Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Abby

Icatch myself smiling as I scroll through my phone, searching for the most adorable pink decorations I can find. After years of wishing, hoping, dreaming—and with so many tears and doctor bills along the way—my sister, Maggie, and her husband are finally weeks away from bringing home their adopted baby girl.

She won’t have Maggie’s dark blond hair or our family’s signature blue eyes, but that little adopted girl will be family no matter what. It’s become my mission in life to make sure my sister gets the best, cutest, most perfect baby shower imaginable. Which requires a lot of pink. Like, a lot.

“Abby, you know you don’t have to do all of this,” Maggie calls from the couch, the dark circles under her blue eyes betraying the long nights she’s spent worrying and praying and crying. They really have been through hell and back over the past few years. My heart breaks every time I think of the lengths they’ve gone to in order to become the parents they were always meant to be.

“Of course I do.” I glance over at her, puffing a strand of dark brown hair from my eyes as I glance over, but still keeping half my attention on my phone as I scroll through websites looking for decorating inspiration. “I want this to be special for you, sis.”

“I know you do, and I appreciate it. It’s just…” Maggie swallows hard, hesitating a moment. “Is it bad that I’m still afraid to get my hopes up? After everything we’ve been through, I just don’t think I’ll be able to take it if something else goes wrong.”

Damn, my heart breaks all over again. She deserves this happiness more than anyone, and I wish there was something more I could do to ease her pain.

“You really have been through a lot. Too much. More than anyone should have to deal with. This time will be different, though. You’ll see.” As much as I believe those words, I know there isn’t anything that will really, truly ease her mind. Not until she has that beautiful newborn baby in her arms.

“I should be more optimistic, but after so many failed IVF attempts and all the paperwork, all the red tape, all the rejections…” Maggie trails off, tears welling in her eyes.

“Hey.” I cross the room and sit down next to her on the sofa, taking her hand. “You’re going to be a mom, Maggie. It may not happen the way you originally planned, but it’s going to happen. You’ll have everything you’ve dreamed about and more, and it’ll make all the awful shit and tedious red tape worth it. I promise it will.”

Maggie sighs, nodding slowly. “You’re right. I’m going to stop worrying and stop doubting and just…let it happen. And in the meantime, I should probably be helping you plan this shower.”

“Let me worry about the baby shower, okay?” I give her hand a reassuring squeeze. “You focus on getting ready to bring your little girl home.”

“God, there really is so much to do. So much to prepare for,” Maggie agrees with a small smile. “Just promise me one thing.”

“Anything.”

“Promise me you won’t go overboard with the decorations,” she teases, a hint of her normally cheerful self shining through. “I don’t want our guests to think they’ve walked into a Pepto-Bismol commercial.”

“Hey!” I snort-laugh and give her a playful shove. “I have impeccable taste, thank you very much.”

We laugh together for a minute, and I give her a tight, long hug before I get up from the couch to finish my planning. “Just try to imagine the cuteness,” I call back over my shoulder as I walk into the dining room. “We’ll have pink streamers draped from the ceiling over here, and maybe a few clusters of pink balloons framing the entryway. Actually, yeah, a lot of balloons in the foyer. That’ll be fun, don’t you think?”

She isn’t answering me, but that’s okay. It might even be for the best if she lets me handle all the details while she takes a little time to relax and de-stress.

“Mags,” I call out as I scroll past a few more pictures on my phone. “What about pink cupcakes? Like, a tower of strawberry cupcakes with pink frosting? Doesn’t that sound cute and delicious? Maybe even different shades of pink. Oh, I’m liking this idea more and more already.” I switch apps to make a note on my ever-expanding shopping list, only belatedly realizing she still hasn’t answered me. Not even to tease me again about all the pink. “Maggie?” I crane my neck to look back into the living room. “You okay in there?”

When she finally answers, her voice is strained, almost like she’s crying. “Could you come here for a second? Please?”

“Coming right now,” I say, trying and failing to keep the worry out of my tone. She’s still sitting on the couch where I left her, but her face is pale and she’s clutching her phone to her chest.

“Mags? What’s wrong?” My stomach twists itself into knots as a million horrible possibilities rush through my mind.

“The adoption agency just called,” she chokes out as tears begin streaming down her cheeks. “The birth mother changed her mind. She’s keeping the baby.”

“No.” I sink down onto the couch next to her, feeling the weight of her heartbreak as if it were my own. I wrap my arms around her, holding her close as she sobs into my shoulder. “No, no, no. I’m so sorry, Maggie.”

“What am I…what am I going to do? I-I can’t go through another round of IVF. And even if I could, my health…my age…”

“Hey, don’t think like that,” I say fiercely, pulling back to look her in the eyes. “You are going to be a mother. We’ll find a way. I promise.”

I don’t know how we’re going to make it happen, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to let her give up now. Not after she’s already been through so much and has come so far.

