EPILOGUE

S ix months later

"You've cleaned the same spot on the counter like thirteen times already," Bennett said. "I'm pretty sure it's spotless."

"You don't know my mother," Justine hissed from the kitchen. "She'll come in with white gloves."

"Seriously?"

"No. But her eyes are like white gloves."

He sighed and approached her where she furiously scrubbed the kitchen sink. His hands found her shoulders, and he could feel how tightly wound she was. This was the first time her parents and sisters would be coming to the island to visit. Yes, Bennett had met Dr. Brazeau and Dr. Brazeau before, but only when he and Justine went to Seattle. He hadn't met her sisters yet though.

"It's going to be okay," he said, pecking her on the forehead. "They were fine with you leaving surgery and moving to the island, remember?"

"No, they weren't," she protested, shaking him off and resuming her scrubbing. "My dad was, maybe. But my mother wasn't. Just because Hui Ying Brazeau says she's fine with something doesn't mean she is. Fine means ‘not fine .' "

Resting a hand on her shoulder, he reached into the sink with the other hand and removed the green and yellow sponge from her grasp. He pivoted her to face him, then removed her pink rubber gloves one-by-one. "You're done here. The house is cleaner than it's ever been. The cabins are ready for their stay. They're stocked with food. Wyatt has prepared us an incredible meal. Everything is going to be okay."

The look in her beautiful brown eyes said not only did she not believe him, but he also had no idea what he was talking about. "Vacuum! I haven't vacuumed under our bed."

"If your mother crawls under our bed, I will deal with her. Now," he glanced at his watch. "They will be here in ten minutes. Go lay down and breathe. Meditate, or scream into a pillow. Whatever you need."

"Where are the girls?"

"Emme is upstairs doing her homework and I think Aya has joined a pack of wild dogs and has already become their alpha." He kissed her on the lips this time, feeling her smirk beneath his own. "She's upstairs too. She wanted to draw your parents and sisters each cards to welcome them to the island."

"That's so sweet. But my mother will probably throw them in the recycling as soon as she gets home. She never kept anything we gave her made of paper. Said it was a fire hazard, and she hated clutter."

He gritted his teeth. He'd met Hui Ying three times in the last six months, and the woman was cold to him each and every time—and that was including her tiny, little hands. There was nothing he could do to warm her to him.

But he realized that maybe that was just who she was, and she'd never thaw to him or his family. If Justine could make peace—sort of—with her dysfunctional family of overachievers, then so could he.

"It doesn't matter what happens to the art after Aya gives it to them. It's keeping her busy and she's just being kind."

Justine released a weary sigh. "Why did we agree to this?"

"Because it's almost Christmas and the only time your entire family could get time off. Plus, they've been asking to come to the island." He turned her around, so she faced away from him and he massaged her shoulders. "We need a safe word."

"For what?" She craned her neck around to glance at him. "I'm not having sex when my parents are due here in seven minutes."

He snorted. "No. For when things get to be too overwhelming for you. Say it, and I'll swoop in and save you."

"Oh! Ummm …"

"Tabarnak?"

She snickered. "No. I don't swear. My whole family knows that."

He snapped his finger. "I got it. Fondant."

"Fondant?"

"Yeah. Because we like to bake and decorate cakes."

"And how am I supposed to casually work that into conversation?"

"You can do it. I have faith." He resumed massaging her and slowly her tension seeped away—sort of. But they were rudely interrupted by a buzz on his phone to indicate someone was trying to enter through the security gate.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Bonjour, Bennett. It is Guy and Hui Ying Brazeau. With Daniela and Tasha. Might we come in, please?"

Bennett chuckled. "Sure thing, Dr. Brazeau. One sec." He hit the "open" button so the gate would swing open automatically.

When he placed his hands on her shoulders once more, all that tension was back. "Maybe I can text Grayson to see if he'll put me on call tonight. Hmm?"

"No." He ushered her toward the front door. "Grayson knows your family is coming and that he'd have me to answer to if he actually took you up on that. You need this."

