Chapter 11

Asher

I dial the number for Miss Tusaine's Readings for the Divine, as I stand out on our back porch and listen to the ocean waves in the near distance. I can't believe I'm doing this, but I need to hear her voice.

Thank you for calling Miss Tusaine’s Readings for the Divine, your personal guide to your future. In a moment, you’ll be connected with Lavender Meadows. To accept all that is waiting for you and the charges, please press one.

“Thank you for calling Miss Tusaine's Readings for the Divine, this is Lavender Meadows. How may I help you tonight? Elle's lovely tone calms me.

"Hi, um, I'd like a reading," I stammer, trying to play it cool.

"Asher, seriously? You don't have to pay money to talk to me," she says with a laugh. "But if you really want a reading, I see lots of hockey and beach time in your future."

"Very funny," I chuckle, feeling the tension dissipate. But something in me shifts, an aching need to be real with her. "Elle, can we talk about something serious?"

"Oh, of course. What's wrong?"

I swallow hard, hesitating. "My parents… I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a while, but I can’t seem to do it face to face. So, here I am being a coward hiding behind technology.

“Asher,” she says softly, squeezing my heart a little more.

“I've never really told anyone the whole story of what happened to them." The weight of that truth pushes down on me, heavy and suffocating.

Elle's voice softens. "You don't have to tell me if you're not ready."

"No, I want to," I insist. "I think it's important for you to know."

"Okay," she murmurs. "Take your time."

Closing my eyes, I let the memories wash over me. "When I was seven, we lived in this old house with a faulty furnace. One night, there was a gas leak. My parents woke up to the smell and tried to get me out of the house, but the fumes were too strong. My dad managed to carry me outside before collapsing himself. By the time the firefighters arrived, it was too late for them. They both died from carbon monoxide poisoning."

"Ash…" Elle whispers, her voice full of sorrow. "I'm so sorry."

"Thanks," I manage to say, my throat tight with emotion. "After that, my grandparents took me in, but the guilt and loss still haunt me. I feel like if they were still alive, maybe I wouldn't have to prove myself on the ice all the time. You know, because hockey is all I have now. Even my grandparents are gone too."

"Stop it right there," Elle interrupts gently. "It's not your fault, Asher. You can't carry that burden alone."

"I know, but sometimes I can't help it." My voice trembles, raw with honesty.

"Ash, you're stronger than you think. And you’re not alone. I’m here. And your teammates are not just your co-workers. They are your friends, brothers of sorts. I’ve seen you with them. They truly care about you. So do I." Elle reassures me.

"Okay." A small smile tugs at the corners of my mouth. "Thank you, Elle."

Opening up to Elle feels like coming home.

“Can you come over?” she asks.

“Yes, I’ll be there in about fifteen minutes,” I respond and am out the door and in my car before we even disconnect the call.

As soon as I get to her house, she’s waiting at her front door with open arms to bring me in for a hug and kiss. Then we walk down to the beach and sit side-by-side on the soft sand. The waves lap gently at our feet, in sync with the rhythm of my heartbeats.

"Elle," I say hesitantly.

"Yes," she replies, turning her crystal blue eyes toward me.

"Thank you for being there tonight. I don’t get down very often anymore, and I don’t know why I was feeling that way. But I appreciate you for listening.”

“Ash…” I stop her from commenting by placing my hand on her knee.

“Ever since we met, there's been this link that I can't explain. It's like you were sent to save me from drowning in my own guilt and pain." My voice cracks, betraying my strength.

"Asher…" Elle whispers, placing her hand on mine. "I feel it too. You've brought light into my life when all I could see was darkness. But…"

"But what?" I ask, holding my breath.

"Maybe we should stop talking about our tragic pasts and focus on our incredible future," she suggests, her eyes twinkling with mischief. "Starting with my new psychic hotline name… how about 'Captain Intuition'?"

"Captain Intuition?" I laugh, shaking my head. "You're relentless, Levine."

"Hey, it's better than 'Miss Divine,' don't you think?" she teases, nudging me playfully with her shoulder.

"Alright, you got me there," I admit, chuckling.

"Did I ever tell you about the time I tried to cut my own hair before a game?" I ask, grinning.

"Wait, seriously?" Elle exclaims, her eyes widening in amusement. "Please, tell me there are pictures."

"Unfortunately for you, no," I reply, feigning disappointment. "But I can assure you, it was a disaster. Let's just say my teammates were more than happy to provide commentary on my 'unique' style."

"Aw, poor Jet," Elle sympathizes, stifling a giggle. "Well, at least you have me now to save you from any future hair catastrophes."

"True," I agree, smiling at her warmly. "And for that, I'm incredibly grateful."

I sink deeper into the sand, my hand absentmindedly finding Elle's as the moon hangs low in the sky

"Asher," Elle murmurs, her voice barely audible above the sound of the water. "Have you ever... wondered if you're meant to be with someone?"

Her question catches me off guard and I'm at a loss for words. As I glance down at our intertwined fingers, my mind races with thoughts of doubt and fear. Am I truly the person Elle deserves? Can I overcome my insecurities and give her the love she needs?

"Sometimes," I admit hesitantly, swallowing hard. "I wonder if I'm enough, you know?"

"Enough?" Elle echoes, her eyes filled with concern. "You're more than enough, Asher. Don't ever doubt that."

As much as I want to believe her words, a nagging voice in the back of my mind whispers otherwise. I feel the grip of my past tightening around me, threatening to pull me under.

Just as she's about to say something else, her phone rings, cutting through the intimate silence.

"Sorry, I have to take this," she says, pulling her hand away and answering the call. "Hello? Yes, this is Elle."

As she speaks, I notice the tension in her voice. Her eyes dart nervously between me and the ocean, as if she's searching for an escape.

"Okay, I understand," she says finally, ending the call. "Asher, I'm so sorry, but I have to go. My boss needs me to cover a shift at the lab. A driver broke down and is way behind on his pickups. I have to go do the rest of the route."

"Right now?" I ask, taken aback by the sudden change of plans. "But we were just..."

"Ash, please," Elle interrupts, her voice strained. "I don't want to go either, but I can't say no."

A knot forms in my stomach as I watch her gather her things and hurry off towards her house. The evening that began with laughter now feels emotionless and distant, leaving me with nothing but doubts and unanswered questions.

As I sit alone on the beach, my thoughts drift back to our conversation. Is this what we're destined for? Can two broken people ever truly find happiness together?

The sea offers no answers, only the steady, unrelenting rhythm of the tide. And as I stare out into the vast expanse of darkness, I feel the weight of my fears and insecurities crashing down around me, leaving me to question whether pursuing a relationship with Elle is the right choice after all.

But despite the uncertainty, there is something that’s undeniably happening, and I cannot simply walk away from it.