26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

ISABEL

The ride home in Tucker's Chevy felt like forever. This was not the way the night was supposed to end. It was supposed to be a beginning, a revival, not the possible end to what still held me together.

The porch light was still on when I pulled up in front of the Pierce's house, so I knew someone was still up. I hoped his parents didn't hear me pull up, not wanting to explain why Tucker wasn't with me.

But fate was cruel tonight, like it often was now. I'd only made it a few feet down the wraparound drive when I heard the front door open.

Damn. I really didn't want Jenna to see me crying. That would lead to a whole quest for explanations I wasn't ready to give. I could just picture that conversation unfolding.

Jenna's face would soften into concern, and those creases Tucker had inherited would show in her brow. "What's wrong, sweetie? Do you want to come in and talk about it? "

And I'd have to shake my head, saying, "No, I really don't think you want to hear about how I tried to sleep with your son and freaked out just at the momentary thought of your dead grandchild."

Yeah. I held back a scoff. That conversation would not go well.

I kept walking instead, hoping whoever stepped outside wouldn't see me.

"Izzy?"

Crap. I winced, coming to a stop, and looked over at the porch where Chuck was watching me, still holding the paper he'd been reading. I waved, but it was only half-hearted.

He looked around. "Where's Tucker?"

"Probably at the party." The words caught in my throat at the end, and I swallowed, hoping he hadn't noticed.

He set a concerned look on my face, but it took him a minute, the quiet man never good with emotions. "You okay?"

I nodded.

"Alright." He turned around and went inside.

Releasing a breath of relief, I hurried across the street, doing my best to be quiet as I opened the door. I'd hoped sneaking up the stairs would be an option, but Mom was relaxing on the sofa, and she looked up when I came in.

One look at me and she was jumping up in alarm, her book falling from her lap to the floor. "What happened?"

"Nothing," I croaked, shaking my head. Mom was the last person I wanted prying right now.

"Don't lie," she chastised, walking towards me. "Is it Tucker? "

I stepped back, my eyes closing as I shook my head in a single harsh jerk. "Mom, don't… Not tonight, okay?" I somehow managed to plead. I couldn't even swallow to control the tears this time.

Mom had her arms around me in a second. I stiffened, pulling away from her touch, but then something inside me caved in, and I clutched myself to her embrace.

"Okay, baby. Okay. I'm sorry," Mom soothed. "You don't have to tell me. I've got you. Just cry."

And I did, my tears pouring down to soak her shoulder. Uncle Blake came in a few minutes later, but Mom shooed him away, pulling me over to the couch to hug me against her chest. My tears still didn't stop, so much emotion and fear rolled through me. Terrified that I'd lost my rock. My forever.

I cried until my eyes ran dry, and when the tears finally stopped, I felt numb to the pain, but there was a safety and a comfort there in Mom's arms I hadn't felt in so long. I was reluctant to move. To leave.

She stroked my hair back as I adjusted to lay my head in her lap, drinking in the comfort I'd allow myself for the night. Knowing I had to find a way to forgive her. Because as hurt and as mad with her as I was, I missed my mom.

"Why don't you go get ready for bed?" she suggested after a while, but I didn't move, knowing the empty room that was waiting for me tonight. "Is Tucker coming?" Mom gently asked.

My throat grew tight. "I don't know." Pushing myself up, Mom squeezed my hand, and we exchanged a small smile.

"I'm here if you need me."

I nodded and headed upstairs. But instead of going into the room I knew would be empty, I turned to the right where my old bedroom was waiting for me, everything in it almost as if I'd never left.

Stepping into the bathroom, I showered, letting the hot steam work its way into my emotionally exhausted body. It felt good when I finally let my hair down, and I rubbed my fingers into my tender scalp. It was sore but also a good pain, relieving the tension my hairdo had caused.

I wished all things hurtful could be that way. That when pain was left behind, all someone had to do was massage it away. But most pain was emotional.

