Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

E DGE

A cacophony of electronic beeps, whirs, and buzzing greeted me, sending a strange sensation through my form. I stood in the doorway, taking in the sight of the small, cluttered office. The walls were lined with mismatched shelves and filing cabinets, all overflowing with dusty, old papers and ancient tomes. The air was thick with the scent of musty parchment and stale coffee. And the only source of light came from a few flickering fluorescent bulbs hanging from the ceiling.

As I approached the front desk, I noticed the source of the electronic noises. A young woman with brown hair sat hunched over a large, cluttered desk, tapping furiously on a tablet while muttering to herself. Wires and cables snaked across the surface of the desk, connecting various strange-looking gadgets and gizmos.

I glanced around the room, taking in the chaos of Love Bites. There were a few other supernatural beings waiting for their turn, and I couldn't help but feel a sense of camaraderie with them. We were all outsiders in a world that didn't understand us, and it was comforting to know that I wasn't alone in my struggles.

"Um, excuse me," I said tentatively. The woman glanced up at me, her eyes widening in surprise.

"Whoa, you're like, totally see-through!" she exclaimed, her fingers still flying across the flat black… something. "That's so cool! How are you doing that?"

I cleared my throat, feeling a bit self-conscious. "I'm... a ghost. Edge Halyard, and I'm here to sign up for a dating profile."

The woman's eyes lit up with excitement. "Oh, sweet! I'm Eureka, and I'm one of the office assistants. A technomage is actually the one to set up your profile and run the dating app here at Love Bites. But, uh, I'm not really sure how to make a profile for a ghost..."

She gestured toward a wooden plank I'd propped up against the front desk. It plopped to the side, sending a cascade of papers and files sliding over her desk and right off the side. The plank was scuffed, splintered, and a few rusty nails stuck out from the surface. I frowned, hating the plank, as it was the one I had been bound to after my execution. Even in death, I couldn't escape it. I'd learned to become corporeal and carry it when I wanted to move to a new place, but if I was too tired to manifest, then I was trapped wherever the plank was.

"Don't worry, I'll take it with me." I grimaced, feeling a surge of frustration. "I'm still trying to come to terms with... well, everything."

"I can only imagine how tough it must be." The assistant nodded sympathetically, her fingers still dancing across the tablet. "Let's get you back to the technomage."

Eureka waved toward a hallway as she stacked her gadget in a mess of papers. Some of them slid off onto the floor and she growled, then turned and left it as she gestured for me to follow her. She led me to a room on the other side of the building.

Instead of escorting me into the room, she held the door open. "Here you go. They'll be able to get you taken care of."

Before I could thank her, she turned and trudged back the way we came. Inside the room, a man looked up from his work, his eyes widening in surprise as he took in my ghostly appearance. "Holy hell, you're not here for the dating app, are you?"

I sighed, used to the reactions I received from living beings. "Actually, yes. I'm here to find a match on your dating app."

The technomage's eyes narrowed as he studied me, his expression shifting from shock to annoyance. "Great, just what I need. Another ghost messing up my code and causing mischief. Beatrix is not going to like this." Then his finger pointed at me aggressively. "If you start hiding my stuff-"

"I'm not here to cause a disturbance." I bristled at his dismissive attitude, but I couldn't blame him for being frustrated. My ghostly form was causing all sorts of havoc in the room, making screens flicker and devices malfunction. I did my best to remain visible, but it was a losing battle.

"Look, I'm sorry for the disturbance, but I really need your help. I've been wandering the earth with no purpose, and I'm desperate to find a connection with someone, anyone. I'll do anything to make that happen, even if it means using a dating app."

The technomage's expression softened, and he let out a heavy sigh. "Fine, I'll set up your profile. But you better behave yourself, or you'll have to answer to Beatrix. And trust me, you don't want to cross her."

I nodded eagerly, relieved that he was willing to help me. I'd already been rejected by the afterlife, so I couldn't imagine the pain of being rejected by the living. I couldn't bear the thought of being alone for eternity, bound to this world without a single shred of physical connection.

As the technomage worked on his new age gadget, I couldn't help but ask some questions. "So what's an app and how do I find dates on it?"

The technomage dropped the gadget and narrowed his gaze on me. "It's a program on your phone."

As he continued to work on the tablet, I noticed that my ghostly form seemed to be flickering in and out of visibility. Each time I phased out, the information he had entered on the tablet would disappear in a puff of digital smoke. He shot me a glare, sighed loudly, then resumed exaggeratedly tapping on his tablet.

"Uh, I think I'm causing some sort of interference," I said, feeling a pang of guilt.

The technomage shook his head, his fingers still flying across the tablet. "Just, uh, stay as solid as you can, okay? I'll try to input the data while you're... you know, not being all ghostly and stuff."

I did my best to concentrate, willing my incorporeal form to remain solid. The door flinging open startled me enough that I sent a surge of electricity through the room, then I phased into invisibility.

"Can I help you?" She asked, her voice echoing through the room.

"Don't do that again." The technomage hissed as he tossed the tablet across the room then retrieved another one. "Third tablet this week. About time you showed up, Beatrix."

I had to admit, it was kind of intimidating. After a few seconds, I forced myself to be visible even though I couldn't pick up my plank from where I'd dropped it on the floor. "I'm here to sign up for a dating profile." I said, feeling a little self-conscious. It was weird enough trying to navigate the modern world as a ghost, but I'd never even dated when I was alive. Being a pirate wasn't exactly conducive to forming long-term relationships.

Beatrix raised an eyebrow at me, clearly unimpressed with my request. "And what exactly do you hope to accomplish with this?"

