Chapter 18

Jackson

"Uh-oh," my biggest nuisance of a brother says, riding up next to me on his horse, Clementine. The pair slows beside me and Starlight, joining our walk along the fence line out in one of the far pastures. The ranch house isn't even visible from here. "Should I be concerned?"

"By what?" I ask, distracted by thoughts of Ash.

Ash in my bed.

Ash's ass high in the air.

The sounds Ash made when he came. Twice .

Ash's hair spread across my pillow.

Ash's face as he slept.

Colton snorts. "Your smile ," he answers. "I think the last time I saw that was when you hid all my underwear out in the horse barn. I was, what…nine?"

"I smile," I defend.

"Uh-huh," he says, sounding incredulous. "You're a regular ray of sunshine."

Sunshine. Ash .

"There you go again," Colton says, smacking my shoulder. "What in the hell?"

"I'm allowed to be in a good mood," I say, stopping Starlight to check a length of wire fencing that looks bowed, as if something hefty fell into it.

"Sure, I know that," he says, adding a muttered, "I just didn't know you knew that."

Smartass.

I dismount, grabbing a pair of pliers from the saddlebag on Starlight's back. Colton goes on as I twist the wire, making sure the line is taut.

"If it's 'cause of Ashley, I'm glad. Seems like a good guy."

I grunt.

"Has nice…legs, I guess?" my brother says.

I look up slowly.

"Arms?" he tries. "A nice ass? I dunno, what does it for you?"

Shaking my head, I finish tightening the wire before putting the pliers away and zipping up the bag. Starlight barely shifts his weight as I swing up onto his back.

"I'm not discussing my… Ash's ass with you," I tell my brother firmly. I'm not even getting into the fact that his ass was far from the first thing I noticed about him. It was those eyes. And his damn smile.

Although that ass… nope . I shut those thoughts down.

"What're you even doing out here?" I ask my brother. It's not uncommon for him to fill in around the ranch in addition to his job as a farrier, but I don't recall a reason he'd be out in the pastures today.

Colton simply shrugs. "Haven't had a chance to ride with Clementine in a while."

I nod, understanding that. These horses are more than workers or pets to us. They're family.

Checking the time, I swing Starlight back around. "Needa head back. You coming?"

Colton gives me a grin. One I know all too well. "Race you."

He doesn't give me a chance to respond before he and Clementine are off, the horse tossing her mane as her hooves dig into the grass.

I curse, kicking Starlight into motion after them. " Ya ."

A few of the cattle eye us warily as we pass at a breakneck pace. Starlight's head is down, his gait smooth as silk as he gallops swiftly after our competition. My ass is out of the saddle, knees bent and body low, my legs absorbing the shock as I lead Starlight sharply left, heading toward a shortcut. Colton catches sight of me swerving and swears loudly. He course-corrects, a grin on his face as he tries to head me off. He doesn't make it.

Starlight and I are first through the tree line, making it onto the narrow path that's dappled in shade. Colton breaks off, knowing he can't pass me here. He heads through the field, his laughter loud. I shake my head, urging Starlight on faster.

When we break out of the trees, I see Colton off to the right. We're nearly neck and neck, the both of us barreling toward the gate nearest the ranch house. Ira sees us coming and unlatches the big metal swing gates, one after another, since no cattle are near. My brother shoots me a glance, and I know I have only one chance to throw him off his game.

I send a silent apology Ira's way.

"It is his ass," I yell. "Best thing I've ever eaten."

Colton's eyes widen, his face drawn in shock. It's enough. The momentary lapse in focus gives me the chance to urge Starlight into a final burst of speed, one Colton doesn't counter fast enough. Me and my horse are first through the gates, dust kicking up around us as we slow to a swift stop. Starlight bounces his head a few times, breath huffing out as he walks in a tight circle, his steps high and light. I give his neck a pat, praising the old man for putting up with my brother's shenanigans.

Colton comes to an abrupt halt beside us. "You cheated ."

"Did not."

"Did so. How does that even work? You just…"

I try my best not to laugh, but Christ , it looks as if he's attempting string theory. "You've got a tongue. And an ass. I'm sure you could figure it out, one way or another."

I shoot Ira a thank-you as he closes the gates after us. He returns my wave, his lips lifted into a smile.

"None of the women I've been with have been into that," Colton says quietly, brow furrowed. "It feels good?"

"Nuh-uh," I non-answer, giving Starlight a gentle kick toward the stables. "I'm not talking to my brother about ass stuff."

"Aw, c'mon," he whines. "I'm curious."

I raise an eyebrow. "Are you now?"

My question flies right over his head. "Bet Remi would tell me."

"You really wanna hear specifics of our little brother's sex life?"

Colton grimaces. "All right, I see your point."

