

Not without an addition of my own, of course. I'm not Nariel, but I can add a layer of masking so Destien's spell will only report fluctuations to him under specific conditions: those being, if I want him to.

So he won't know that I found his spell, but unless he's stupider than I've come to believe, he'll assume that.

And if I want to get in touch with him directly, I have a way to get his attention.

Destien also might be cleverer than I ever gave him credit for.

But then, he did have to keep up with me for a lot of years.

T wo days after everything went down at the shrine, Brook and I have slept untold hours, we have eaten a truly astronomical amount of food to help restore ourselves, and we are still working on that project at a ramen shop with Ayaka in Hiroshima.

It really is basically like a booth—there's a counter with four stools, and we're occupying three of them so no other customers can easily fit. With two foreigners in the middle, no one is likely to try for the last spot.

The empty seat at my back feels like an accusation.

The store owner has retreated back behind a kind of fabric divider so we can't see him—and he can't hear us—leaving us to this comfort food in a homey spot of warmth and comparative quiet as the city bustles behind us.

All of us are totally out of place here.

Ayaka, because this is a hole-in-the-wall establishment and she's dressed in an elegant power suit, perched on a stool in stilettos. As sharp as ever, like she's been cut out of a fashion magazine and pasted with all her edges on a background where she doesn't fit.

I wonder if she'd ever let herself be seen in a place like this if we hadn't already stopped to get food while we waited for her train—she's efficient enough that she wouldn't ask us to find somewhere else, and she won't let anyone make her feel out of place anywhere. She's owned the shop since she glided in.

Brook and I look out of place because we're obviously foreign, first of all, but also because we haven't had a chance to go clothes shopping yet. So Brook wears the—laundered, at least—shorts and top I wore to bring magic back in the world. She's as good as I am at looking breezy in new clothing styles, but these don't fit her perfectly; as a teenager, she's still more gangly than I am now in my ripe old mid-20s, having spent much of the last decade hiking around the world. She looks uncontained.

And I wear the same outfit I met Ayaka in before—but instead of the sweater, with Nariel's way-too-big-for-me and absurdly fine (the ryokan owner gasped when she saw it) kimono jacket over the top.

It smells like him.

It's not a smell scent, really—I'm sure, because Brook sniffed it as we were digging through our clothes options and declared it clean—it's magic.

Not a spell, but more like it's absorbed some of Nariel's essence. Essence of Nariel? Essential self? Whatever it is, I wear it, and I can practically feel the shadows flickering around me. I'm afraid to wash it in case it fades.

This isn't what makes me look out of place, though.

It's that, because of my magic, even to people with no magical senses I stand out. Like a camera has focused on me over a slightly blurred background, with a filter that makes me shine at the center.

If you have magical senses, I actually glow slightly.

Almost like an angel.

I suspect it's a holdover from how much magic I just channeled at the shrine gate, and it'll calm down as time passes.

Otherwise, I'll have to get used to looking slightly larger than life. Otherworldly, even.

I'm definitely not invisible now.

All of us feel like too much for this ramen shop gamely trying to hold us.

Ayaka doesn't order a bowl of ramen for herself—maybe she can't slurp without splashing her business suit? Nah, I bet she could—just nibbles edamame and sips a slushie as Brook and I inhale our noodles in between a longer recounting of what went down (I did text Ayaka before now, and also Seamus and Letty) like we haven't eaten in days. (We have eaten in days.)

"I am sorry," Ayaka says, "that things didn't go as planned."

She will certainly sympathize with the frustration when careful arrangements don't go according to plan.

But Ayaka also saw me with Nariel beforehand, and what she is actually doing is expressing sympathy for my loss, even if she doesn't share it. Which she doesn't, because she doesn't know what Nariel became to me, only that he became something. And she probably wouldn't approve if she knew and thinks I'm better off.

"Thank you," I say, and deflect, "I am very lucky for how things turned out, and to have had your support."

Ayaka twirls her straw in her drink, watching me. "Oh, my part was very easy," she says, her own humble deflection, because her part was actually very dangerous and delicate and we both know it. "It is you who deserves all the congratulations."

Rage surges up in me, and I squash it down. It's not directed at Ayaka.

But I don't deserve all the congratulations.

I won, yes, but in the process my sister got kidnapped, the woman who helped me in this world when no one else would or could was threatened, and the man who supported my greatest ambitions and believed more in me than I could in myself is gone.

I have to do better, and I'm going to. For everyone.

And for myself.

I'm mad at myself, but I deserve better, too.

So I can say more honestly, "No, I made many mistakes. I will work harder from now."

Ayaka sharpens; we're getting to it now, why we're here. "I'm surprised you're not gone already."

A leading statement.

Brook jumps on one aspect of it. "I'm not ready to go home yet. Sierra doesn't need to rush off on my account."

My sister is trying so hard to act as though she's just had another adventure, probably so I won't feel so guilty—a lost cause—that I'll never help her escape our parents' idea of protection again. But if I try to smother her in safety, she'll claw off her own skin trying to get away. She's had more than enough of that.

So I've given her a shield, to start. And I'll do more than that before I'm done.

"I owe Brook more of a trip, since we're already here," I tell Ayaka. "I won't let all her memories of this experience be sour ones."

I won't let High Earth break her. Not even as much as they broke me.

"They're not," Brook pipes up. "But that's not going to get Sierra out of a really epic shopping excursion."

Ayaka smiles, but her eyes are still narrowed. "I see. How nice! And while you are here, will you be working?"

I grin faintly. "Of course, Ayaka. My work ethic is not like yours, but naturally I would not miss such an opportunity."

My work ethic is actually a great deal like Ayaka's, in that it's all-consuming. Mine might just be a little more obsessive.

"Is there a project I could assist with, while I'm here?" I ask her.

