Chapter 22

"Would you slow down?"

I slammed the shot glass against the bar before turning and leveling Daniel with a glare. "What do you mean?"

He shrugged before bringing his beer bottle to his lips and taking a swallow. "I'm just saying that I've never seen you drink like this when we're not at Art's dumb parties."

The room swam a little as I looked around. The dim lighting didn't help as it bounced off the aluminum siding of the walls. The tequila was numbing, the burn distracting me from the emotional turmoil that consumed my brain.

I tried not to let the way Daniel rolled his eyes bother me as I waved down the bartender. I needed another shot. What I didn't need was someone judging me. I didn't have great friends, but out of the three, Daniel wasn't that bad. He was more reserved. Quiet. Maybe I was scaring him a little with the way I was behaving.

I waved to the empty shot glass in front of me when the bartender made it over. She frowned and leaned against the bar, crossing her arms over her chest. She looked between Daniel and me before speaking. "What do you think? Should he have another one?"

Daniel shook his head, and she took my empty shot glass and walked away.

"You've betrayed me..."

Daniel shook his head again before he threw a stack of bills on the counter and then grabbed my elbow. Where the hell did he get money like that? Maybe I should get to know more about the personal lives of my friends.

"You'll thank me later." When he dragged me outside and the cool breeze hit me, a shiver raced down my spine. Fuck, it was cold. Where the hell was my jacket? Oh, right, I didn't bring one because I was more concerned with getting shit-faced than I was with keeping myself warm when it inevitably cooled down in the evening.

We were close to the main road, and I wrapped my arms around myself as a car drove by. The headlights made me squint. I must have lost track of time. How long had we been in the bar? How many shots had I drunk?

"Remind me again why I invited you to come with me?"

Daniel huffed as he looped his arm with mine and led me down the sidewalk. "God only knows. Maybe because Art would have been a self-centered ass, and Tilly would have left you to go find someone to piss off Art with?"

Huh... he had a point. Honestly, besides not knowing Daniel well, I did like him more.

"Are you walking me home?" I stumbled over my feet as we carried on with our walk.

Daniel chuckled. "You bet. If I don't, you're bound to get into trouble for public intoxication. Plus, I still want to know why you needed to wallow."

I stopped moving, swallowing in a lungful of the cool evening air. My eyes closed against the burn of tears because, apparently, tequila made me weepy. "Because I'm still in love with him."

That caused Daniel to pause. "In love with who?"

I almost fell over when I started laughing. Had Daniel not been holding me up, my ass would have been in the grass, or worse, in the road. "Fucking Nathan."

Daniel's eyebrows slammed down in confusion. He was still struggling to hold me up as I stumbled along as we continued walking. "Your fuck-boy?"

"Fuck-boy." I snorted. My weight was too much for my friend, and I dropped to the sidewalk. If I were him, I would have left me to find my own way home. Daniel deserved more credit than he got.

Another car drove by as Daniel sat on the ground next to me. Damn, if we looked like a couple of young idiots sitting there. He looked me over, as if trying to figure me out. The realization that I hadn't just been keeping things from Nathan hit me then. I hadn't been letting anyone in. Drew was maybe the only person who knew all of my secrets. And that was just sad.

"Do we have to walk?" I mumbled. My eyes closed as everything around me started to spin a little too much.

Daniel pulled out his phone before he shoved it back into his pocket and manhandled me back to grab mine. I didn't even care what he was doing. He fidgeted with the screen for a bit, and then we sat in silence for a while. I barely felt the cold anymore. I just wanted a bed and sleep. The drinking had been a huge mistake, but Nathan had pissed me the fuck off earlier.

Keeping up the boundary of summer hookups was going to be impossible.

I must have dozed off with my head on Daniel's shoulder when the sound of a car door startled me awake. "He's not going to puke in my car, is he?"

I should have felt relieved, but the part of my brain that wanted to be angry was still clinging on for dear life. I looked over at Daniel. "You hate me, don't you?"

He chuckled before he helped me to stand. "Maybe not all the way home. I don't think he'll puke if you take him to Drew's place. It's closer."

Nathan nodded. "I'm Drew's nephew, by the way. I'm aware of how close his place is."

"No shit?" Daniel's eyebrows raised as he looked between the two of us. I groaned as my so-called friend unhooked my arm from around his neck and situated it around the neck of the man who had prompted my binge drinking.

Tequila was the devil. Never again. Nope. Keep that liquid as far as fuck away from me.

