Chapter Four

The shades slid into place, and it suddenly hit Carys why there was a lock on a conference room door and why those shades were so technologically advanced. It got plenty dark in here. They didn’t need the shades.

Also, what the hell was she doing?

She’d agreed to go on an Agency op with her fiancé and the man who should have been her other fiancé. Who the hell did that? She wasn’t an operative. She wasn’t the girl who looked for an adrenaline rush. Carys Taggart was the responsible one who always did the right thing, not the dangerous chick who took on the world. Nope. She left the adventure to her cousins.

She was the woman who’d never looked at a man beyond the two she’d been in love with since she was a child. Falling for two guys and keeping them both had been her life’s rebellion.

Except it hadn’t felt like rebellion. Loving Tris and Aidan had been natural.

So how the hell was she here?

All she knew was she’d been sitting there, and she’d known it couldn’t be over. Not yet. It had to end because they’d lied to her, but she needed closure. Closure that wouldn’t cost her every ounce of her dignity.

Closure? Did she fucking want closure?

She was so angry with them both, and she didn’t know where to put it.

“Carys, do you want to talk?” Aidan asked.

Aidan was the sweet one. He was also the one who could get lost in his work. Tris had always been the one who remembered things. Tris was the one who poked them and reminded them they had physical needs.

“She doesn’t want to talk,” Tristan said, and his voice had gone dark and deep. “She needs something else.”

Aidan frowned, his gorgeous face going sullen. “I hardly think she wants sex right now. She would rather yell at us.”

“I’m not going to yell,” she said quietly. When she went quiet, everyone knew she was serious. She didn’t yell and shout when she was angry. She shut down, and she sometimes required a little discipline to get out of the corner she put herself in.

What did she want more? To punish them? To walk away and feel self-righteous? Or did she want to use them so she could cry and try to get some perspective?

If she stayed here in this head space, she wouldn’t process anything that had happened today. There would be nothing but her clinging to cold logic, and despite the sense logic seemed to make, this was something she needed her heart to process.

But she couldn’t ask for it. Not with words.

“Carys, are you going to make this hard on me?” Tristan stood there looking so stunning. He wore a slightly too large T-shirt he’d almost surely borrowed from TJ or Cooper, but she knew what his chest looked like.

Or did she? It had been so long.

“I’m going to make it impossible,” she whispered. The impulse to go was checked by her desperate need to get him to push her until she broke. She couldn’t start to heal unless she truly broke.

“Then I’ll have to remind you that any disrespect is going to be punished,” he returned in a softer tone. “Any sarcasm or nasty words will have to be dealt with.”

“What the fuck, Tris?” Aidan asked.

But he was actually doing her a kindness, reminding her there was a map to follow if she couldn’t ask for directions.

Tris gripped the back of the closest chair, using it to hide his raging hard-on. She’d seen his pants tent the moment they were alone, and he’d felt the vibe she was sending out. His dick didn’t care that he’d broken her heart.

“I need to know.” She didn’t want to elaborate. Elaboration would mean talking, and they didn’t need to talk. But she had to know.

“Know what?” Aidan was shifting his gaze between them like he wasn’t quite sure what was happening.

“She wants to know if I’ve been with other women.” Tris simply stared at her, his eyes seeming to go dark. “Absolutely none. Two and a half years. No one but my right hand and my vivid imagination.”

Aidan moved in beside Tris. “Baby, he wouldn’t cheat on you. I know he’s been kind of a dick, but I wouldn’t have trusted him at all if I thought for a moment he was cheating on us…on you.”

“You had it right the first time.” Tristan’s gaze sharpened. “We’re all involved in this relationship. Anything outside the three of us is cheating, and I never even once thought about it. I had a job to do. I wasn’t looking for a different life or a way out. I’ve been desperately trying to find a way back in.”

