5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Kieran knew he should take a step back. Not text Jon so often. Not respond quite so quickly when Jon texted him. There was a very loud part of him that kept screaming he was falling in deep, so deep he might not get out—and how dangerous would that be if he was wrong and Jon hadn't experienced a change of heart since he'd told him two months ago that he was straight?

"Feels like you're always glued to that, these days," Nadia, one of his longest tenured employees mentioned nonchalantly to him, gesturing to the phone in his hand.

Jon had just been telling him about the first day of rookie practice.

They're hopeless, he'd said, how am I supposed to turn these guys into NFL players? I'm gonna tear my fucking hair out if they don't start LISTENING.

Don't do it. It's a good head of hair, and it doesn't deserve to be sacrificed for some punk ass kids who think they know better than their coach.

"Yeah," Kieran agreed. He couldn't exactly argue. He knew he should pull back. Try to find a place with Jon that was just friendship, but every time the moment came when he should, he couldn't do it.

"New boyfriend?" she asked, raising a dark brown eyebrow.

"No, not really. No."

That eyebrow skated up even higher. "He doth protest too much."

"Hey, Ms. English Literature Grad Student, sometimes an answer is just an answer." He kept his tone light and teasing, but he knew what she was saying. And he felt it, deep down.

What else could he even say? No, he's just a friend, but I've got a mad, wild crush and I'm beginning to think it might be reciprocated, even though he told me the first time we met he was straight?

If he did tell Nadia all that, she'd shoot him one of those unimpressed looks he swore she practiced in front of a mirror and tell him if he wanted something, he should just go after it.

But how could he, without pushing Jon into something he'd explicitly said months ago he didn't want?

If things had changed for him, then Jon needed to be the one to say so. Kieran wasn't going to bring it up again, no matter how much he wanted to.

Thank you for always making me laugh, Jon texted back. Even though it was kind of a weird laugh-crying combo.

"See there," Nadia said as he glanced back up at her. "I've worked for you for how long . . .three years?"

"Four," Kieran said, uncertain where this was heading, but afraid he knew.

"Exactly. Four years and I've never seen you smile like that at anyone ."

"He's a friend."

Nadia crossed her arms over her chest. And then, yep, right on cue was that unimpressed glare. "He's stuck you in the friend zone?"

Kieran told himself his ego was soothed, somewhat, by her question. "It's not the friend zone if he's straight."

"Ouch." She winced. "You fell for the straight guy, huh?"

"I—"

But Nadia didn't let him finish. This was exactly why he hadn't told her about Jon before this. "You fell for the straight guy."

"Maybe he's not straight," Kieran said weakly.

"He's not straight."

That comment came from Brock, the new bartender he'd hired six months ago.

"What?" Kieran asked uncertainly.

Then he remembered. Brock had been here the last time Jon had shown up at the bar. The night Kieran had made a total fool out of himself by dropping a glass when Jon had so casually said, And people I want to fuck?

He'd forgotten, because it had been slow, so he'd texted Brock to come in late. It had picked up later in the night, but Brock's appearance had overlapped Jon's by at least forty-five minutes. Maybe an hour. Honestly, Kieran didn't remember much about that night except the look in Jon's brown eyes and the way he'd smiled and the way he'd been so undeniably charming. How much Kieran had desperately wanted to slide right over the bar and kiss him until neither of them could breathe.

"I was here, when he came in. That's the guy, right?"

Kieran froze. Jon wasn't just some random guy. He was the head coach for the Charleston Condors. Recognizable. And most definitely not out of the closet, if there even was a closet to mention.

"You see his eyes? I've not seen anyone panic like that in ages. And definitely not boss man here." Nadia gave a confident nod. "That's the guy."

"He's into you, boss. Definitely into you." Brock sounded so sure Kieran felt a surge of envy.

"He's not . . .uh . . .anything. We're just friends."

"Just friends my ass," Brock teased.

"You gonna put the moves on him?" Nadia asked, nudging him with an elbow.

"Uh, no. No ." But Kieran knew he didn't sound as sure as he'd felt only a few minutes ago. "He told me the first time we met he was straight. And he hasn't told me any differently, since then."

"Ah, I get it." Nadia nodded knowingly. "You're giving his little bisexual awakening some time to breathe. Smart. Let him come to you."

"What if he doesn't?" The question came out of him before he could snatch it back.

"Aw, honey," Nadia said, her expression growing sympathetic. "It's gonna be okay."

"It's gonna be more than okay," Brock said. "He seems like a cool guy."

Don't say who he is, don't say who he is. Especially in front of Nadia, who will never let it go.

But Brock seemed to understand that he needed to be circumspect, because he didn't say anything else.

"Now that we've had a nice long chat about my love life, who's gonna clean the bathrooms?" Kieran asked.

Nadia groaned and turned to Brock, doing their regular rock-paper-scissors game to determine who had to do the shitty job.

Kieran pulled his phone out again. Maybe you could stop by again, and laugh-cry in my general vicinity, he suggested. He hadn't invited Jon to come in since he had two weeks ago, but maybe Nadia was right. Maybe he needed to show a little bit of extra interest.

Convince Jon to meet him halfway.

God, I wish I could. I've been dreaming about your Moscow mules.

Kieran had to wonder if that was all he'd been dreaming about. Because a certain coach with kind brown eyes and the kind of lean, tan body he'd love to explore more had been occupying a very central starring position in his dreams lately.

Well, the offer's always open.

Maybe next week, Jon texted back. I'll get a reprieve from all these rookies, and it'll be a week before the veterans arrive .

Kieran told himself that Jon wasn't putting him off, he really was busy. But he couldn't stop from adding another little push. We don't always have to hang out here, at the bar, he said, I can meet you any other time.

Early in the morning, for breakfast?

Kieran knew he was teasing, because his hours meant that he never made breakfast—only brunch, at best.

For you, yeah I'd do it.

Kieran didn't expect Jon to respond to that now or maybe ever, because this was the most obvious he'd been about his feelings.

But to his surprise, Jon texted back almost immediately, before he could even put his phone into his back pocket.

Let me figure some schedule stuff out, and I'll let you know.

It wasn't a yes , or necessarily a, I understand, cause me too. But Kieran told himself it was something. He didn't want to think of it as a concession, because they weren't negotiating. But it was a branch, extending out, connecting them together even tighter than before.