Chapter 34

I’m more interested in Jewel Pendleton’s heart than I am in Lucille Styles. The words echoed through my mind, warming me up from the inside out.

I knew he’d said he wasn’t romantic anymore, but for a self-professed non-romantic, he sure knew how to charm a lady. I’d never met someone who said the kinds of things he did. Never known a man to bare his heart that way.

It was late on Monday night, but him saying that he wanted to know more about me had prompted us to come back outside instead of going upstairs to our respective bedrooms. Sitting on a garden patio, we were sipping red wine and talking.

“I never stay up this late on a school night,” I said as I cradled my glass in my hands. I had no idea where he’d gotten this wine, but it was the same one we’d had the other night and it was no less delicious now.

Landon chuckled, shrugging as he held my gaze. “I wish I could say the same, but I’ve always been a night owl. When I was younger, I used to do my best studying after Walter had gone to bed. And these days, I find it’s the only time I can really focus in my office. Once the others are gone and the phones stop ringing, that’s when my work really gets done.”

“You know, I don’t even know what line of work you’re in.” I cast a glance at the Manor, the lights on in some of the rooms inside causing an orange glow to emanate from the house. “It must be something impressive if you can afford to stay in a place like that.”

“I’m a lawyer,” he replied but left it there instead of exaggerating.

While I wondered why he would stop short, I figured he might open up a little more if I did the same in return. I smiled at him. “A lawyer, huh? I would’ve thought property magnate. Or maybe something to do with investments.”

Those green eyes lit with amusement as he shook his head at me. “Sorry to disappoint you.”

“You could never disappoint me,” I said before I could stop myself, but while I wasn’t usually quite so vocal about my thoughts, I felt safe enough to be open with him. “My father was the town drunk.”

Landon blinked hard at the sudden change of topic, the amusement evaporating from his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

I gave him a one-shouldered shrug. “It was a long time ago, but you wanted to know more about me and this is it. I was born to a man who loved booze more than his family and a woman who enabled him.”

He didn’t say anything in response, but I got it. There was nothing to say. It was what it was, and no amount of “I’m sorry’s” was going to change it. Besides, I wanted him to know about this. It was only fair. If I wanted to know everything there was to know about him—including why he’d stopped short earlier—then I had to give something of myself in return.

“Everyone knew about his drinking problem.” I took another sip of my wine and paused to savor it before I swallowed.

As much as this was my story, it was still hard to tell it to someone who hadn’t heard it before and had no idea about any of it. I wasn’t ashamed of it anymore, but that didn’t mean it was easy to talk about. It simply didn’t embarrass me or break my heart like it used to.

“He was a complete embarrassment,” I admitted, needing to say those words out loud before I carried on. I found it made it easier for me to explain the rest if I could just admit how I’d felt about it. “I hate to say that about my own father, but it’s true. He used to get fall-down drunk every afternoon, and by night time, he was usually passed out somewhere.”

“That must’ve been a tough upbringing,” he commented, his voice low and gravelly. “I’ve known a few people like that in my time and I’ve never understood how they could do that to their families.”

“I don’t think they mean to, if that helps. They’re ill. I know that now. Alcoholism is a disease, and like any other disease, you can’t just snap your fingers and be better, but you’re right. It was a tough way to grow up.”

I dragged in a deep breath. “The locals around here really rallied around us as a family to make sure our needs were met. I wore hand-me-downs from other kids all my life and so did Scott, until he was finally old enough to put our father out on his ass and tell him not to come back.”

Pain flickered in Landon’s eyes, but he didn’t interrupt me.

“He was only eighteen. It still hurts to think about how fast he had to grow up because of our dad.”

Landon reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze. “You don’t have to keep telling me about this if it hurts you. I just wanted to know you better, but that doesn’t entitle me to your entire life story if it’s too painful to tell.”

I shook my head. “It’s not too painful. Not anymore. I made my peace with it, you know? At first, I kind of defined myself by it. The daughter of the town drunk. But then I realized that I didn’t have to be just that for the rest of my life. I’m an adult now and that means that my life is my own. I get to make my own choices and I’ve chosen to take responsibility for my own story going forward.”

“I admire you for that,” he said, his tone thick with honesty. “Really. You’re so much stronger than I think you realize sometimes.”

I chuckled. “I’m not strong. I’m just an eternal optimist who has made the choice not to blame a sad life on the mistakes of my father.”

