11. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

Ella

Whatever Rose put in that soup does the trick, and by morning, I feel significantly better. At least, I can get out of bed without my head pounding, and breathing is much easier. Disappointment floods me when I wake and find Silas gone, but the rest I got was much needed. I check my phone and see a missed call from Simmy, so I sit up in bed and return it.

"Hey," she says. "How are you feeling?" It's already afternoon in London, and she's out and about, judging from the noise in the background.

"Much better, actually. Silas delivered soup and it worked miracles," I admit, waiting for her to offer some sage advice about my newfound conundrum.

"He brought you soup? That's sweet."

"That's it? No words of wisdom or questions?" I slip from the bed and head to the shower so I can attempt to look like a human being again.

Simmy is quiet for a moment, then sighs. "Honestly, girl, I don't know what to say. Based on what you said before, I would have told you to yell at him and run, but you were eighteen. It's entirely possible he has grown up and realized what a catch he had."

"Well, the crazy thing is that you might be right. He told me everything about why he left and why leaving me was the hardest of everyone. He said he'd fallen in love with me and it freaked him out. Not knowing what to do and trying not to be selfish, he ended up doing stupid things."

"Wow. Do you trust everything he said?" she asks as a car horn sounds in the background.

"Yeah, actually. I do."

"Well, I'm here if you need to talk it out. Maybe I'm crazy, but I think if he's being honest and you believe him, it's worth exploring if you're slow and careful. The past isn't all you need to discuss if you go all in again, right? You are both in college and live in different states with different plans for the future."

"I've thought about that, actually. I was waiting to figure out how I actually felt before tackling the rest of it."

"Seems like something you should discuss with him, and soon before anyone's heart is too far gone." She's right, but it might already be too late. The more I consider Silas, the more I long to be wrapped in those feelings again—only this time with more stable versions of ourselves.

"Well, I'm going to shower and message him about our next tutoring appointment, then spend a little time with my sister while Dad is at his therapy appointments. Talk soon?"

"Obviously. Keep me posted about this developing epic romance. I have exactly zero in my life, and you're giving me hope there's a decent ex in my past who will change for me," Simmy teases.

I chuckle. "Will do. Love you."

"Love you, too!" She hangs up, leaving me to my thoughts, which are plenty. As usual, my mind drifts back to that summer, a time when even the silliest moments with him were better than anything else in the world.

THREE YEARS EARLIER

Silas smiled—a heart-stopping grin I was pretty sure I'd never seen on his face before. Maybe I hadn't paid attention, which was entirely possible, considering he was always causing more trouble than a little.

"Ells?"

"Hmm?" I asked, glancing back up at him again, still in post kiss haze.

"I think we're here," he said and pointed to my house. "I really worry you might walk into traffic one day while you're daydreaming."

"That has actually happened," I said, a little embarrassed.

My father and Abbie were both home, which meant Silas was probably in for a good round of interrogation from both, especially now that we were officially dating. Inside, Abbie was watching television while Dad rummaged in the kitchen. Last I'd heard, Bethany went to the grocery store.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I asked, earning my father's attention.

"Hi, munchkin. Silas, nice to see you again," Dad said, eyeing Silas, but rather than grill him—again—he asked a favor of me. "So, your cousin is visiting for a few days to help me with a project. Would you mind making sure the pull-out sofa in the game room is clean and has fresh bedding?"

"Parks is coming?" I asked, excited. Parks was five years older than me, but he was a lot of fun if you didn't mind hearing about his obsession with beetles.

"He'll be here tomorrow, so I'm trying to multi-task to get as much done as possible."

"Sure, Silas can help me," I said, ignoring Abbie's glares from the living room. She'd rake me over the coals later, but I didn't want to hear it. Silas hadn't done anything wrong, not to me, and she was making too big a deal out of his antics. "Do you mind?"

"Not at all. Lead the way, gorgeous," Silas said, earning an odd look from my father before Silas stepped aside so I could lead. Ignoring my heart flutters over his comment, I pushed the game room door open and flipped on the light. In the far corner was my father's work desk, but everything else in the room was cushy and comfortable. Once inside, Silas spun in a circle to take in the full room.