My mouth tasted like garbage. No, forget garbage. It was compost—stuff that had been decaying for days, months even. My head throbbed as the light filtered in through the window that was much too large to be the one in my bedroom, but I knew these pillows, this comforter. Little blips of Daniel handing me off to Nathan came back to me. Same with the way that I'd emptied my stomach into the bushes outside the second we'd gotten back to Drew's house.

If I kept this up, Drew was going to start thinking I had a drinking problem. This was the second time I'd vomited at his place because of it.

"Are you okay?"

Oh, fuck, that hurt. My hands clutched at my head as I curled in on myself. "Hell no."

Nathan's fingers trailed carefully up my back. It should have worried me that my skin was bare, but the man had seen me naked, and recently. I just didn't remember undressing or having him help me get undressed.

"You want some water or something?" Nathan's voice had lowered to a soft whisper, so quiet I barely heard it. He kissed my shoulder and if I wasn't in so much pain, I would have melted into him. I loved being pampered. Spoiled was good, and it was probably why I did it with Oreo.

Now was not the time to be thinking about the cat.

"Can I die?"

He chuckled, kissing that spot between my shoulder blades that always made me grow weak. Of course, he remembered all my favorite spots. How could he remember all the places that made me burn, but he couldn't remember to pick up a phone for four years?

"No dying. Let me grab you some water and something for that headache."

The bed dipped, and instantly, I felt something uneasy settle over me at being left all alone—much like I was all alone in the world. But hadn't Daniel taken care of me last night? Even if he'd turned me over to the one person I'd been trying to forget.

Nathan emerged through the doorway carrying a glass of water, wearing nothing but a pair of black boxer briefs. He set the drink and two white pills on the nightstand before going back to close the door.

"Uncle Drew is still sleeping."

Awesome. I didn't need my employer, and apparently only confidant, knowing how stupid I'd been again.

As slowly as possible, I sat up in bed. I was in a similar state of dress with only being in my underwear. I grabbed the water and swallowed the pills back before raising questioning eyes to Nathan.

"You puked all over your clothes last night. Uncle Drew helped me get you down to that. We threw your clothes in the laundry. They should be done soon."

I snorted before lying back down. So much for Drew not knowing about me being an ass again. "I would have burned them."

Nathan smirked before he crawled across my body. As sexy as it was to have him over me like this again, my body wasn't on board for anything. "But whatever would you wear? Not that I'm complaining."

It hurt to laugh, but I found myself doing it anyway. Whatever lingering anger had been there zapped away in an instant. There was no way I'd be able to keep up pretenses. Nathan deserved all of me and not the bits and pieces I'd been tossing at him for the last few weeks.

When I rolled onto my side, and he spooned in behind me, it all felt complete. Perfect.

"It's hard to let you in again." The words finally worked their way free.

Nathan was quiet, his breath disturbing the hair at the back of my neck as he lay there, processing what I'd said.

His fingers trailed along my belly, playing with the trail of hair that led into my boxers. "But you won't even let me explain."

My eyes closed tightly, head still pounding, but this was the chance to finally let him tell me what happened. The fear was real, and with the way my heart rate thundered, there was no way he couldn't tell just how afraid I was. "What if I don't like that answer?"

His hand stilled, flat against my rib cage, as if feeling my pulse. "I don't like my answer. It's not the best reason, and the excuse is a bad one."

I needed to hear it, needed to stop fighting the inevitable if we were ever going to move past this and be something real again. I couldn't tell him about my parents. I couldn't give him any more pieces until I knew, no matter how painful it was.

"Just rip the Band-Aid."

He laughed. "I've always hated that expression."

"You're deflecting."

"Bottom line, I was away from my parents for the first time. I was able to explore being bi without having to hide it for the first time and the freedom that came with it. I wasn't ready to come out to my family, but here were these people who didn't know me. Didn't judge me. I made mistakes, and before I knew it… it was all too late. I could have easily called you and tried to talk to you about it, but I knew a phone call wouldn't ever be enough. When I finally came out to my family, it wasn't the end of the world, but it still felt too late to try to fix things with you."

Young and dumb. It's what it came down to. I'd give anything to have my family back, and he had risked losing me entirely just to get away from his for a while. I wondered how he'd feel if he was never able to see them again. If he'd stayed away and something had happened to them and he never got to hug his mother or joke with his brother again.

The thoughts were cruel, but they had me pushing out of his hold and out of bed. I needed to get to the bathroom. Nathan didn't follow, knowing I needed the space. I splashed cool water from the faucet over my face, the throb in my head starting to subside.

Freedom. Time away from his family. Time away from... me.