And I've only been making it worse for Tucker. The thought made me sick. I'd honestly thought he was doing okay, way better than I was, at least, but I'd been wrong.

I thought back to those last words Tucker said. All or none. He'd been serious about that ultimatum, and it shouldn't have been too much to ask of me, to give him all of me. But even if I could find a way to do that, there wasn't much of me left to give.

A large part of me was gone, a gaping hole left behind. It was all I could do to survive at this point.

But I'm so tired of just surviving . I want to live again. My chest ached in longing at the thought.

I just didn't know how. And that was the most frustrating part of it.

Tears built up behind my eyes once again, and I held them shut under the running water to wash away the few that escaped. I was like a dam in this way. My body held in all the sobs my soul still felt, and when outside forces threatened the fissures in my heart, bits of my hurt would leak out.

It would make sense if the water behind the dam would lessen with all the draining I allowed myself in private, but it felt fuller now than ever, and the cracks felt every bit of pressure. I wondered how long before the dam would burst. Surely, the pain of that would crush me. I couldn't survive that. Especially without Tucker.

ANNIE

Slowly, I opened the door to my bedroom and peeked inside, something in me sensing where Izzy would be. She was curled up in her old bed, her back towards me, and even if our tether hadn't sent an ache throbbing in my chest, I knew it was bad.

I'd heard what happened from Tucker earlier, and Uncle Blake filled me in about what happened with her and Mom when I got home. Not to mention the vibe from just setting foot in our room. Gentleness was crucial. If only I could borrow some from Jet.

Easing the door shut behind me, I used the light from my sister's nightlight to cross the room.

"Izzy?" I stopped by my bed.

She didn't reply. She just lifted the covers, and I hurried over to crawl in behind her. We didn't say anything. I just wrapped my arm around my broken twin, sending all the soothing vibes through our bond that I could.

"Sis?" I eventually whispered when I felt her start to cry.

"I'm fine."

I sighed, not wanting to push. But I'd been stepping back for too long, aiding and abetting my sister's depression, and I just couldn't do it anymore. Too much was on the line now with Tucker's ultimatum. Part of me wanted to be mad at him, but then I remembered that day that we'd caught a glimpse of his pain. He was hurting, too. They were both broken.

"Izzy…don't try to lie to me. Don't shove everything down. That's the problem. I know what happened tonight, and I know you're not fine. You're not even remotely okay."

"I'm about as fine as I'm ever going to be again."

"Don't say that." I refused to believe I'd never get my sister back.

"It's true." Izzy turned into her pillow, tears still clear as she mumbled.

"No. You have to find a way to get past this. You can't keep doing this to yourself."

"Yes, I can," she argued, her words muffled in the pillow.

"No, you can't," I insisted, drawing on the last drops of patience I had for my sister's stubbornness. "Zoey is gone. Tucker's still here."

"For now," she choked out.

My heart squeezed in my chest, hating this pain that I couldn't take away from her. "You don't have to lose him." You'll never recover if you do.

Izzy shifted, turning her head to glance towards her shoulder where I could hear. "Tell me how to fix it," she pleaded softly.

I really didn't know. Izzy had pushed me away in so many ways these past months, clinging to Tucker. He was the key, I knew, but something was missing. I didn't know what to suggest that she hadn't already tried .

But has she really tried? Not as hard as she could. She was too busy stashing away memories that she couldn't bear to forget but was too afraid to pull out, deal with, and remember.

My eyes widened, the answer coming to me like a shot, and I hopped up to kneel and reach under the bed. Brushing away the dust bunnies as I pulled it out, I dropped the box on the bed at my sister's feet. "This is how you fix it."

I clapped my hands together to rid them of lingering dust and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. I couldn't wait to wash my makeup off.

TUCKER

"Thanks, man," I said, leaning with my back against the side of Jet's car with Nic. "Again." Jet was walking Annie home, and after everything that had gone down tonight, I wasn't in a rush to get home.

