Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

“ I ’m sorry, what? You have not only got laid, but you’ve done so with someone at work?” exclaimed Charlie in disbelief. “That is either ingenious or disastrous.”

“Does it really have to be one of those extremes?” said Kiera, with a chuckle. “I mean, it’s a massive hospital. Thousands of people work here. We’re not exactly going to be living in each other’s pockets.”

“Not yet,” said Charlie, raising his eyebrows and giving Kiera a hard stare. “I know how all this works. But anyway, I want all the sordid details, please.”

“You may want them, Charlie dear, but you aren’t getting them. We need to plan the next few engagement sessions and we’re on a deadline.”

Charlie sighed. “Slave driver.”

Lunch came round quickly. Kiera’s stomach was in knots, in spite of the extra time she’d taken with her clothes and her makeup. She felt more nervous than she had before she’d met Clodagh the first time, which seemed illogical .

“Fab top, babe, yellow suits you,” said Clodagh, sitting down without an ounce of nerves showing.

“Oh thanks,” replied Kiera, making a mental note to tell Lou her dressing strategy had been a success. She looked around. “I hardly ever come in here. I work in the old building a few minutes’ walk that way. Can I buy you some lunch?”

“Ah, yes, why not? I’d recommend sandwiches, though. You don’t want to know what they put in the soup here.” Kiera smiled and got up. The place wasn’t as bad as she’d expected, and the tomato soup actually looked tolerable, but she heeded the warning and picked up sandwiches and a salad for them both, along with some water and fruit.

“Thank you. How’s your day been?” asked Clodagh, attacking one of the sandwich packets.

“Busy, but I suspect more productive than I was yesterday. I had some rather intense recollections of our night together in the middle of a particularly important meeting. I’m fairly sure I missed something crucial which will cost me my job in the next few weeks.”

Clodagh laughed. “You’re funny. I’m not going to lie, I had a few of those moments too, although I tried to keep them to a minimum when I was with patients!” She ripped open the salad and pushed it towards Kiera, who was smiling broadly.

“I should think so. So, tell me about your job. I have a vague sense of what you do, but I don’t really know much about it,” said Kiera.

“Basically, it’s all about people, bodies and encouragement.”

“There’s got to be more to it than that,” prompted Kiera with a smile. Clodagh went on to tell Kiera what she’d been up to that day, and how she’d got into a heated debate with a surgeon. Their conversation flowed easily, and after a while Kiera realised she was feeling warm inside.

“So,” said Kiera, as they finished off the remaining food, “what are you doing next Friday? I wondered whether we could go out for dinner?”

“Oh, that sounds nice,” said Clodagh, grabbing her phone to check her calendar. “Ah, sorry, I’m seeing my boyfriend that night. How about Saturday?”

“Um, sorry, your what?” said Kiera, wondering if she was having some kind of neurological crisis.

“My boyfriend. Claude. We’re going to the cinema to see the new Marvel film. I’d invite you along, but he’s not into that sort of thing. So, Saturday?”

“No, we’re going to have to back up here. You have a boyfriend? But you’re seeing me? Or, at least, are you seeing me?” The warmth Kiera had been feeling froze over.

“Yes,” said Clodagh, looking confused. “I’ve not hidden that. I put ENM on my profile.”

“ENM?”

“Yeah, ethically non-monogamous.”

“Is that a thing?” asked Kiera, beginning to wonder how much else she had missed.

“Oh my God, you didn’t know? I’m so sorry,” said Clodagh, reaching out and placing her hand on top of Kiera’s. “I should have said something.”

“Well, um, it looks like you sort of did. I’m a bit new to this,” said Kiera, wanting to cry and trying not to. How had she got this so wrong? How could she be so out of date with dating?

“No, it’s my fault, I should have said. God, I’m an idiot. And you’re so nice.”

The fact that Clodagh at least felt a bit bad made Kiera felt marginally better. She tried to distance herself from the hurt she was feeling by exercising her curiosity. “How does it work?”

Clodagh explained that she and her boyfriend would also see other people. They were ‘polyamorous’. It was a word Chrissie had used before, and the recollection made Kiera shudder. She could feel a dropping sensation in her stomach, and the searing heat of disappointment.

“So really,” said Clodagh, drawing to a conclusion, “it’s all about honesty and boundaries.” She stopped, waiting for Kiera to say something. Kiera felt stuck. She didn’t know what to say.

“You need some time to think about this, don’t you?” Clodagh asked.

Kiera nodded.

“OK, babe.” Clodagh stood up. Before she left, she placed a hand on Kiera’s shoulder. “You’re really nice, Kiera. You deserve the right thing for you. I’d love that to be me, but if it isn’t, you have to say. I’m really sorry.”

Kiera blinked hard and smiled before Clodagh walked away. Thankfully, Charlie was out at a meeting when she got back to her office, so she allowed herself a three minute cry, which made her feel a little better. She thought about texting Lou, but decided against it for the moment. She needed time to think.

Kiera muddled through work for the rest of the day, and before going home headed straight to the Jam Pot.

“Affogato, please,” she said.

“That bad?” said Seymour, furrowing her brows. “You don’t look happy. Disastrous date? The one you had the other night looked like it was going well.”

“That bad.”

“Ok, bab, I’ll sort your affogato and then you can tell me all about it.” Seymour’s words lifted Kiera’s mood slightly.

When Seymour sat down, she said, “Is this ok? I don’t want to invade your personal misery bubble if you’d prefer I didn’t?”

“No, it’s fine,” replied Kiera with a small smile. “I came here because I didn’t want to go home to an empty flat.”

