Chapter 6

Claudia

The baby—Arabella—was adorable. Claudia could have spent her whole day there in the labor and delivery unit at the hospital. But Briena and Gunther looked exhausted, so she had wished them a restful afternoon and headed back home to get Zilla from Mrs. Funke and find something for her dinner.

Now, as evening set in, Claudia kicked back on her sofa and stared at Walker, Texas Ranger on her TV. She had seen this episode many times, so she was bored, restless. Zilla lay on the floor in front of the sofa, dark eyes fixed on her. Claudia aimed the remote at the TV and flipped through the channels slowly. Still, nothing jumped out at her. She laughed out loud when she landed on the game show channel. Zilla, startled by the loud noise, tensed and raised his head as if assessing the room for danger.

"Sorry, Zilla," Claudia murmured softly to settle the big guy. Eyes on her face now, he reluctantly put his head down again.

The game show channel reminded her of Mrs. Funke. Her neighbor had suggested brunch tomorrow. Claudia would go to brunch; she liked Mrs. Funke, and the woman fixed delicious sour crepes. But she just wasn't sure she could do more evenings with her neighbor. Mrs. Funke kept her house far too warm, and Claudia had heard all her stories so many times, she could recite them to herself.

Tossing the remote aside, she picked up her phone and tapped the Love Bites app on the screen. Time to set up her account. She sighed, torn about using the dating agency. Did she really want to start over dating someone again? She had lost track of the number of ghouls she'd dated, even other species she had dated through the years—vampires, androids, even an orc several years ago. Sometimes those dates didn't amount to anything other than a night out and something to look at other than her TV or Zilla, and usually those nights she would rather be at home looking at her TV or Zilla. But she had fallen in and out of love many times in her life. It was a wonderful place to be, but love and relationships were so much work, there were times it wasn't worth it to her to keep trying.

She'd been divorced ten times; three marriages had been annulled, one turned out to be a farce as the ghoul had been married to three other creatures at the same time, and she was a widow five times over.

Then again, she was in good health for a ghoul, and who know how much longer she had on earth before her card was punched and she finally headed to the afterlife. Claudia shuddered. She didn't want to think about the afterlife; she wasn't afraid of death, but the thought of more time to hang out alone after she was dead filled her with dread.

Okay. Won't hurt me to just check into the dating agency.

She filled in her account information—name, address, and all pertinent contact information, easy peasy. But what screen name should she use? She didn't want to use her real name; no telling what sort of riffraff might be on the app. She wanted to know who she was dealing with before giving out her real name.

Ghoulfriend_999 seemed too cliché.

As did Ghoulsjustwannahavefun1.

She considered Ghoulslovedemons, as a play on diamonds. Not to mention, she had met a few sexy demons through the years. Dated a few. Slept with a few; no surprise, they were hot lovers. At this stage of the game, she wasn't sure she was looking for a hot lover. Or someone to debate politics and Shakespeare with. Or someone to play cards with.

Deciding on Ghouliettelooking4romeo, she typed it in and tapped enter before she could change her mind. Of course, the next thing she needed to upload was a picture. Claudia hated selfies. Rather than snap one now, she chose a picture of a wilted daisy on her camera roll. Perfect.

Likes and dislikes were next.

Dogs. Whoever she dated, if anyone, would have to love dogs. Hot Pockets. Seafood. Reading. And old movies. Claudia especially loved Greta Garbo. To balance out her love of the old, even silent films, she was also a big James Bond fan.

Now to scroll through the male profiles and see who and what was out there in Whynot, just waiting for a ghoul like her to come along.

Tremonttroll47.

Claudia shuddered at the hairy mole on the troll's upper lip and swiped left for no way, never ever.

Bullish_badass.

Hmm. Sexy minotaur. Nice muscles.

"Former bodybuilder," she read aloud with a glance at Zilla. "Likes fresh meat, fly-fishing, and Marvel movies."

When she looked at Zilla again, he simply stared back at her. She liked the looks of this guy, but fly-fishing? Claudia wasn't any sort of fisherwoman, and she couldn't stand the thought of either listening to someone yak about it for hours on end or gods forbid, going fly-fishing for a date. She swiped left on him, thinking she could always go back and look for him again if she changed her mind.

Eternalinfinity.

Oh God, no. Didn't matter how good-looking this guy was, or how good he might be in bed. Revenants were a pain in the ass. They never stayed dead, always coming back to bitch and moan about something or settle the score with someone.

Frustrated already, Claudia flopped back on the sofa and closed her eyes.

Dating sucked at her age.

"This is why I have you," she said to Zilla. "So, I don't need a companion."

When silence answered her, she opened her eyes in a squint and stared at Zilla.

"Maybe I should find a witch to put a spell on you so you can talk. Maybe that's all I need."

Zilla huffed and closed his eyes.

"Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea, either," she agreed. "We'd never get past arguing about coming home from Mrs. Funke's house. I'd probably lose you to her."

Claudia would almost swear the dog hummed in agreement.

Remembering that she had run into Manrick Allman twice just that morning, she sat up and looked at her phone again. She licked the screen still on the dating app—she had wiped it down when she came home earlier after seeing the ridiculous directive on the app—and then exited it. Maybe it was a mistake. Thinking something that smelled like oranges, something that you had to lick the screen on to leave your pheromones was a good way to meet someone might just be insanity. And even crazier, the three fates behind the whole dating thing.

She held her breath for a second. Should she? He might not even answer her. He might have given her a fake number. But what was the harm in just saying hey? Maybe he had dating advice, maybe he'd heard of some happening new club.

That thought made her shudder again. The last damned thing she wanted was to put her heels on and go clubbing.

What's a guy like you do for fun?