14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

ISABEL

"Are you okay, Izzy?" Tammy's brow furrowed in concern when I got to work the next week.

"I'm fine." I placed my purse behind the counter and pulled up the screen on the computer to clock in. I was lying through my teeth, but I did not want Tammy or Gemma to figure out how messed up I was right now. The last thing I wanted was to go home.

Not after all the crap Annie and Tucker just gave me. And Nic just stood there giving me that stupid know-it-all look. And Jet… Well, he's the worst, telling me I'm hurting Tucker more than myself? He didn't storm out because he was hurting. He just didn't like it when I told him no. I wasn't quitting.

"Izzy? Are you sure, because—"

"No, I'm fine, Tammy. I promise. Just a rough day, but I'll be fine with the babies."

The older, round woman gave me a concerned, skeptical look. "Alright then, hon. I'm going to the kitchen. It's almost time for snacks. "

I forced a smile. Working in the toddler room with Tammy was great, but I loved the days I worked in the infant room the most, like today. That was when the ache in my chest eased the most, until I left, but it was worth it.

I finished clocking in, relieved when Tammy headed to the back and I didn't have to work so hard to hide. Once, even Jenna and Helen had joined my friends, ganging up on me about working here before I left for my shift, and I'd shown up such a mess that I'd had to spend nearly ten minutes convincing the sweet woman I'd be okay, pleading with her not to call Gemma, Leo's sister and our boss. All I needed was for word to get back to Leo that I was cracking.

It was easiest to hide it with him, when I could lose myself in dance.

I headed off to the room that would make my world okay for a few hours, feeling the throb in my chest relax within seconds at the sight of the precious little ones in their bouncers and play mats. One of them squealed when she saw me, holding out her arms, and I quickly scooped her up. I was far from cracking while I was here. It was mostly when people pressed me. But no one seemed to understand, and I didn't know how to make them.

JE T

I sat back on my bed and leaned against the headboard, holding my arm out for Annie, and she crawled up next to me, chewing on her bottom lip. I didn't blame her for worrying. What had gone down today had been rough.

Izzy had snapped at all of us when we'd tried to talk her out of going into work, which was usual, but it was Tucker's reaction that had thrown everything into perspective. He was nowhere close to doing as okay as any of us had thought. I'd gone after him, but not even several rounds of basketball drills in his driveway had done any good. He wasn't opening up.

I tagged in Nic next when he offered, honestly needing the reprieve.

My fingers absently stroked the soft, tan arm that was draped across my waist, the smell of apples filling my senses as I rested my head against Annie's. Part of me wanted to react to having her so close in my bed, but there was too much else to think about. Too much to hold in balance.

"When did life start to suck so much?" Annie muttered against my shoulder.

"About the time we lost Zoey. Or even when your dad passed away."

Annie sat up, looking at me in shock. "Did you seriously just say that?"

"What am I supposed to say, sweetheart? It's the truth. Life's been an uphill battle since your dad got sick, and we all just tumbled into the deep end after Zoey."

Her face crumpled, and she closed her eyes to take a deep breath. I instantly felt like an ass, pulling her back to me, but she pushed away .

"No. You're right. It's just that things were getting better, but then Zane caused that damn accident, and we can't even do anything about it. And then Mom…" She paused, her throat tight by the way she swallowed.

I took her hand, caressing her palm with my thumb. "Have you thought about going to visit her?"

Her eyes popped open in a glare. "Did she think about how she'd be leaving us when she overdosed?" Tears gathered at the edges of her eyes, and God, I was a jerk for ever thinking my problems compared to hers. She took a deep breath, her voice shaky. "I know I should, babe. I know I should go see her, but I just can't."

"Okay, sweetheart. It's okay." I pulled her into my chest, and this time, she wrapped her arms around me, letting her tears fall onto my shirt. At some point, she fell asleep, and I pulled out my phone as a text came through, running my hand along her back while she slept.

Ruby: Hey, what's up?

Me: Hanging out with Annie. You?

Ruby: About to head to work. Doing the waitress gig tonight. You should come by.

Me: It's been kind of a rough day. Maybe another time.

Ruby: No problem. You going to be at the races this weekend? Haven't seen you on the track in a few weeks.

I dropped my head back against the headboard. There just hadn't been time, but fuck, it sounded exactly like what I needed.

Me: I'll be there. Gotta get my fix.

Ruby: Yes! Love it! Can't wait.

I dropped my phone to the bed then and turned on the TV for a distraction until Annie woke up and I could get out to the garage with my car, my hands itching to get under the hood.

ANNIE

I wasn't sure what woke me, but I was surprised when I reached out to find that Jet wasn't there. My eyes opened, and I shot up in bed.

"What the hell?"