"I also need a pelvic exam every three years. Doesn't mean it's pleasant."

Snorting, he heaved open the front door, letting a chilly gust of wind precede their bundled-up guests.

"Welcome, welcome," he said, holding open the door for all the Dr. Brazeaus. "Girls," he called up the stairs. "Our guests are here." He approached Justine's mom first. "Let me take your coat, Dr. Brazeau."

"Thank you," she said curtly, sliding out of her black down jacket.

Little feet thundered down the stairs. He helped Justine's father out of his jacket, then her sisters, hanging all the coats up on the hooks along the wall.

"And who are these petite belles ?" Justine's dad asked as Bennett's daughters, complete in big, poofy, Christmas-themed party dresses, came to stand at the bottom of the stairs.

Justine walked up behind them. "This is Emerson, or Emme for short," she said, placing a gentle hand on Emme's shoulder. "And this is Aya." She did the same to Aya.

Aya thrust out her hand, which had a stack of homemade Christmas cards. "These are for you guys."

Justine's father took them, his gray eyes going wide. "Oh, très magnifique . These are beautiful. Are you an artist?"

Aya shrugged, growing shy. "Maybe one day."

"Oh, you will do very well. You have a talent," Guy went on.

"Can I get anyone anything to drink?" Bennett asked. "You're staying the night, so feel free to have more than one." He chuckled, but that only earned him a smile from Justine's dad.

"I'll have red wine if you have it," her father said.

"Water for me," her mother replied.

"Red wine," both her sisters said, taking seats on the loveseat side-by-side.

Justine's parents took the couch, and Justine found a spot on one of the chairs. The girls perched on each of her knees while Bennett fixed them all drinks.

"H-how is your residency going at Mayo, Daniela?" Justine asked, directing her question to her younger sister, the OB-GYN.

"It's fine," Daniela replied.

And that was it.

Fondant!

Bennett brought the first round of drinks into the living room just as Justine's father launched into a big discussion about a procedure he read about taking place in Spain regarding a partial penis implant. Bennett's eyes went wide and he sought out Justine. Was this really an appropriate conversation to be having around his ten and seven-year-old?

"They gave him someone else's penis?" Aya asked, bewildered?

"Not all, just some of it," Guy replied directly to her

"But how ?" she asked, on the edge of Justine's knee like she was watching a fast-paced movie and not listening to a urologist discuss genital transplant surgery.

"By removing the inguinal canal, vas deferens, and ductus deferens from a suitable cadaver donor. They transplanted them into a living human who had undergone immense disfiguration from a tractor accident." He spoke so fluidly, as if he were discussing the weather or the latest sports stats.

Aya ate it up with both hands. "I don't know any of those words, but I want to know more," she said, wide-eyed.

"Maybe later," Bennett said quickly.

Fondant. Fondant!

He handed Justine's parents their drinks, along with one for her sister Tasha. Then he returned to the kitchen to grab the rest. Once everyone had a drink, he pulled up the ottoman and sat next to Justine and the girls. He offered one of his daughters to climb into his lap, but they both said they were fine with Justine.

The conversation didn't get any easier. It remained stilted and forced until the girls grew bored and wandered upstairs.

"Tasha, any new and exciting surgeries? Build anyone new legs lately?" Justine asked. Bennett could feel her growing weary of how tense the room was. She was probably screaming "fondant" in her head.

Tasha shook her head. "Not really. I had to amputate both legs from the knee down on a guy the other day though. He got crushed in a trash compactor at work when he climbed in to retrieve his phone."

Everyone besides Justine's mom made cringey faces and sounds.

Tasha just shrugged.

"May I use your washroom, please, Bennett?" Hui Ying asked, gracefully standing up. Just like her two other daughters, not a hair was out of place on her head. Her bun—like theirs—was simple at the back of her head. The only difference was that Hui Ying had salt mixed with her pepper.

"It's just down the hallway on the right," he said, pointing for her. She thanked him, then disappeared.

