3. Shaw

3

SHAW

A s Juliet steps into my bakery, it's difficult to remember that she's a woman who is spoken for. I'm so mesmerized by her that everything else falls away. Every bit of her makes me feel lovesick, from the glint in her eyes to the way her hips flare out into lush curves. I'm even transfixed by the freckles trailing over the bridge of her nose.

Then I see that damn diamond on her hand and the hard punch of reality hits me in the gut all over again.

I still don't know how to reconcile my desire for her and the fact that she's engaged. It feels cruel that the universe would bring her into my life like this. Is this some kind of message? Or a test?

I don't want to play games. I just want to be with the woman I'm meant to be with, and build a life together.

"Wow," says Juliet, her eyes growing wide as she takes in the sight of the nearby table. "Are those…?"

"Wedding cake options? Yep." I smile, despite the agony I'm in. "I hope you're hungry."

"I can't believe you made this many." She steps toward the table, peering at the array of slices. "They're all so pretty, too."

No, you're so pretty, Juliet. I can't get over it.

I step over and pull out a chair for her. As she gets settled, I lower myself into the chair next to her. "What would you like to start with?"

"God, I don't know. Everything looks so good. What are your most popular cakes?"

I pull two plates forward. "These two. Classic vanilla and the chocolate ganache. Although…" I pull a third plate forward. "My brother and sister-in-law opted for this champagne cake for their wedding, and I've been getting more requests for it ever since then."

"Oh?" She looks at me with interest. "When did your brother and sister-in-law get married?"

"About six months ago," I say, smiling. She's probably just being polite, but it feels nice, her asking about my family. "They also just had a little girl a few days ago."

"Aw. Really? What's her name?"

"Ariana. But they're calling her Ari."

"That's adorable."

"Yeah. She's really cute. I'm looking forward to spoiling the heck out of her."

Juliet laughs. "I mean, that's your job as her uncle, isn't it?"

I laugh, too. "Exactly."

"Something tells me you'll be very good at it." She picks up the fork sitting in front of her and helps herself to a bite of the champagne cake. As soon as she tastes it, she immediately pushes the plate away and shakes her head.

My heart drops. "You don't like it?"

She shakes her head more vigorously as she swallows. "No, I love it. I'll finish the whole slice if I keep it in front of me."

I smile. "And that's a problem?"

She gives me an adorably challenging look. "With this many cakes to taste? Yes. It most definitely is. Especially if they're all as good as I suspect they are. I could end up eating the equivalent of a whole wedding cake."

"Well, if you do, you won't get any judgment from me."

She laughs. "I would deserve to be judged. No one should ever eat that much cake at once."

"That's a fact, huh?"

"Yep. It's a local ordinance, actually."

I'm far too into the playful tone that this conversation has taken on. Clearing my throat, I say, "I meant to ask when you first came in. When is your wedding?"

Usually when I ask that of a bride-to-be, she lights up at the question. Juliet doesn't.

"In two months," she says simply, and drops her eyes back to the plates in front of her. "I'm tasting the chocolate one next."

I forbid myself from reading into her reaction. In all likelihood, it didn't mean anything.

"Oh, no," Juliet says around her bite of chocolate cake, covering her mouth. "This one is just as good. I'm never going to be able to choose."

"You don't have to choose just one," I say. "A lot of couples opt for multiple flavors. We can do a different one for each tier."

She frowns. "What's the maximum number of tiers allowed?"

Her question, asked in such a gravely serious tone, makes me laugh. Deeply. Then she starts laughing, too.

Aside from with my brothers, I haven't laughed like this with anyone since…damn, I can't even remember.

"I wasn't trying to be funny!" she protests.

"I'm sorry," I say, collecting myself. "You just looked so worried."

"One's wedding cake is a very serious thing."

"Of course."

"Well?" she asks. "How many tiers high can we go?"

"I'd say five is the max."

"All right. I can work with that."

I can't stop myself from imagining how exceedingly lovely she'll look in a wedding dress. "How many guests are you expecting?"

