Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Maksim

Ishould be working, but I’m not. I haven’t been doing anything at all for the past fifteen or twenty minutes. Instead, I’ve been looking out the window of my study at the courtyard.

Or, more specifically, at Abby and the babies playing together in the courtyard.

Abby is sitting on a blanket in the grass, dressed in a flowing white summer dress. The wind keeps blowing her hair into her face, but she doesn’t seem to mind. She just brushes it away and keeps laughing as she talks to the babies.

My heart aches with happiness, watching her with the four of them. I’ve never seen anything so beautiful in my life.

And yet, there’s a nagging sense of unease tugging at the back of my mind. I want this so badly, and I’ve never wanted anything more than to make it real.

But is it? Can it be?

I’m not a good man, and I know that. I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life. I’ve hurt a lot of people. Hell, I’ve killed people. Not a single one of them was innocent, and I’ve never given any of them a second thought. Until now. Because I’ve never had a reason to care that the life I’ve chosen is a dangerous one until now.

It’s a violent and bloody business, and the longer I’m in it, the higher the chances are that my world will spill over into hers. That my choices and the life I lead will impact her, the babies, and everyone she loves.

I know it, and it kills me to admit it, but I can’t escape the reality of it.

My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of someone quietly clearing their throat behind me. I turn to see Nadia with a faint, gentle smile playing on her lips.

“It’s okay to love her, you know.” She steps into the room and moves closer to the window, joining me as we watch Abby and the babies play.

“Who said anything about love?” I ask, a little surprised by her observation.

“You didn’t have to say a word, Maksimochka,” she replies. “I’ve known you your whole life. I can read you like a book.”

I huff a laugh, not bothering to deny it. “You’ve always been able to see through me, haven’t you?”

She nods. “Of course. And I can see that you’re happy with her.”

“I am.” It’s the truth, but the words don’t come easily. “I care about her. She’s a good mother.”

“She is.” The older woman steps into my study, pulling the door closed behind her. Nadia is nothing if not discreet. She’s been around long enough to know everything that goes on in this family and in our business.

“She seems to have adjusted pretty well here,” I muse, hoping it’s true even though I honestly don’t know for sure. We spend our nights together now, but Nadia sees her more than I do during the day. “Don’t you think?”

“I do,” Nadia agrees. “She’s a brave young woman. Smart and capable, too.”

“Yeah.” I turn back to the window, watching Abby with a growing ache in my chest. “I wish she didn’t have to be, though.”

Nadia looks at me with a question in her eyes. “You don’t want her to be strong?”

“Of course I do.” I shake my head. “I just wish she didn’t have to be, that it wasn’t required for her survival. I want her to be whatever she wants to be. I want her to have the life she wants. The life she deserves. I want that for her, and the kids, too.”

“And what is that life?” Nadia asks. “What do you think she wants?”

“I don’t know.” I run a hand through my hair. “I don’t think she knows either.”

“I think you should ask her.”

I glance at Nadia. “What would you say if she decided to leave? What if she told me she couldn’t be a part of all this, even if I tried to change the business or go straight?”

“Is that what you want?” Nadia asks, a note of surprise in her voice.

“No.” I look out the window again, my jaw clenched. “I’ve told her the truth about what I do. How I make money. What I’m capable of.”

“And?”

“I think she can handle it.” I pause, then add, “Mostly. I think she can, but…”

“But what, moy syn?”

“She has a sister,” I remind her. “Maggie. Her parents are gone. Maggie and her twins are the only family Abby has left.”

“Oh, right.” Nadia’s voice is soft. “Of course.”

“I’m the one putting them all in danger, whether Abby likes it or not. And she knows it. Maggie is just an ordinary person, and the kids….”

“They’re babies,” Nadia says, her eyes widening. “Do you really think her sister’s family is in that much danger?”

“Yes.” There’s no hesitation. No doubt. “If something happens to Maggie or the twins because of me, Abby will never forgive me.”

Nadia looks at me thoughtfully. “Do you think that would change the way she feels about you? You can’t control the actions of others. She knows that, doesn’t she?”

“She does, but…” I sigh, running a hand over my face. “It’s complicated. I can’t stop thinking about the worst-case scenario. If the twins or Maggie get hurt, Abby won’t just be angry. She’ll be destroyed. And the fact that I’m the reason it happened…fuck, I can’t stand the thought of hurting her like that.”

“So what will you do?” Nadia asks. “Would you let her go? Let her leave and be with her sister?”

“We’ve tried that already.” I shake my head. “Too dangerous. Especially with the Irish out there stirring up trouble, whether they’re on pause now or not. And especially now that all that trouble is going on with the scammers… There’s a connection somewhere, a reason they’re so interested in getting to Abby. Until I find out what that connection is, nobody is safe. Nobody.”

“Then what?” Nadia presses. “You can’t expect her to stay here forever.”

“I know.” I exhale, feeling frustrated. “I’ll have to figure something out. I need to protect them, and I’ll do whatever it takes to keep them safe.”

Nadia’s smile is soft and full of understanding. “I know you will, moy syn. But please, take care of yourself, too. I want you to be happy. With Abby. With the children.”

“I know,” I say again, wishing things could be different.

“Have you told her how you feel?”

“No. Not exactly.”

“Why not?”

I look at her, surprised. “Because she doesn’t need to worry about that, too. She has enough on her plate already.”

Nadia smiles and gives my arm a light squeeze. “Maybe. But sometimes, a little extra reassurance is just what we need.”

I huff a laugh, shaking my head. “I’ve never been good at this sort of thing. You know that.”

“I do.” Nadia smiles. “But that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth a try.”

“What if it’s not enough?” I ask, voicing the fear that’s been weighing on me for weeks. “What if it isn’t enough to keep her here? To keep her safe? What if she wants something else?”

“You won’t know unless you ask.” Nadia’s voice is gentle. “I think you owe it to yourself and to her to be honest, moy syn. No matter what happens.”

“I’ll think about it,” I say, not wanting to make any promises I can’t keep.

Nadia nods, accepting my answer. She’s never been one to push, even when I was a stubborn kid. “Good.”

“For what it’s worth,” I say, glancing back out the window. “I hope I’m making the right decision.”

“You’re a good man. I’m sure you will be.”

With that, Nadia leaves, and I’m alone with my thoughts again.