Chapter Thirteen

Axel

Ilean back in my chair, soaking up the warm sun on the balcony of my suite as Kyle sits across from me. The calm blue ocean stretches before us, a perfect backdrop for our lazy brunch of eggs benedict and fresh fruit.

"Yesterday was incredible. Mystery Island really lives up to its name," I say, popping a strawberry into my mouth. "There was something magical about that place."

Kyle grins, his skin glowing after another day exploring in the Pacific. He was already tanned, but now he has this sun-kissed glow about him. "It was like being in another world. I've never seen sand so white and water so clear and blue."

"And that snorkelling! I couldn't kick fast enough to keep up with you," I tease, nudging his foot under the table.

He laughs, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Farm boy stamina. Maybe you aren't used to so much physical activity."

"Oh, I can keep up just fine where it counts," I reply and throw in a wink for good measure.

Kyle ducks his head and busies himself with his eggs, a small smile playing at his lips. I love that he's shy and reserved when I hint about sex, but he's so open and responsive once he gets his clothes off. We haven't done more than oral, but we've got that down to a fine art. I'm tempted to tease him some more, to see if I can get the flush to creep up his cheeks, but instead I reach for my phone.

I scroll through the photos from our day trip; a private snorkeling tour and picnic. "These turned out great. The colours are unreal. Like a postcard."

I hold up a selfie of the two of us on the beach, aquamarine water lapping at the white sand behind us, then another showing lush palms dotting the shore. Kyle puts down his coffee cup and leans in to look, his shoulder brushing mine and sending a tingle down my spine.

He chuckles and points to the phone. "Brian photobombing in the background."

I look closer to where Brian lingers by a palm tree. He's wearing cargo shorts, a floral shirt, and a cap, but not exactly blending in. I chuckle. "Bloody hell, for a bodyguard, he's not very inconspicuous. I'll have to photoshop him out."

Speaking of not blending in, I flip to the next photo where Kyle is sitting on the sand, long legs outstretched, leaning back on his arms. His smile is wide as he looks up at me from under the brim of his hat, a well-loved Akubra. He's the quintessential Aussie guy, and totally mouthwatering.

"Hey, I've got one I want to show you." Kyle opens his photo app and shows me a snapshot he's taken. I'm standing facing the open water, looking back over my shoulder at the camera with a smile on my face. Hell! I haven't seen myself look that happy since God knows when.

We continue flipping through the photos, reliving snippets of our perfect day in paradise. Having Kyle here with me, getting to share these incredible moments with him—it feels like a dream I never want to wake up from, and I pinch myself that I ever entertained the notion of not coming on the cruise.

As Kyle closes a photo, I catch a glimpse of an image in his gallery that's very different from the island scenery—an old timber shack with a rickety fence and some mountains in the background. Curious, I gesture to his phone. "What's that one?"

Kyle's eyes light up. "Oh, those are from back home at the vineyard. Here, let me show you."

He scrolls through a series of photos allowing me a glimpse of his world. More photos of the old shack that turns out to be one of the original buildings on the property. Open paddocks with a few sheep grazing. A mountain range, and rows and rows of leafy grapevines. A large but rustic farmhouse with a wraparound verandah. Then photos of Kyle and his brother John, tanned and grinning, raising glasses of wine against a sunset backdrop.

"Wow." I lift my eyes to meet his. "It's beautiful. You can really feel the history and connection to the land. I can see why you love it."

Kyle nods. "It's been in our family for generations. I feel so lucky to be a part of that legacy, you know?"

As he speaks, there's an ache beneath my ribs. A longing for something I've never quite had. Belonging. A place to call home.

On impulse, I pick up my phone and start sifting through the images until I find what I'm looking for—a rare candid shot of Rick, his face split in a carefree grin as he strums one of my old guitars in the shitty living room of the house where we grew up. With its dingy yellow and brown seventies carpet and dark wood panelling, it isn't appealing, but the joy on Rick's face is.

"That's Rick," I say, tilting the screen towards Kyle. "He's a good kid. Just a little lost, but he's got a good heart. I'd do anything for him."

Kyle studies the picture, then glances back at me. "You miss him."

