Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

M y skin flushes as I read the journal that holds the history missing from the old books.

"The illness arrived not long after Erik Thostenson ascended the throne. And it worsened every year since."

"No wonder he tried to hide it." Cadoc's smooth baritone is full of disdain.

"This can't be right." Kirk's shaky voice pulls my attention from the journal. Kirk's pupils dilate, and his breath quickens. The furrows in his forehead are so deep they could be divots. The blood rushes from his face, leaving him ashen. Papers slip from his trembling hands, drifting toward the floor.

Cadoc snatches them in mid-air. "No." Cadoc's lips twist into an ugly sneer. His face flushes. Nostrils flaring, he shakes his head. His eyes shift from human to wolf. I feel the tingling energy that precedes a change.

"Explain this, Healer." Slamming the papers on the table in front of him, he digs his claws into the wood.

"I can't." Kirk croaks. "I know nothing about this."

Bo's shape blurs. He moves behind Cadoc and reads. His eyes widen. Bo peers at me while Kirk and Cadoc avoid my gaze. The compassion in his eyes sends me into a spiral. Whatever he saw has to be bad.

My lower lip trembles. I don't want to know.

"Ylva." Fell places a hand on my shoulder.

I shrug his hand off, refusing to let the warmth comfort me.

"These compare Grays' test results to Jarl's." I blink, unable to understand Cadoc's words. It doesn't make sense. Blood pounds in my ears. The world spins.

I drop the journal and grip the edge of the table in front of me. Head down, I suck in shaky breaths. "No," I chant the words like a prayer of protection. "He's a boy. They don't test boys." I look up at Kirk's blurred shape. "Right?"

"I didn't." His non-denial hits hard.

"Someone did." Cadoc's fist slams into the table.

"The fire wasn't an accident," I speak the words burned into my brain from the note.

"They couldn't get to me. So they went for him instead." I cover my mouth. The fire was all my fault. "I killed them." The words explode from my chest. Shoulders shaking, I choke on the sobs that gathered and spilled over like heavy rain clouds that preceded a torrential downpour. Grief, anger, and guilt create a dizzying cocktail of emotions.

If it hadn't been for me, my family would still be here. I rock back and forth. A chill settles in my bones.

"No." Strong arms wrap around my shoulders and pull me to a firm chest. The body heat cuts through the cold, helping bring down my tremors. I know that lemony rosemary scent.

"I'm so sorry," Fell whispers the words against my temple.

"I won't let you take this weight on." Cadoc's voice cuts through the waves of pain threatening to drown me. Leaning over, he grips my knee.

"Your family loved you more than life itself. Whatever they did to keep you safe came from the heart. It was a price I promise you they willingly paid."

I suck in breaths as my lungs burn. A shape blocks out the light.

I glance to the right and meet Bo's steady gaze. "You were the victim of pure evil. Not the perpetrator. And I swear we will make those responsible pay."

I believe him. The determined set of his jaw and the rage burning in the depths of his match the fire burning in my gut.

"We'll add this to the list of wrongs that need righting." Kirk reaches his hand across the table.

He wants to hold my hand. I can't handle the connection. Fisting my oversized sweater, I struggle to calm my unsteady breaths. We don't have time for me to lose it. Every step forward is closer to seeing my enemies destroyed.

Somehow, this is all connected. "What did those bastards do to my brother?" I swallow down the sorrow, placing it in an ironclad box to be dealt with at a later date. Numb, I let the ache become fuel to power the wrath I plan to personally deliver.

Kirk pulls his hand back and clears his throat. "I don't think this is a good idea."

"Read it," I scream. I couldn't prevent this, but I can bear witness to his torture. I won't look away because it hurts when he couldn't.

The sheets rustle in Cadoc's large hands. He exhales sharply. Cadoc loved Jarl too. I know the calm face he presents is a costly lie. Together, we're honoring our fallen loved ones with respect and bravery.

Eyes glossy, he clears his throat. "They took blood from him at an appointment. It showed a DNA signature they didn't recognize. Which led to more tests." Cadoc's voice cracks. "They isolated it and tested it against the sickness."

I hold my breath. The next sentence is going to change everything.

"It improved the condition."

The others break into startled gasps and curses.

"They knew with more they might be able to mutate the strain that had grown out of control."

"Strain?" Kirk spits the word out like poison sucked from a wound. "The crazy son of a bitch actually did it. He created this. That statement is proof!" Chair legs scrape across a wooden floor. The seat topples to the ground. Pacing, he places his hands behind his back, elbows out, and fingers entwined against his neck.

"Why would he do that?" Bo speaks the question we all have out loud.

"They captured Jarl and brought him to the laboratory." Cadoc closes his eyes. "Then the experiments began."

"How? I saw the flames take him." The image of the flames leaping up, barring Jarl's exit as he screams, has been a reoccurring nightmare for years.

"They got to work immediately, healing him so they could test serums." Cadoc's voice wavers.

