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13. Tracy

13

Tracy

Two days before Christmas, I got off work at ten p.m. and walked a few blocks to visit Vee at his new job. He was working the front desk at an art deco-style boutique hotel, and as a new hire, he'd been assigned the overnight shift.

I barely recognized him when I stepped into the lobby. He'd dyed his hair back to its original black and had slicked it into a stubby ponytail, and he was wearing a light blue Oxford shirt and khakis, along with a plastic name tag. The only sign of the Vee I knew was his jewelry. It wasn't the big, eclectic collection he usually wore, but his bohemian stud earrings, beaded bracelet, and silver rings let a tiny bit of his personality shine through.

As soon as I stepped through the door, he yelled, "Tracy!" Then he rushed around the mahogany counter and grabbed me in a hug as he said, "It's so good to see you, dude. It's been ages!"

"It's always good to see you too, but it actually hasn't been that long. We saw each other when Ever and I came to dinner last Sunday."

"Oh, right." He dropped onto a green velvet chair and sighed. "Time's been dragging since I started working here."

"I'm surprised you took this job. You said you left the resort on Catalina Island because you needed a change, but now you're basically doing the same thing at this hotel."

Vee slumped and admitted, "I haven't told you the whole story of why I left Catalina. Sage and I were dating, and when it fell apart I had to get out of there."

"Why didn't you tell me you'd started dating your best friend?"

"When we first started hooking up, we decided to keep it a secret. I guess we didn't know how to explain it to anyone. Then it got really intense. We began spending all of our time together, and I loved every minute of it.

"But this was during the summer. As you know, Sage is close to finishing his PhD in marine biology, and when school started in the fall, everything changed. It wasn't that he got too busy for me. I fully expected his time to become very limited, and I was fine with that. But once he was back in school and working toward his degree, it was this huge reminder of how totally different our lives are. He's ambitious, driven, and career-focused, and I'm… well, me. We didn't make sense as a couple. There's so much he wants to accomplish, and I'd only be holding him back."

"So, you broke up?"

"Not at first. We tried to dial it back to friendship, but it was too painful after all we'd shared. Finally, I had to leave. It was the only way my broken heart would ever heal."

"Are you still in touch?"

Vee nodded. "We said we'd remain friends no matter what, and we both meant it. But it's not like it was before. Our texts are polite and impersonal, and it sucks. His friendship meant everything to me, and we ruined it."

"I'm so sorry you're going through this."

"And I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I actually hadn't told anyone, because it hurts to talk about it. But bottling it up isn't doing me any favors."

We talked for a few more minutes, until a ringing phone sent him running to the front desk. Once he finished the call, I opened my backpack and gave him the package of baked goods I'd come here to deliver.

I knew he had to get back to work, so I said, "I'd better get going, but if you need anything or want to keep talking, please call me." Vee always seemed like he didn't have a care in the world, but now that I knew he'd been keeping his real feelings hidden, I hoped he'd keep confiding in me.

"I will." He walked me to the door and gave me a hug as he murmured, "Thanks for listening, Tracy."

"Any time."

I replayed our conversation as I walked to the bus stop. Hearing about him and Sage had been a real surprise. They'd been the best of friends, and I never would have thought anything could come between them.

In a lot of ways, what Vee had told me felt like a cautionary tale. While Ever and I weren't in exactly the same situation, I saw a lot of parallels between our story and theirs. One part that stood out was that they'd thought they could dial it back to a friendship, but it had failed miserably. It would feel like a huge loss if that happened to Ever and me.

I didn't want to let those worries spook me, though. Instead, I wanted to live in the moment and enjoy this, for as long as I possibly could.

When I got home, sweet, thoughtful Ever was waiting for me, dressed all in red, from his shorts and tank top to his Santa hat. He handed me a cup of cocoa with a candy cane sticking out of it and said, "It's cold out, so I made you this to warm up."

"Thank you. Is this something healthy disguised as cocoa?"

"No. I mean, I used almond milk and added an extra dash of protein powder, but the rest is pure chocolatey goodness. I know I can be overly regimented when it comes to food, but I've resolved to dial it back for the next couple of days. As I've said before, it's perfectly okay to indulge sometimes, especially at Christmas."