"What exactly does your dad do for a living?" he asked, noting the posters that covered the walls.

"Uh, he's a designer of sorts. You know when you go to a concert, and there's lots of stage props and lighting effects?"

Silas shrugged. "Sure, I guess."

"Well, my father designs and programs them for a few bands." I tugged on the pull-out, but it wouldn't budge, probably because it hadn't been used as anything but a sofa since the day we bought it.

"That's really cool. Any bands I'd know?" he asked.

"Probably not. Mostly country artists and Christian rock bands."

"Why would you think I wouldn't know of them? Is there something about me that screams heathen rock groupie or something?" Silas tugged on the sofa with me.

"No, of course not. I mean, it's not for everyone, I guess. Most people haven't heard of the bands so…This thing is really stuck," I said just when it came loose, tossing Silas and me to the floor. I landed on my butt while Silas landed on his side a bit hard.

"Ow, that's gonna hurt in the morning," he said, then rolled onto his stomach to lift up. Once on his feet, he offered me his hand. I took his hand and stood, coming face-to-face with him—well, if I were six inches taller, I would have been face-to-face, but instead I stared at his chest.

"Ells?"

"Hmm?" I asked and looked up. He ducked his head and kissed me, a sweet, gentle kiss. He released my face and pulled me into a hug. "Thanks for everything, Ells."

"What do you mean?" I asked, settling in.

"For everything. Giving me a chance when everyone else only sees me as trouble. For letting me be here for you, too."

There was something about him that made me want to share absolutely everything with him, and for some reason, it wasn't scary to be vulnerable with him. Maybe it was because there was nothing I could do or say that would overpower the crazy things he'd done and said, but I couldn't shake the feeling it was more than that…that something big was coming for us, and it might change everything about the future.

"Hey, can I take you somewhere special?" I asked.

"Special, you say?" he teased. He sat on the edge of the pull-out, checked to make sure it wouldn't swallow him whole, then slid back to lean against the cushions.

"Yeah, a place I like to go to relax and people watch, that sort of thing," I said.

"Hmm, sounds like a place you might take someone you want in your life for a long time?"

My throat dried, and I forgot how to speak English. I forgot the whole alphabet because I was pretty sure I was about to fall hopelessly, stupidly in love with my first boyfriend. How could I not when he was so sweet and gentle with me?

"You look like you might puke," Silas said, still sitting in his comfortable, laid back position. He looked a lot more like the Silas I knew from around school—casual, a little cocky, definitely ready for trouble of any kind, and probably the kind of guy who could squash my heart like a bug if I wasn't careful.

"No, I don't know what to say," I said.

He sat forward on the pull-out and erased the smirk from his face. The springs creaked under the shift in weight. "Listen, we haven't talked much, okay, like never before prom, but I really do like you, Ells. Even so, I would understand if this is all too much for you right now."

"What does that even mean?" I asked, confused by the look of concern on his face. His brow furrowed further, and he bit his lip.

"I'm a lot of trouble. I don't mean to be, I just am. I've kinda liked you for a little while, and I wanted to ask you out, but then everything happened with your mom. I guess I didn't ask because you were already dealing with a lot."

Oh, that. Everyone tiptoed around me when it came to my mother, and with good reason. It had ruined me for a while, but I was ready to move forward. And maybe that's why Silas was so right for me. He pushed me out of my safe space, but he did it in a way that still made me feel safe as long as I was with him. I cautiously sat beside him.

"It's new for me, but things with my mother don't influence everything in my life." I shifted to better explain, but WHAM!

The middle of the frame fell out, and the bottom folded beneath us, planting us both firmly on our butts, legs straight up in the air, folded like little people sandwiches. Silas flailed frantically to free himself from the bed while I waited patiently for him to chill out. He wiggled right, then he wiggled left, then he tried to pry it open before finally giving up.

"Are you done?" I asked.

"Yep." He huffed and relaxed.

"Okay, push me to the left." Silas pushed while I pulled, and after a moment, I emerged from the side of the monstrosity. I pulled the bed open, and Silas rolled out.

