20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

TUCKER

The look of panic on Izzy's face when I yelled kept passing through my thoughts, her terror eating at me as I stared up at my ceiling. I'd been furious. Hurt more than anything. I wasn't even sure if she understood why. Part of me was aching to check on her, but I couldn't yet. I was right about what happened today.

Facing her mom was hard, yeah, but when the twins had first pulled up, I could easily say that me fighting with Izzy was the last way I saw things going. I'd watched the twins climb out of their truck, hot and sweaty and exhausted after hours of their coping mechanisms, but they were radiant, determination set in their gazes over their pain, like two warriors preparing to march into battle.

And yeah, it definitely felt like a fucking battle. Just not the one I'd bargained for.

Annie had tried to be civil, in a way, but when Bridgette had ignored her warnings and pushed, it was like an explosion had gone off inside my girl, so much of what she'd been holding back coming out.

I'd kept my place at her side, showing my solidarity in front of her family, but it had been like a knife to my chest when she'd used my proposal to get back at her mom. The dig that followed from Bridgette hadn't felt good either.

I knew Izzy loved me, but I also knew that if I'd given her that ring today, it would have felt like a lie. Any other time she would have said yes, I'd have been shouting from the rooftops. This felt like an insult. I felt sick just thinking about it.

I rolled over in bed, my eyes falling to the clock. It was past two in the morning, but there was no way I was going to sleep. One of the few moments I'd managed around midnight, I'd been jerked awake, those images that haunted me so often during the day tormenting me even in my dreams.

The others thought that it was me that helped Izzy sleep. For me, it was the other way around. Tonight was going to be rough.

Itching to do something that might drive back my thoughts and the memories, I threw the covers back and went to sit on my weight bench, popping my Airpods in along the way.

Eminem's Till I Collapse filled my ears, and I let the intense beat take over, pumping my weights until all I felt was the welcome strain in my muscles and adrenaline coursing through my body.

When I'd finally found some relief and set my weights aside, I headed for the shower, trying not to think about the last time I'd had Izzy in here with me, her lithe, perfect form pressed against the wall, water falling over her body as I licked the drops from her sweet skin. The way her legs shook as I brought her to orgasm again and again.

Fuck, I miss her. I missed us . We'd been starting to get it back this past month. Izzy rarely denied me anymore, her mouth and hands only getting better at caressing my dick the more experience she got. But other than her chest, her body was off limits to me.

I wished she could trust me. I didn't care about her scar. Any emotional ones, yes, no question, but the physical? The second she let me, I'd worship every inch of her.

Hard as a rock now but not even interested, I stepped out of the shower, throwing a towel around my waist as I headed back to my room. My gaze immediately fell to my phone on the bed as Annie's name lit up the screen.

I practically lunged to grab it.

"Hey," I answered, a whooshing sound pounding through my ears as I waited for her to speak.

"Hey. Look, I know you're mad. I don't even blame you. I probably would be, too, but it's bad, Tucker. Really bad. You need to come over."

I was throwing on sweats and out the door in seconds.

Using my key to get in, I ran up the stairs and found Izzy curled in a ball, tears rushing down her face as she gasped for air. My heart lurched in my chest. This was worse than bad, rougher than usual, and I pushed past Blake and Bridgette to get to my girl.

Annie let go of her sister and crawled off the bed when she saw me coming, and I threw Izzy's covers back to scoop her into my arms. She immediately clung to me, her fingers pressing to my bare chest as her head buried into my shoulder, and I shot our audience a glare as I carried her from the room. This . This was what they were asking her to endure by wanting to kick me out.

You left her tonight.

My thoughts took a minute to torment me. Well, I wasn't fucking letting her down again. I'd just reached the stairs when Archer opened his door, his small hands scrubbing the sleep from his eyes, and I inwardly cursed. This kid had seen enough drama today and been through enough shit in his life. He didn't need to see his sister breaking down. A hand pressed to my back, and I looked over my shoulder to find Blake, his face a mask of concern.

"In there." He pointed to the guest room.

My eyes narrowed. "I'm not leaving her."

"I know."

I marched past him and used my foot to shut the door as I brought Izzy into our room. "It's okay, princess. I'm here," I murmured in her ear as I carried her over to the bed, street lamps from outside shining just enough through the windows for me to see. The covers were rumpled and thrown back, and I laid her down, my arms never leaving her as I crawled in to wrap my body around hers.

I reached down, bringing the covers over us, and Izzy pressed herself to me, throwing her leg over my hips to pull me closer, like she was terrified I would leave. Her nails suddenly dug into my chest, and I grunted, her body still trembling. I reached between us and took her hand in mine to gently pull it free, then brought it up to my lips to press a kiss to each of her knuckles.