"How is your practice going?" Guy asked, turning to Justine.

Justine smiled. "I'm really enjoying it. I still get to do the odd surgery, mostly emergency and minor, like an appy or splenectomy. But I'm getting to know the people on the island. It's been very rewarding. I've done a few home births too, which has been cool. First one was a little daunting as I didn't have any of the regular equipment."

Daniela sat forward. "Did she have any complications?"

"Baby was sunny side up. So I did have to manually rotate him."

Daniela winced. "That's apparently really painful."

"Yeah, she screamed so loud her cat ran through the screen door."

They all snorted.

"But the baby was born, beautiful and perfect. Eight pounds, eleven ounces."

"I don't understand why people don't go to hospitals now," Tasha said. "This isn't the dark ages. We have the science and the medicine. Use it."

Justine merely shrugged. "Everything is twenty minutes away here. We both knew that if things got scary, we could make it to the hospital. She trusted me to make the call."

Daniela didn't seem convinced. Bennett couldn't have been prouder. He reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. She smiled at him and mouthed, "Thank you."

He glanced at his watch. Jesus. It was only three fourteen. Dinner was another two hours away.

Fondant!

"Where has your mother gotten to?" Justine's dad asked, sipping his wine. "Did she get lost? Does this house have multiple wings and hidden trap doors?"

Justine got up from her seat, equally curious where her mother wandered off to.

Oh god! What if she was under Bennett and Justine's bed and saw how it hadn't been vacuumed?

"I'll go check on her," she said, heading down the hallway toward the powder room. The door was open and the light was off. Then she checked the study, which was also empty. So she made her way upstairs, where she heard voices. Two of them little and one of them big, coming from Emme's room.

She crept closer to the open door, but hung out in the hallway up against the wall to listen.

"And what was Justine's favorite food as a kid?" Aya asked.

"She loved gua bao which is a pork belly bun. It was her absolute favorite."

"I don't think she eats pork anymore," Emme said.

"No, I don't think so," Justine's mother replied. "She is very health and heart conscious now."

"What was her favorite color?" Aya asked.

"Turquoise. Like the blue water in the Caribbean."

"Favorite animal?" Emme asked.

"Panda."

"I love pandas," Aya cooed. "They're sooo cute. And Emme has a stuffed panda that she sleeps with at night. She got it from Ikea when she was a baby."

"And they can only be found in China which is where my family is from," Justine's mother said.

Justine's brain hurt. Who was that woman in there with the girls? Because that sure as heck didn't sound like Hui Ying Brazeau. The woman in there sounded warm and nurturing. And she knew all these things about Justine. Never in all her childhood could Justine remember her mother ever showing any interest in her or what she liked.

"What's your favorite thing about Justine?" Aya asked. "Can I tell you mine first?"

"Of course," her mother replied.

"I love that she is so … I don't know, I just think she's great. She's so fun and kind. She does really fun stuff with us and loves us so much. She gives really great hugs too."

The back of Justine's eyes burned.

"My favorite thing about my daughter is that she isn't afraid to take risks," her mother said softly. "She used to be. Risks and choices used to be hard for her. And it hurt my heart to see her struggle. But now, she's taking all kinds of risks and they're paying off wonderfully."

"I have a hard time making choices too," Emme said. "And Justine is helping me. She bought twenty-two bottles of kombucha this summer just so I could try all the kinds. Because I didn't want to risk trying a kind I hadn't before and not liking it. That's my favorite thing about her. How much she cares about others."

Justine's throat grew impossibly tight.

"I was really worried about her when she told us she was giving up surgery and moving to the island," her mother went on. "That's not something I ever could have done. But I see how happy and full of love her life is here, and I think it was such a wonderful and rewarding risk. And one she definitely needed to make. She has a beautiful family now."

"Are you our grandma?" Aya asked.

Justine held her breath.

"Would you like me to be?" her mother asked with the gentlest, kindest, warmest voice.