“Okay.” Aidan took a long breath and got his “I can fix this” expression on. “We’ll go into the break room and get some coffee and talk this out. Carys, I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”

Tristan huffed. “She doesn’t want to talk. Look at her. Her shoulders are tight. Her hands keep clenching open and shut, but otherwise, she’s perfectly still. Like she’s afraid to move. She doesn’t want to leave, but she also doesn’t want us to think she wants to stay. Stop thinking like her boyfriend. Start thinking like her Dom.”

This was absolutely what Tristan brought to the table. He was infinitely more physical than Aidan. Aidan would be happy making love and holding her. He didn’t mind the kinky stuff, but he didn’t seem to need it the way she and Tris did.

She’d had perfection. A sweet lover who thought about her all the time, and another who looked smooth and normal on the outside and inside was a fucking feral beast.

How the hell had he been gone for two and a half years? “I don’t believe you.”

A brow rose over Tristan’s suddenly icy eyes. “You don’t believe I didn’t fuck someone else?”

It felt good to let a little venom flow. It had been building and building, and she’d had to be the sweet almost bride who delivered babies and did everything right. She’d suffered years of pitying looks, and this resentment had been inside her for so long, she forgot how good it was to give some of it up. “I know you. I know how much you need sex, Tris. I also know you’re a spy and probably fuck for intel. That’s what he’s not saying, Aidan. Maybe he’s been faithful in a purely personal way, but he’s a professional.”

Aidan’s eyes widened like he didn’t know her, but Tristan simply chuckled.

“Yeah, there you are, baby. I’ve been waiting for your inner alpha bitch to show up. Tell me something. Is she clawing to get out now that we’re in the same room?” Tristan taunted. “You wouldn’t let her take a swipe at Aidan because you don’t think he can handle her. Personally, I think you’re wrong. A’s got some thick skin and a deep desire to give you everything you need, including taking some battle wounds.”

“What are you two talking about?” Aidan looked her way, his eyes pleading. “Carys, baby, there’s no need to fight.”

“She wants the fight,” Tristan insisted. “She needs it tonight. She needs to hit me and hard. Go on, Car. Poke at me until you wake up the predator that’s always right here in my gut. I keep him tightly leashed. I know how to be a gentleman. I learned all the rules and codes my fathers trained into me. But they also taught me there’s a time and a place to let it go. Is it time, Carys?”

“I’ve been taking care of her.” Aidan’s jaw tightened.

“Yes, you’ve given her what she needs from you,” Tris acknowledged. “Now she needs something else. Tonight, she doesn’t need to be a beloved girlfriend or an equal partner. Tonight, she needs to be prey. She needs us to take her down physically so she can find her way out of whatever room inside her head she’s locked herself in. You believe in good guys and bad guys, A. You think not every man is a closet predator. In your world there are black hats and white hats, but she needs a little gray today.”

He was wrong about one thing. “I assure you I think you’re the bad guy, Tris.”

He shrugged like he wasn’t about to argue with her. “I’m whatever you need me to be, and I didn’t fuck for intel. Never. I assure you while I was putting my body on the line my dick remained perfectly and pristinely pure. I tell you that because you should understand what’s about to happen. I won’t be able to be sweet and caring. You need me to be the bad guy who makes you cry? I can do it, but I’ll get what I need, too.”

“And you need to hurt me?” Carys asked.

“No,” Aidan argued.

“Stop it or leave the damn room,” Tristan hissed as he turned to his partner. “Normally we would sit down and discuss a scene we were about to play out. We can’t tonight because the minute we leave, the door in her head locks and she builds walls. Has she cried?”

Aidan seemed to think about the question, and then his eyes closed. “No.”

“She’s been through this whole shitty day without shedding a tear or having an emotion beyond icy anger,” Tristan pointed out. “Are you the good guy who wants to do some very bad things to the woman who is acting all calm and composed? What are your instincts telling you about her? Don’t bring yourself into it. Don’t bring your fear into it. This is about her. What does she need?”