"Oh…probably…a hundred and fifty? But possibly more. My parents and my fiancé's parents keep inviting more people."

"A five-tiered cake would be entirely appropriate, then."

"Okay. That's good to know." She adjusts in her seat. "It's hard for me to picture a hundred and fifty people gathered together, let alone figure out how much they'll eat. I don't want to be wasteful and end up with too much cake."

"Understandable," I say. "For what it's worth, though, any leftovers will freeze well."

"Right. And I guess there's that tradition of eating leftover cake on your one-year anniversary, huh?"

I nod. "Yep. There's that, too."

A stretch of silence follows that feels…weighted, I guess. Juliet suddenly has a faraway look in her eyes, and her mouth is ever-so-slightly turned down.

I don't like seeing her like this. She should be happy , talking about her wedding. As much as it pains me to know she's engaged to another man, the idea of her being unhappily married is fucking awful. This sweet girl deserves all the joy in the world.

"Something on your mind?" I ask.

Her eyes meet mine. "Just…thinking about the future. That's all."

"It's a big change, getting married," I say. "I get that it can be a stressful time."

"Right. But the thing is…" But she cuts herself off with a shake of her head. "Never mind. I'm sorry. You're not here for me to talk to like this."

"It's okay. Go on."

"No. I couldn't ask that of you."

"You have someone else you can talk to, though, right?" I ask.

She hesitates. "Not really."

"So let me be that person. I'd like to help, if I can."

"That's really sweet of you. Seriously. I appreciate the offer. I just—" She shakes her head again. "I can't. But thank you."

At that moment, her phone chimes. She fumbles as she gets it out of her bag and checks it.

"I'm so sorry, but I have to go."

"Is everything okay?" I ask.

She nods. "I didn't realize how late it is. I have to meet my fiancé."

"I'll wrap up the cake slices," I say, disappointed in the interruption despite knowing it's for the best. "The two of you can taste the rest on your own."

"Thank you, Shaw. I really appreciate it."

Hearing her say my name sends a painful surge of longing through my chest that stays with me as I wrap up the slices. What I wouldn't give to change everything about this moment. If only she wasn't engaged. If only I'd met her sooner.

If only, if only, if only…

"Let me know when you decide what flavors you want," I say, walking Juliet to the front door. As I open it, the bells above sigh a sad jingle. "Or if there's anything else you need, don't hesitate to ask."

She nods and gives me a quick smile as she steps outside. "Again, thanks so much. For everything, I mean."

I want to watch her go, but I don't. It will only make the stabbing pain worse. Instead, I lock the door and force myself to clean up the bakery, scrubbing down every damn surface until my arms ache.

Later that evening, I drive out to Reid and Mackenna's place, both to get some more Ari time in but also to see my brother Jake again before he flies back to Seattle. When I arrive, I walk into the recently renovated house and find Jake looking stiff and uncomfortable as he sits in the living room with the baby in his arms.

Despite all the feelings I'm still wrestling with from my time with Juliet, I can't help but laugh.

"Guess it's safe to say you don't have baby fever, huh?" I say as I walk around the back of the couch.

Jake awkwardly adjusts Ari in his arms, the crispness of his button-up shirt wrinkling under her little body. "It's not that she isn't cute. I'm just not good with babies."

"I can see that." I get settled on the other end of the couch. "It's good you were able to visit, though. Your flight back is in a couple hours, right?"

Jake nods, giving our infant niece a wary look as she scrunches up her face and starts to softly cry. "Shit. What do I do?"

"Really, Jake?" I say. "Rock her. Try to soothe her."

I know it shouldn't amuse me, seeing my brother so clueless. But I'm used to thinking of Jake as the guy who has his shit together. He's a cutthroat boss in a major city, and far more financially successful than Reid and myself. Some big-name business magazine did a feature on him a few months back, calling him a merciless powerhouse.

And yet here he is, looking terrified of a sweet little newborn.