I followed him into the living room and murmured, "Wow, this is so festive." He'd strung little white lights all around the room, hung three stockings on the mantel for us and Phil, and placed a tree-shaped plushie on the coffee table.

"Phil has always killed any actual trees and ornaments I've tried to put up, but he can't do anything to our stuffed tree." To illustrate his point, Ever pushed the tree over. It had a rounded, weighted base, so it sprung right back up again.

"Genius."

The cat in question was sitting on the couch, looking as disgusted as ever. His T-shirt was printed to look like Santa's suit, and there was a tiny felt Santa hat with a chin strap on his head. As I sat down beside Phil, I said, "I can't believe he let you put that hat on him."

"He doesn't mind hats. He actually has a whole collection, but they're packed away somewhere."

There were two small gifts beside the tree, and I grinned and asked, "Did you actually wrap presents for Phil?"

"Of course. They're hidden in my room, because I don't want him to see them yet."

"Then what are those?"

"They're for you. I think you should open them tonight, since you'll be working on Christmas morning."

I shot him a look and reminded him, "We agreed not to buy each other anything."

"I know, but I couldn't help myself."

I took a sip of cocoa before putting it on the coffee table and standing up. "Be right back."

"Where are you going?"

"To get your gift."

"You bought me something, after we agreed not to?"

"Like you, I couldn't help myself."

While I was in my room, I changed into a clean T-shirt and sweats. Then I returned to the living room and handed him a large gift bag. "I suck at wrapping. Phil's gift is in a bag, too, but I guess we're waiting to give him his stuff."

"You bought my cat a present?"

"Obviously."

Ever flashed me a huge smile, kissed my cheek, and shook the gift bag. "Can I open this now?"

"Quit shaking it. And yes, go ahead. I hope you like it."

He grabbed a fistful of red and green tissue paper and threw it over his shoulder. Then he peered into the bag and carefully removed the album it contained. It was a vintage copy of Cheap Trick's Heaven Tonight , signed by all four founding members of the band. He murmured, "Oh my god," as he ran his fingertips over the signatures. "This is my favorite band."

"I know."

He carefully placed the record on the coffee table, and then he grabbed me in a hug and whispered, "Thank you so much, Tracy."

"You're welcome." He kept holding on to me. When he drew a shaky breath, I asked, "Are you crying?"

He sat back and quickly wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "No."

"It's fine if you are. I'm not going to judge you."

"Okay, maybe I teared up a bit. That's the most thoughtful gift anyone's ever given me. It's also the only present I've received in like, the last decade that wasn't from colleagues, clients, or my employees. I don't mean to sound ungrateful for that stuff, but there's a big difference between a gift from the heart and one from a person who feels obligated to give you something."

"I'm glad you like it."

"I love it," he said. "I feel guilty though, because you must have spent a lot of money on this."

"It wasn't that bad." Okay, so it was more than I'd ever spent on a gift in my life, but I knew it would make Ever happy, so I had to buy it for him. "Can I open mine?"

"Sure, but they're going to seem cheap compared to yours. Also, they both come with an explanation."

He handed me the two small packages. They were perfectly wrapped in colorful paper printed with cats in Santa hats, and each gift was tied with a red satin bow. "They're not going to seem cheap. Also, this is an impressive wrapping job."

"I watched a YouTube video for tips." Ever looked like he was proud of himself. He pointed to the smaller, heavier box and told me, "Open that one first." I removed the wrapping and revealed a compact, beautifully bound book of poetry by Pablo Neruda. Its dark red canvas cover was decorated with vines and leaves outlined in gold.

"That must seem unbelievably cheesy," he said. "But I know you love to read, so I tried to find a gift for you in an antiquarian bookshop. I remembered enjoying Neruda's poetry when I was in school, so when I saw that with its pretty cover, I thought you might like it."

"I absolutely love it. Thank you." I kissed his cheek, which made him smile.

"Because I was feeling like a total cheeseball, I went to the Castro after the bookshop. My goal was to find the least sappy gift possible, to balance out that book of poetry. I think I succeeded."

