Chapter 2

Claudia

Claudia Scott gave the leash a gentle tug. She didn't mind getting Zilla out for daily walks, in fact, she enjoyed it. But they'd been out for the better part of an hour, Zilla still hadn't pottied, and it was getting late. Claudia had things to do, and Zilla was purposely taking his time. Old Mrs. Funke would be out soon, making her rounds. Zilla had a thing for the old lady, and she him, and if the woman caught them outside now, Claudia would be suckered into coming inside for tea and cookies that would turn into dinner and discussion plus a game-show marathon.

"Let's go, Zilla." She tugged again, relieved when the Great Dane finally moved to follow her again.

She liked Mrs. Funke, but good grief, the woman was older than dirt. Claudia was old, though she could easily pass for a forty-year-old mortal woman. But if Claudia was old—most ghouls she knew were—Mrs. Funke was beyond ancient. Claudia wasn't even sure what the woman was—old enough to be a goddess, though certainly not powerful, striking, or rich enough.

Her Diphone buzzed in the blinged-out pocket of her jeans. Tempted to ignore it, she remembered her nephew's wife was in the monster maternity ward, ready to deliver any moment, so she slipped the phone from her pocket. Eyes on Zilla, she tapped the screen and lifted the phone to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Aunt Claudia?"

Good thing she had answered it.

"How's it going, Gunther?"

"It's a girl!" His voice boomed through the phone.

"That's fantastic!"

In her own excitement, she accidentally loosened her grip on Zilla's leash. The dog peeked at her over his flank and let out gleeful yip. Gunther was speaking again, but Zilla's first little yip became a loud, raucous bark, and suddenly, chaos erupted around her. Zilla lunged back past her, pulling hard enough that Claudia lost control of the leash.

She turned in time to see Mrs. Funke ambling slowly up the sidewalk, her black cane tapping unevenly as she made her way to Zilla. A group of preschool-age children, all holding onto a loop in a long green rope, screeched from across the street, drawing Zilla over to join the melee.

"Oh, for heaven's sake!" Claudia mumbled. "Zilla! Come back here!"

The woman with the children—Claudia assumed she was a daycare provider—cupped her hand over her mouth and stood frozen, instead of gathering her charges and turning them back the other way. Zilla probably looked terrifying to the small children, but he wouldn't hurt a fly. He wanted to play.

"Zilla!" she called again.

"Well, hello, dear." Mrs. Funke squinted through her Coke bottle glasses and waved in Claudia's direction. "Hello, Zilla."

Zilla, having heard his name three times now, spun in a circle and flew back at Claudia, jumping to put his paws on her shoulders. Luckily, she was tall and much stronger than she looked, so she held steady under that force. But she swung her arms up to calm him down and dropped her phone.

Zilla dropped his paws down to the brick sidewalk, the left one smacking the screen of her phone.

"What's all the excitement, Claudia?" Mrs. Funke asked when she finally drew even with her on the sidewalk.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" The woman with the children called from where she now stood in the middle of the street. A bit irritated, Claudia waved off the apology and offered the woman a smile.

"It's fine. And he's friendly," she promised.

Claudia snatched Zilla's leash before the goofball could take off again. Wrapping it around her hand and wrist twice, she squatted down to pick up her phone.

The screen was shattered. However, she could still hear Gunther calling her name.

"Is that a new boyfriend?" Mrs. Funke wrapped her bird-like claw around Claudia's wrist and nodded at the phone.

"No." Claudia eyed the Diphone with a sigh. She had needed a new phone for a while now, but like everything else, she'd been putting it off.

"Oh, honey, where'd that boyfriend go?"

Claudia spared Mrs. Funke a quick glance. She didn't have a boyfriend, new or old. What she did have was nineteen old husbands—some dead and some just dead to her. She was old enough, she had seen them come and go for years and years, and the last thing she needed or wanted in her life now was another man.

Carefully tapping the screen to be sure no loose pieces of glass would fall out of the Diphone, Claudia put it to her ear.

"Gunther? Are you there?"

"Aunt Claudia! Are you okay?"

"All good," she assured him. "Zilla got away from me. I'll come up to the monster ward tomorrow morning to see Briena and the baby."

Gunther asked after her again, to make sure she was okay. The kid was the most compassionate one in their family.

Claudia laughed to herself. Gunther might look thirty, but he was three digits if he was a day.

"My phone's shattered," she told him, "but Zilla and I are fine. I'll go tomorrow to get a new phone and then drop in on Briena."

Satisfied that she was okay, Gunther let her go.

"Let's have some tea, dear." Mrs. Funke patted her hand.

Maybe she did need a man.

Claudia walked with Mrs. Funke back toward the old woman's shotgun house. She didn't know what she would do with one, not anymore, but at least then she could either send him out to walk Zilla or use him waiting for her at home as an excuse to pass up Funeral Feud.