20. Tag

20

TAG

T ag sat at the back table at Bean Counters, staring out the window at the empty playground, and wondering why he felt this pain, like his heart was too big for his chest.

He hadn’t felt this way a month ago, and his life had been no different.

A month ago, I hardly felt anything at all…

The realization made him ashamed. He had two amazing children and a family all around him. He had work that brought him peace and a community that held him and the kids in its collective arms when they lost Iris.

I shouldn’t need a woman…

But Charlotte wasn’t just a woman. She was waking him up inside, and Olivia too. And the way she loved and protected Chance—she had his boy more relaxed than Tag had ever seen him.

And Tag had pushed her away—worse than pushed her away. He had publicly shamed her by implying that she meant nothing to him.

She’s not the boy’s mother. You aren’t supposed to discuss my children with strangers.

He’d felt sick inside the moment those words left his mouth, and he still couldn’t shake the shame and regret that left him unable to sleep or eat since then.

Maybe some part of him had expected her to scream at him or cry—to fight for what they had tenuously built.

But what he had said was too much. He couldn’t even bear to ask for her forgiveness, because he knew what he had done was unforgivable. And then to walk in on her in the barn with his daughter after that, to hear how Olivia felt…

Olivia is right. I ruin everything.

The bells over the door jingled, and he looked up to see Allie coming in. He braced himself, knowing this wasn’t going to be good.

She peeled off her coat and scarf and sat down across from him. Her expression was tight, and she didn’t meet his eye.

His stomach clenched and he looked around, glad that the café was pretty empty at this hour. He was pretty sure she was about to give him an earful. And he deserved it.

“Thanks for coming,” he told her. “I want your advice about the ice cream shop.”

“No, you don’t,” Allie said.

He blinked at her, taken aback.

“You’ve never asked for my advice about the shop or the farm my whole life, not even once,” Allie said. “Which is a whole conversation for another day. Why don’t you tell me why you actually want to talk?”

“It’s about Charlotte,” he admitted softly.

“My best friend?” she asked. “The one I specifically told everyone to give space to? The one who was already hurting when she got here, and came here to heal?”

“I’m sorry,” he said, letting his head drop.

“You know, I forgave you the minute I saw what was starting to happen with you two,” Allie said crisply.

“You did?” he asked, glancing up at her.

She still looked really, really angry. But as far as he could tell, she was telling the truth.

“I said Tag gets it that night when I was telling everyone to leave her alone,” she said. “And I meant it. You don’t play around with women’s feelings. When you like someone, you like them, period. And you’re honest about it. That’s how it always was with Iris.”

“Oh,” he said, taking that in.

“And you haven’t exactly painted the town red since you lost her,” Allie went on. “So when you started looking at Charlotte like she hung the stars, I figured you were about to give me a new sister-in-law.”

His heart lurched, like it was going to beat out of his chest.

“You… you didn’t have a problem with that?” he asked her.

“I love you, you enormous cow patty,” Allie said, reaching across the table to give his shoulder a light slap. “Don’t you get that? We all do.”

“You were all talking about me?” he asked.

“We can only listen to Zane talk about pasteurization so many times,” she said. “Did you really think we weren’t going to discuss the most exciting thing that’s happened around here in years? And it’s not just us—it’s the whole town. Apparently, Chance asked Kris Olaffson to make Charlotte his new mommy for Christmas.”

The local postman looked so much like Santa that he played the jolly old elf at the country store, where he had a whole Santa set-up going during the lead-up to Christmas. No wonder Chance had been so excited to go get bread the other day. He must have run out to see Santa while Tag was in line at the counter and chewing the fat with Max Hayes.

Unfortunately, old Kris was as gossipy as he was cozy, and he certainly made his way around town as a mailman. Tag was going to be getting dirty looks about this for years.

And that wasn’t the worst part by far.

Chance wanted her to be his new mommy.

His chest ached all over again at the thought of what he had done to Charlotte, and what it meant for his children.

“Well, I ruined it,” he said feeling empty inside. “So no need to talk about it anymore.”

“Why did you want to talk to me then?” Allie demanded.