“I can understand that. And it’s well known that lashings of caffeine, sugar and dairy are a sure-fire cure for all that ails the battered heart.”

“Battered,” repeated Kiera. She closed her eyes. “I’m beginning to think it’s held together with sellotape and string. It’s not a nice feeling. I...” she trailed off; she could feel tears forming and she had to try to fend them off. Seymour was just a friendly acquaintance. She didn’t need the tears and the snot that were about to make their presence felt. “Ugh, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s ok,” said Seymour, putting a cool hand on Kiera’s back. “You’ve had a rough day.”

“I have. Oh my God,” said Kiera, wiping her nose with the back of her hand, “I’m not this person. Your business doesn’t need me sobbing in a corner.” Saying it out loud only made her sob more.

“Well,” said Seymour, “in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m closing early today, so you’re my only customer.” Kiera looked up at the door – the closed sign was in the window.

“Oh, good lord, you’d actually closed and I’ve just come barrelling in here demanding ice-cream and sympathy.”

“OK, stop. I’m going to get you some tissues, and then you’re going to listen to me.” Kiera’s eyes widened at the stern tone Seymour had taken. She hadn’t heard her talk like that before. She reminded herself that she really didn’t know this woman at all, although there was a confidence and a sort of presumption about the way Seymour had just spoken to her that made it feel as though they were more than just people who said hello in passing. She put the teaspoon into her ice-cream and swallowed a mouthful of the coffee-infused goo. There was something else there, too.

Seymour came back with a box of tissues and two large cups of tea, but this time they were in huge bright pink mugs that didn’t really match the fashionable aesthetic of the café. “Did you put caramel sauce in this?” asked Kiera.

“Ha! Yes I did. Well spotted. You looked like you needed it. Also, well done, it would appear that your brain has not been turned to mush by whatever disaster has befallen you. Here, a mug of tea. The tiny little cups Jack insists on for this place just don’t cut it, so I got these from my flat upstairs.”

“You’re so kind,” said Kiera, immediately bursting into tears again. “You need to stop being kind to me. This is a nightmare.”

“Ok, you’re listening, not talking, remember?” Kiera nodded and sniffed, shuffling in her chair. “You came in just as I had switched the sign over to ‘closed’ and you were frowning. I couldn’t possibly turn you away, and when you asked – nicely I might add, no demands – for an affogato, I knew I’d done the right thing. You’ve not asked for my sympathy, but for whatever reason, the God of Wednesdays has decided you’re getting it anyway.”

“The God of Wednesday?”

“Yes, a well-known God, responsible for helping people through the day that’s furthest from the following weekend without having any of the hangover benefits of the one just gone.” Kiera raised her eyebrows. “It’s true,” added Seymour, with a laugh. Kiera laughed too. “That’s better. So, what happened? I mean, you don’t have to tell me, it really is none of my business.”

“I think I’ve kind of made it your business,” said Kiera, “and I’d like to tell you. If you’re sure you want to hear?”

Seymour grinned, and took a slurp of her tea. She listened without interrupting as Kiera related the whole sorry tale. There was a short silence when she finished.

“So, dating lesson number 274: ENM stands for ethically non-monogamous,” said Seymour. “Ouch.”

“Would you have known what that meant?”

“Yeah, I’ve heard it before. But she really should have checked in with you first. Sounds like she’s feeling suitably shitty about it, though, which is good.”

“Is this what dating is like now? After years in what I thought was a secure relationship it feels like I have to learn a whole new set of rules.” Kiera shovelled some sugar into her tea and stirred noisily.

“It’s definitely changed since I was first doing it,” said Seymour. “But some things remain the same – you have to talk to people, get to know them, be honest. There are just more ways of being in a relationship now than there used to be.”

“It’s boggling my tiny brain,” said Kiera. “I mean, you’ve seen the sort of dates I’ve had here. How am I ever supposed to find someone? I’m forty-one, miserable and seem to be cursed with Victorian ideas about dating.” She slumped her chin onto her hand.

“There’s nothing wrong with being forty-one.”

“How old are you?”

“Thirty.”

“Well, you can stay quiet – you’re still in the first flush of youth. And look at you here with Jack, with your café. It’s amazing.”

Seymour paused before speaking. “It may look like that. But I get lonely, too. Look at you, with the courage to get back on the horse...”

Kiera sniggered, “as it were...” They both laughed.

“Was it good?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” replied Kiera.

“You know exactly what I mean,” said Seymour, raising one eyebrow.

“Ok, yes. I mean, I can’t do the whole polyamory thing, but it was good.”

“So, you won’t see her again?”

“No, I don’t think so. Or at least, not like that. I’m very traditional and dull, really. I want to meet a lovely woman, move in with her and live happily ever after.”

“I think we all want a variation on that, really,” said Seymour. It seemed as if she was about to say something else, but the man Kiera had seen working there before burst in through the door.

“Oh hey,” he said, surprised to see Kiera.

“Hey, Jackers, this is Kiera, one of our best customers. She’s helping me test some new affogato flavour combinations.”

“Hi, Kiera,” said Jack, putting down the wholesaler bags he had carried in, full of essential supplies, no doubt.

“Hello. Right, thanks, to both of you. I really must be going.” Kiera stood up, not wanting to outstay her welcome. She met Seymour’s eye, and noticed the woman’s cheeks were a little pink. It was odd, as she seemed pretty unflappable. Kiera smiled at her, then left. She went back to her flat feeling significantly happier than she’d expected to .

Later that evening she received a text from Clodagh apologising again for the confusion and offering to meet up to talk if that might be helpful. Kiera thanked her for the message and said she would think about it. She switched off her phone and slept surprisingly well, all things considered.