29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

TUCKER

I ran my fingers along Izzy's back as she turned another page in the pink baby book lying in front of us. Each time I couldn't help but be awed at the detail she'd put into it. Every page she could have done was complete. She'd written so much for Zoey to one day read, and now, we were reading by moon and candlelight, the candles from earlier half-buried in the sand around us.

Izzy had told our daughter our story, of our friendship and how I'd been her rock, her safe place to turn to when her dad had died. How she'd fallen for me first and how I'd been too stubborn to realize what I wanted. How it had felt when we'd finally gotten together.

She told her how we were so surprised and how nervous we felt when we learned she was on the way, and how Izzy had only fallen more in love at the first sound of her thrumming heartbeat. How I'd fallen just as in love with her when I felt her kicks, and I closed my eyes when I realized Izzy had written that part on that last day, just hours before we lost her, telling Zoey how her daddy had made picking out her name into a game .

She'd told our baby all the plans we'd made. How happy she was to be having a little girl and that she had an aunt and uncle and family just as excited to meet her.

The pages were filled with pictures, notes, and ultrasounds, and each one held something new for me to feel and to process.

When we reached the last page she'd filled out, Izzy looked over at me. "It doesn't seem right that we never got to finish this for her. Or that she'll never get to read it."

"I still think she knows how much we love her. She had to have felt it with the way you were when you were pregnant. She was lucky to have you for a mom. Even if that time got cut short."

Izzy smiled, and a single tear dripped down onto the blank page. "Thank you, Tucker."

I picked up the book and set it gently to the side next to a framed sonogram picture and a little outfit Izzy had chosen. The letter Patrick had written was tucked away safely in the box so it wouldn't blow away in the wind. Half our candles were out now because of it.

Once everything was to the side, I stretched out across the blanket and opened my arms for Izzy to join. She smiled and crawled over to nestle close, hooking one of her legs over mine as she draped an arm over me, her head resting on my chest. I curled an arm around her back, my fingers twirling the ends of the long chestnut strands that fell against her lower back.

Laying with her hadn't felt this peaceful in ages, and after some time passed, I shifted, moving to my side so I could kiss her lips. I looked into her bright eyes, finding a hint of something lingering there on the surface. "How are you doing?"

"Much better. I promise."

"But you're not really at peace yet, are you?"

"No," she admitted with a sigh. "But there are definite improvements."

"What can I do to help you get there?" The peace was great. An amazing relief, but I couldn't really enjoy it until I knew she'd pushed through everything, too. I tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "What do you think's still holding you back?"

ISABEL

I looked into the deep, swirling whiskey that was watching me with so much concern. Breaking the dam earlier had done wonders, revived parts of me I'd thought were lost forever, but truly letting go of Zoey was proving harder than I'd hoped.

I sighed, wishing I knew what to tell him. "I don't know, Tucker. I don't know what else there is to say. We've talked through our issues, we've gone over and through the things I kept of Zoey's, we've cried ‘til our heads hurt. Maybe we're just pushing it."

Tucker shook his head. "No. I don't think so. You're ready for this."

"Tell that to my head. And my heart." I rolled to my back on the blanket, frustrated. "I mean, what else can I do? I feel like we've done everything. "

The wind blew up from the water then, extinguishing another candle beside me just as Tucker's brow furrowed, and he turned, grabbing the baby book to hold it up over me.

"Closure."

I adjusted to rest back on my elbows, frowning up at it. "We've already gone through the book."

Tucker grinned, ever patient with me. "I know. What I mean is that you said it doesn't seem right that we never got to finish this. So, let's do it. Let's finish it, and when we're done, we can close it up and put it back in the box where it belongs."

"I don't want to just shut her away," I snapped. "We have to remember her."

"I know, princess. And we will. But this is us moving on. She'll always be there for us to remember. Just because her book is put away doesn't mean it can't ever be pulled out again. But we have to be able to pull it out to remember the good things, not the bad."

So much of what he said made sense, but it still hurt. He's right, though. Putting her book away doesn't mean we won't remember her. And as I thought about it, I had to admit that finishing the book would be the perfect way to say goodbye.

"Alright." I nodded, still convincing myself as I got up to retrieve a pen from the truck.

I settled back down beside Tucker, and the pen flew across the pages, the two of us telling our daughter how sorry we were that we lost her, that we'd never get the chance to know her and watch her grow. We told her how much we'd miss her and promised that she'd always be in our hearts .

We wrote about the pain of losing her, how we'd fought it, but now, it was time for us to let her go, and not to worry because she'd be a part of us forever.

