Chapter 18

18

T he group was at a hotel for the night, and Celine had pulled some strings to get them into adjoining rooms again. Ben had yet to notice or say anything if he had. But Jake wasn't about to ask questions. They would deal with that when it came time.

Jake held Claire in his arms while a movie played in front of them. His hands rested on her belly.

Despite the child not being his, he felt a connection with the baby. His protective instinct was coming out, and because the baby was Claire's, he automatically loved him or her.

He pressed a kiss to her temple.

"Claire," he whispered.

"Hmm?"

"What's going on between us?"

She stilled. "I don't know."

"You've just seemed tense around me. Almost like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. Did I do something to upset you?"

"No."

Jake sat up and moved around to the front of Claire. She looked like a deer in headlights, with her arms wrapped protectively around herself.

"Why don't I believe you? You can tell me what I did. Let's talk about it."

Tears sprang to her eyes and just when he was about to reach for her, she moved off the bed and walked through the adjoining door to her own room. He quickly followed, half worried she'd close it and lock him out.

"I'm not sure this is going to work."

The air rushed out of his lungs. The heavy weight of their past settled on him. She couldn't possibly be ending things before they could even begin. Again.

"Why?" he asked, just as he reached her.

"Because I'm having a baby, and Charles is smearing my name."

"What does that have to do with anything? It's all lies."

"But everyone else doesn't know that!"

"I know it."

"I don't want you to resent me."

"I would never."

"The press will come after you too—say terrible things when they find out we're together."

"Fuck the press! They don't matter."

Her eyes were wild as she looked at him. "It's hard for me to do this. To be carrying a baby without you."

His eyes searched hers. It felt like she was grasping at straws—to find any reason to break them up.

"I'm right here."

She stared at him, her chest heaving with each breath, but she remained quiet. Tears welled in her eyes.

"Don't you see I want to be with you?" He took a step closer and stood mere inches from her. "Nothing will change that."

Tears streamed down Claire's face, and he watched helplessly, wanting to pull her into his arms, but knowing she wouldn't let him.

"Why would you want to be with me?"

"Because it's us. Because it's you. I want you."

"But I'll have an infant soon. You won't want to be tied down."

Jake ran his hands through his hair. "Why are you telling me what I do and don't want?"

"Because I know you!" she all but shouted.

"And what do you think you know?"

Her face scrunched up in anger. A fire lit her eyes, which gave him hope. She wasn't giving up. Her will to fight was still there.

"You'll get too busy for me. You'll start ignoring me, and I'll be home alone with an infant. It's only a matter of time. The baby isn't yours."

He remembered what she was talking about very clearly. But back then, it had nothing to do with them sleeping together. The band had exploded and their schedule suddenly got crazy. He wanted to see her, to talk it out, but they were scheduled for back-to-back interviews. By the time they would get to their bus for the night, she was asleep, or he was so exhausted, he would pass out immediately. Their lack of communication was their downfall.

He was busy, but he had made that mistake once, and he'd be damned if he made it again. Everything needed to be laid out on the table.

Jake scrubbed a hand over his face. "Claire, I understand your hesitation because of how things happened in the past, but I'm telling you it won't happen again. I need you to have faith in me."

"How can I? I'm pregnant."

He tossed his hands in the air and growled in frustration. "Why do you keep mentioning the pregnancy? It has nothing to do with us."

She took a step back as if he had slapped her.

"That's exactly my point," she whispered. "The baby isn't yours."

"Claire, I love you. I haven't stopped loving you for four years."

She looked up at him and hugged herself, but remained quiet.

Jake's mind reeled. He needed to make her understand he was in it for the long haul. She wouldn't get rid of him so easily. He needed to tackle the root of the problem, something he thought they had already moved past several weeks ago.

"This is no excuse for our past, but we were busy back then. Things just got insane, and I was terrible with communication. I should have recognized that we needed to talk once things changed between us, but I always wanted to be with you. It's not that I was being weird after things happened between us." He shook his head. "It was just a coincidence."

"It didn't feel that way."

"I realize that now, but know that I never wanted you to leave. I loved you then. I still love you now."

Her lip quivered.

He took her hand in his and led her over to the bed, where they sat down.

"Tell me what happened back then. I want us to move on, but I need all the information."

She let out a shaky breath.

"I left the tour and went back home. I thought it was best, but I was so depressed, so sad, and felt even more alone than I did on tour. I could barely function, and that's when I met…"

Jake nodded in understanding. That started the downfall of everything from then on out. Charles came into her life and made her feel good. He helped pull her out of the depression, so she clung to him.

He could be there for her whenever she needed, and Jake couldn't. His schedule kept them apart.

"That's when he swooped in and made you feel like a queen."

Claire nodded.

"And you're scared it'll all happen again."

She nodded again.

Jake let out a long breath and sat on the edge of the bed, dropping his head into his hands. "I feel like it's all my fault."

"Why would you think that?"

"If I had found time to talk to you, or to come see you after you left, maybe you would have come back. Maybe you would have never wound up with that asshole. You wouldn't have gotten hurt."

The bed dipped as she scooted closer to him. "Why didn't you?"

He sat up and turned toward her. "I was hurt. I didn't understand why you left without saying goodbye. You just… disappeared. I didn't think you wanted to see me."

They sat in silence for a moment.

He took her hands in his and smoothed his thumbs over her knuckles.

"Claire, I want to be with you. I don't want to lose you again."

When she was about to speak, he pressed a finger to her lips.

"Yes, you're pregnant. I know."

She giggled.

He moved his fingers to her cheek and stroked it.

"I'm in love with you. And the baby is a part of you. Therefore, I love her as much as I love her mommy."

"Her?"

He shrugged. "Just a hunch."

She stroked her hand over his cheek and jaw. "I love your hunches, and I love you."

Jake leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers.