Chapter 28

TWENTY-EIGHT

My body hurts and my eyes feel like they're going to pop right out of their sockets, but I know the pain I feel right now is nothing to the pain I feel inside. Or the kind my sister is going through.

I leave Lennon in the emergency room hallway and quietly step into the room. I feel the absence of him immediately. It feels as if I've stepped out of a hot, sunny day and into a cold, blistering winter night. I wrap my arms around myself, allowing my fingers to graze over the silk black fabric of his suit jacket. The scent of him coming from it overpowers the sterile, unfeeling hospital smell.

Surprisingly, they didn't put Roe in a room with one of those curtain dividers, with the potential of another patient being only feet away from her. The room is quiet aside from the beeping of the machine monitoring her heart rate. My eyes dance around the room, taking in all the machines. An IV is stuck in the back of Monroe's hand, and a small, plastic clamp with a bright red light is pressed to the tip of her right index finger. She's no longer wearing the red gown she wore to the party or the black wrap around her head. Her hair isn't completely gone. Dark blonde strands feather across her forehead. Her hair is thin, and if I close my eyes, I can picture when it was full and layered with curls.

I stand beside her bed and reach over the railing, gently placing my hand over hers, feeling her warmth.

New tears spill over, and I suck in a breath. I'm so tired of crying. It feels like that's all I've been doing tonight. Just when I think I don't have any more left, another well fills inside me, overflowing.

"Laurel?" Roe turns her head against her pillow and cracks her eyes open. Her voice sounds weak, but I'm thankful for the bit of color that's returned to her face since I saw her lying on the floor unconscious.

"Shh." I gently squeeze her hand. "Everything is okay. I'm here."

The corners of her mouth turn down into a frown, and her chin quivers. She looks at me watery eyed, and my heart breaks. She sobs and shakes her head, blinking her tears away.

"I'm so sorry," she cries. "I'm sorry, I should have told you."

"No." I sniff. "You have nothing to be sorry about."

"Yes, I do." She nods slowly. "I should have told you. You deserved to know."

I shake my head and look down, rubbing my hand over hers. I can't imagine life without my sister. Ever since the day I was born on her second birthday, she's been my best friend. Almost like twins born two years apart.

"I'm not angry with you," I tell her. "Please don't think I am. I just wish you would have told me. I could have been there for you, and you wouldn't have had to do this all alone." I try not to let the guilt eat away at me. I think back to the guilt Lennon told me he feels every day for the decision he made to let his mother go. I don't want to let the feeling set in and overshadow being there for Roe.

I swallow hard, thinking back to what the doctor said in the hallway. "What happened with Steven?"

Pressing her mouth into a tight line, she turns her head and looks up at the ceiling. A nasal cannula is wrapped around her ears, feeding her oxygen. The sound of air blowing into her nose blends with the monitor beside her. Salty tears stream from the corners of her eyes as she blankly looks up at the ceiling.

"Steven left me months ago." She rolls her head back to face me. "After we found out about my diagnosis, he decided he couldn't handle it. I don't know if it was money or the gravity of seeing his wife go through the suffering of cancer treatments, but he'd decided he couldn't deal. I woke up one morning and he was just... gone."

She looks back up at the ceiling, the story of the past year playing out in her mind. "I couldn't wrap my mind around him leaving. I'd loved him since my second year of college. We bought a house together. And when I realized it wasn't the cancer that ruined my dreams of a future with him, that it was him leaving me, I decided to let go. I didn't want to be married to someone who didn't love me with the same capacity as he did the day he married me."

"Oh, Roe..." I trace my tongue across my lips, wrapping my head around what she's telling me. I hate the thought of her dealing with this alone.

She turns herself on her side and reaches across to wrap my hand in both of hers. She runs her thumb over the diamond on my left finger. The one for Lennon.

"When you told me you were marrying Lennon, I almost convinced you not to. I wanted to tell you I'd stopped treatments and I no longer needed the money. But then I saw the glint of excitement flicker in your eyes as you stared up at the sign above the bridal shop. It was then I knew this wasn't just a marriage of convenience for you or an arranged marriage for him. A part of your heart knew this was what you wanted. Your heart was in love with Lennon before it told your brain it was."

I cry, wiping the back of my hand across my nose. I sniff and bite down on my bottom lip.

"You do love him, right?"

I don't hesitate when I nod and look up at Roe. "I do."

"Good." She sighs, her eyes fluttering. "You deserve to be loved, Laurel."

"But you do, too," I tell her, my heart breaking at the thought of living in a world where she no longer exists or breathes.

"I've known what it feels like to be loved. Even before Steven. The beauty about love is that it takes many different forms, Laurel. I was first loved by Mom and Dad, and then you. I've known what true love feels like. Now you do, too."

"I've been blessed to have been loved by our parents and by you," I agree. "But I know what you mean. Loving Lennon is something that feels unexpected, but it isn't. I think you're right. My heart knew I loved him before I even knew it myself."

"Of course I'm right." She grins smugly, giving me a slice of her usual self.

A small spark of warmth lights in my chest.