Nic stuck his hands in his pocket, his gaze on the ground. "I think I should be thanking you. You're the one that noticed the police cars approaching a party full of underage drinkers. Bad news for the guy who's already twenty-one."

"Yeah, I'll bet. You stopped Emma and I from drinking, though."

"Y'all had a rough night. I know the consequences."

I looked over, surprised at the tone in his voice. His gaze was harsh as he stared off into the dark. It almost looked like he wasn't really there .

"Your birthday's coming up, right?" I tried to ease the conversation, and Nic slowly nodded his head. "A few days after Jet's."

"Right. Annie usually plans some big thing for Jet, but it's right around graduation this year. I'm thinking Stef and Helen will put something together instead. I bet they'll include you."

Nic showed a slight grin. "Maybe, but I don't want to steal any attention from y'all."

"Did you just say y'all?"

Nic shrugged. "I can acclimate."

"You'll have to. We can't seem to get rid of you," I joked.

"I'm really thinking about staying. I just finished my program at Oxford a few months ago, and I've been thinking about continuing my education here. I think I can get the right VISA in time."

"Wow, really?" I held out my hand, and we fist bumped before tucking our hands back in our pockets. "That's awesome, and not to pry, but, why make such a big move? You've been here a while, yeah, but committing to school is talking years."

One of Nic's shoulders lifted slightly in a shrug. "I like it here for the most part. It's nice having family around besides just my dad, and I really needed a change of pace."

I frowned. "I hear you, but don't you have a life to get back to in London? What about your job? Your dad?"

"My job's remote, remember? And I have the resources to travel back for something if I need to. Just like my dad has the money to visit if he wants. As for a life to get back to…there are only remnants. The pieces aren't worth it." His expression faded into something serious, and my hand grabbed the back of my neck, dragging the grip down past my shoulder.

"Sometimes I feel that way, too. Except I know the pieces are worth it." I was just tired of trying to put them back together, exhausted.

"I'm sorry about what happened with Izzy earlier. I tried to let her know she needed to talk to you. I guess I wasn't clear enough. Or maybe I gave up too soon."

"You tried to tell me, too. Neither of us can listen, apparently."

"They're both kind of stubborn like that," Jet's voice carried through the dark as he walked up.

Nic pushed off the Mustang and took a few steps up the driveway. "I'll leave y'all to talk. Goodnight." He waved over his shoulder.

"Later."

"Night."

"Spill," Jet instructed as soon as Nic shut the front door.

"Nic's thinking about staying here for college."

"What?"

"Yep. He just told me."

"Well, Annie will love that. But it's good. He's dealing with something , and it gives me longer to get to know him." Then Jet fixed me with a stern stare. "But you're stalling."

"Fuck. Caught that, huh?"

"You're not subtle. And I know you. Now, talk."

"What if I lose her man? I never should've given her that ultimatum." I gave in. All or none. What was I thinking? She was about to break as it was. I may as well have just pushed her off a cliff with that one.

Jet shook his head. "You're not going to lose her. "

"How do you know?" I forced my sarcasm back. But Jet hadn't been in that room. He hadn't seen Izzy or heard the way I went off on her.

"Because I do. And you know it, too."

"What if the shit's just too big this time?"

"It's not. You just need to have patience. Y'all went through hell. It's not going to be an easy road back."

I scoffed. "No shit. Problem is, my patience is about gone. I'm at the end of my rope."

Jet shook his head again, and I had to dial back the urge to hit him. "Nope. You're going to be there for her when she's ready. She's just scared. So are you."

The fuck? "Of what?" I bit out, and Jet rolled his eyes.

"She's scared she can't handle it. You're scared you won't be enough to help her. And neither of you have the guts to break down those walls yet."

I shot Jet another glare. "You have no idea," I growled, shoving off his car to head home.

ISABEL

My hands pressed gently, hesitantly, against the lid of the decorative storage box. The last gift Daddy had lovingly crafted for me after getting sick. Annie's shower ran as background noise, my thoughts tumbling along with my emotions.