I look up and smile as Reid walks into the living room. "Hey, man."

"Hey, Shaw. Thought I heard you come in." Reid sets down some sodas on the coffee table and then relaxes into the armchair next to the couch. He checks his watch before throwing me a curious look. "Long day at the bakery?"

"I had a wedding cake taste test."

"Ah. That explains it. Not another bridezilla, I hope?"

I think about the bride I recently worked with who requested an endless number of changes to her order, then complained that the final result was ‘too cake-like,' whatever that meant.

"Nope," I say, thoughts of Juliet once again flooding my mind. "Definitely not a bridezilla this time."

I watch as my brothers exchange a glance.

"What?" I ask.

"It's just…the way you smiled when you said that," says Reid. "And now you have this… look …on your face."

"Yeah, exactly," says Jake, smirking. "What are you not telling us, Shaw?"

I'm caught off guard by their confrontation. I open my mouth, but for several painfully long seconds, all words fail me.

"It's nothing," I finally spit out.

"Nothing, huh?" Reid says skeptically.

"Sure doesn't seem like nothing," Jake says.

"We had a connection. That's all. I enjoyed talking to her, okay?"

My brothers both stare at me.

"I'm not going to do anything about it," I sigh. "You guys know me better than that."

"Hold up," says Reid, leaning forward as he frowns at me. "An engaged couple came into your shop to taste test wedding cake flavors, and you had a ‘connection' with the bride-to-be?"

"They weren't both there. It was just her."

"That doesn't make it any better, Shaw."

"You think I don't realize that?" I throw back. "You think I wanted to feel attracted to a woman I can't pursue?"

Both of my brothers fall quiet. The only sounds are Ari's little grunts and gurgles.

Then Jake narrows his eyes at me and says, "You think she's the one you've been waiting for, don't you?"

And suddenly I'm wishing I never told my brothers about that stupid belief. I should have kept it to myself.

I exhale. "When I saw her for the first time…yes. It felt like it was finally happening. But then I noticed the ring on her finger, and that changed everything. Obviously."

"Did it?" Reid challenges me. "Because it sure sounds like you let yourself have a moment with her. Or several."

I look down at my hands in guilt. "You're right. I should have had more self-control than that."

"I'm not trying to make you feel bad, Shaw. I just want you to know how this situation looks from the outside. The look you got in your eyes when you talked about her…I don't know, man. I'm worried you're setting yourself up for some serious heartache."

"Same," says Jake, his gaze still scrutinizing.

"You guys don't need to worry. I'll be fine. I'll get over it."

The way my brothers look at each other, I can tell they aren't convinced. But I don't know if there's anything I could say to convince them. And, frankly, maybe the truth is that I'm not convinced, either.

Because if I have to accept that Juliet isn't the woman I've been waiting my whole life for, then what does that mean?

Is this the universe telling me that I'm destined to be alone?

Fuck, that thought stings. Badly. I know I've lived plenty of life so far as a single man, but to think of passing the rest of my years without a companion by my side is a possibility I don't want to consider.

Maybe it's just not meant to be with her. There could be someone else.

But if that's the case, then why do I feel the way I do? Why do I keep picturing Juliet as my wife, her belly big and round with our child?

None of this makes any sense. And I'm not going to figure it out right now.

"Can we change the subject?" I say. "Talk about something, anything, else?"

Reid considers my request. "Only if you promise us you aren't going to do anything about these feelings of yours, Shaw. I don't want you calling me up a few days from now and telling me you kissed her."

It sounds so ridiculous, him saying that. In what world would I kiss an engaged woman?

"I promise there will be no admissions of kissing."

"I smell a loophole," Jake mumbles.

" I'm not going to kiss her ," I say forcefully. "Jesus. Satisfied?"

"That's better," Jake says, then frowns and dips his head closer to Ari to sniff her. "Okay, now I smell something else. Reid, you can have your kid back."

Reid laughs as he stands up and lifts his daughter out of our brother's arms. "C'mere, you little stinker."