Chapter 25

What just happened? I watched Zach's retreating back and couldn't shake the sadness that overtook me.

"Is everything okay?" Brad asked from behind me.

"I don't know," I replied. "What did he say to you?"

"He asked who I was. Well, demanded, really. He seemed excited about something when he came in—until he saw me."

Well, shit. Today had been Zach's last day at his old job. He'd probably wanted to celebrate with me. I stared at Zach's closed bedroom door. We would have to talk later. It occurred to me that maybe we were both confused. I'd thought for sure Zach would say something to me after reading the books he borrowed. But he never did. I had assumed he'd discovered gayness wasn't his cup of tea after all. Now, I didn't know what to think.

"Are you ready to go?" Brad asked.

I wanted to say no. I wanted to stay and find out what Zach was thinking. But that wasn't fair to Brad. "Yeah. Let's go."

We went to a popular restaurant in Asbury Park for dinner. It was crowded since it was Friday night, and the weather was nice. Brad was nice. Dinner was nice. Ugh. Everything was nice. But I couldn't stop thinking about Zach and the expression on his face before he turned away from me. He had looked so defeated.

I tried to push thoughts of Zach out of my mind and enjoy my time with Brad. We talked about our jobs—he was a therapist—our favorite movies, and where we'd like to go on vacation. I had a second drink, hoping it would help me relax and be more conversational. I really wanted to give Brad a chance. Maybe. Probably. Or maybe I wanted to believe I was giving Brad a chance because I was scared, no, terrified of taking a chance on the man I really wanted.

Brad, bless him, put up with my nonsense far longer than he should have. Finally, he smiled sadly and put his hand over mine. "How about you tell me about Zach?"

I blinked. "What?"

"I know you're trying, but you're not really here. You're back in your apartment wondering what's bothering Zach."

I let my head fall back with a groan. "Shit. I'm so sorry."

"So, what? Is he an ex-boyfriend or something?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No. Zach is…" I sighed. "Probably isn't straight."

His mouth quirked up in a half-smile. "They never are."

"Well, I thought he was for the longest time. Then he started telling me my makeup looked nice and my clothes looked nice. And then he started reading gay romance novels. But he still hasn't said a word to me one way or the other. Now I'm just confused."

"Would it help if you talked about it?"

"But that's not fair to you," I said. "We're supposed to be on a date."

Brad spread his hands out. "I'm pretty sure the date was over a little while ago. Why don't we see if we can be friends."

I couldn't tell if I was more embarrassed or relieved. "That's very nice of you. I wouldn't mind an objective opinion."

"Let's order dessert first," he said with a grin. "Then I'm all ears."

True to his word, Brad listened intently while I poured out the story of my straight-boy crush. Though recent evidence would say Zach wasn't as straight as I originally thought.

When I finished speaking, Brad stared at me thoughtfully. Finally, he said, "I think you've been unconsciously avoiding noticing the changes because you're afraid to get your hopes up."

I pursed my lips and furrowed my brow. "How did you know I was just thinking that?"

He tilted his head and smiled. "Therapist, remember? I'm good at reading people."

"Apparently, I suck at it," I complained.

Brad shook his head. "I don't think you do. That's why you've been somewhere else tonight."

I sighed. "I'm sorry," I said again. "For wasting your time."

"You didn't waste my time," he insisted. "I like you." He shrugged. "We're just not going to sleep together."

The server came by, and we asked for the check. I pulled out my wallet. "At least let me pay for dinner."

"I won't say no to a free meal."

Since Brad drove us to the restaurant, he had to drive me home, which wasn't awkward at all. I started to apologize again when we got to my place, but he put up his hand. "It's okay, Miguel. It didn't work out. These things happen. At least you were honest with me. A lot of guys wouldn't be." He kissed my cheek. "Goodnight. And good luck with Zach. Try talking to him instead of trying to guess what he's thinking."

I waved my hand dismissively. "Pfft. Logic."

After Brad drove away, I went upstairs to my apartment. I stood outside the door for a long moment, my heart racing and my palms sweaty. I couldn't say why I was so nervous. I'd never felt like that about any other man before. I took a steadying breath and unlocked the door.

The lights were on in the apartment, but I didn't see Zach right away. I didn't hear anything either. Had he gone out? I toed off my shoes and went into the living room. I saw him sitting at his keyboard, which we'd set up in the corner of the room. He had headphones plugged into it and was playing. It was strange to see his fingers move on the keys with no sound coming out. Knowing him, he hadn't wanted to disturb the neighbors.

I watched him for a little while. His mouth was turned down and his brow was deeply creased. I walked slowly into the room. I didn't want to startle him, so I moved into his line of sight and waited for him to notice me. When he finally did, he startled anyway, and his eyes widened. He pulled off his headphones. "Miguel? What are you doing here?'

"My date ended early," I replied. "We need to talk."

I hated the look of resignation that came over his expression. "You want me to leave, don't you?"