Love, Mommy and Daddy was how we signed it at the end, and when I closed the book, a tear dropped from each of my eyes. I rested my head against the pink surface and inhaled as the ache in my heart relaxed, finally allowing me to breathe. It was as though Zoey was telling me she understood. That it was okay to move on, and to show it, she placed a balm on the last of my pain.

It felt so perfect, I couldn't help but cry.

Tucker flipped me to my back and knelt over me, placing his knees on either side of my thighs, his torso was so much taller than mine, and he brushed away my tears before sliding his fingers through the hair by my face. "I promise you so many babies."

I giggled at the promise. Damn right he was going to give me more babies…someday. "Good," I told him. "Because Zoey could use some brothers and sisters. I think she's getting spoiled from all the attention."

He kissed me at that remark, and his fingers tangled in my hair. I was back. We both felt it. Sure, it would still hurt to remember our baby. No parent should ever have to outlive their child. That was something that made permanent changes to the soul. Closure and acceptance may have helped us to heal our wounds, but there would always be an irreversible mark.

If only it was the only one.

As if Tucker was reading my thoughts, he gently pecked my lips, drawing back from our kiss, and met my gaze.

"Can I see it now, princess? "

"See what?"

He kissed my jaw. "The scar."

I tensed, and my hand went to my stomach where the permanent reminder of the accident was. But just as quickly as I covered it with my hand, I rescinded my doubts. I'd promised Tucker all of me. It included this.

TUCKER

When Izzy removed her hand, the apprehension resting in my gut eased. She finally trusted me enough for this. I wouldn't disappoint her.

Slowly, I slid the silk gown up her thighs, and she lifted her hips, letting me slide it above her navel. The scar wasn't really that high, but it wasn't as low as I'd thought either.

Taking a minute, I marveled at the slightly raised pink line that had been causing her so much stress and doubt. It was smaller than I'd imagined, but it was undeniably there. I gently brushed my fingers over it, feeling the slight difference in texture it had from the rest of her smooth, perfect skin.

Izzy covered her eyes with her hands, her body still tense. "It's ugly, isn't it?"

I shook my head as I ran my fingertips over the scar once again. "No. Not even close."

"I didn't want you to see it before. I was afraid you'd only think of Zoey and the accident," she finally explained. " It's what I always think of." It was hard to miss the struggle it was for her to admit that.

"It's a definite reminder, princess. It's a part of you just like she is. But right now, all I'm thinking about is you. How much courage it took for you to show me. How absolutely fucking beautiful you still are."

Her hands clasped, and she dropped them above her head in frustration. She didn't believe me.

I'd have to fix it.

"You are the most gorgeous fucking creature in the world." I leaned down to brush my lips against her, moving them back and forth to caress that pink mark. "Scars and all, you are breathtaking."

I pressed a kiss at the edge of the scar, leaving a trail of them along the sensitive skin, needing her to believe me, and when I felt her tension start to ease, I began kissing my way up her exquisite, moonlit figure, slowly peeling her gown away as I did.

She held her arms above her head when I finally pulled it off her body, and her mouth lifted to meet mine in a kiss. Lingering on her lips for several seconds, I dragged my mouth down to her jaw, brushing and caressing kisses along it to trail down her neck and her chest. Sucking each of her nipples into my mouth and swirling my tongue, loving the sounds she made with my attention to her body.

I kept a hand on her breast as I kissed my way down her stomach, making sure to brush my lips over her scar again before finally sliding down to lay between her thighs.

She'd always denied me this pleasure before, and I looked up, meeting her gaze to check one last time. When she gave me the tiniest nod, I took a finger, stroking it through her folds, and my eyes closed. She was so wet. Practically dripping. I slid my finger into her tight heat and then added a second, giving a few slow pumps before finally lowering my face to her gorgeous pussy. Still pumping my fingers, I slipped my tongue between her glistening folds, running it up to swirl around her clit, and Izzy gasped, her back lifting from the blanket.

I grinned, licking her again, but it was that sensitive nub that earned the best reactions, and I settled on it, assaulting it with my tongue.

"Oh, God," Izzy whimpered, one of her hands going up to cover her face as the other clutched her breast. My cock twitched to watch her, but I had more important tasks down below. "Harder, Tucker, please," she begged, that hand that covered her face reaching down to clutch my hair, and I increased the pressure, flicking my tongue faster and harder over her clit as I curled my fingers in her core.

Just two more strokes, and she cried out, her back arching from the blanket as she used her grip on my hair to ride my face. I latched on, never ending my assault until she finally pushed me away.

I rested my chin against her, looking up at her with a grin as she caught her breath. "Good?"

Izzy looked down, a laugh bubbling from her chest. "Again?"