She fucking hated the way Tris could see right through her. Hated it. Craved it. Needed it so badly.

The moment Aidan’s gaze went hard, she knew she was about to get the fight she wanted. “She’s wound so tight she can’t breathe. She’s held it together because she can’t fall apart in front of anyone else. She might not want to break down in front of us, but it’s acceptable. She wants to tear us up, to have us hold her down and force her to feel because if she doesn’t, she worries she might never feel anything again.”

Tristan cocked a brow his partner’s way, firmly in bad-boy mode at this point. “So do you want to clutch your pearls or help me top her?”

Aidan calmly pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it to the side. He moved from his everyday persona to the one he put on for her. He might not need the dominance the way Tris did, but he could play the role. He was actually much harder when Tris was around. In every way. “Are you scared, Carys?”

A thrill went through her, and she could feel her damn nipples tighten. “Why would I be afraid, A? Of you? Should I be afraid because your boss is back? You going to do what Tristan tells you to do?”

Tristan sighed even as he was pulling his own shirt off. “See, it’s a form of therapy, too.”

“You want to take a piece of me?” Aidan asked, his hands in fists on his hips. “You feel the need to tear me up, baby? Am I the reason for all the bad shit that happened today?”

“If you were working with him, then yes,” she shot back, but there was something in Aidan’s eyes…some rage of his own, and it was directed at her.

Tristan chuckled as he pulled the belt from his jeans. “You’re always so careful with sweet Aidan. Is it because you worry you’ll hurt his tender feelings, or are you afraid he can tear you up, too? I’m intrigued. I’d love to see the two of you go at it because once you unleash Aidan’s beast, there won’t be any shutting that cage again.”

Her breath rose fast and hard, and she felt adrenaline flood her system. She’d thought she didn’t chase that particular drug, but damn it was heady.

“What’s your safe word, Car?” Aidan’s face looked carved from granite.

“I don’t need a safe word.” Along with the adrenaline came a sense of unease. Like maybe this was a bad idea.

Yeah, she liked how that felt, too. Maybe because it was the first time in a long time she felt anything but anger and worry. This wasn’t the same. This was the worry of a deer in the presence of two wolves who wanted to eat her alive.

“You need one if you’re going to be my submissive.” Aidan seemed taller than before. And closer. When had he moved around the table? She’d been watching Tris and then Aidan was right there.

“How about we don’t make her think too much. How much do you want to use the word no tonight?” Tristan sounded so fucking calm. Like they were at the club and about to run a perfectly normal scene. Like he hadn’t blown up their lives. Again.

“I like the word no when it comes to you, asshole.” She had to force herself to breathe because they’d maneuvered to either side of her. They’d blocked off all routes to escape.

“I thought you might.” Tristan blocked the door, the belt in his hand. He slapped it against his palm. “You should know this conference room is soundproofed, so feel free to say no as much as you like. Plead as much as you like. Beg me. Nothing stops unless you say the word red.”

Harsh, but again, a map for her. There was always an out, but there was also a place for her to hide, to let this piece of herself hold sway. She felt hard hands on her waist as Aidan jerked her back. She fell against his chest, hands instinctively going to Tristan’s shoulders for balance. She could do it because they’d trapped her. She looked up at him, eyes wide, lips parted.

“I don’t want to think about why they soundproofed the conference room, do I?” It was a stupid question, but her nerves were working overtime. She was here. Where she’d wanted to be for years. Between them, and it had to be one of the last times.

Not the last time. They had the mission.

She winced inwardly because now she knew why she’d taken the mission.

Tristan’s hand slid into her hair. Slowly, deliberately, he made a fist, pulling her hair tight. She sucked in air, breasts rising. He stared down at her, eyes on her mouth. “I’m sure they would say it’s because of all the classified intel, but we know the truth. Tell me how hard you want it, because if you knew what I want to do to you right now, you might use your safe word.”

