Chapter 56

Two weeks after the Paynes had left, I was out on the boat with Scott, Brittany, and Tiff. It had been a rough day of cleaning for Britt and me. One of our clients had been sick and missed a couple weeks of our regularly scheduled cleans. An afternoon on the lake had sounded like the perfect way to wash off all the ick.

Now that we were out here though, I realized what a gigantic mistake it’d been. Ever since they’d left, I’d avoided the Manor as far as I possibly could, not even looking in its direction from the parts of the beach or town from which one could see it.

Scott had driven us out to the center of the lake this afternoon, and from there, there was no avoiding the place. Styles Manor sat as regal and beautiful as ever across the sparkling lake, a constant reminder of the heartache I’d been living with for half a month now.

I knew it wasn’t that long, but it felt like it had been years. Like my heart would never stop aching and the pain would simply become part of me one of these days.

As I settled back on the boat, my eyes hidden behind a pair of aviators I’d borrowed from Scott as I lounged in the sun, I looked at the Manor and sighed. This summer had changed everything for me. I’d finally gotten to have my own love story, but it had turned out to have a lonesome ending instead of a happily ever after.

On the other hand, my story was seemingly rather similar to Lucille’s. I’d spent most of my free time these last couple weeks reading more of her journal entries and I’d learned that their story had been far from perfect itself.

All my previous beliefs about them had been shattered now that I knew how things had really been between them. Rather than having had this epic romance for the ages, I now knew that Lucille and Robert had lived separate lives for years after their children had been born.

He hadn’t been a natural father at all and he’d really only stepped in once the kids had been over the age of five. Lucille had carried the weight of their family alone for years before he’d taken an interest in their children.

During that time, it seemed they’d grown apart so much that they’d practically become strangers to one another. While they had shared that big, beautiful house, she’d spent her time with the babies or chasing after them once they’d become toddlers. She’d cooked their meals and cleaned their bodies and their home. She’d given the kids her all while Robert had been primarily in his study.

It had gotten so bad at times that he hadn’t even taken his meals with the family. From what I’d read, it seemed he’d basically become a recluse, snapping and snarling at the kids when they disturbed him while he worked. Which had been all the time.

Once the kids had been old enough to reason with, to listen, and to have conversations, he’d finally stopped his crap. Slowly but surely, their marriage had gotten better again but I still felt in Lucille’s entries that she’d never fully forgiven him.

Nor had she ever told him that their second child had been born from an affair she’d had with the local bartender in town. A man she only referred to as “H.”

When I’d first discovered the secret, I’d been tempted to go digging. To find the identity of the man who had not only fathered one of her children, but who seemed to have kept her sane and supported her during long years of estrangement from her husband.

In the end though, I’d decided against it. I respected Lucille’s right to have kept this a secret that she’d taken to her grave, never wanting the truth to see the light of day. Some things belonged in the past and it just wasn’t my place to go disrupting her family history.

Brittany’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts. She must’ve realized I’d been staring at the Manor because she suddenly brought up the one topic she’d been skirting around for weeks. “Have you heard from Landon at all?”

I shook my head. “I don’t expect to, either. It’s better this way, though.”

After the initial shock of his decision had worn off, I’d realized that all Landon had done had been to make the call I hadn’t been strong enough to make. It still hurt deeply, but I understood why they’d had to leave.

I just wished I’d had the chance to say goodbye. That was what had really upset me—that they’d just gone.

While it was true that I hadn’t heard from Landon, Colten had reached out to me via text a couple days after they’d gotten back to LA. We’d also spoken on the phone.

Well, tried to speak, anyway.

I’d wound up crying like a baby and he’d cried too. My heart had broken for him as he’d told me how sorry he was that they’d just up and left me. How he wished things could be different. How much he hated his father for making him leave.

That last part, I’d managed to talk to him about, though. I’d told him that Landon had done what he thought was right and that he deserved some grace. He was probably hurting too, and ultimately, there really had been no other way.