“I just want it so bad,” she cries, dashing at her cheeks as fresh tears spill over. “More than anything else in the world.”

“Then we’ll figure something out, just like we always do. Just like we’ve done our entire lives. You’re not alone in this, sis. I’m here for you, no matter what.”

“Thank you.” Her teary eyes are showing gratitude and something else—a glimmer of hope, maybe. “I want to believe we can. I just—”

“We don’t have to come up with a solution right this second,” I interrupt before she can let the despair take hold again. “Do you want me to make some tea? Some of that chamomile stuff you like?”

“Sure.” Maggie nods weakly, wiping at her tears with the back of her hand. “That would be nice, thanks.”

I head to the kitchen, giving her some space while I prepare the tea. I really don’t know what we’re going to do. Not only is Maggie quite a bit older than I am—she’s thirty-eight while I’m barely twenty-two—but then there’s her battle with autosomal recessive polycystic kidney disease to take into consideration. The ARPKD makes it nearly impossible for her to have a child of her own.

No matter how optimistic I’m trying to be, the odds of Maggie getting pregnant and carrying a child to term aren’t on our side. I wish Michael, Maggie’s husband, was here to comfort her in all the ways a sister simply can’t. But he’s away on business, so there’s just me, my optimism, and this chamomile tea for now.

“Tea’s ready,” I announce, bringing two steaming cups into the living room.

Maggie takes a cup gratefully, her hands shaking slightly as she clutches it. “Thanks. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You won’t ever have to find out, either.” I huff out an exasperated breath as I flop down beside her. “It’s just not fucking fair, you know?”

“Tell me about it.” There’s a tinge of bitterness creeping into her voice, and I don’t blame her. Not even a little. “My body betrays me. The whole adoption process fucks me over. And what can I do about it? Nothing. Not a damn thing.”

“Michael will be home soon,” I say, trying to offer her some comfort. “We’ll all put our heads together to figure something out.”

“Will we? I don’t know if I can handle any more disappointment, Abby. This is why I don’t trust the universe enough to get my hopes up anymore. It always crushes me in the end.”

The universe had been anything but kind to her over the years. Yes, she still had a lot to be thankful for—a loving husband, friends and family, a beautiful house—but that isn’t what she needs to hear right now. Not when her lifelong dream has just been crushed. Again.

Those dark circles under her eyes are looking even darker now that she’s been crying, and I’m really worried about what this latest setback will do to her. Not just physically, but mentally as well.

“I know you probably don’t want to see a doctor,” I begin, choosing my words carefully. “But it might not hurt to talk to someone else about everything, you know? Someone professional?”

Her eyes narrow and I know she’s going to reject the idea even before she opens her mouth. “I appreciate your concern, but I don’t need a doctor. I just need some time to process everything.”

I nod. “That’s totally valid. I get it. You know I just worry about you. But there has to be something we can do. Something we haven’t considered yet.”

She exhales a long breath and shakes her head. “I’ve already considered everything. Every possibility under the sun. Trust me.”

“What about surrogacy?” I ask, the idea tumbling out as soon as it forms in my brain.

“Been there, done that. Too expensive and—”

“No,” I interrupt, continuing my train of thought before I can talk myself out of it. “What if I was your surrogate?”

Her answer is immediate. “No. No way. I couldn’t ever ask you to do something like that.”

“You’re not asking. I’m offering. I’m young. I’m healthy. I can handle it. And besides, I want to help. I know you’d do the same for me if our situations were reversed.”

“I would,” she admits quietly, fresh tears welling up all over again. “But I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you because of me. You’re the only sibling I have left. We can’t risk it.”

I understand her hesitancy, but I’m growing more determined by the minute now that I’m thinking it through. “Nothing bad is going to happen. We’ll find the best doctors, the best specialists. Your husband’s a wealthy politician and you’re head of the Owen Foxworthy Foundation. Between the two of you, you’ll be able to handle any financial hiccup that my broke ass can’t manage.”

She snorts and sends me a small, watery smile. “You’re not that broke, Abby, not for someone fresh out of college.”

I smile back, glad to have at least lifted her spirits a little. “That’s thanks to you hiring me on the PR team and keeping me from selling my soul to unpaid internships and night shifts at take-out joints.” She opens her mouth, but I continue quickly. “Maggie, please. This isn’t going to affect me negatively, especially since you’ll give me excellent maternity leave.”

Her lips lift in another small smile, and I shift closer so I can catch her eye. “We’ll make sure everything is done right. And then you’ll have the baby you’ve always wanted.”

She swallows hard. “I don’t know.”

“I do. I love you, and I want you to have the family you’ve always dreamed of. And I meant it when I said I’d do whatever it takes to help you get there.”

A sob escapes as she reaches for my hand. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

“Hey,” I say softly, squeezing her fingers. “That’s what sisters are for, right?”

“Right.” A small smile appears through her tears. “We’ll do this together, just like you said.”

“Damn right we will.”