"I'll sit on the floor from now on, thanks." He stood and brushed the wrinkles from his shirt, not that it did much good considering it was also covered with dust now. He'd probably want to clean up before dinner. I knew I did, but my poor teenage girl heart begged for a resolution to the epic question left hanging in the air—was I or was I not falling for Silas Thomas?

PRESENT DAY

The front door slams shut, yanking me from my memories. The water has gone cold, so I get out of the shower and dry off, dress, and head to the main room to find Abbie. She's frowning and tossing her things on the table.

"Hey," I say. "Is everything all right?"

Her eyes meet mine and tears well in them. "I'm tired, that's all."

I definitely can't go back to school. That's the first thing that hits me when Abbie says she's tired. To care for a parent with dementia is more work than any one person can manage, especially at our age. I'd already decided to transition back home, and now it seems there's no way around it. I have to be here for my sister.

"Go take a nap. I'll pick Dad up this afternoon," I say.

She shakes her head, her blonde hair bouncing around her face. She's tired, no question, and it's easy to see on her face. She has dark circles under her eyes, pale skin when she's usually sun-kissed, and her whole body sags with the weight of the world.

"You're sick, Ella. You need to rest. I'll get Dad when it's time." She brushes hair from her face.

"I'm a lot better. I'll get Dad. You rest. I mean it."

She lets out a long sigh. "Actually, I'd like to sit and watch a movie with my sister. Is that okay?"

I chuckle and motion toward the living room. "Yeah, that's definitely okay. Sounds great, actually. I need to text Silas and tell him tutoring is a go for tomorrow."

She pauses, and I know what's coming. She'll give me the what-for about giving him another chance, but instead, she shocks me silly. "He's a decent guy, Ella. I never thought he would be, but he is. I wanted to tell you that you have my support, whatever you choose to do where he's concerned."

"What?" I ask, unable to control my mouth flopping open in shock.

"Yeah, you heard me right." She hands me her phone opened to her text messages. If there was any question where my heart stood on the matter of a future with Silas, his heartfelt words to my sister would have pushed it over the fence to all-in.

Silas

Hey, Abbs. I know you're worried, and you have every right to be, but I want you to know that I have no intention of hurting Ells again. Taking care of your father must be really difficult, but I'm here for you, too. Anything you need, please ask. I know you won't, but I mean it.

"When did he send you that?" I ask, glancing up at her.

"Earlier this afternoon. Did you scroll down?" She motions for me to continue reading, so I refocus my attention to the messages and find Abbie's reply.

You hurt her a lot. You broke her worse than Mom ever did, because with you, she didn't know what she did wrong. She spent months trying to figure it out, then Bethany died and she shut down for a while. It scared me, and I don't want that to happen again.

I take a breath and scroll for his response.

Silas

I loved her then and I still do. I was scared, but I'm not now. I'll prove it to you, too, because what I did didn't only impact her, I get that. I'm committed. I'm in this for the long term. The front porch needs painting, and I'm on it the first warm day of spring. The kitchen floor is waving, so I'll fix the boards. And if you need a break, say the word. I'll pick up the slack so you can take care of your father.

I blink through the tears, not sure what to say. There are two more messages, so I wipe my tears and read them.

Thank you. As crazy as this sounds, I do understand what you mean about being scared back then. I appreciate your offer, and if you don't mind hard work, we could use some help around the house.

Silas

Say when, and I'm there.

"Abbie, I…I don't know what to say except that it means a lot to me that you're willing to give him a chance."

She takes her phone back and shoves it into her bag. "I was hard on him back then. It was a dumb parade float that started it, and if I'd made him feel more welcome, things might have been easier for him with you. I can tell you still love him, and I want you to be happy, Ella."

"I want you to be happy, too. What can I do, Abbie? You don't have to do this alone. I want to help you with Dad, but you never tell me what you need."

"I know but—"

"No. Stop it. You're a year older than me. No more of that I'm older so it's my responsibility business. We do this together, starting with me transferring to a school closer to home."

"Ella—"

I put my hand over her mouth because she is two seconds from diving into a long monologue about what is right and what we should do. Her grey eyes narrow on me, but she relaxes, so I let go.

"I want to, Abbie. I need to be near my family again. I'm tired of running from everything that went wrong. It's time to stop living in the past and make a real future for all of us."