Colten had agreed about his dad hurting, confiding in me that he knew Landon was having a tough time, but he’d also told me that it was just too hard. That for now, he was still too angry. I understood that. I was angry too.

In spite of the anger, I realized after they left that I had expected Landon to do what I vehemently refused to do myself. Move.

A long-distance relationship might’ve been one thing if it’d been for a specific period, but ours wouldn’t have been. My life was and always would be here, in June Lake, while the same could be said for Landon and Colten’s in LA.

Sometimes, I still wondered if we should’ve at least tried, but deep down, I knew that would only have been delaying the inevitable. What kind of future might we have had together unless one of us ended up moving to the other side of the state?

I didn’t know for sure, but the obvious answer was that we never would’ve been able to live happily ever after. Although I’d given it some more thought, I’d come to realize that moving to LA would never have made me happy.

With them, perhaps I might’ve found a measure of happiness there, but I knew I would have grown to resent Landon for it. Which wouldn’t have been fair. So finding a way to live happily ever after by following them wasn’t an option as it would never be completely happy.

Once I’d realized that, I’d also realized how unfair it was of me to have asked him to move here to June Lake. If I couldn’t consider moving, how could I ask it of him? Having thought of it like that, I’d been relieved that he’d shot down the idea.

Heartbreak sucked, but living with a man who resented me would’ve been much, much worse. As a result, that wouldn’t have been a happily ever after either.

All of which meant that as much as it had felt like it was meant to be, it simply hadn’t been. Landon hadn’t been my forever love, and the sooner I could accept that, the better.

“Has Colten contacted you again?” Scott asked, gently pressing down on the throttle to steer us away from Styles Manor. “He keeps sending me funny videos. Sweet kid. I feel sorry for him.”

“So do I,” Brittany said, sighing as she turned to me. “If you have heard from him again, do you really think it’s a good idea to keep talking to him? I know you adore him, but it might end up making it harder on him, which I know you don’t want to do.”

“I really don’t,” I agreed. “I haven’t heard from him again, though. The last time we spoke, I told him that I would always be here for him and so would everyone in June Lake, but that it was probably for the best if we didn’t talk for a while. Just to give us both time to settle back into our own lives. He seemed to understand.”

Scott grimaced. “Poor kid. That had to have been rough for both of you, but it was the right thing to do. He knows you’re here if he needs you.”

“I guess he just hadn’t needed me,” I said, sitting up to grab a water from the cooler. “Enough of this. Can we please change the subject now?”

“Finally.” Tiff laughed and lifted her sunglasses so I’d see her give me a wink. “I’ve got your back, girl. Actually, I have just the thing to take all your minds off Those Who Shall Not Be Mentioned.”

“Yeah, what’s that?” Brittany asked eagerly.

Tiff smirked. “There’s a new challenge going around social media. It might be fun if we all?—”

Scott groaned and shook his head. “Nope. There’s no way. All those challenges are pure idiocy and they always get people sent to the hospital. Or worse.”

Brittany agreed with Scott, and while they bantered back and forth with her sister about the merits and dangers of social media challenges, I glanced back at Styles Manor over my shoulder. For the rest of the afternoon, I had fun on the lake with them all, but my mind was mostly still lost in the memories I’d made this summer and what might have been.

I’d had some of the best times of my life in that beautiful old house with them, but just like Lucille and Robert’s story hadn’t been quite as perfect as I’d once thought, mine and Landon’s hadn’t been destined either. Maybe one day, a young couple would move in there and give the Manor the beautiful, happy family a place like that so richly deserved, but I doubted I’d even be around to see it.

Dallas would have to sell it or have kids of his own for that to happen, and neither of those things were likely to happen in my lifetime. The asshole.

Releasing one more sigh, I turned my back on the Manor and didn’t look at it again for the rest of the day. As hard it might be, it was time I start putting all those memories and what-ifs behind me.

Colten and Landon were gone, and at this point, I doubted they would ever be coming back, even for a visit.