“I guess I was just hoping you wouldn’t hate me forever,” he ventured. “I’m really sorry.”

“I’ll always tell you when you’re being a bonehead, but I’ll never hate you, Tag,” she said, her voice gentler now. “Why do you think you ruined it?”

“Olivia is so angry,” he murmured.

“She lost her mom,” Allie said. “And her dad has been clammed up ever since.”

“I didn’t mean to close up,” he said, meeting her eyes and praying that she believed him. “I don’t think I realized how much I had cut everyone off, until…”

“Until Charlotte,” Allie finished for him.

“I can’t, Allie,” he said, shaking his head. “I just can’t.”

“Why not?” she asked.

“Iris,” he said softly.

Allie began shaking her head.

“It’s not that she wouldn’t want me to move on,” he said quickly. “I think she would want us all to be happy.”

“I know she would,” Allie said.

“It’s just that I already married one young girl, and held her back from her dreams,” he said softly.

“What are you talking about?” Allie asked.

“She loved acting,” he said. “And she was so good. She should have gone to New York, or London, or wherever. I had no right to ask her to stay here.”

“I was only like nine or ten,” Allie said. “But I seem to remember her complaining to Zane that you weren’t proposing fast enough. They were in the kitchen, and I was trying to sneak frosting off the cake, so it must have been a birthday. You didn’t ask her that night, by the way. It was months before you did.”

“Oh yeah?” he asked.

“You could ask Zane about it,” she suggested. “But yeah, she definitely wanted to marry you. And she wanted to have kids and the whole thing. Besides, Iris would never do anything she didn’t want to do. Are you sure you ever even met her?”

That ripped a chuckle out of him. It was true. Iris had been pretty outspoken. If she’d wanted something different, she would have said so.

“She didn’t know how little time she would have,” he whispered. “Maybe she thought she could follow her dreams later.”

“Well, we’ll never know, will we?” Allie asked. “Right now, though, you have to think about your kids and yourself, because you’re all still here. And you’d better think about Charlotte, too, if you called me here to ask how to get her back.”

“She was in the barn with Olivia the other night,” he said. “Practicing play stuff, they said. But when I walked in Olivia, was just screaming about how she was mad at me and mad about her mom.”

“Good,” Allie said. “That poor girl spent too much time fussing over her brother when her mother passed. She needs to accept her feelings and get them out. If yelling about it in the barn makes her feel better, and Charlotte’s there to listen, then you should be grateful.”

That hit him so hard he couldn’t reply.

I’m a fool…

“Now you listen to me,” Allie said fiercely. “I love you, and I want you to be happy. If that’s with Charlotte, I’ll do anything I can to help you. But I don’t ever, ever want to hear you talk to her or about her like you did the other night.”

Shame washed over him, and he shook his head.

“I won’t, Allie,” he told her. “I can’t imagine how it made her feel, but I’ve been sad and disgusted with myself ever since.”

“You pushed all her buttons,” Allie said softly.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Her ex humiliated her, basically in front of her colleagues,” Allie said. “And her dad died. Now she’s opened up her heart to you, and you humiliated her in front of everyone and then closed yourself off again. It’s like she let her guard down for two minutes, and her worst nightmare repeated itself.”

His stomach twisted and his heart ached as he listened. Allie was right. She was completely right.

“How could you, Tag?” Allie asked. “You’ve always been a grump, but you were never cruel.”

“I don’t deserve to win her back,” he said.

“Well, she deserves it,” Allie told him. “But if you’re not going to be the guy she deserves, then let her get over you and move on in peace. And if you are, then you deserve it too and you should get out there and make things right.”

“How?” he asked.

“You’re going to have to do some real soul-searching to answer that question,” Allie told him. “It can’t come from me. This has to be all you.”

He nodded, looking down at his hands and feeling like he had already lost.

“But just so you know,” Allie said, “I’ve never seen Charlotte as happy as she is here, so don’t try to use holding her back as an excuse. Sugarville Grove suits her.”

She’s happy here. And maybe it’s more than just the town making her feel that way.