I sighed, feeling a strange mix of vulnerability and determination. "I'm tired of being alone. I've been wandering the earth as a ghost for too long, and I'm still as tethered as the day I died. So, I want to find someone who I can share my existence with. Is that too much to ask?"

Beatrix's expression softened slightly, and she nodded in understanding. "Fine. I'll allow it, but only because I'm contractually obligated to help all of Whynot's supernatural residents find love. Now, what's your name?"

I hesitated, unsure of how she would react. "Edge Halyard."

Beatrix's eyes widened in recognition. "As in, Edge Halyard, the pirate?" I nodded, and her expression turned from curiosity to annoyance. "You're telling me that Matuk Ironkith's friend is a ghost?"

I nodded again, feeling a little guilty about the trouble I'd caused for my friend. He'd done me a favor when he'd saved my plank from the brute Bragton. Later Matuk found me in my new hiding place and recommended I try Love Bites.

"Yeah, that's me. I was a pirate sailing alongside Blackbeard until I met my tragic end at the gallows. Now, I'm spiritually bound to a plank of wood from that very same gallows, and I'm stuck wandering the earth as a ghost until I find a purpose."

Beatrix let out a long-suffering sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Of course you are. Well, let's get this over with so you can get out of here and stop causing problems. What's your occupation?"

I chuckled bitterly. "I'm a ghost, so I don't exactly have a job. Just looking for a purpose, something that will make my existence feel less… meaningless."

Beatrix gave me a sympathetic look. "Thaddeus, what's taking you so long?"

The technomage shot Beatrix a nasty glare before he returned his attention to his new tablet. After a few taps, he held the tablet out to me. "Lick it."

"Excuse me?"

"Lick. The. Screen."

I gestured to my plank of wood which had fallen to the ground again. "Does it look like I have the energy to do that?"

The technomage waved his hands around in an aggressive manner. "I don't make the rules. Either you want to date or you don't."

"Oh, yum. Oranges." It only took twenty-three times for me to lick it without losing my form before my tongue touched the screen. "Wait, why does it taste like oranges… Better question, why can I taste it?"

"Why does everyone have to complain about that?" The technomage pulled the tablet away from me. "We don't even know why it tastes like oranges, but we're working on it."

Beatrix gave me a sharp look. "Alright, let's get you set up with a dating profile. What are some of your likes and dislikes?"

I thought for a moment, trying to remember what I used to enjoy when I was alive. "I like… the sea, I guess. And treasure. And… rum?" I shrugged, feeling ridiculous for not knowing myself better. Ever since I'd come to consciousness as a ghost, I couldn't remember much about my life. Nothing more than my short time as a pirate. "I don't really have any dislikes. I mean, I can't eat or drink anything, so I don't have much of an opinion on food or beverages."

Beatrix nodded, jotting down my answers on a form in front of her. "Okay, that should be enough to get started. Now, let's take a picture for your profile." She gestured for me to stand in front of a blank wall, and I did as she asked. "Alright, now hold still while I take a picture of you." I tried to comply, but my ghostly form flickered in and out, causing my image to disappear from the camera's viewfinder every few seconds.

Beatrix let out an exasperated sigh, then muttered a threat that left me using the rest of my energy to make sure I didn't mess up the next picture. "Perfect. Now, the technomage will input all of this information into the Love Bites dating app, and you'll be able to start swiping for potential matches."

I watched as the technomage worked his magic. It took several attempts, but he finally managed to get everything set up without my ghostly form causing too many problems. Beatrix watched the entire time, her stern gaze daring me to cause any more trouble.

"Okay. You're all set. Just get your phone out and I can send you a link to log in. What's your email?"

"Uh, email?" I'd heard enough through my afterlife to know there were phones, but I remembered them being big blocky boxes that sat on the table to talk to people who weren't in the same room. "I'm a ghost. I don't have a phone."

"Don't have a phone… for fuck's sake. Beatrix, seriously? How are you going to use an app if you don't have a phone?" The technomage jumped up and stomped around while waving his tablet. "You don't pay enough to deal with this nonsense."

"Thaddus, don't make me fire you." Beatrix snapped back. The technomage shot her a glare, but dropped into a chair as he made faces at her back. "Don't worry Edge, I can help you with this part. Only because you're a ghost though. Don't go around telling people that I did this."

After several agonizing minutes, the technomage held out another tablet with the dating app showing a few results. "Here are some potential matches for you. You can swipe left if you're not interested, or right if you are. If you match with someone, you can chat with them through the app and set up a date."

I hesitated, feeling a strange mix of hope and anxiety. I'd never dated before, and the idea of doing so as a ghost was… daunting, to say the least. "I appreciate the offer, but I don't think I can conjure enough energy to set up a date. Besides, I wouldn't be able to even if I was fully recharged. Electronics and ghosts don't exactly mix well."

The technomage looked at me, a hint of sympathy in his eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize. I can try to help you find a match, but it might take some time to find someone who's willing to go on a date with a ghost."

I nodded, feeling a strange mix of disappointment and relief. "That's okay. I'll just come back here and you can help me set up the next date. And the one after that, and the one after that, until we find a match that's willing to put up with my ghostly predicament."

Beatrix's eyes narrowed, and she grabbed the tablet from the technomage. "No need for that. I'll just set up a date for you right now. You're going to meet her at the Rusty Anchor, tomorrow at seven. This is your chance for a corporeal interaction, so you better not mess it up." She handed the tablet back to the technomage, then gave me a stern look that implied dire consequences if I didn't behave.

Beatrix's voice snapped me out of my negative thoughts. "Well, what are you waiting for? Get out of here and make the most of your upcoming date."