“You stayed away for two and a half years. I bet you can’t even get it up anymore.” She wanted it pretty fucking hard. She was sure he would prefer to get to the good stuff, and she would want that eventually, but for now she wanted the belt in his hand, wanted for her body to feel what her soul felt. Constricted. Forced into a shape she found uncomfortable.

He brought their hips together, proving her wrong. She didn’t need proof. It was all words to push him like he’d pushed her. “I assure you I can take care of you tonight, baby.”

She smirked up at him, letting her inner brat flow. This wasn’t her normal submissive self. She was the sub everyone looked up to, the perfect one who never stepped out of line. She didn’t have to because Tris always seemed to know when she needed it rough. He’d ruined their perfection, and now he got the brat. He’d made her this way, and he would have to deal with it. “Great. I’ll get three-minute Tris.”

His lips peeled back in an approximation of a smile, but it was more a bearing of teeth. “I promise I’ll give you more than three minutes.”

She felt heat on her ear and then a hard nip from Aidan.

“You know damn well I can go all night,” Aidan growled. “You are pushing my buttons. I’m every bit as emotional as you are. Do you want to do this? We don’t play like this.”

She turned. How fucking dare he equate them? He’d been talking to Tris all along. She’d been alone, left out of their boys club like a blow-up doll they passed between them. Like the cypher she’d always worried she was, nothing but the woman they needed because they weren’t wired to want each other sexually. “We don’t play at all. You pretend to be him.”

“Damn it,” Tris cursed.

Aidan’s hand gripped her neck, and he lowered his mouth to hers. She expected the sweet, long kisses he always drugged her with. His teeth caught her lower lip, biting down hard enough to make her jerk. He’d never done that before. There was something deep and dark in his eyes when he tightened his hold on her, forcing her upper body to arch back and against Tris, who was behind her now. “No matter what the fuck you think I’ve done to you, I don’t deserve that. Take your clothes off. Or do you need to run to daddy now that it’s getting serious?”

Oh, he was obviously ready to play. “I can handle myself.”

“Can you, baby? Because I’m the one who handles everything for you,” he shot back. “And now I’m wondering if you appreciate any of it at all or if you sit around wishing I was him.”

The words sparked through her. This wasn’t what she’d meant at all. Aidan had been here for her. Why the fuck had he had to lie? Why had they forced her to the outside? Still, she couldn’t bring herself to say the words that might soothe him. “You don’t have to worry about it anymore. You and Tris can find someone new to fuck since that seems to be all you need me for.”

“Clothes, Carys,” Tristan ordered. “You aren’t capable of anything but tearing us apart right now. You can take the clothes off or I’ll rip them off for you.”

Anger swelled, hot where it had been icy before, but it was impossible for her to be cold when they were so close.

Her only lovers. Since they were seventeen and they’d solemnly made love after prom. After they’d all promised to never leave.

They’d fucking lied.

She gasped as Tristan turned her forcibly toward him.

“Hold her still,” Tristan ordered, and he took the sides of her shirt and ripped the T-shirt she was wearing in half, baring her torso and the lacy bra she wore. It was supposed to be something sexy for her first night as Aidan’s wife.

Aidan’s arms became a cage, and it made it easy for her to fight back. It felt good to get physical. To be more than a precious, fragile thing everyone loved and protected and kept to the side. So she fought even as Aidan held her tight and Tristan started to drag her clothes off. She kicked out at him, knowing she couldn’t really hurt him. He was far too strong and knew how to fight. She was helpless as he efficiently got her naked, tossing her bra to the side after ripping it off. The delicate undies she’d selected for her wedding night were trashed with a single tug of his strong hands.

Tristan stared at her for a moment, his eyes on her breasts. “I forgot how gorgeous you are. I thought I remembered every detail, but I didn’t.”

She didn’t want to hear his soft words. She jerked back, trying to force Aidan to drop her hands.

