11. Tracy

11

Tracy

Even though we'd come close to kissing twice that week, I was still surprised when it finally happened. It was scorching hot and all-consuming, and it left me reeling.

Afterwards, my thoughts were scrambled. I mumbled something about getting back to the party to buy myself some time to get it together, and Ever followed me to the living room. When he asked where the bathroom was, I directed him to the second floor and looked around for a quiet corner to wait for his return.

Suddenly, Vee appeared and herded me out to the front porch. As soon as the front door closed behind us, he exclaimed, "Tell me everything!"

"What do you mean?"

"I went to the kitchen to get seconds of those amazing little pies you brought." After a beat, he admitted, "Okay, it was actually thirds, but whatever. I happened to glance down the hall in the direction of JoJo and Yolanda's bedroom, and what did I spot? Why, it was you and your hunky roommate, practicing for the world tongue wrestling championship! How long have you two been involved?"

"We're not. That was our first kiss since our disastrous hookup earlier this year."

"Oh, wow. Are you going to start dating?"

"I don't think so."

"Why not?"

"Lots of reasons."

"Such as?"

"For one thing, we live together. How awkward would it be if we tried to date and it totally bombed?"

Vee looked skeptical. "Are you really afraid it might fail, or are you afraid it might succeed?"

"What does that mean?"

"You've always insisted you don't want to be in a relationship. A lot of guys say the same thing, because they want to play the field. But in your case, I think the idea of getting close to someone scares you. It'd be a shame if you were letting fear get in the way of something great."

"I'm not afraid of relationships," I muttered. "I just would never want to hurt Ever, the way I hurt?—"

I cut myself off before the conversation got too emotional, but Vee finished my sentence for me. "Sawyer." I nodded and shifted my gaze to the sidewalk, where a couple was walking a tiny chihuahua.

"You're not that guy anymore, Tracy. I don't know the whole story with you and Sawyer, but I do know it was a lifetime ago. I see so much pain and regret when you mention him. I know you think you screwed up?—"

"I don't think I screwed up, I know that for a fact."

"Okay, but we all have the ability to evolve, and grow, and learn from our mistakes. That's what you've been doing ever since I've known you. When we met, you were totally closed off, but bit by bit you've been learning to let your guard down and open up."

"I'm still a mess."

"Well, who isn't?" When I glanced at him, he said, "You have to let go of the past and learn to trust yourself, my friend."

"You might be right, but even if I decided to give a relationship a try, I doubt Ever would want that. Pretty soon, he's going to be putting every waking moment into launching his new business. He won't have time for anything else."

"Then what's left for the two of you?"

"We could hook up."

Vee perked up. "That's something at least, and it could be awesome! Weeks of wild monkey sex, with the added convenience of your sex partner living under the same roof."

"Actually, I think it might be a one-time thing, a do-over after that huge disaster back in February."

Now he looked frustrated. "There's the possibility of dick on tap with an incredibly hot guy for weeks on end, until he moves out and gets busy with his new business, and you only want to do it once?"

"I'd be happy to keep it going for a while," I admitted, "but I don't think we're, um… sexually compatible."

"Is that your shy way of saying you're both tops?"

If that was our only problem, we could still find ways to have fun. The bigger issue was that we both wanted to be the one in charge. That was just who Ever was. I'd played at giving up control the night I went to his hotel room, and I could do that again, but it wasn't something I was comfortable with on an ongoing basis. Given that, it was easy to imagine it turning into a power struggle and totally falling apart.

That was more than I wanted to share with Vee right then, so I mumbled, "Something like that," and changed the subject. "We should go back inside. Ever's probably looking for us."

As soon as we returned to the party, someone immediately pulled Vee into a conversation, and I looked around. I grinned when I spotted Ever on the far side of the room, chatting with JoJo and Yolanda. Then he caught sight of me, and his handsome face lit up in a smile as he gestured for me to join him.

When I reached him, he handed me a mug. "I thought you might be thirsty, and this hot apple cider smelled wonderful." He was right. I thanked him and breathed in the comforting aroma of cloves and cinnamon as I took a sip.

It hadn't escaped my attention that he'd been taking care of me all day, including loading my plate at dinner to make sure I ate. It wasn't something I was used to, but it felt good.

When we got home a few minutes past midnight, Phil was waiting by the door. Ever tried to pet him, but he shunned us by turning his back and striding away, to make sure we knew how he felt about us being out all day.

Ever called after him, "I'm sorry, Phil," before turning to me and saying, "Thank you for today. This was the best Thanksgiving ever."

"What did you do last Thanksgiving?"

"I spent it in my office, going over the gym's financial records."