"Mhm."

He's quiet for a minute. But only until we reach the barn doors. "What's frotting?"

"Jesus fucking Christ . You've got Google!"

"You really think I wanna look that up?" he asks, voice getting quieter as I rush on ahead of him. "I might see things, Jackson."

Shaking my head, I swing off Starlight's back and lead him over to his stall. We'll be going back out, so I don't bother washing him down yet. But I do take off his gear and give him a quick brush to remove the dirt caked on his legs.

When I step back into the hall, Colton is looking at his phone, his hand partially concealing his eyes.

"Ah, fuck," I mutter, heading to the mini-fridge and grabbing a couple carrots. "Colt."

My brother looks up at me.

Pointedly, I hold up the two carrots before pressing them together from base to tip. I die a little inside as I rub them together. Committed, and wishing I wasn't, I wrap a hand around the root vegetables and give a single jerk.

"Frotting. Got it?" I ask.

He nods, eyes wide.

"Never again," I say adamantly, feeding the carrots through the bars of Starlight's stall. He chomps them down. "And we don't talk about this."

Colton's choked laughter follows me as I trudge out of the horse barn.

My brothers, I swear to God.

Pulling off my hat, I wipe the sweat from my forehead and make my way across the property. Ranching is dirty work, no matter the time of year. Sometimes, it feels as if this place is baked into my pores. I don't mind it, but it does make me wonder what Ash thinks of this lifestyle. He said he enjoys it here, but will that pass? Will the novelty wear offeventually?

I try to ignore the tightness circling my chest, but it's no use. Otto said he'd stay. He didn't.

Ash isn't Otto , I remind myself. And I let Otto go, didn't I? Even as it burned. Even as it cracked and blistered, I let him go.

What does that say about me?

My sullen thoughts come to a halt the moment I reach the petting farm, as do my steps. Ash is inside with Virginia, the pair of them spread out on yoga mats, laughing their heads off as baby goats climb on their backs and legs. Haley, the attendant, has a smile on her face as she watches them.

"Afternoon," I say to her, getting my feet into gear and heading inside the fenced corral.

"Afternoon, boss."

"What's going on here?" I ask, my pulse hopping as Ash falls onto his stomach, his back shaking with laughter.

"Yoga, I guess," Haley says in amusement.

"Jackson," Ash calls, having spotted me. He pushes upright, sitting with his legs in a pretzel and brushing his hair back. "How come you guys don't do goat yoga?"

"Is that…a thing?" I ask, heading his way.

He grins up at me, squinting against the sun. I nearly lose my breath just looking at him. "People love it," he says, absently scratching the head of a nearby goat. "Do you have anyone in town who does yoga?"

"Annabelle," Virginia answers, doing some move that has her leg sticking straight out behind her. "She runs classes out of the community center."

I hum, a little too caught up in Ash's eyes to answer. They look crystalline in the sunlight, clear blue with hints of silver-gray, like clouds reflecting off the water. I didn't understand those storms in his eyes, not at first. Not until I learned what he's living with.

Now, I can't help but wonder if he's in some pain right this minute. If that's what that subtle pinch is for as he smiles up at me.

"Jackson?" he says, head cocked.

I squat down in front of him. "You doing all right?"

His expression settles into something soft but reproachful. "Jack."

"Just gimme a number," I say quietly. "One to ten."

He lets out a sigh. But then he says, "Two, tops. I'm fine, really."

I nod, but before I can stand back up, Ash gives the brim of my hat a tug.

"You didn't say hello," he says with a grin.

Ah, hell.

I lean in, and Ash tips up my hat, inhaling as our lips come together. He hums into the kiss, and I have to pull back quicker than I'd prefer, lest I lose control.

Ash smiles, giving me a wink and tapping my hat back into place. "Hello to you, too. Now what do I get for goodbye?"

Virginia snickers.

"That eager to get rid of me?" I mock-grumble, standing up. My knee pops, reminding me of my age.

"Nah," Ash says casually. "I much prefer when you come, not go."

He ignores the scowl I send his way. "Not in front of the chicks," I tell him.

"'Scuse me?" Virginia says, pausing to lift her sunglasses. "What does my gender have to do with any—"

"He's talking about the Silkies," Ash says, barely restrained laughter in his voice.

"Not to mention the kids," I call, already heading toward the barn. "They shouldn't have to hear that."

"They're goats, Jack," Ash calls back. "They don't understand."

"Oh my God," I hear Virginia say. "Are you two…is this some weird sort of barnyard flirting?"

I snort, rounding the doorway into the barn. Snickerdoodle is inside, staring up at the loft. The cage that Remi strapped into place is just visible up in the rafters. As is the raccoon trapped inside. Remi messaged me earlier to let me know he caught the pest that was getting into our feed bins. But bleeding heart that my brother is, he left the job of disposal to me.

