17. Cole

37 Days Later

Iwas meeting a client for a breakfast meeting.

Since I was early, I ordered a coffee and had just opened my client’s file, when I heard someone whisper my name. It was starting. Two months earlier than I had thought. Still, I was ready. I kept my expression blank as I raised my face to Arianna.

Arianna had become a mystery to me. I thought I knew her and I did not. The way she had turned her back on her own daughter shocked me. Even if it was a condition imposed upon her by Paganini, God knows, he was capable of such cruelty, it was still unforgivable behavior. Not once had she called or come to visit Bianca since she went to live with him.

She stared at me through eyes that were red and swollen. “I’ve made a terrible mistake. A terrible mistake. I miss you … and Bianca.”

Even though I was trying to remain impassive, some of the disbelief I harbored must have crossed my face because she rushed into the chair opposite me and gazed at me with a pleading, desperate expression.

“Of course, I miss her. How could you ever think otherwise?” she cried passionately. Tears streamed from her eyes. “She is my daughter. I carried her inside me for nine months. I need her like I need air. Without her, I’ve been slowly dying inside.”

Arianna had always been overly dramatic. “I have never stopped you from seeing her,” I said quietly.

“No, of course you haven’t. You’re too good for that.”

I watched her dispassionately as she began sobbing in earnest.

“My Bianca. My Bianca.”

I said nothing. There was nothing to say.

“She needs her mother. I want to come back. How can you be so cruel to stop me from being with my own daughter?”

I knew this moment was coming so I was well prepared for it. I thought I might be, at least, resentful or angry with her. She had after all betrayed me, but I felt nothing. Her real crime was being stupid. She didn’t know she had unwittingly become a pawn on a chess game Paganini and I were playing. She definitely didn’t understand the damage she had done.

But now that she turned her back on me and my daughter, she could no longer expect my protection. My sole concern now was my daughter.

“We could go back to how we were before,” she cried. “I won’t ask for more. I understand now how precious what we had was. You were a good husband and a fantastic father. I know you don’t love me, but we were good together. Let’s do it for Bianca’s sake.”

“So … why didn’t you come to see Bianca all these months?” I asked quietly.

She shrank back with guilt. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened to me. I think I went a little mad. He made me choose between him and her and I did a very stupid thing. I chose him because I really thought I could bring him around to accepting her with time.”

“Have you told him yet you want to leave?”

She took a deep breath. “No.”

“Why not?”

She shook her head and cast her guilt-ridden gaze down to the table surface. “I don’t know.”

I knew why. She wanted to be sure she could go back to him if she couldn’t persuade me to take her back.

I looked at my coffee cup. Time was running out. She didn’t know it, but Paganini would have ordered a twenty-four-hour surveillance team for her. Perhaps even now someone across the street was telling him that she was meeting me.

I smiled at her. “I want what is best for Bianca too, so can you give me a couple of days to think over what you have said?”

Her face lit up with relief and happiness. “Yes, of course. We should put Bianca’s needs before ours.”

I stood. “I’ll call you in a couple of days.”

She jumped to her feet. “Thank you, Luca. Thank you. I promise you won’t regret taking me back. I’ll be the best wife and mother you could ever hope for.”

I nodded curtly and walked out. Across the street, I saw a young man loitering outside a florist. I pretended not to notice him and walked away as if I had all the time in the world, but as soon as I got back into my car, I retrieved my burner phone and called my mechanic.

“Can I pick up the car in an hour?”

“Sure, it’s been waiting and ready for the last three months. I’ll just start her and make sure she’s good to go.”

“Thanks, Mike.”

I called the client who I was meeting, apologized, made up some excuse, and told him my secretary would call to arrange another appointment. Obviously, there would be no new appointment, not for many months, maybe even never, but I had to be careful to do nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing that could cause suspicion.

Then I drove to my mother’s care home. Other than Bianca my mother was the only person in the world I loved and gave a damn about.

I went to her room and she was sitting by the window looking out into the enclosed garden. She didn’t look around when I opened the door or walked up to her. Usually, I pulled up a chair, sat next to her and told her about my life, and what Bianca was up to, but today I knelt on the ground next to her.

I knew she most probably couldn’t hear me, or if she could she wouldn’t understand or remember, but nevertheless, on the off chance she could hear me and would remember, I spoke into her ear.

“Mama, I have to take Bianca away and leave the city for a while …” I stroked her small white hand. “While we are away, we won’t be able to come and visit you, but it will only be for a few months. As soon as we are settled, I will come back to visit you.”

She showed no reaction, but I carried on talking.

“Tomorrow some friends of mine will come by. You won’t know them, but they are people I trust. Do not be frightened. Everything will be fine. They will move you to a new apartment where you will stay for the next year. I know you’re probably used to the staff here and you’re fond of them, but at the apartment, you’ll have two full-time nurses who are the best in their fields to care for you. I’ve spoken to them and they are both kind and caring people. I think you’ll like them. Oh, one of them is actually Hungarian and she says she can cook all your favorite food for you.”

I smiled at her and enveloped her tiny hand inside mine.

“You know what else? Your bedroom has been painted in your favorite color, marshmallow yellow. It overlooks a beautiful park so you’ll be able to sit by your window and enjoy the view. And because you love birds so much, I’ve ordered some bird feeders to be hung outside your window. You’ll be able to watch the birds come and go. I think you’ll be happy there.”

Slowly, her fingers curved around my thumb. I stared down in surprise as she held onto my thumb as tightly as my newborn infant once did. It was sad and sweet.

“Mama,” I called, moving back and looking into her face, but it was blank. There was no reaction at all in her eyes. She gazed far into the horizon, seemingly lost in some other world.

Even so, for a few minutes, I stubbornly clung to the illusion that in some tiny way, my mother was responding to me.

‘I love you, Mama.”

But she showed no reaction, her translucent eyes staring at something far away. I knew then it was only an illusion. I kissed her thin cheek. She smelled of powder, which made me feel good. They took good care of her here.

“I’m sorry, Mama, but I have to go now. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Her grip on my thumb was surprisingly strong and I had to prise her pale fingers off my thumb one by one.

In the corridor, I called my mechanic to tell him I would be there in about two hours, then I headed towards Bianca’s, no, not Bianca anymore, but Anya’s school. From this moment on I had to start thinking of her as Anya. On-route I called my estate agent and asked her to meet me at the house in an hour.