“What about your mother?” he asked. “What was she like?”

“She was amazing.” I smiled. “So loving and caring, but I thought she hated my dad. Scott and I both thought that once he was gone, she would finally be happy, but she wasn’t. She became completely unraveled after he left and she just couldn’t cope.”

“What do you mean?”

I sighed. “She started dating online, meeting up with men from other towns, and eventually, she left June Lake and started a new life somewhere else, rarely coming back to visit.”

“She left you?”

I nodded. “Scott and I visited her as often as money would allow, but she became less and less reachable over time. We don’t even know where she is now.”

He frowned, searching my eyes as he cocked his head at me. “I thought you said the other night that both your parents had passed away?”

“Neither of them have been seen or heard from for years,” I replied quietly. “All the phone numbers we’ve ever had for them are out of service. A while back, I realized that if they were still alive, we’d have known about it. Dad would’ve shown up at some point to ask for money or alcohol and Mom would’ve brought a new boyfriend home to show off her hometown.”

“This almost sounds harder than losing a parent,” he said. “At least I have closure but you never got that.”

“Thank you for understanding. It means a lot to me.” I tipped my head back and slowly filled my lungs with air before releasing it again. “Thanks for listening, but it’s not all as sad as it sounds. Scott is my family and so are Brittany and Tiff, and all the people here in June Lake. They’ve always had my back when I needed someone to lean on and I’ll always be here for them too. All things considered, we have a pretty darn good life here.”

“Agreed,” he said easily. “When we first got here, I didn’t understand it but now I think I’m starting to. Life is different here, but it really is pretty darn good.”

“What is your family like?” I asked. “Walter is your stepfather, right?”

“Yeah, he is.” The corners of his lips turned up in a fond, soft smile. “After my mother died when I was little, Walt stepped up in a huge way and became the parent I so desperately needed. If it hadn’t been for him, I would’ve ended up in the system. I’ll never stop being grateful to him for taking me in when he really didn’t have to.”

“He sounds like a good father,” I said.

Landon chuckled. “I’d be lucky to be half the father to Colten that he was to me.”

The more he spoke, the more I felt like I knew him and the deeper I wanted to connect. I felt so drawn to him, and with every word he said, his vulnerability became more and more like a gravitational force.

“What about your work?” I asked then, circling back to where we’d started. “What kind of law do you practice?”

“Criminal defense.” He waited for a beat, his eyes on mine like he was waiting for a reaction from me.

I frowned. “Okay. What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing, but most people seem to think there’s something very wrong with it.”

“Why?” My brow furrowed as I thought it over. “Everyone is entitled to a defense, right? Unless I’m missing something somewhere.”

Relief washed over his features as he nodded. “You’re not missing anything. That’s exactly it. Everyone is entitled to a defense, but a lot of people don’t see it that way until they’re the one in need of said defense. In general, people seem to think that only the worst of the worst, the bottom-feeding scum of a lawyer would defend a criminal.”

Disbelieving laughter bubbled out of me. “That doesn’t seem right. I mean, you do the crime, you do the time. I get that. I believe in it, but the justice system definitely isn’t perfect and committing a crime doesn’t always mean we should lock you up and throw away the key.”

“Exactly,” he said, becoming more animated as he spoke. His face lit up, his hands joining in the conversation. “It’s not only about keeping innocent people out of jail. It’s also about making sure that the punishment fits the crime.”

I smiled. “You clearly love what you do.”

He sighed, leaning back in his chair and shaking his head slowly from one side to the other. “I used to. I’m still very passionate about it, but I’m starting to see the cost I’ve had to pay. Time lost with Walt and my son is time I’ll never get back. And for what? To defend criminals all because I believe in the system and I feel responsible for making sure it functions the way it’s supposed to? Because I believe in a fair trial and due process?”

My eyes narrowed as my gaze swept across his face, taking in the doubt that suddenly lived in the purse of his lips and the pucker of his brow. “You don’t love it anymore?”

“No, I do.” He blew out a heavy breath. “I’m just not sure it’s worth it anymore. This summer is changing a lot for me. I was already wondering if the juice was worth the squeeze before we got here, but now? I guess I’m just really not sure I should keep doing it.”

“It’s changing a lot for me too,” I whispered, not even really knowing why my voice didn’t seem to want to work right then. “The summer, I mean. It’s changing a lot of things for me too. I just don’t really know what to do about it.”