"That sounds lonely."

"It was by choice. One of my colleagues had invited me to join him and his family for dinner, but I declined. It was one of the few days the gym was closed, so it was the perfect time to get things done without interruption." He took off his jacket and draped it over his arm as he asked, "What did you do last Thanksgiving?"

"Same as this one, I worked at the shelter. Two senior staff members were running the show, and I helped out. It was fun to get to coordinate everything this year."

"You knocked it out of the park. Seriously."

"I tried my best. Now I have to think about ways to make Christmas special."

"You're working?"

I nodded. "I offered to cover both the overnight shift on Christmas Eve and to work on Christmas Day, so my coworkers can spend time with their families."

"In that case, I'll volunteer to work the same shifts."

"You don't have to do that. There'll be a lot of parties and get-togethers on the holiday, and you might not want to miss those."

"I'll have a better time at the shelter with you and the kids—unless you don't want me there."

"No, I do."

"Okay." We stood in the foyer for a long moment, as if we weren't quite sure what the other was going to do next. Finally, he said, "It's been a long day, and you're probably exhausted."

To me, that meant he wanted to call it a day, so I nodded. We both said good night and went off in opposite directions.

Since I was feeling grubby, I took a shower before getting dressed in a tank top and pajama pants. Then I stretched out on top of the covers, put on my reading glasses, and opened an ebook on my phone. For the first time since he'd moved in, the cat didn't join me. Apparently I was on his shit list too, along with Ever.

After reading the same paragraph four times, I placed the phone on my chest and touched my bottom lip. I couldn't stop thinking about that kiss, and the way we'd both reacted to it. Like the first time, it had ignited instantly, like a match thrown into a pool of gasoline. In a matter of seconds, we both got completely turned on and wanted to rip each other's clothes off. We probably would have, too, if we hadn't been at our friends' house.

It startled me when my phone vibrated on my chest. I picked it up and saw that Ever had sent me a message: You're probably asleep, but I just keep thinking about that kiss.

I replied: I was doing the same thing.

He started writing something, paused, and began again. Finally, he wrote: Where do we go from here? I don't think either of us is looking for a relationship, but there's definitely something between us that needs to be explored.

I was glad I'd talked this through with Vee. It had helped me sort through how I felt about all of this, so it was fairly easy to come up with a game plan. I'd love to get a second chance at our failed hookup. After that, let's see where we're at. If we want to give being friends with benefits a try, I'm all for it, but I think we should agree on an end date. Maybe that should be the day you move into your new apartment. At that point, we'll go back to being friends only, with no hard feelings and no explanations needed.

Ever sent a response right away: I like everything about this, especially the part where we're going into it with clear expectations. So, when should we get started?

I shifted around, so I was sitting up and leaning against the wall. We can do that right now if you want to. Are you down for a bit of chat to set the mood and then a living room rendezvous, Sven?

He sent a smiley face emoji and the message: Hell yes.

Then he wrote: Side note, I brought up the mail the other day and you had something from the Veterans Administration, addressed to David T. Garcia. When we met online, did you give me your real name instead of a fake one, which was the assignment?

I explained: I did. That may be my actual first name, but I've gone by my middle name all my life—except when I was in the Army, because they insisted on using my legal name.

He replied: I assume there's a reason you chose to go by your middle name.

Long story short, Tracy was the name my mom wanted for me, but my dad tried to override her decision by insisting on David, which is a family name. I went with that when we met online because I figured I might actually respond to it.

Ever's next text said: I'm glad I know that about you. However, I need to point out we're failing hard on the sexting front. Hold on, I'll get us on track.

He texted again with: Hey baby. What are you wearing? That message included the purple devil emoji.

I chuckled at that and told him: Nothing.

Really?

No, of course not. Like I'd be sitting here all buck-ass naked in my room.

Why not? I am.

Now it was my turn to ask: Really?

No.

I grinned as I wrote: We're still doing a terrible job sexting.

We are! Is it because we're friends now, so we've lost the spark?

No, definitely not. Not if our earlier kiss was to be believed. It hadn't been missing a damn thing. I sent another text and asked: What made our conversation so hot last time?

He responded: You opened up to me about your biggest fantasy, and it happened to align perfectly with mine. It all came down to giving me control, which is a huge turn-on.

My cock stirred just from the mention of it, but this topic made me self-conscious enough to tell him: I don't mind going there now. But to be clear, I never, ever want to talk about it outside of this context.

The thought of him casually bringing this up over dinner, or at any other time when I wasn't expecting it, made me cringe. But he obviously already knew that. He'd never even alluded to it in all the time we'd spent together over the last few weeks.