"If it is not too much trouble," Ayaka says—and the sweetness in her voice clearly indicates she does not care if it is too much trouble—"it would be so much more convenient to be able to keep an eye on things for you from Tokyo. My work is so busy these days."

Translation: Things are going to get messy, it's your fault, and I'll have to take responsibility and it's a huge imposition on my time, so the least you can do is make it easier for me to not have to travel across the country on a whim.

She is correct on all points, and this is something I have already considered.

"Of course. I can set up—kind of a remote access terminal, so you can keep an eye on things without having to be physically present. We can discuss what will be most convenient for you, and I am happy to adapt."

"You are too kind," Ayaka murmurs.

"Not at all. And I will do more than that," I say. "I've also added some initial defenses to the gate, so if something does happen, you will have both warning and time to get down there. I would be pleased to make further adjustments if you have any suggestions for how I can improve them to ease the strain for you. I will have to add protections to the other anchors as well, but this one is the most important. Before I leave, of course, I would also like to teach you some other spells. I realize this is yet a further imposition on you, but I hope you would consider the time spent valuable."

She'll need some remedial education, given how little High Earth teaches Low Earthers, but she's smart and I have no doubt she can catch up if motivated.

And even aside from her desire for power, I have no doubt she'll be motivated. Given how things went, she's the opposite of protected—High Earth will realize she helped me set them up.

They'll come for her, and I'm not going to hang her out to dry.

"What kind of spells?" Ayaka asks.

"Anything that will help you protect yourself, as long as you can learn them."

Her eyes spark. Got her.

"I hope you are a good teacher, or I will not be satisfied," she says.

Ha! "I look forward to finding out. I take it you have some ideas, then?"

Ayaka smiles. "Oh, I am happy to learn what you think best first. And then you may teach me what I think best."

See, this is why I like Ayaka. She's a woman who knows how to get it all.

I laugh and clink my glass to hers in agreement.

Then Ayaka asks, "And what then?"

I take a drink and look at her sidelong. "Then?"

"Surely you do not expect me to believe that is the extent of your plans," Ayaka says, with the tone of someone who would be deeply disappointed if I were that stupid.

Well, she's not wrong, exactly. I do have plans. But I don't think she's going to consider them especially savvy.

But they're going to affect her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes twice.

"They imprisoned Nariel," I say.

"Yes," she says, "and they gave you quite a deal in exchange."

"Oh, yes, it sure is a deal."

Ayaka sets her drink down and looks me dead in the eye to say with uncharacteristic bluntness, "Sierra. We are not prepared for High Earth. We are certainly not prepared for angels."

"Exactly," I tell her. "Koshiel is clearly hoping I'll be a distraction for High Earth from whatever the angels are up to there. She either underestimates me still and expects that to occupy all my attention, which means all she intended was to buy time. Or she took a true measure of me and expects me to provide her something else. I suspect the former, but either way, playing the part she set out has no benefit for me. If I go along with it and do nothing more, I will spend all my time busy being chased by High Earth, she'll get what she wants from them, and ultimately High Earth will overwhelm us. In maybe a few years if we're lucky, everything will be back to how it was before. And I didn't do all this for it to be temporary, Ayaka."

Ayaka and Brook are both quiet and watching me, absorbing that and thinking it through. Ayaka looks more serious than I've ever seen her.

"You wouldn't risk magic for a man," Ayaka says, a test.

I grit my teeth against the internal rush of anger. Not her fault. "If I would, he'd still be here."

"That is not an answer," Brook says.

Brat. Admittedly, a correct brat.

"Magic was always the most important thing in my life," I say. "Now there is more. If I risk magic, I promise you it is because I am very sure it is important."

"Important to whom?" Ayaka asks. "Will you make your personal vendettas problems for the whole world?"

I know what answer she's looking for. I ought to be politic.

I glance at Brook, and back.

I am who I am.

Selfish.

"Yeah," I tell her. "I will."

"After everything?" Ayaka presses. "You have your sister back, and you have your freedom, and we all have magic. You will risk all this for a demon you barely know, plunge the whole world and every wizard in it into a fight we're not prepared for?"

"Then we'll get prepared, but if Bright Earth wants to separate me and Nariel so they can use us both more easily, that's exactly what they're not going to get.

"And more to the point: If High Earth or Bright Earth or anyone thinks they can take what matters to me whenever they please to threaten me, to threaten magic , they'll never stop. We'll never be safe. So I am going to make sure they don't get to take anything from me, ever again."

Silence falls.

Brook's eyes are wide. Ayaka's expression, carefully neutral. Considering, probably, how best to handle the madwoman before her willing to risk it all.

The only way I know.

By the waterfall, Nariel said, "I'll wait for you."

He'd better have meant it, because I am going to take him at his word.

I'm coming for him whether he wants me to or not.

To my absolute surprise, Ayaka offers me her hand over the worn counter. Completely shocked, I look up, and the grim, sharp slash of a smile on her face would make me take several steps back under other circumstances.

"Thank you for your honesty," Ayaka says. "I look forward to working with you."

Ayaka knows about ruthlessness, too, and how to not give up space. I should have given her more credit.

It's just that I'm not sure I can give myself credit for this. This is going to be dangerous as fuck.

But then, what else is new?

I take Ayaka's hand and bow over it, giving myself a moment to get control of my face, of the surge of emotion there. "The honor is entirely mine."

Beside me, Brook has a strange, knowing expression on her face.

She of all people must know I never make connections easily, so my sister will recognize what this means for me.

But she's also never seen me fully engaged in life before, and after years of my passing through life in the background, now she's going to. I'm practically crackling with energy.

It's like I've been living in monochrome and can see color again for the first time, and it's so sharp it almost hurts.

I took back magic.

Now it's time to take back a demon.