The raccoon scrambles against the wire cage as I shift the ladder into place to get it, and Snickerdoodle nickers.

"Keeping an eye on our captive, eh?" I ask the pony.

She stomps the ground, quite the fierce steed.

Snickerdoodle watches the proceedings as I put on a thick glove, retrieve the cage, and climb back down from the loft. I stow the ladder before heading out of the barn, meddlesome pony on my tail. There's a family in the petting farm now, and Ash and Virginia are rolling up their mats. Ash smiles, tucking the mat under his arm as he jogs over to me.

"Who's this?" he asks, bending down to get a look inside the cage.

"A raccoon," I say dryly.

He rolls his eyes as Virginia joins us. "Obviously. What are you doing with it?"

I glance over at the family to make sure the children aren't listening before saying, quietly, "Getting rid of it."

Both Ash and Virginia look as if I slapped them.

"What?" Ash asks. "You're not… killing it, are you?"

I hesitate, and Snickerdoodle kicks up her mane and whinnies, as if to say, duh .

"Jackson Darling," Ash says, stepping close and speaking low. "Please tell me you're not planning on killing that defenseless raccoon."

"It's a pest," I say slowly.

"It's an animal ."

"So are you," I counter before I can think better of it.

Ash's eyes turn almost flinty. "I'm not sure if you're calling me a pest or helping my case, so I suggest you choose your next words carefully."

I flounder, opening and closing my mouth a couple times, not sure what the hell is even happening.

Virginia pipes up, a chuckle in her tone. "As fun as it is seeing a grown man's testicles retreat up his body in real time, I needa get home and wash the goat off me before the bar opens. See ya later, baby boy." She gives Ash a quick hug before turning my way. "Don't make me regret rooting for you, Darling."

With that, she's off, and I'm left staring at the stone-cold face of my partner while I try to figure out what goddamn hole I just dug myself into.

"Jack," Ash says, the one syllable slow.

"Christ," I mutter, rubbing over my eyes. "What would you have me do?"

"Let it go."

"It'll come back."

"Let it go far away," he proposes.

I groan, the sound lasting a small eternity. "Another goddamn bleeding heart around here."

"You say that as if compassion is a bad thing," Ash accuses.

I can't help it. I lean forward and kiss the scowl off his face. He makes an aborted sound, looking shell shocked as I step back.

"The things I do for you lot," I grumble, heading briskly toward the exit. A few goats smartly step out of my way.

"You're going to let it go?" Ash asks, following after me.

"I have a feeling I'll regret it, but yes, I'm gonna let it go."

He holds the gate open, blocking Snickerdoodle's path as I pass through. "You're a good man, Jackson."

"I'm a sucker, is what I am," I mutter, eyeing Ash as he keeps in step beside me. "What're you doing?"

"Coming with."

"Of course you are. Ever ridden in a UTV?"

Ash shoots me a grin. "Not unless a golf cart counts."

It doesn't.

"Can I drive?" he asks with a bounce.

"No way," I say, begrudgingly adding a, "Maybe," as Ash's eyes turn big and round.

He smiles victoriously.

Dangerous , this man.

When we get to the parking lot outside the milking barn, I head inside to grab a spare blanket while Ash waits with the raccoon. I cover the cage before loading it into the back of the utility vehicle, not wanting to stress the raccoon out more than necessary considering I'm now releasing the damn thing. Ash hops into the passenger seat, watching as I turn the ignition. I assume he's taking notes for later.

With a small lurch, the vehicle sets into motion. I drive us toward one of the trail riding paths that's widest. As we bump over dirt, I glance Ash's way to find him smiling serenely, his hand on the doorframe.

"You do know we eat the cattle, right?" I ask.

His head whips my way. "What?"

"The cattle," I repeat, talking over the low noise of the engine. "We raise cattle for beef. We can't save all the animals."

He nearly rolls his eyes. "I know that, Jack. But it's different. The cattle provide sustenance. There's no reason to off the poor raccoon."

I beg to differ, but I keep my opinions to myself, having a feeling there's no way I'd win this one. Not with those damn eyes of his armed and ready.

Clearing my throat, I let my gaze slide down Ash's profile before refocusing on the trail. "You sore at all?"

I can feel his eyes boring into the side of my head. "I already told you I'm fine."

"No, I—" A wave a hand his way. Downward . "Are you sore ?"

I glance over, catching his slow spreading smile. "My ass is just fine, thank you. Very happy, in fact."

I grunt, and Ash laughs.

"But if you want to check it over later…" he says.

He laughs harder when I inadvertently step on the gas.

I'm not sure what I've gotten into with Ashley Alcott. But for once, the road ahead looks pretty damn bright.