Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
P alming the mug of coffee, I watch the sky color the land in shades of pink and orange. This is a beautiful piece of land, untouched by the ugliness happening outside. Sunrays caress my face. I tilt my head up, soaking up the Vitamin D.
The caffeine chases away my grogginess. The door opens.
"It's peaceful out here, isn't it?" I recognize Zeke's speech.
"Very. I'm grateful to have a break from the car."
He chuckles. "I can imagine. Mind if I join you?" The hesitation in his voice makes my heart ache. How many times had others shunned him?
"Of course."
Closing the door behind him, he steps out and moves beside me. "If you're Kirk's mate, that means your part of our family."
I sip my coffee.
"It's okay if you don't feel that way. We sprung this on you. Are you not open to getting to know us?"
"No. I am. But I've had a lifetime of being where I'm not wanted."
Zeke's expression softens. "We welcome everyone who comes through the door. Their level of involvement is up to them."
I smile. "I'll keep that in mind."
He comes to stand beside me. "I don't want you to punish him because of us."
"Excuse me?" I turn to him.
"He promised us safety, protection, and secrecy. I was the first one he rescued. The Alpha told him to get rid of me when the serum caused deformities. I tried to escape that evening. They took me down with a flamethrower."
"Oh, my God."
"It was complete chaos. The fire spread to the lab, and the chemicals had strange consequences." He runs his hand over his head.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm not. It was the situation that allowed me to leave with my life. Kirk said he'd dispose of me. Instead, he transported me here. While I recovered, he shared his vision." The reverence in his voice makes Kirk seem like a god.
"Explain it to me. Because to me it looks like you're in bed with the man who tortured you. How did he become your savior?"
"He was always different. Everyone else in the building treated us like things. There was no respect, and they pushed us to the brink. Kirk was always there with a kind word, soft touch, and healing. We knew he'd lie to give us extra time to recover or avoid tests. So, he was the preferred handler."
"How did you end up there, Zeke?"
"I always knew I was different. Bigger and stronger than most kids, I had to watch myself around others my age. My mom never wanted to talk about my dad. I learned later why. Things started getting tough my senior year, so I took a job at a local bar that didn't ask questions. I was a bar back, restocking and fetching ice. It was right off the highway, so we got tons of traffic. One night I went outside to take out the trash and someone rushed me from behind. The next thing I knew, I woke up in a tiny cell."
My heart breaks for the mother still missing her child, and the boy brought into a world he knew nothing about.
"It turns out my father was a wolf shifter, and I was on the verge of experiencing my first shift soon. They caught my scent and tracked me down."
"That is so fucked up."
He barks a laugh. "You're telling me."
"This isn't right. I can't believe all of this has been going on right under our noses." I ball my hands into fists. "People need to know about this."
"Do you think they'd care?"
"Yes. My people have their faults, but this mistreatment won't fly with them. They'd never follow such a cruel leader who purposely causes pain. Did he ever say why he was doing this?"
Zeke shakes his head. "He was always obsessed with making us better. Pushing the limits of our abilities. That's where the genetic experiments come in."
Grinding my teeth, I curse that the Alpha was trying to play God. I curb my questions. I won't make this man relive hell for me.
"The transition here wasn't easy by any means. I resisted his help and waited for him to show his true face. Then an infection nearly finished me off. It showed me I wanted to live."
"That was the turning point between you two?" I lean against the deck railing.
He snorts. "No. It was a long, painful journey to common ground, mutual respect, and later friendship."
"Sounds like Stockholm Syndrome." I cross my arms over my chest.
"Here I have a purpose. I'm able to help others who've been through the same horrific experience I've had. I won't sweep what Kirk did under the rug or forget his involvement. But he's risked everything to right his wrong. That says more than any words of apology could."
I chew on his words. "Why did you come out here? Is this a PR spin for Kirk?"
"After all he's done over the years, the man deserves a little happiness. Funding this operation isn't cheap. Taking in more of us has kept him in constant danger."
I frown. "How is that possible? They cut him off years ago."
"We have sympathetic people in high places. And he knows where they hide the bodies."
"Are you telling me he trolls the body drop sites?"
Is my doctor an undercover badass? Images of the fit man dressed in all black stalking through forests and doing solo stakeouts and rescue missions dance in my head. "I won't judge him for helping you, but my feelings about his lies and deception are mine to process."
Exhaling, he nods. "Fair enough,"
I laugh. "Glad you approve, Zeke."
His lip curls up. "Since I've said my piece, I'll leave you to your thoughts."
I nod as he returns to the house.
Kirk's hermit status was a cover. He wasn't hiding away. The man has a double life. I can admire his loyalty, but the omission is where I get caught up. It feels like a betrayal from a man I'm meant to trust with my life. What else is he hiding away behind his wall?
I look at the cold coffee. The door swings open, revealing the man in question. "You're up early."
I nod. "I couldn't sleep. Too much on my mind."
"I get that." He moves next to me, hooking his thumbs in his belt loops. "Care to share?"
"Are you ready to hear it?" I set the mug on the railing.
"I'm here to listen to everything you wish to discuss."
"No."
His eyes widen. "No?"