I swallow hard past the lump forming in my throat. "Yeah. I do. I miss a lot of things. Mostly I miss Rick like he was back then. Innocent. Happy. I hate not providing him with a real home." I meet Kyle's gentle gaze. "I've been chasing dreams for so long that—fuck, I don't want to sound ungrateful—but sometimes… sometimes I just want to slow down. To have a normal life, you know?"

Kyle reaches out, placing his hand over mine. "I get it," he says simply.

I twist my hand beneath his until our fingers lace together. Somehow, I don't feel quite so alone.

My phone vibrates on the table between us, shattering the moment. I glance at the screen as Nigel's name flashes up. "Hang on a sec," I say, unlacing my fingers from Kyle's to pick up the device.

Nigel's text is brief and to the point. ‘Check your emails. Press commitments for after the cruise. World of Rock wants an interview.'

My stomach twists into knots. World of Rock. The same magazine that had a field day with the so-called drug bust. The one that painted me as a strung-out rocker on a downward spiral, and a liar.

"Axel?" Kyle's voice breaks through my spiralling thoughts. "What's wrong?"

I toss the phone back onto the table, my appetite vanishing. "It's Nigel. He wants me to do an interview with World of Rock when we get back."

Kyle frowns, his brow creasing with concern. "Isn't that the magazine that you said…?" He trails off, but I know what he's thinking. The one that dragged my name through the mud.

"Yeah," I confirm, running a hand through my hair. "They're probably just waiting to dredge up all the old shit again. Twist my words and make me look like some kind of junkie, and it'll be terrible press for the drug-help line I was a spokesperson for."

Kyle is quiet for a moment as he studies me. "Maybe it doesn't have to be that way," he suggests gently. "Your life, your music… it all comes with a certain amount of publicity, right? You can't avoid it forever. What if you tried to get ahead of it? Lead the conversation, preempt their questions?"

I snort, the sound harsh and bitter. "And say what, exactly? ‘Sorry for being a screw-up, won't happen again'?"

Kyle shakes his head, reaching out to lay a hand on my arm. "No. But maybe…" He hesitates, as if weighing his words. "Maybe it's time to talk to Rick. He's eighteen, Axel. Old enough to take responsibility for his own actions."

I stiffen, my jaw clenching at the thought. Rick's mistakes splashed across the tabloids for all the world to see? But beneath the knee-jerk urge to protect him, I know there's some truth to Kyle's suggestion. I haven't really given Rick a choice in any of this, and he needs to deal with it if he's to address his own issues and move forward. Plus, if I'm to set a good example, maybe people need to see that I empathise with the situation they may find themselves in, that it's never too late to make change.

"Yeah," I say slowly. "Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe it's time we had that conversation."

Kyle squeezes my arm in a silent show of support.

As night falls, Kyle and I, followed by Brian, make our way towards the grand auditorium. The corridors are full of guests making their way to and from dinner venues and bars, with a huge number heading towards the grand auditorium for the concert. The excitement in the air is palpable.

Brian steps closer as faces turn my way as people recognise me. "Hey, Zelman." "Love your music, man."

I nod and keep walking. Kyle's arm brushes mine as he stands between me and the people in the corridor and I focus on that rather than the irrational fear that people are closing in.

"You've got this," Kyle says, his voice low, his presence giving me comfort.

I take a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves. Wren and a couple of the ship's staff appear and guide us through a door that leads to a service corridor until we find ourselves backstage. I let out a sigh of relief—facing the people who are here to see me perform wasn't that bad. Funny how having Kyle by my side made me feel more comfortable than Brian ever did.

I want Kyle to have the whole show experience, so drag him to the curtains. Peering from a spot hidden in the wings, the auditorium is a sight to behold—cavernous, ornate, and glittering with lights. Music is playing through the speakers and people are filing in to sit in the plush velvet seats, while servers deliver drinks. The stage stretches out to the left of where we stand, the band set up on one side. I'm up first and I'll be performing an abridged set of songs accompanied by the ship's house band, the same band who accompanied me at the pool party so I know they're up to the task.