A sad look came over Tristan’s face, a wistful, longing expression, and then he stepped back. “Let her go. See if she runs or if she knows when she’s finished.”

Asshole. Aidan let go of her hands and she pushed back, turning to put some space between them, every minute feeling a spark she’d been missing for forever. The conference room was large and gave her space to run. She moved to the back of the room where the high-tech screen hung down, framed by several lovely works of art Aunt Charlotte had curated. She was naked and standing in a room with two men she shouldn’t trust. Her family was somewhere in this building, and she was about to get fucked hard. When she decided to go bad, she went all out.

Aidan growled and then charged. She spun out of the way, but he’d anticipated the move and grabbed her elbow as his momentum carried him past her. What he hadn’t expected was for her to stick out a foot and trip him.

He took several stumbling steps before crashing into the wall. The screen trembled and so did the paintings, the closest one falling off its hook and hitting the carpet with a thud.

She was about to pick it up when Tris clotheslined her, hauling her up by her waist. A gasp came from her chest as he plunked her down face first on the conference room table. His big hands pinned her down.

“Take her wrists,” Tris ordered in an almost guttural tone. “Carys, don’t give me more trouble. I’m emotional, too. I want to give you what you need, not rip us entirely apart.”

“You already did that,” she hissed back, anger surging. Anger felt good. Anger felt warm and active, even though they were holding her down.

“No, I fucked up, but it doesn’t have to be over. And I’ll show you why.” Tristan put a hand on the flat of her back.

She was caught between them, utterly helpless, and somehow being so vulnerable, being unable to move, helped her face what she hadn’t been willing to before.

They’d betrayed her. They’d plotted behind her back and treated her like a child. She was a toy.

Tristan’s hand came down on her ass, the sound cracking through the room like thunder, and she was happy she came from a family of perverts because she shouted out. The pain washed over her, and she felt the shock start to wake her up.

He’d dropped the belt when he’d come after her, but his hand was more than enough.

“More,” she said through gritted teeth. “Give me more.”

How long would it be before she found this again? Before she got to be in this place where she could face anything? Good, bad. Not indifferent. Never indifferent here. She’d used this space to handle stress, to face her fears. Now she was going to have to use it to deal with a heartache she’d never thought she would have to feel.

Over and over Tristan struck her ass and thighs, spanking her until she could feel how hot and red her skin must be.

It wasn’t enough. The tears wouldn’t quite come even though the pain felt like everything in the moment. She ached and hurt, and it wasn’t enough to overtake the break in her heart.

He stopped.

“More,” she insisted.

“You can’t, baby. I’ll hurt you if I give you more,” Tristan said.

Aidan released her hands, stroking back her hair. “He can’t safely give you more.” He stared at her for a moment, and his handsome face took on a resolve. “But I can.”

“A,” Tristan began.

Aidan straightened up. “You have your way of taking care of her and I have mine. It’s my fucking turn. Turn her over and hold her down.”

What the hell was he talking about? Carys winced as Tristan flipped her over, her back against the table now, her ass at the edge. Every muscle was sore. But the peace she’d hoped she would have hadn’t come. It was incomplete. The ritual wasn’t finished, and she realized she might never feel peace again, not the way she had.

“Stop it. Let me up.” She needed to get away from them. It wasn’t going to work. She needed to be alone. Needed to start figuring out how to be alone.

“No,” Aidan said, sounding more sure than she’d heard him in forever.

He pressed her ankles out, forcing her legs to open wide and keeping her off balance. Tristan was the one on the conference table now, one hand holding both her wrists, the other fisted in her hair. “You stay still.”

And then she felt Aidan move, and suddenly he buried his face between her legs. She’d almost expected fingers and got lips and tongue. Her labia spread wide as he passed his tongue between the folds. Pleasure curled through her, making her scalp prickle and toes curl.