"I'm not going to spill my guts while you hide behind this mask you wear."
"What are you talking about?"
"What else are you hiding, Kirk? Because you sure as hell aren't the quiet homebody I thought you were."
He rubs the back of his neck. "I never claimed to be that."
"But you sure as hell pushed the narrative." I point at him.
"People don't look too hard that way. I have people depending on me blending in and remaining unremarkable."
"And when were you going to tell us about Sanctuary?" I nod my head toward the house.
"When I was sure I could trust the clan?—"
"And now we wonder if we can trust you." The heavy words are honest. "I'm ready to know the real you, Kirk. Not the false persona you give everyone else. I've laid myself bare for all of you. Knowing you weren't doing the same…" I glance away. "I need the same in return."
"I'm sorry." He grabs my hand. "I promise you, moving forward things will be different."
I shake my head. "Not good enough."
"What do you want from me?" His voice raises an octave. I crave the fire he's giving off.
"More."
"Of what?" His nostrils flare. I welcome the exasperation in his tone.
"That. Realness. A glimpse at the man I didn't realize you were hiding."
"I'm reserved by nature. Being unnoticed is how I've kept myself safe." He bites his bottom lip.
"Don't you think it's time to change that? You're no longer alone, Kirk. That's the beauty of having a clan." I keep my voice gentle.
He shifts his weight. An uncomfortable expression draws his brows together. "Change that lasts is never easy or swift."
"Nor should it be. But you have to be trying for it to work."
He steps back, looking shocked. "Maybe I don't know who I am anymore, sweet girl. I've spent years trying to convince myself I'm not a fucking monster?"
The rapid-fire words explode out of him.
I shake my head. "You're not."
He hunches his shoulders. "I saw your face and felt how disgusted you were through our bond."
"By the entire situation," I correct him.
"And now that you know everything I've done?" He peers up at me from beneath impossibly long lashes.
I meet his gaze. "I won't lie and tell you it doesn't bother me."
He steps back, and I grab his wrist, stopping him. "You have done monstrous things." I place my opposite hand over his chest. "But the heart that beats here is full of goodness."
"My hands are so stained with blood; it'll never fully wash off."
Regret darkens his brown eyes to black. His voice thickens.
I take his trembling hands into mine. "So, use those hands to build a better future."
"You know the odds are against us?" He grimaces.
I grin. "Never stopped me from trying before."
"Nor me." He lifts his head higher.
"Then we've already decided." I shrug, keeping my eyes trained on his face.
"Just like that?" He lifts his eyebrow. His shoulders droop.
"No. You broke my trust. It'll take time to regain it." I squeeze his wrist.
He drops his head. "I never meant to hurt you or lie."
"Deep down I believe that. But I also think you feared my response." The sun rises, casting us in its orangish pink rays.
"I did. But you know I take my vows seriously." He meets my gaze.
"We can't afford to have doubts about each other right now. No more secrets."
He looks away.
"Kirk?" Is he going to rock the boat again?
"I swear on my blood and honor there are no more secrets like this. I swear my loyalty to you and our clan."
The power behind the words binds us tighter.
"Kirk," I whisper. Oaths are nothing to be trifled with.
"So you know , I mean every word. Our clan has given me something I lost long ago." He licks his lips. "Hope, and a direction to move forward. Together, we have a chance to turn things around."
The conviction in his voice thaws the ice gathered around my heart. He caused hurt, but he owned up to it and took immediate action to repair the damage done. "Don't lie to me again, Kirk. By omission or otherwise."
"I won't." His voice is grave, and his face is open in a way I haven't seen before.
Kirk looks lighter for the conversation.
"What happens next?" I ask cautiously.
"That's up to you. This mess is on me. It's my job to work things out, not yours."
"We're a clan. That means no one stands alone." Cadoc approaches the porch, fresh from a run through the woods.
Face flush with vitality and bare chest glistening, he's a statue come to life in a pair of low-hanging gray sweatpants. I want to lick the V-shape that shows off his Orion's belt.
"How much of that did you hear?" I toy with a loose strand of hair tickling my neck.
"Enough. This is new for us all. There are going to be missteps." Cadoc peers at Kirk. "I don't think he'll make the same mistake though."
"No," Kirk says curtly.
The door opens and Bo shuffles outside. "No one told me there was a morning meeting." His voice is rough from sleep. Disheveled, his sleep-heavy eyelids and messy hair make him look younger.
I smile, thinking of how innocent he'd looked when I crawled out of bed. "It was spontaneous," I assure him.
Bo grunts. "Are you still pissed at Doc, then?"
"Yes, but less so. Why did you come out to the porch?" I ask curiously. I trail my fingers over the green leaves with a purple stripe down the center, in the hanging basket above my head. They've created a cozy home here.
The door opens once more and Fell joins us.
"It felt like I needed to be here." Bo smooths back his hair.
"You too?" Fell glances at all of us, rubbing his eyes. His green and black plaid sleep pants brush the tops of his gray slippers. I admire the bare chest and six pack on display.
"The cords were vibrating. I knew it would calm me if I found you." Bo shrugs.
"Under the ground! They're coming from the ground." The deep, terror-filled voice shatters the silence inside the house.