"Do you know what happened to Kellan?" She hesitates, unsure if she wants to know the answer.

"I don't know." I shake my head. "I haven't paid much attention to anything outside of you, but I'm sure if the police didn't show up, Fred is most likely covering for him. Seems like he's always had Kellan's back no matter what."

"I didn't know Kellan had the chance to be released early." She frowns. "I hate what he did to our family, but it makes me sad knowing this is the way things turned out with him. I miss the old Kellan."

"I do, too."

"I don't know where he or Fred are, but if they try to come, I don't want to see them," she states firmly. "I don't want to live out the rest of my days spending time with family that only want to spend time with me because I'm dying. I don't want them to see me out of pity."

"I understand." I nod.

"I told the nurses that came in my room I didn't want to see them if they tried to show up." She inhales a deep breath. "Does that make me a bad person?"

"Are you kidding?" I ask, shocked she'd even suggest it. "No. They made their choices, and you have every right to pick and choose who you want in your life. Whether you were dying of cancer or not."

She nods and sniffs, squeezing her eyes shut as if she's willing her tears to disappear. She opens her eyes again.

"I want you to know something," she starts. "You're more than my sister, Laurel. You're my best friend. I think it's about time you start doing things because it's what you truly want for yourself instead of doing everything for everyone else."

We allow silence to fill the room. My eyes lift to the monitor above Roe's head, tracking her heartbeats.

The tight knot in my chest pulls even tighter, and it's difficult to breathe.

"Are you scared?" I ask her, looking her in the eye.

"I was, but I don't think I am anymore," she says in a stronger voice. "Because now I can let go knowing you'll live a full and happy life. I can let go knowing even though you'll be losing me, you won't be alone."

"I love you, Roe," I tell her, my phone buzzing in the pocket of Lennon's jacket. I slid it inside after Lennon offered it to me in the hallway.

"I love you, too," she says, her eyes darting to the buzzing sound. "Is that him?"

"Maybe." I shrug. "But that's not important right now. I'm here with you."

"Of course it's important. He's your husband, Laurel." She tilts her head to the side. "Seeing you happy makes me happy."

"Okay." I smile, pulling my phone free. I click on the screen and open Lennon's text.

"It's him," I tell her. "He said he found a nurse to fix up his hand."

"I saw what he did to Kellan before I passed out. I'm glad he was able to get it cleaned up."

I nod and text Lennon back.

Me: I'm glad you were able to get it cleaned. I'm going to stay with Roe a bit longer if you want to go home.

Lennon: Are you sure?

"You don't have to stay this whole time if you don't want to," Roe interrupts my texting.

"Stop." I drop my shoulders and look up. "I don't mind staying. I want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine," she says. "For now."

My heart sinks and plummets in my stomach knowing the deeper meaning behind her coy response.

She gives me a pointed look as her eyes survey me up and down. "You could use a little cleaning up yourself."

I look down, laughing. She's right. My skin is sticky with sweat, and dirt covers my dress. I run my fingers through my loose, tangled, windswept curls.

"I could," I agree.

Roe lifts her eyebrows, waiting for me to answer her.

"Fine." I groan, followed by a giggle. "I'll go home and shower, but I'll wait until you get transferred to your own room."

"Sounds good." She nods once, but then she looks off to the side, her smile fading. Fresh tears line her eyes again when she turns her attention back on me. "Thank you, Laurel."

I give her a closed mouth smile before texting Lennon.

Me: I'm sure. I'm going to stay until they come in to transfer Roe to her own room.

Lennon: Okay, sweet nothings. I'll have Ray wait for you out in the waiting room whenever you're ready.

Me: Thank you xx

When I'm finished texting with Lennon, I drop my phone back into my pocket and pull up the doctor's stool in the far corner of the small room. I roll it until I reach the side of Roe's bed and sit down.

My eyes tire, growing heavier with every blink. Roe adjusts in her bed until she's comfortable. Her hollowed, tired eyes close as she tucks her hands under the side of her face. She's still wearing her wedding ring. A large, green emerald surrounded by dozens of tiny white diamonds. My heart breaks for her, knowing the one man she truly loved broke her already broken heart. I try not to think on it too long.

Anger for Steven blooms in my chest, but love for Lennon replaces it. I try to imagine if I were in Roe's shoes. The thought of my marriage to Lennon left in limbo because he decided to disappear leaves a gaping hole where my heart has made its home.

I wrap my hand around Roe's and lean over the bed, resting my head on our hands. Then I allow myself to fall asleep to the rhythmic sound of Roe's heartbeat through the machine.

"Ma'am?"

I snap my eyes open to find myself staring at a nurse. He moves beside me, dragging an oxygen tank behind him. I watch as he unplugs the tube to Roe's cannula from the wall and connects it to the tank.

"Monroe's room is ready for her up in the oncology room."

I look over at Roe. Her eyes are still closed, but she's breathing. The lights above Roe's bed are dim, and I wonder if one of the nurses came in while we were both sleeping and turned them down.

"Oh." I rub the sleep from my eyes. "I told her I would stay until she was taken up. I don't want to wake her."