"I'm not leaving. I promise. You're okay. "

She nodded, gulping a deep, ragged sigh, and dragged her hand back down between us, tucking it against her chest and mine. I wrapped my arm around her back, cupping her neck beneath her hair as I pulled her as close as I could, encasing her. Wanting all of her doubts gone. I wasn't leaving again.

Eventually, her breathing started to ease, and her muscles soon followed. My own body was already relaxed, holding her close easing the knots and the nightmares that had plagued me when I was alone. I listened to her steady breathing as she finally lost the battle to sleep and let the calming rhythm lull me into my own, my heart beating content as I fell asleep in her arms.

The next morning came way too early, something stirring me from sleep. I drew in a deep breath, not ready to get up. It was Sunday. If we went to church, it wasn't until ten, and I didn't have to be at work until one. Izzy was still wrapped in my arms, her body soft and inviting. It was reason enough not to get up, and I buried my nose into her hair, drinking her in as I tried to drift back to sleep.

"I don't want this for her, Blake. She's too young. They both are." Bridgette's voice carried through the closed door, and I held back a groan. Where the fuck were they? On the damn stairs?

"Bridge…I know it's hard to hear this, but your girls grew up a lot this past year. They've been growing up ever since Patrick got sick, and with you gone, they had to learn to really survive on their own. They're not children anymore. "

"They're eighteen , Blake."

"Exactly. They're eighteen. Do you not remember what that was like? What you put Mom through? Except Izzy's been through so much more than you had at her age. Did you not see her last night?"

"I did." Bridgette's voice stressed as it broke. "Of course, I did. But it can't always be that bad, right? They fought yesterday. Maybe that was it."

There was a pause where I could picture Blake giving his sister a look. "That wasn't just from a fight, and I think you know that."

"So, I'm just supposed to allow Tucker to stay here? Chuck and Jenna should have told me this was going on."

"So you could do what about it? Come home before you were ready?"

"No. I just… I feel like I've failed them, Blake. All of them. I know I have. Patrick would be so disappointed in me if he was here." I heard the dejection and regret bleeding through her words and wondered for a moment if I should wake Izzy up. If it would do her any good to hear her mom, but when she shifted a bit in my arms, her head adjusting on my chest, I realized she was already awake.

"Patrick would love you if he was here. No matter what." Blake's voice was firm. "But you have to do what's right for Izzy. She needs help, Bridge, and if having Tucker here at night makes things easier for her, then I think you should consider it."

"Oh, God. Maybe you're right."

"He is." Annie's voice rang clear next, though it dripped with aggravation. "You don't know what it's like, Mom. Izzy doesn't sleep when Tucker's not here. Yeah, last night was bad, but them sharing that room? That's what's helped her keep going. She's getting better. Slowly, but she is. You honestly think I'd suck up being left alone with my own nightmares if it wasn't what was best for her?"

"Annie…" Bridgette said as Izzy flinched.

"No. I wasn't trying to make this about me. I've got my own shit to deal with, but I'm telling you, if you try to separate those two, you're going to lose Izzy even more than you already have. And where's Archer?"

"In my room. He saw Izzy last night."

"Perfect." Sarcasm dripped from her voice. "And just so y'all know, talking in Archer's doorway is not quiet." She padded back down the hall and slammed her bedroom door.

There were a few scrambled murmurs, and then I heard footsteps heading down the stairs. Izzy and I both laid still several minutes into the quiet before I finally broke it.

"How much did you hear?"

"Most of it. Maybe all of it. You did that leg stretch thing again and woke me up."

I did?

"You okay?"

Several seconds passed before Izzy softly murmured, "That depends."

"On what?"

"If you leave me."

"I'm right here." I gave her a gentle squeeze.

"No, I mean for good," she said, her voice soft and timid with her fear .

"What are you talking about?" I pulled back a little to look down at her, just in time to see tears well in her eyes as she looked away.

"I don't want you to take back your proposal. I was wrong for what I did yesterday, but I do want it. But you were right. I'm still not ready. Just like they said, I'm too messed up. I'm trying not to be, but I am."

My heart lurched, hearing the pain I'd caused her, all from the way I'd left yesterday, and I cradled her chin between my thumb and index finger, bringing her sad gaze to mine. "We're both messed up, but you're a beautiful mess. My mess. Don't worry, princess, my proposal's still waiting. I'll wait as long as you need me to. I'm here when you're ready."

Tears spilled down her cheeks, and she pulled me down into a tongue tangling kiss.