Off to the side, I catch a glimpse of Crystal Starlight, resplendent in a shimmering gown and towering heels. She catches my eye and winks. I wish I had her confidence. I've received a rundown of the proceedings and there was a brief sound check, so it should be fairly straightforward.

"Wow," Kyle says from my side, eyes wide with wonder. "This is incredible, Axel. I can't believe I'm about to watch you perform in front of all these people."

"Knowing you're here… it means everything." I squeeze his hand. I ignore the crowd and focus on him.

"Nearly showtime," the stage manager says, interrupting the moment.

"Go take your seat." I press a quick kiss to Kyle's cheek, and watch as he ducks from behind the curtain and down the steps to slip into his front-row seat. He's wearing another pair of dark jeans and a shirt that pulls across his broad chest. I shake my head to clear visions of his naked body and head backstage.

And then, it's time. The lights dim, the crowd hushes, and the show begins.

Wren steps into the spotlight and greets the audience. They amp up the crowd until the excitement reaches fever-pitch. Backstage, I take one final deep breath, closing my eyes and centreing myself. Adrenaline courses through my veins, the familiar thrill of performance chasing away the last of my anxiety.

Wren announces my name.

This is it, my moment to shine, to prove to myself and everyone else that I'm still the rock star I was born to be. I step out onto the stage to a roar from the crowd. The energy is amazing. The lights are blinding, but as I glance down at the front row, I can see Kyle, his eyes shining with something that looks a lot like pride.

I throw him a smile, and launch into the opening chords of "Shattered Heart." I pour every ounce of my soul into the song, and with Kyle watching me, I let myself go and lose myself in the performance.

The crowd goes wild as I finish the last note, their cheers and applause filling the auditorium. I take a moment to bask in the energy, my heart racing with the thrill of it all. This is what it's all about—the joy of bringing my music to life.

I walk to the front of the stage and lock eyes with Kyle, his smile radiant as he claps furiously. In that moment, I feel invincible, like I can conquer the world.

I launch into the next song, and the set flies by, each song building on the last, until I'm left standing centre stage, sweat dripping down my face and my chest heaving with exertion. I take a final bow, the cheers echoing as I exit the stage where I'm greeted by Wren. "That was incredible," they say, clapping me on the back. "Awesome show."

I nod but continue to press through the backstage area until I spot Kyle waiting for me as we'd previously arranged. He pulls me into his arms, holding me tight, and I bury my face in his neck, breathing him in.

"You were amazing," he says.

I pull back, cupping his face in my hands. "It was bloody awesome, but I couldn't have done it without you."

He laughs. "Somehow I doubt that. Now do you want to go watch the rest of the show?"

I can hear Crystal Starlight on stage and there are a few acts to follow including an aerial acrobatic display and a comedy set, but I have no interest. I'm on a high and I want to go celebrate. "Actually," I start to say, but see Kyle's face and change my answer. He deserves to make the most of everything the cruise offers and that includes the entertainment. "Sure."

"Damn," he says, surprising me.

"What?"

"I thought you'd say you wanted to leave," he says.

"You don't want to see the show?"

"God no. I can think of better things to do." He takes my hand and tugs me towards the exit. "I just want to spend time with you."

I find Brian across the room and give him a nod as we leave.

The corridor is less crowded, most passengers in the auditorium watching the show. We pass a few stragglers along the way until we come to a larger group of guys. They've obviously had a good time at the bar, given the staggers and the raucous laughter, and I tense as they get closer.

"Oh, hey! Look! It's Zelman," one of them says and the others all stop and stare.

"Oh my God." A good-looking guy steps forward from the pack. "Can I get a photo?"

I freeze. My heart is in my throat. Then there's a squeeze of my hand. I turn my head to see Kyle's gentle smile.

"Breathe," he whispers.

I find myself nodding and taking a deep breath. Kyle steps back slightly, but I know he'll be at my side in an instant. I look back to the guy who already has his phone out in anticipation. "Sure."

I take a selfie with him, then they all want a photo, but it's over in a matter of minutes and they're laughing and on their way.

Kyle steps back to my side and takes my hand and we continue on our way as if nothing had happened. I look over my shoulder and Brian gives me the thumbs up. I grin. I know I've still got a way to go but I feel as if I've reached a milestone.