"We'd like her to get as much rest as possible," the nurse says, rearranging tubes and wires. It's a tangled mess.

"Okay." I sigh, checking the time. I've only been asleep for an hour. "Will you let her know I was here until she was moved?"

"Of course." He agrees with a smile.

"Thank you."

Carefully and softly, I unravel my hands from Roe's and step out of her room. I squint when I step into the hallway. The bright lights of the emergency room stretch from one end of the hall to the other. I head toward the waiting room to find Ray. I tilt my head to the side, stretching the sore muscles in my neck.

When I push through the door, I find him waiting for me in the corner of the room. Dark green chairs line each of the three walls with more rows of chairs scattered in the middle. A children's table with toys is situated along the far wall. Surprisingly, the waiting room isn't busy.

Ray eyes me and stands, straightening the lapel of his black suit. He takes a step toward me, but I stop when I see Fred and Kellan walking toward me from the direction of the check in desk.

"Where is she?" Fred desperately asks. His facial expressions are tense and worried. I've lost all sympathy and respect for him. It's incredible how quickly you can look up to someone, and then one day, you don't even want to look at them at all.

"Why are you here?" I ask.

"What do you mean, why are we here?" he asks in disbelief.

"Well." I shoot Kellan a look. "Considering what happened back at the party, I didn't think you'd come all the way here."

"Enough." Fred groans. "We're not going to discuss what happened."

Excusing Kellan's behavior. Typical.

"How is Monroe?" Fred asks again.

"She's fine." I grind my molars, keeping my composure as best I can. "For now." I keep Ray in my peripheral, taking note of his continuous steps in my direction.

"We tried telling the nurse we were family, but they wouldn't let us back there to see her."

I wrap my arms around myself. "Yeah." I chew on the inside of my cheek. "Roe doesn't need or want to see either of you. It'll only make her feel worse than she already does."

"What the fuck?" Kellan takes a step forward, balling both his hands into fists at his side. "Is this because of you? Did you fucking tell them to not let us see her?"

Ray takes a large step forward, readying himself for anything Kellan might pull.

"No, Roe told them she didn't want to see you before I even came into the room." I steel my eyes on him. His nose is broken and swollen. A large, white bandage is taped to the bridge. Deep red and purple bruises peek out from the white gauze. Kellan certainly won't forget what Lennon did to him anytime soon.

"I'm her uncle." Fred points to his chest, spit flying from between his lips. "I've always cared about Monroe. How dare you keep her condition a secret from me. I had a right to know."

"It was what she wanted," I argue. "She specifically asked me not to tell anyone. Even you, Fred."

"Roe is my sister." Kellen yells.

"Do you know what?" I scoff. "You two are fucking unbelievable. You only claim us as your family when it's convenient or when you see a way your relationship with us can benefit you." I pin Kellan with an icy glare. "Did you ever stop and think about me or her when you stole our money? What, now that Roe is dying, you suddenly care whether she's going to live? You're a fucking asshole, Kellan."

He takes a step forward, curling his upper lip. "You're lucky I'm not pressing charges against your husband for what he did to me."

I take another step forward. "And you're lucky to be out of prison at all."

"Kellan earned his early release," Fred interjects. "I think it's about time we all moved on."

I would say fresh tears spring to my eyes, but none come. Whether it's because I've run dry from how many tears I've already shed tonight, the exhaustion slamming into me, or it could be that I simply have no love for the two men standing in front of me, I feel absolutely nothing.

I think about the past several years of my life. I've gone from being a wallflower to graduating law school to becoming Mrs. Lennon Harding.

I look at my brother and uncle and feel hollow inside. They've done nothing but take advantage of the love I had for them. And now not only is the well of tears inside me completely dried up, my well of love is bone dry too.

"You're right." I nod, pressing my mouth into a tight line. I inhale a heavy breath through my nose and place my left hand in my right to finger the large diamond on my wedding ring. My chest spreads with a warmth I only get when I think about Lennon. "We do need to move on." I look up at Kellan then dart my eyes to Fred. "I quit."

"Excuse me?" he asks, confused.

"Yeah." I take in an unsteady breath, but I've never been so sure of anything in my life. "I'll draft up my resignation tomorrow and deliver it to your office on Monday."

Fred's jaw clenches under his full crimson cheeks. The dimple in his cheek deepens. It reminds me of my mother's. My heart aches wondering what she would think of her son and her brother now. Would she be proud of me for standing my ground? Would she be happy I'd found someone I love and who loves me in return?

"You're about to lose the only family you have," Fred warns. "You're going to regret this."

"No." I frown and shake my head. "No, I don't think I will. Besides, I already have a family. You just aren't a part of it."

I look at my brother and uncle one last time before passing Ray and heading to the exit door of the emergency room. I feel him follow behind me once I step out into the hot, sticky Boston summer air.

"Are you all right, Mrs. Harding?" Ray asks as I pass him.

"I'm okay," I choke out. I give him a nod, feeling Fred and Kellan's eyes staring at my back. "I'm ready to go home."