She hadn’t wanted this. Hadn’t thought she wanted this. She’d wanted the pain, but this… The pleasure was so sharp it made a contrast to the pain, a reminder of everything she was going to lose.

He repeated the caress, this time ending it by pushing his tongue into her, his face buried so deep in her pussy that her labia were against his cheeks, his nose nudging her clit.

She ground against him, and he thrust his tongue into her again and again, shallow penetrations. It felt so fucking good, so like normal.

All the days came rushing in. The days she’d spent with them, the sweet looks and hand holding eventually leading to kissing. First Tristan and then Aidan. She’d turned from one to the other because she’d known she was at the center, and she couldn’t leave either out.

Aidan fucked her with his tongue, and the tears finally started because this was what she would lose. These intimate moments when the world got locked out and no one mattered except the three of them. Nothing mattered but this moment with them.

Even as her body tensed and the orgasm threatened to overwhelm her, so did the pain. She’d needed both—Tristan’s discipline and Aidan’s sweet, giving nature to fully understand what she’d lost.

She sobbed as she came, the tears rolling down her cheeks, and suddenly Tris wasn’t holding her down. He was twining their fingers together, stroking her hair.

“It’s okay, baby.” There were tears in his green eyes, too, though he didn’t shed them. “I’m going to make this right.”

Aidan moved from between her legs and hauled her up, his arms wrapping around her. “Come here. Let me make this better. I love you, Carys. We’re going to get through this.”

“We?” The words came out shaky because she was still holding back. “Don’t you mean you and Tris? You two make all the decisions. I’m just along for the ride.”

Aidan paled. “It wasn’t like that.”

“It wasn’t,” Tristan agreed, starting to move in behind her. “Baby, I wasn’t trying to leave you out. I was protecting you. I’m still going to protect you because I’m not about to allow you to go to Canada.”

Yes, there it was. She pushed back. This was stupid. She was crying and naked, and if she let them she would fuck them both and be their doll again. “Red.”

“Carys.” Her name was a plea from Aidan. “Don’t do this.”

Tristan’s hands had come off her the minute she’d said the word. Her safe word was a blunt instrument when it came to Tristan. “You need aftercare. I can’t leave you like this.”

“You’ve left me in much worse situations than having my ass red,” she snarled his way.

“Let me look at you.” Aidan reached for her.

“You can’t touch her,” Tristan insisted. “She said her safe word.”

“Red,” she said again. “I want you both out. If you insist on aftercare, send my cousins in.”

“Then tell me about the last two and a half years. Tell me everything. I want to know what I missed and how it hurt you,” Tristan insisted.

She shook her head and picked up Aidan’s T-shirt. He could go down and grab one from the bodyguard unit. They always had extras. “Leave me alone. I’m sure Aidan will happily tell you everything. It’s what the two of you do. Leave.”

She couldn’t do it. She’d thought she could, but she couldn’t break down with them here.

“Car,” Aidan began.

“Are you going to honor my safe word?” Carys asked. She could feel the tears on her cheeks, but she couldn’t let go. Not yet.

“This isn’t a fucking scene,” Aidan insisted, and he took a step toward her.

Tristan had pulled his shirt over his head and put a hand on Aidan’s broad shoulder. They looked so gorgeous standing there together.

They would make a lovely couple.

It was a bitter, nasty thought, but she couldn’t deny it.

“She’s done for the night,” Tristan said. “I’ll have the twins check on her. But Carys, you might be done, but we’re not. We’ll talk in the morning and then we’ll figure out how to protect you while I finish this mission.”

She stood there and watched as Tris convinced Aidan to let her have some privacy.

Nothing had changed. He would shut them out again. Well, shut her out and bring Aidan into his secret life. Hell, if it was Aidan, Tris would probably convince him to join the Agency, too.

When the door closed, she realized she didn’t need to cry.

Carys screamed, the sound matching the anger in her soul.