Nineteen

Ican't believe I'm about to go on the first date I've had in over a year and it's with a guy I'm genuinely into. I wish it wasn't so apparent how crazy I am about Jude, but there's little I can do about it. Whenever we're together or talking, I smile like an idiot. All my worries? They disappear. The guilt and anxiousness that weigh me down because of my secret? They dissipate.

Being with Jude grounds me in a way I've never experienced.

And it feels super weird to say that about a guy I thought I loathed a week ago.

I woke up today feeling lighter than I have in a long time, simply from knowing that I'd get to see him tonight. And now, I'm waiting at Big Hair Books for him to pick me up for our date. I second-guessed my outfit choice about a hundred times already, but I'm hopeful that my black and white striped cotton dress, black leggings, and booties combo will work with whatever Jude has planned in addition to ice skating.

I didn't think it was a good idea to have him come to the house to pick me up. If Dad thought he was Joel instead of Jude, things could go sideways quick. The more time I spend with Jude, the more I'm able to distinguish between the two of them, but it is uncanny how identical they are. It's more his mannerisms and expressions that make him stand out from his brother…to me, at least.

I did tell Mom I was going on a date with a friend, though. I could tell by the look she gave me that she wanted to pepper me with questions, but she held back. It's not easy being an adult living with your parents. It's true that they want me to be independent, but they also want a hand in the decisions I make. Which was why I felt the need to hide my romance writing. I knew they'd never approve of it as a career, not after the one and only conversation I tried to have with my dad about it.

When the story I wanted to write wouldn't let go of me, I decided to venture the topic one night over dinner. Dad made it abundantly clear that while writing fiction was fine for a hobby, banking on it as a future career choice wasn't wise. So I took my desire to be an author and hid it away, along with my indie publishing journey.

I blow out a breath, reminding myself to release the negative thoughts surrounding my newly chosen career. If I continue to think my parents won't understand, I'll never gain the courage to tell them the truth.

And I desperately want to tell them the truth…when the time is right.

I lean back against the bookshop's outer brick wall, enjoying the cool night air against my cheeks. It was too warm inside to wait. I get sweaty when I'm nervous, and right now, my nerves are reacting like a chemical explosion.

Looking both ways, I expect to see Jude pulling up in his car, but there's no sign of anyone slowing down. My gaze catches on a guy in a hoodie and brown leather jacket combo walking toward me with the hood pulled up over his head.

I'd know that stride anywhere.

I push away from the wall as a wide smile blooms across his face. "Hey, you."

"Hey." Soothing warmth flows through me as he steps into my space.

"You look cute tonight." His deep voice drenches me in delight as his blue eyes skim the length of me. "Another dress?"

I raise an eyebrow, fighting the urge to tug at the hem of my skirt. Maybe I really did wear the wrong thing. "Do you have something against dresses?"

He slowly shakes his head and meets my eyes. "The opposite, actually. I really like them on you."

My grin breaks free, but those pesky nerves have me tucking a piece of hair behind my ear like I'm shy. "Thanks. And I like you in your glasses."

With a gentle hand, he cups the side of my face and leans down to kiss me on the lips. He pulls back just far enough to say, "I should've done that first."

I smile against his lips when he leans in and kiss him again. "It's okay; I forgive your oversight."

He laughs and takes my hand, guiding me down the street. "You okay with walking to dinner before we go skating?"

I nod my agreement, and Jude leads me to a hole-in-the-wall Italian café that touts the best seafood linguine and gelato in all of Denver. The hostess leads us to a little table in the back of the crowded but quaint space.

It feels so good to be out with Jude and not have to pretend he's someone else. I don't even have to keep my secret around him. We're able to fully be ourselves in every way. I'm convinced there's nothing better.

He pulls out my chair for me, then sinks into his own. "You sure this place is okay?"

"It's perfect. And it smells amazing."

He chuckles and removes his leather jacket to hang it on the back of his chair. "The food tastes as good as it smells, trust me. They bake their garlic bread fresh too."

"You had me at garlic bread."

It's not long before a harried-looking waiter appears and takes our orders. He's back with our drinks and bread before we even have time to unfold our cloth napkins.

"Wow," I say with a little laugh. "He's fast."

"Yeah, this place has excellent service."

I fold my hands on top of the table and send Jude a look. "Do you bring all your dates here?"

With an eye roll that's way too cute to be considered offensive, he reaches out a hand to me. "I already told you that you're it. There are no other dates."

I try to take his words at face value and pack them away. Then he adds, "I haven't really had time to date. Mine and Kenzie's training schedule is pretty grueling. This month is one of the rare times we get to take it easy before we ramp up for another competition."

I faintly register the way his thumb skates over my skin as he continues. "There's not a lot of opportunity to meet girls. Besides, I've never met any like you."

His pointed stare sends heat into my cheeks. "Do you and Kenzie travel together a lot, then?" It would make sense if they did. The droll look he gives me has me sighing. "I'm not jealous. Promise. I'm just…curious about how that all works."