The second box was a very light, slim rectangle. I unwrapped it carefully to preserve the paper and opened it to reveal a very skimpy pair of red briefs. When I held them up and turned them over, I discovered a big, oval opening in the back, which was going to put my ass on full display when I wore them. I teased, "You hate my five-for-ten-bucks briefs."

"Not true! You make them look hot. You don't own anything like this though, and I thought it might make you feel good to dress in something ultra-sexy."

"Well, thank you again. I'm going to spring these on you when you least expect them."

"I look forward to it."

As I arranged my presents neatly beside the stuffed tree, I asked, "Did you happen to get yourself anything while you were at the sexy underwear shop?"

"As a matter of fact, I did. I almost got us matching briefs in different colors, but that seemed too cutesy, so I got myself something else."

"When do I get to see it?"

"Right now, if you want."

"You're wearing it?" When he nodded, I said, "Show me."

"Love to." He got up and moved the coffee table to one side of the room. Then he took his phone from his pocket and tapped the screen a few times before asking, "Did I ever tell you how I supported myself right after I got out of the Marines?"

"No, you didn't."

"I was feeling the need to cut loose, so I found a job in a club, doing this." He grinned at me and tapped his phone before setting it aside.

Cheap Trick's "I Want You to Want Me" started to play, and he took off his Santa hat and tossed it to me. Phil didn't like that, so he jumped off the couch and stalked away.

Then Ever launched into an unbelievably sexy strip tease. I admired his total lack of inhibition. He was so free and confident as he danced for me.

Even though he was only wearing two pieces of clothing, he made it last with the finesse of a burlesque performer. Finally, when there was less than a minute left to the song, he stripped down to a smoking hot red jock strap, straddled my thighs, and gave me a lap dance that made my cock throb.

When the song ended, he turned to me with a grin that was just the tiniest bit self-conscious. I whistled and applauded, and he bowed with an exaggerated flourish. I got to my feet and told him, "You're amazing."

He said, "You're pretty amazing yourself," before drawing me into a lingering kiss.

Pretty soon, he started tenting the front of that little jock, so I guided him onto the couch and dropped to my knees. His breath caught when I pushed that little scrap of fabric aside and wrapped my lips around his cock.

As always, it was incredibly gratifying to watch him react to what I was doing. Every moan, gasp, and quiver meant I was making him feel good, and it made me want to try harder and make him feel even better.

Before long, he shot his load with what almost sounded like a growl. He collapsed against the back of the couch, and I pulled his jockstrap into place before sitting back on my heels. I watched the way his skin glistened in the soft light, and the way his chest rose and fell as he caught his breath. I took in every detail. Then I realized I was memorizing him, for a time in the not-so-distant future when we weren't lovers anymore. It was a sobering thought.

Once he came back to himself, he leaned forward and reached for me with a smile. "Your turn."

I'd depressed myself though, so I said, "Next time." I ran my hand over his cheek and his short beard in a gentle caress. "It's getting late, and tomorrow's going to be exhausting."

"You sure?" I nodded, and as I gathered my presents I said, "Thank you again for these. They're perfect—both of them." I wasn't sure when I was going to model those sexy briefs for him, but I knew I wanted to make it memorable.

I decided to take a shower, so after I put the gifts in my room, I stripped down and headed to the bathroom. As I stood under the warm water, my thoughts drifted to Ever and that incredibly sexy strip tease. Soon I was rock hard again, and I started jerking off as I played the evening back in my mind.

But then, my thoughts shifted from memory to fantasy. I started to imagine Ever bending me over and pushing his cock into me, his big hands grasping my hips as he began to fuck my ass. It was so easy to imagine him taking me harder and harder, my body rocking under the force of his thrusts as he pounded me.

I came so hard that my legs buckled. I had to sit down on the edge of the tub, and after I shut off the water, I rested my elbows on my knees and sighed.

This could be more than a fantasy. I knew that. But it still came down to trust, and my willingness to make myself truly vulnerable.

Ever and I had come a long way in a very short time, but I wasn't sure I should pull down the last wall between us. This thing we were doing had an expiration date. I already knew I was going to be crushed when it ended, and getting closer to him would make it hurt even more.

Maybe I was right to hold a part of myself back.

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