Ever's reply was exactly what I'd expected: I promise to be discreet, Tracy. Anything you confide in me while we're messing around will never be brought up in any other context.

To get us back on track, my next message said: Now that that's out of the way, tell me what you're going to do to me when we meet up in the living room in a few minutes.

I liked the fact that he was able to instantly switch gears. First I'm going to kiss you, long and hard, until you're aching for more. Then I'm going to sit back and watch while you strip for me. You belong to me tonight, and I want to see and touch and taste every inch of you, baby.

Damn, he was off to a good start. His next text said: After that, you're going to get on your knees and suck my cock. If I feel even the slightest brush of teeth, I'm going to put you over my knee and spank your cute little ass. Understood?

I replied: Yes. The idea of a spanking made my cock throb, not that I was going to do anything intentionally to make that happen. I planned to give him the best blow job humanly possible after the last time.

I waited eagerly for his next message, which was: After you swallow my load, it'll be your turn to come, but only when I say so.

Damn, that was hot. I adjusted my hard-on through my flannel pajama pants as another text popped up: Anything you'd like to change about my game plan?

I quickly sent back: No. I almost added "sir," but it reminded me too much of all my years in the military.

Another message popped up: Then come into the living room.

I tossed my phone and glasses onto the bed and leapt to my feet. Then I made myself pause for a moment to take a deep breath. I was full of nervous energy, because I really didn't want to mess up like last time. But I needed to calm down, or I really was going to screw it up again.

I left my bedroom and made myself walk down the hall at a normal pace, instead of running like I wanted to. When I reached the living room, my breath caught.

Ever was seated in the center of the couch, wearing nothing but a towel around his hips and looking unbelievably sexy. He'd moved the coffee table aside, and he was sitting with his legs spread and his arms resting across the top of the sofa. I wasn't sure if it was intentional or if he'd done it subconsciously, but by sitting like that, he took up as much space as possible and was absolutely commanding the room.

When he held out his arms to me and said, "Come here," I hurried over and straddled his lap. He'd just showered. I could smell his citrus body wash on his skin, and his damp hair looked a little spiky.

He smiled at me, and then he slid his hand to the back of my neck and pulled me into a kiss. I gave myself over to it entirely, letting it flood my senses. After a few moments, Ever kissed my neck before whispering in my ear, "Take your clothes off, baby."

I pulled my tank top over my head and tossed it aside. Then I got up and took off my pajama pants, bending over to untangle them from my feet. When I straightened up, he ran his gaze down my body and murmured, "You're so beautiful."

He grasped my hips and pulled me closer. After he nuzzled my stomach, he ran his tongue up my shaft and started sucking my cock. A soft moan slipped from me, and I braced my hands on his shoulders as I tried to steady myself. He was very good at that.

I needed to stay focused, though. I'd been wanting this second chance for a long time, so after a few moments I rasped, "Please let me suck you."

Ever sat back and smiled at me. "Go right ahead."

I dropped to my knees between his thighs and spread the towel open, revealing his thick, hard cock. All of a sudden, I was nervous. What if something went wrong again?

When I started sucking him, I was cautious and hesitant. He could tell I was holding back, so after a minute he cupped my cheek, and I let go of his cock. "I only said that bit about spanking you because I thought it might turn you on," he said. "I didn't mean to put pressure on you."

I hung my head. "I'm putting pressure on myself. You won't want to do this again if I find a way to mess up a simple blow job."

He stretched out on the couch and patted the cushion in front of him. When I moved up to join him, he kissed me gently and said, "If something were to go wrong this time, then we'd just try again another night. And seriously, if I suggested anything that you're uncomfortable with, please tell me. That was just an attempt at foreplay, not a list of demands."

"I know, and it was hot. It's just hard for me to get out of my head sometimes."

"Do you want to call it a night and try again tomorrow?"

"No!" That came out a little too quickly. I added, "Can we just do this for a while and see what happens?"

"Of course." Ever shifted a bit and draped his leg over both of mine. We were skin-to-skin for the first time, and it felt incredible. More than that, it soothed the touch-starved part of me, which I'd been ignoring for far too long.

When he kissed me, it was tender and unhurried. There was no destination we were trying to get to, nothing that needed to happen beyond this moment.

We took our time, savoring each other. My fingertips traced the lines of his body, and when we both started to get hard, he grasped his cock and mine in one hand and started jerking us off.

Even that started off more sensual than anything else, but as both of us started getting into it, he tightened his grip and began stroking us harder and faster. The sensation of his cock rubbing along my entire length at the same time was unlike anything I'd ever felt before.