"We only have one grandma and we don't really see her much. We call her ‘ abuela .' It's hard for her because our mom was her only child and seeing us reminds her of losing her daughter. That's what Dad says anyway," Aya said softly. "And our other grandma died from Parker Stinson's Disease."

Justine smiled and cupped her mouth to keep her laugh-cry quiet.

"What is ‘grandma' in mandarin?" Emme asked. "That's what you speak, right?"

"It is. And grandma is ‘ wài zǔmǔ.' "

Both girls tried saying it the way Justine's mother said it.

"Like that?" Emme asked.

"Very good, dear."

Aya said it a few more times. She didn't have the tone quite right, but she was close.

"Do you want us to call you that?" Aya asked. "We don't call Justine "mom," but I kind of want to. If she wants me to. I haven't asked yet."

With one hand over her heart and one over her mouth, tears tumbled down Justine's cheeks. She could not have asked, or even fathomed, such a Christmas present.

"I would be honored to have you call me ‘ wài zǔmǔ.' "

"What about Mr. Dr. Brazeau?" Aya asked. "What is ‘grandfather' in mandarin?"

"Well Guy is actually French. So you could call him ‘ grand-père ,' or ‘ papère' for short. And I could tell you right now, he would absolutely love it for you to call him that. He wants to be a papère so very much." Justine's mother giggled. "Justine couldn't pronounce ‘ papère' when she was little so she called Guy's father ‘bear.' It was really cute."

Emme and Aya giggled, too.

"Bear," Aya said, still laughing. "She's so silly."

"She was a very silly child. Very happy and full of energy, questions, and ideas."

"Like me," Aya said. "Dad says I'm savage though, too. Like a feral wolf pup." She let out a howl, which prompted more giggling from Justine's mother. "I need to pee," Aya said, leaping off the bed. She came around the corner and spotted Justine. "Oh. Hi, Justine."

Justine froze.

She was spotted now. There was no sense hiding. She came around the corner into the bedroom, instantly getting a lifted eyebrow from her mother. Emme sat on one side of Justine's mother, holding her hand.

What was going on? Was this the twilight zone?

"Thank you for sharing so much with me today, Emerson. I've really enjoyed getting to know you and Aya, and I look forward to getting to know you both even better."

"Thank you … wài zǔmǔ," Emme said, enunciating the word slowly.

Justine's mother stood up and approached Justine. "Is there somewhere we can speak in private, please?"

Aya emerged from the bathroom. "What's going on?"

" Wài zǔmǔ and Justine are just going to chat a little one-on-one right now, but I'll be back and you can show me all your sketches after. Okay?" Justine's mother said.

Aya nodded.

Okay, this was officially messed up.

Justine led her mother into the bedroom she now shared with Bennett.

After the wedding that wasn't, she stayed in the trailer for the remainder of her reservation, then she rented a different trailer until just shy of Halloween. After that, she, Bennett, and the girls decided enough time had passed that moving in together was an okay plan. Nobody—well, Justine and Bennett—wanted to rush things. The girls wanted her to move in immediately. But they knew that for this to work, they needed to take their time. And so far, things were going great.

She and her mother sat on the bed, their knees touching.

"I know I wasn't overly warm," her mother started. "Neither was my mother. In a lot of ways, I put my career ahead of my family. I never wanted to be one of those women who couldn't have it all—a thriving medical career and a family."

It'd been a while since Justine had seen her mother and, as she studied the woman, she noticed more lines around her eyes and mouth. Her hands were bonier than she remembered and there were faint dark smudges beneath her eyes. Justine had always viewed her mother as this invincible powerhouse. Hui Ying Brazeau never got sick. She woke up early, rowed on her rowing machine for exactly one hour, ate her overnight oats, took her vitamins, and never had more than one cup of coffee. She didn't drink alcohol, never smoked. She was the epitome of health and power. Of brilliance and grace. But she was getting older. Nobody escaped time, not even those that, to their children, seemed invincible.