"Yes, we travel together," he says. "With our coach. And we all stay in separate rooms."

I squeeze his hand as his laugh lets loose. "I wasn't insinuating that and you know it," I insist. "But it is a little hard to believe that the two of you spend so much time together and aren't a couple." I bite my lip and consider if what I really want to ask is even appropriate. But the urge to know is overwhelming.

"Have you two ever…dated?"

Instead of acting annoyed like I think he might, he smiles wider. "No. Never. Kenzie and I have always just been friends."

Something that teetered too close to the edge of feral settles inside me like a cat curling up on a plush, warm rug. "I see," I say, trying to play it cool. "And why is that, do you think?"

He shrugs. "Working together like we do isn't exactly conducive to a romantic relationship. Believe it or not, we butt heads a lot."

"I can believe it." As soon as the words leave my lips, Jude sits back and pretends to be offended.

"Are you saying I'm hard to get along with?"

I shake my head, giggling. "No. I'm saying you're infuriating sometimes."

He leans forward, his expression changing from amusement to something dark and alluring. "Ah, yes. I remember you saying something similar right before you dared me to shut you up. And I did."

His comment makes me want to beg him to shut me up again, right here in this restaurant.

"Maybe there's a part of you that likes arguing with me," he says with a way too confident smile. I have no choice but to knock him down a few rungs.

"Or maybe I just really enjoy daring you to do stuff because you're gullible enough to fall for it."

His gaze trails over me as his lips curve into a lazy smile. "If falling for you makes me gullible, then so be it."

My heart nearly thrashes in my chest at his confession. But my brain goes straight into overthinking mode. How can he be falling for me already? We've only just agreed to make our relationship official. In a romance novel, we'd call this a quick burn, enemies to lovers type story, but that hardly ever works out in real life.

I do not have irresistible female main character energy. In fact, I'm kind of a mess inside. Sure, I look like I've got it all together on the outside, but that's just another obsessive tendency that rules my life. If everything around me isn't neat and orderly, I tend to spiral until things are righted.

It's only a matter of time before Jude starts to see all the ways I'm weirdly high maintenance.

"Is it too late to take it back?"

I blink up at Jude. "Take what back?"

His smile falters. "It looked like I scared you there for a minute." He pulls his hand away from mine, and I instantly miss his touch. "I don't want to move too fast for you, Chantelle. I just…really like you. But if it bothers you, I won't use words like falling or…" He pauses, splaying out his hands. "I don't know…tripping. Anything that might make you think this is happening too fast."

Seeing a bit of his own insecurity and nervousness eases my own. "You're cute when you're second-guessing yourself, Forshtay."

His confident smirk returns. "So it's settled. My feet are firmly planted, and there will be no falling or tripping in this relationship any time soon."

Do I risk telling him that I had the very same thought as I waited for him to show up for our date? He's been nothing but honest with me so far in our relationship. I want—no, need—to give him that same level of honesty.

I inhale a deep breath, then say, "You're not moving too fast for me. I really like you too. Thought that was obvious, but…" I lift one shoulder. "Maybe not. Maybe you need some convincing."

I lift my foot and skate it up his calf just the slightest bit. Enough for him to notice, but not enough to garner the attention of anyone near us. His jaw works as he pins me with his cerulean stare.

"Maybe you're right," he says in a low voice. "Maybe I do need a lot more convincing." He winks just as the waiter steps up to our table with our food.

The conversation flows easily as we enjoy our meals and take the time to get to know one another better. I learn about Jude and Joel's parents and how dedicated they've been to their sons' sports careers. He paints them as loving and kind, and it sounds like they resemble my own parents.

But when Jude clears his throat and pushes his food around on his plate, I brace myself for the topic we've skated around all night.

"She was diagnosed with cancer two years ago." Pain lives in the lines of his face as he describes what the past two years have been like for them. I've known about his parents, the whole team has, but hearing him talk about it now is heart wrenching.

He finishes with, "That's why it's so important for Joel and me to do well in life. When we got to a place where we could financially help them, we did. They didn't want us to at first, but how could we not after all they've sacrificed for us?"

My heart splits open upon hearing how important his family is to him. Family means the world to me too, even though I haven't exactly been prioritizing them recently.

"Did your parents' situation have anything to do with you and Joel switching places?"

Jude's eyes soften on mine. "Yes." He tugs his bottom lip in between his teeth. "There's more to it on Joel's end as well, but that's not my story to tell."

I nod, wanting to ask more questions but knowing I shouldn't. These twins seem to have an unbreakable bond, and I don't want to get in the way of that.

"Thanks for trusting me with your secret."

His sexy smile returns. "And thank you for trusting me with yours."

Like two infatuated teenagers, we just stare at each other until the waiter comes back to ask us how it's going. As soon as he steps away, Jude asks, "Ready to hit the ice?"

The mental image of him and I skating alone together, him showing me tricks I've never tried before, brings tingling heat to my cheeks. "Ready when you are, blondie."