As amazing as this was, I still wanted to suck him. I whispered my plan for a sixty-nine to Ever, and he smiled at me and planted a kiss on my lips before I tried to flip around. A laugh burst from me when I fell off the couch, landing with a thud on the area rug.

Ever chuckled and said, "Good thing I moved the coffee table," as he joined me on the floor.

He licked my stomach and took my cock in his mouth, and it felt so damn good. He was on his knees and elbows, hovering over me, so I propped myself up slightly and started sucking him at the same time. We both really got into it, and it was so satisfying to see and hear him respond to what I was doing.

He came in a matter of minutes, my cock temporarily forgotten as he moaned and lightly thrust into my mouth. After I swallowed his load, I dropped back onto the area rug, and he sat up and leaned against the couch. When he said, "Come here, baby," I shifted around and nestled against him.

"We're not done," he said, as he put his arm around my shoulders. "Not until you are." He began stroking my hard-on, using my precome as lube, and I swore softly. "My plan was to edge you until you were begging for release, but we'll save that for another night." I was glad about that, because this had already been a lot.

He brought me to the brink with his hand before finishing me off with his mouth. I cried out and threw my head back as I shot down his throat, grabbing onto him as we both rode out that intense orgasm. It left me shaky and exhausted, and I probably would have fallen asleep right there on the floor if Ever had let me.

Instead, he helped me to my feet and walked me down the hall to my bedroom with his arm around me. Then he tucked me into bed, kissed my forehead, and whispered, "Good night, baby." I fell asleep maybe half a second later.

The next morning, I awoke to find Phil sharing my pillow with me. I scratched his ears and said, "I'm glad you don't hold grudges," before heading to the bathroom.

I was worried as I got ready for my day. What if things were awkward between Ever and me after last night? Was he going to treat me differently? Would he seem embarrassed? That would be so awful.

Once I was dressed in my workout clothes, I headed to the kitchen. As usual, Ever had gotten up before me. He wore nothing but a pair of tight, stretchy red shorts, and he was pouring a purple smoothie into a glass.

The moment he turned to me with a smile and said, "Good morning, Tracy," I knew this was going to be fine. He was the same old Ever. "I made you a power smoothie. There's nothing weird in it, I promise."

"Didn't you make yourself one?"

"I already finished mine. Different recipe. More algae."

"More, suggesting there's some in this one?"

"Not as far as you know. Just try it."

"I will, as long as crickets were in no way involved."

"They weren't."

"Swear to me."

He raised his hand. "I solemnly swear there's nothing creepy in that smoothie."

I took a cautious sip and said, "It's not bad. It only tastes a little like lawn clippings."

Ever grinned at me before turning his attention to cleaning the counter. "Coming from you, that's high praise."

A few minutes later, on our walk to the gym, I found myself asking, "Are we going to talk about last night, or are we going to pretend it never happened?"

"We can definitely talk about it if you want to."

"I mean, we don't have to…" Shit, now I was making it weird.

Fortunately, Ever was his same sweet, cheerful self, and he managed to smooth over my awkwardness. "I had a great time, and I'm down for round two whenever you are. Is there more to say than that?"

"No. I just…I wanted to make sure we're still okay." Ugh. Why couldn't I shut up?

"We're great. I think we work incredibly well as friends with benefits. I also think it's smart that we're putting a time limit on the benefits part of it. That way, there won't be an awkward conversation or any misunderstandings waiting for us at the end of this. Once I move into my apartment, we'll dial it back to a regular friendship, right?"

"Right." I obviously hadn't forgotten that, so I wasn't sure why he was repeating it… unless he thought something might have changed for me after last night.

I was glad this awkward conversation ended when we arrived at the gym. Pete Howard was waiting for us, because he and Ever had made plans to film a short training video. The gym's owner was a stoic Black man in his fifties, with a shaved head and what I'd started to think was a permanent scowl, but not even he was immune to Ever's upbeat energy.

The gym was empty on the day after Thanksgiving. I could see why, since I was dragging. After I stashed my stuff in the locker room, I took a seat on one of the exercise bikes and started pedaling, as a way of easing myself into my workout.

My gaze drifted to Ever, who was at the opposite end of the gym. He and Pete were standing side by side, and Ever was holding his phone at arm's length and talking to his followers. Pete laughed at something Ever said, and then both men turned their attention to the speed bag, so Pete could demonstrate his technique. I was glad Ever's back was to me, so he wouldn't see me staring at him.

I couldn't help but grin as I thought about the night before. It had been incredibly hot—but it had been a lot more than that, too. It had made me feel safe, and cared for, and I couldn't wait until the next time.