Bitter bile stings the back of my throat. I gag. I don't have the strength to ask him for more details.

"Enough." Bo's voice is razor-sharp.

"No." Voice thready, I protest, "He deserves?—"

"None of this will bring him back. Tormenting yourself by adding imagery to your head you can't get out isn't brave. You're not honoring his memory that way. You're punishing yourself," Cadoc says gently.

"That is not what I'm doing."

"Step away, Fell" Bo's voice is a command.

The blond surprises us both by obeying. Bereft from the loss of warmth, I face Bo down alone.

He crowds my space, placing his hands on either side of my head. The wood groans in protest under his grip. "If you realize it, that's exactly what you're doing. I'm not going to let that happen on my watch, princess." I shrink away. He moves forward. "I have enough experience with it to tell you, it doesn't make the ache lessen."

His words penetrate the noise in my head. I see the pain visible in the depths of his dark eyes. "We twist ourselves into knots over the ones we care about. But real love doesn't require its pound of flesh."

"Do you believe that?" Is that my voice, thick and shaky?

"I've come to know that. Which means supporting you through trials, so you don't have to walk them alone. It's not letting you tear yourself to shreds over things beyond your control."

"They took him from me and did fucked up things."

"And that's exactly why we're going to dismantle everything that asshole built one piece at a time." He smiles evilly. "While he watches. When we're done, he'll be nothing but a shell of a wolf with no power left. His name will be associated with nothing but disgust."

His resolve reassures me. It soothes the child screaming inside me for justice. "How?"

"We show everyone who he really is."

"And all he's been up to." Kirk stops in the center of the room. Breathing hard, his face is a savage display of sharp teeth and a sharp jawline that borders on the midst of transformation. He's discarded the placid lake exterior and lost the heir of aloofness. Raw, and unfiltered, he's a supernova ready to blow.

Full lips turned down and muscles flexing beneath his white t-shirt, he looks like a boxer ready to enter the ring.

"So, what's our plan?" My heart beats wildly in my chest as the energy in the room continues to gather.

"Freeing the pack of its mad king," Cadoc makes the declaration of war.

"That's treason enforcer," Fell's voice takes on the strange tone I associate with his newly gained powers.

"Is it?" Cadoc asks.

"If your intentions are pure, there's a chance for change and overcoming your enemies. But it will come at a high price," Fell says.

I spin in the chair, turning to face him. "Haven't we paid enough?"

Fells' eyes glow with an otherworldly light. "This path you walk isn't an easy one. Victory will push you to the brink of madness and ruin. But the survival will prepare you for what's to come." Fell's voice is raspy.

"I never asked for any of this. Why the hell is it my job to save the world?" I ask, voice cracking.

Fell's expression grows grave. "Those who don't want power always wield it best."

"It's not an honor when it feels like a prison cell and shackles." I lower my gaze.

"Walk away then," Fell calls my bluff.

"I can't." I grit my teeth.

"Why?" The challenge in his voice strikes a nerve.

"Because I'm not selfish enough to end the world over my desire to live life away from the pack. I want to be the change I needed."

Fell nods. "That's what you need to remember." He looks at the others. "All of you. Find your reason to keep fighting and hold it close. You're going to need it in the dark days I see ahead."

"And the good news keeps coming." Bo raises his hands and lets them fall to his side, slapping against his thighs.

"How can we ensure our victory?" Cadoc's voice holds a new reverence.

"Dedicate yourself to each other. Pour your energy into your clan and strengthen your bond." Fell pauses. "Each of you must face your fears to cut the ropes lashing you to that which doesn't serve. Prove your worthiness of the Keeper. Show the gods there are pack members who deserve saving."

"What do the gods have to do with this?" I ask.

"We were all created by something. When those who made us grow wary of our existence, danger soon follows." Fell blinks slowly. His body relaxes and his breathing slows.

"Are you back with us?" I ask.

"I don't leave when that happens. I channel power and tap into a new part of myself." Fell rolls his shoulders.

"Does it hurt?" My stomach clenches.

"No." He smiles. "But it feels like I'm being stretched by a power that doesn't want to be contained. In time I'll adjust." He takes my hand. "We will avenge Jarl and your parents. But we have to be smart about it."

I clench my jaw and exhale through my nose.

"I loved them too, Ylva." Fell's voice holds hurt.

The reminder softens me.

"I swear it on our bond," Cadoc says.

The others repeat the vow, soothing some of my hurt.

This is what it means to have a clan. Weathering storms together.

Clearing my throat, I look at all of them. "I will stand by you as you face your challenges. I am your partner. None of us is in this alone."

"I hate to kill the mood, but duty calls." Bo pulls the sundial out of his pocket. The dial glows red and the coordinates flicker urgently. This summons feels different.

"The wolf that stays in its den never catches its prey." Cadoc quotes the old Norse poem, Havamal.

With mere days left to return to the pack, we're running out of time.

Fenrir, guide our steps.