Nic smirked, shutting the dresser drawer. "Relax, I was just grabbing a change of clothes."

"Shirtless." I felt the need to point out.

"I was playing ball with Tucker. It's hot out." He shrugged, moving to the closet, and I scrambled from the bed to go find Jet, walking straight into his chest as he came around the doorway from the bathroom.

"You're up." He smiled, and I glared.

"Yeah, just in time to find your half-naked cousin walking around while I was asleep."

Jet raised an eyebrow, glancing between the two of us.

"I'm just getting clothes to go take a shower," Nic said, his tone deadpan. "You'd think she'd never seen a man's chest before."

My eyes flashed, and Jet actually shot him a look that time. "Watch it."

"This, babe." I huffed, throwing an arm out. "This is why he drives me nuts. He just has to get a dig in, every time. "

"Like you haven't run your mouth off every chance you get." Nic slung a shirt over his shoulder, crossing his arms over his bare chest with a glare.

"Okay. Enough." Jet stepped between us before I could retaliate. "I'm sick of it. You're both at fault, and it's getting really fucking old. You know she's my girlfriend, and she's not going anywhere." He looked at Nic before turning back to me. "And you know how important it is for me to get to know my cousin. Why I want to get to know him, but you're making it really fucking hard, Annie. Both of you are." He glared between us again. "So for the sake of everyone that has to be around y'all, can y'all get the sticks out of your asses and learn how to deal with each other?"

My mouth dropped open, but no words would come out. Because I didn't think Jet had ever spoken to me like that. He glanced at me, seeing my shocked expression, and then turned away.

"Y'all figure it out. I'll be in the garage."

It was probably a whole minute that I stood there processing before Nic cleared his throat. Reluctantly, I looked at him, glad to see he had the decency to look chagrined.

"So…"

"So…" I repeated, and sucking in all my pride, I held out a hand. "Truce?"

Nic looked genuinely surprised for a second but then seemed to consider the offer. "I suppose we should try . For Jet. It would have to be a joint effort, though."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm pretty sure that's what a truce entails."

Nic's lips pressed together, and he slowly raised his hand to clasp mine. "Truce."

After stopping by the garage to smooth things over with Jet, I left him with Nic to work on his Mustang and headed over to Tucker's, not eager to head back to an empty house.

"Hey, you in here?" I peeked my head through his door, spotting him at his desk.

"Hey, Annie, come on in." He motioned without looking up, waving a pencil over his shoulder. "I'm just trying to figure out these last few calculus problems."

I stepped inside, crossing the room to flop down on one of the giant beanbag chairs in front of his TV. "I already finished mine. You want the answers?"

"Nope. I'm good."

I turned on a playlist on my phone, letting Taylor Swift fill the room while I waited for Tucker to finish.

"Did you need something?" he asked, giving me an irritated glance.

"No. Not really. Just didn't want to go home." I let the meaning behind that hang in the air, and several quiet seconds passed before Tucker replied, understanding touching his tone.

"So, checking on me was the next best thing. Guess I'm on everyone's list now."

I scoffed, rolling my head against the bean bag to face him. "We all should be on someone's list right now."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I just set Jet off." I sighed, and Tucker's eyes widened. "Yep." I popped the p. "All because Nic and I can't stop fighting, and Jet is fed up." Tucker shut his calculus book and came to sit on the beanbag next to mine.

"Y'all okay? Are you okay?"

"I will be. Though I was forced to make a truce with Nic." I made a face, and Tucker grinned.

"He's really not bad, Annie."

I just pressed my lips together and then remembered why'd I'd come over in the first place, reaching over to smack Tucker in the arm.

"Shit. Jeez." Tucker rubbed the already red handprint. "He's not ."

"That wasn't for that. It was for not telling anyone how screwed up you are over your baby."

"Well, no shit, Annie. Wouldn't you be if you lost a child?"

"I don't know," I snapped back. "I've never had one. But I did lose a niece."

Tucker gave me a sideways, sarcastic glance. "Try multiplying that by about a million."

My eyes softened as my heart clenched. "That bad, huh?"

"Fucking awful. Don't you remember how Izzy was? How we both know she probably is underneath it all…" I watched Tucker's hand reach for the back of his neck, gripping in a tight hold.

"It hit you that hard, too, didn't it?" I'd never realized it before. I'd been so worried about Izzy, but after today, it was obvious. All I'd done was tell Izzy to stop using the daycare as a crutch, that Zoey was gone and she'd have to deal with it sooner or later, when a look crossed Tucker's face that I never wanted to see again .

I groaned at the memory of it now. I might as well have been Mateo talking in Jet's living room this afternoon. I'd have to apologize to Izzy later, too. Even if what I'd said had been right, it had come out way too harsh.