I hadn't seen this box in months. Since my eighteenth birthday when I'd added the last treasured item inside and tucked it away .

The thought of opening it was scary, the box itself something cherished yet filled with things hard to remember. I thought of the letter I'd stored safely inside, the fissures in my chest pulsing with the memory of the last words my dad left me. Right now, one memorized line struck home.

I wonder if that special guy has stolen your heart yet.

Poor Tucker. I was always hurting him. He'd stolen my heart, not even trying, and once I'd realized how he felt about me, too, I'd given it to him. Completely. It was his even before then. I'd just held it safe until he was ready.

Now, I was considering taking it back.

Crap , I was a bitch. I was just as selfish as Tucker had accused me of being. Didn't he deserve at least every ounce of my heart, of myself , that I could manage to salvage?

Of course, he does, and he deserved it long before now.

Steeling myself, I picked up the box, knowing what I had to do.

TUCKER

I'd expected my parents' house to be dark when I got home, but light carried out from the kitchen, and still not ready to head to my empty bed, I went to investigate.

"Son," Dad greeted. He was seated at the kitchen table, his newspaper spread out in front of him with a half-drunk cup of coffee .

"Dad." I nodded my head and went to yank open the refrigerator door, digging out a sports drink and then went to grab a bag of chips from the pantry before joining my dad at the table. I sank down into the chair, throwing my legs out as I tackled the cap on my drink.

Dad turned a page in his newspaper and folded it over before looking at me. "Do I want to know what happened tonight?"

I paused at the comment, a chip held just inches from my mouth.

"I saw Izzy," he explained when I just stared.

"Oh. No, not really." Not that I was ready to share. I popped the chip into my mouth, and Dad laid his paper on the table, downing what was left of his coffee.

"Alright." He pushed his chair back and stood into a large bear stretch. "Well, I'm hittin' the hay. Your mom got worried when I saw Izzy earlier and wanted me to wait up." He leveled me with a look, a last chance to talk before he headed to bed.

I just nodded. "Goodnight." I stuffed another handful of chips in my mouth and polished off the last of my drink, getting up to toss them in the trash before following Dad out of the room.

Maybe tonight I'll skip the nightmares.

I'd set one foot on the bottom step, Dad already halfway down the hall, when we both paused at a knock on the door. We looked at each other.

"You gonna get it?" Dad raised his brow.

"Sure." Why not? It's only three in the morning. Not weird at all. I pulled the door open, and Izzy blinked up at me from the doorstep, already dressed in her pajamas .

My stomach climbed to my throat. Why was she here now? Had she already made a decision? My palms began to sweat with panic. I wasn't ready for this tonight. Her rejection. I thought for sure I had until tomorrow, at least.

"Hey, whiskey. Hi, Chuck." She looked past me to smile at my dad.

"Hi, Izzy." Dad gave her a small smile back.

"I'm here to borrow your son for a while."

"I wouldn't expect anything less. I hope y'all work it out." He turned and headed off to the bedroom, leaving me standing awkwardly in front of the girl that had the power to break my heart tonight.

"So, where do you want to do this?" I forced the words out. "We could go up to my room. Mom might get annoyed, but Dad knows you're here, so…" I shrugged, my nerves bouncing around my stomach.

"Actually, I had another idea. If you're up for it." Her fingers twisted in the bottom hem of her top, telling me she was nervous, too. I didn't know whether to think that was good or bad.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Go change out of your tux, and meet me at your truck."

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

"Another surprise, then?" My tone came out dryer than I meant.

"Just go change, whiskey. I'll be waiting in the truck if you're coming." She spun away, her long hair flipping past me, and my head spun as her sweet scent of candy and honeysuckle filled the air .

I ran up the stairs two at a time. Whiskey. She'd called me whiskey. That was a good sign, and I clung to it for sanity.