"I was hard on you and your sisters. Maybe more so on you. Because I see so much of myself in you. I was the middle child too. I was the peacekeeper. But I was also the one with the most heart. And of the three of you, you have the biggest heart, xīngān. "

It'd been ages since her mother called her that. Which meant "darling."

"My brothers and my parents fought all the time. I kept the peace. So I was determined not to live in a house with non-stop fighting. Perhaps I overcompensated in the other direction because we became a family of people who did not speak. Of people who were afraid to speak. Of people who were afraid to let their feelings be known or express their opinions." She swallowed hard and reached for Justine's hand, holding it tight in her grasp. "The fact that you could not come to your father and I and tell us what happened with Tad. What happened with your patient … or that you were in crises over your career. My heart hurt for you, xīngān, when I read your text and I wanted to call you, but your father told me to give you the space you asked for. But it wasn't easy." Her bottom lip wobbled. "I am sorry we did not create a safe space for you to do that. I am so, so sorry. I never want you to feel that you can't come to us."

" Māmā ," was all Justine could get out through her tight throat and sniffles.

Her mother squeezed her hand tighter and tears welled up in her eyes. "I'm sorry my initial reaction to you leaving surgery was a negative one. It just came as a shock. But I see now how happy you are over here. How at peace you seem. That perhaps leaving surgery was actually the best choice for your heart. And I support you." With her free hand she touched Justine's chest, right above her heart. "But don't ever be afraid to share your hopes, joys, and fears with us, xīngān. "

" Māmā ," Justine sobbed, the tears now spilling down her cheeks as she lunged to bring her mother's tiny frame into her arms.

They hugged and cried, wrapped up in each other's arms for a very long time. When they finally came apart, they had red eyes and tear-stained cheeks, but they were smiling.

Her mother laughed and mopped daintily at her eyes with the hem of her cashmere sweater. "You have absolutely wonderful little girls. I am enchanted with them."

"I have to admit, I didn't recognize the woman in there with them. Wài zǔmǔ."

Her mother chuckled. "Grandmas don't run the risk of messing the kids up. They're all about fun. And these girls are fun. Your father and I will be back more often now that we know what's waiting over here for us." Then she cupped Justine's cheek. "And I mean you, too."

Fresh tears sprung to Justine's eyes. "I wasn't expecting this. I actually started to freak out because I hadn't vacuumed under this bed and I was worried you'd look."

Her mother made to hang her head under and check, but Justine stopped her and they had a good laugh.

"I suppose we should go rescue Bennett from your father. He's probably explained an entire prostate removal surgery to the man by now and traumatized him."

Justine sobbed and laughed at the same time, blotting her eyes with the hem of her shirt again. They stood up from the bed and linked arms, meeting Aya and Emme in the hallway.

"You look like you've been crying," Aya said, her eyes full of concern.

"Good crying." Justine ran her hand over the back of the little girl's head. "Good crying, sweetheart."

They all headed back downstairs where, sure enough, Justine's father was regaling Bennett with a story from one of his grittier surgeries. Luckily, Bennett didn't seem fussed about it.

He noticed Justine's red-eyes and sprung up from his seat, meeting her next to the glowing Christmas tree between the dining room and living room. "Everything okay?"

She blinked at him and smiled as new tears came. Happy tears. "Everything is wonderful. My mom and I had a really great talk."

Understanding and joy filled his eyes. "That's so great. Your dad has been telling me how he removed a man's left testicle using nothing but a pair of safety scissors and a toothpick."

"It was a scalpel and a cautery gun. But we had no anesthetic," her dad called out, causing everyone in the house to laugh. It even appeared as though Justine's sisters were starting to loosen up and smile.

The McEvoys had a gift for bringing the joy into people's lives. All of them.

Bennett looped his arms around her waist and tipped his head up. She looked up too. They were under mistletoe. "How's your first island Christmas so far? Need to use the safe word?"

Her forearms rested on his shoulders and she leaned in. "Only in the bedroom. Merry Christmas, Mr. Serious. Now kiss me."