Tucker looked away, a mask falling over his features that I seriously didn't know how I'd missed before. "Let's just not talk about it, okay?"

The softness left my expression. "Alright. If you want to be like Izzy about it, fine. I'm sorry for how I said what I said, but it's only a matter of time until one or both of you snap, and the rest of us can't just not talk about it forever just to spare y'all."

"Annie, if all you're going to do is make me feel like shit, then you need to just leave. I got enough shit about needing to talk today from Nic. Not to mention all the pressure Izzy and I get from counseling with Ms. Lane to talk. "

"Then maybe you should."

"Maybe I don't know how to. Because saying one wrong thing in front of your sister will crush her all over again, and all I want to do is focus and train and forget ."

I blinked, surprised at the admission I wasn't sure he'd realized he'd made. I debated then, not sure what to say, but then I realized it was the first time he had talked, that he'd said anything he'd needed. I hopped up and held out a hand.

"Come on."

"What?"

"I'll shut up about it. You won't hear another word from me today, but if you're feeling anything like me right now, we've got to get up and do something, or I'll go crazy, and I know just the place. Are you game? "

He jumped up. "Lead the way."

ISABEL

I hurried over to one of the cribs and lifted the crying baby girl gently into my arms. She was so tiny, only a couple of months old, and she melted into my chest as I soothed her. After a bottle and a diaper change, I sat down in the rocker in the corner of the room, rocking gently back and forth as I hummed a soft tune to soothe the little one back to sleep.

Softly, I stroked the baby's face with the back of my finger. Chloe yawned and nestled further into my arms, sound asleep.

My heart pounded in my chest. This little one was new, and I was in love.

She looked just how I imagined my little girl would have, with such pretty brown eyes and hair, and she'd get such cute crinkles in her brow when she cried, just like Zoey would have gotten from her daddy. Her name even rhymed.

Tammy poked her head in the door. "Chloe's mom is here for her, hon."

I sighed and stared down at the soft, angelic face. Heaven was always temporary.

With all the little ones now gone, I prepared myself for the ride home. I didn't even listen to the radio today. It never made the after effects of my job any easier, and I knew today's would be worse than any I'd experienced yet.

The throbbing took hold of my chest before I'd even made it down the street, but I clung to the memory of holding that little girl. It was so worth the steady ache I knew I'd be enduring the rest of the night, especially with Tucker mad at me, but perhaps it would be better by morning.

By the time I got home, my hands were shaking, and I went up to my old bedroom for a quick shower to try to calm my strangely extra frazzled nerves, sinking to the floor of the tub as I stifled my tears against my knees.

I knew seeing Tucker would help soothe the tremors when the shower didn't help, but if he saw me like this, it would just prove his point. And I had my pride. I sent him a text to say I was tired, wondering if he'd even come to our bed tonight, and curled up on my old bed with my Kindle, ignoring how it trembled between my hands.

Just as my mind began to wind itself up in the story, Annie came barging in. Her eyes widened for just a moment before she corrected her expression and smiled. "Hey, I wasn't expecting to see you in here."

Some part of my brain caught the message behind that, and guilt flickered through me. I just didn't know how to balance my life anymore. Tucker was my air, my rock, but this was my sister . I laid my Kindle down on the bed. "I'm sorry. I should try to stay in here more often."

Annie's shoulders dropped, and she went to sit on the edge of her bed to face me. "You have tried. We both know how that turns out. I miss you and sharing this room with you, but at night…you need Tucker. It's hard, but I get it, sis. "

Guilt still ate at my middle. "Any idea how Tucker is?" I hedged the question, afraid of the answer after everything that happened this afternoon.

"He's…dealing. We went out and smacked some baseballs around to clear our heads. I think he's doing okay now. We just got back."

"And what? Y'all didn't believe my text, and he sent you to check on me?"

Annie rolled her eyes. "I swear. Between the two of y'all today… I didn't even realize you were home, but I do want to say that I'm sorry about earlier."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Tucker's sorry he upset you, too. So is Jet."

I nodded. "But y'all aren't sorry that y'all give me a hard time in the first place."

"We're just trying to help."

"Well, y'all need to stop. It's none of your—"

"None of my business. I know." Annie threw her hands in the air. "Fine. Whatever. I just wanted to apologize and tell you that you really do need to check in on Tucker."

I frowned at that and sat up. "Is he really that bad?"

Annie shook her head. "We didn't really talk. I just know he needs you, sis."

I swallowed, tears trying to gather in my eyes. "Okay."

"Are we okay?" Annie bit her lip as she looked at me, and I quickly scooted up to sit by the pillow, patting the bed beside me. Doing my best to hide my still trembling hands. I needed my twin. Annie beamed and rushed over. "Thank God. Because I've got so much to tell you."