"What? No." I closed my eyes and blew out a breath. Gesturing toward the sofa, I said, "Please, come sit."

When he came more into the light, I noticed his eyes were red-rimmed like he'd been crying. He stopped and put his hands on the back of the armchair across from the sofa. "I'm sorry I was rude to your date."

"That's what I want to talk about. You've been weird about my dates for the past two weeks." I gestured to the sofa again. "It's why we need to talk."

He looked so conflicted. I wanted to take him in my arms and hold him, but we'd never resolve anything if I didn't make him talk to me. Zach sat down hard on the sofa and put his head in his hands. "I don't know what to do," he said plaintively.

I sat on the coffee table in front of him and gently took both his hands in mine. "Do about what? Talk to me, Zach."

As I held his hands, I realized he was trembling. He looked at me with tears in his eyes. "I want…" He swallowed hard. "I want to kiss you."

I stopped breathing for a moment. "You want to kiss me," I repeated.

"Yeah," he said hoarsely. "But I'm scared."

I stiffened. "Scared? Scared you're gay, or bi, or whatever, and you just want to try it out on me?"

Zach's eyes widened and he pulled his hands from mine. "No," he said vehemently. He spread his hands. "I'm scared because you're you and I'm just me."

He looked so lost and vulnerable. It just about broke my heart. "I don't know what you mean by ‘just me.'"

He waved his hand up and down my body. "You're smart and successful. You're always so put together." He looked down at his big hands. "I'm just a mechanic. I'm scruffy and messy. My hands never get completely clean, no matter how much I scrub them."

My heart squeezed. Oh, baby. I took his hands in mine again. "Listen to me, ‘just me.' You're one of the best people I know. I've seen these hands that never get clean gently holding Cody like a precious treasure. You are sweet and gentle and kind." I looked right into his beautiful blue eyes. "I would very much like to kiss you, but only if this isn't some experiment on your part. I won't do that."

Zach looked taken aback. "Experiment? People do that?"

I nodded. "Yes. And it sucks."

His expression softened. "I'm sorry that happened to you." He swallowed hard. "I don't want this to be an experiment between us. I've been thinking about it since before I moved in. I didn't realize what it was at first. But then you started going out with all those other guys." He blew out a breath. "I just about lost my mind. I talked to Allie about it on Sunday while you were on your date, and she talked me through it."

"And she was okay with it?" I asked.

"Yeah." He smirked. "She didn't even seem surprised."

I grinned. Chalk one up for perceptive sisters. "Well, since we're sharing secrets, I should probably tell you that I've wanted to kiss you since that day Carlos came to the hotel."

He gave me a shy smile. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," I replied, my voice husky. I scooted forward to the edge of the coffee table. "So, about that kiss…"

Zach's gaze heated. "Are you sure?"

"Very."

He gently pulled his hands from mine and moved them to cup my face. He leaned down and tentatively pressed his lips against mine. Oh god, they were so soft. He made a small noise that sounded like surprise and then moved closer to deepen the kiss. His tongue touched the seam of my mouth, and I opened for him. With a low growl, Zach moved his hands to my waist and pulled me closer. I slipped my arms around his neck and, without stopping the kiss, moved to straddle his lap.

His hands dropped down to cup my ass, and I groaned into his mouth. "Yes," I hissed. I started grinding my hips, feeling his thick, rigid cock up against my own erection.

Zach's eyes widened and he pulled away from our kiss. "Holy shit. How does that feel so good?"

"See what you've been missing?" I leaned back because I wanted to check in with him. "Are you okay?"

He pulled me closer. "Hell yeah, I'm okay." He took my mouth in a ravenous kiss like he was a starving man and I was his first meal. Our hips moved, rubbing our still-covered cocks together until my jeans became unbearably tight.

A familiar tingle began at the base of my spine, and I moved my hips back. Zach pulled back with a frown. "Something wrong?"

"Nothing fewer clothes won't fix," I said. "I haven't come in my briefs since I was in high school, and I'd rather not revisit that embarrassment."

A self-satisfied smile curved his plush lips. "Oh yeah?"

I playfully shoved his shoulder. "Don't be so smug."

Zach kissed my cheek and continued down my neck. When he got to the base of my throat, he looked up at me. "So, less clothing?"

I nodded. "My bedroom?"

His cheeks flamed red. "Yeah," he said, his voice husky.

I moved to get off his lap, but he tightened his arms around me. "Where are you going?"

"To my bedroom," I replied.

"I got this." He stood, still holding me to him. I may have squeaked as I wrapped my arms and legs around him.

Zach chuckled. "You're cute."

I stuck my nose in the air in mock indignation. "I am not cute. I am sophisticated and refined."

He kissed my nose. "Uh-huh."

When we got to my bedroom, Zach set me back on the floor. He stepped back from me, his previous confidence seeming to have deserted him. He stood with his eyes cast down and his posture stiff. "I'm not sure what to do from here."

I took one of his hands and placed it on my chest. "Why don't you help me undress?"