Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Piper had all but forgotten about the lights. He was sated, though his body was still humming with pleasure. Juno had come back in and hadn't wanted to talk about his brother, but he had been a little worked up. Piper had stripped him down and then sucked him off until he was begging to come.

Piper had let him, but only after Juno was losing his words. And, as Piper predicted, he passed out right after.

He was dozing himself when his phone began to buzz, and it jolted him awake. Who the fuck was texting him at this hour? His mind immediately went to emergency with Phoenix, but then he fixed blurry eyes on his phone screen and saw the text.

Adam: Lights are gorgeous. Here's the spot. No one's there.

Piper scrubbed his face, then reached over and gently shook Juno awake. His lover blinked, his eyes crossing for a second, and then he sat up and rubbed at them. "Sorry, sugar. But Adam texted, and he said we can go see the lights if you want to."

Juno stared, then nodded. He got out of bed wordlessly, his limbs sleep-heavy and kind of sweet as he pawed through his suitcase. He came away with tight sweatpants and a matching hoodie, and he looked so comfortable Piper wanted to bundle him against his chest and say fuck it and stay in.

But he knew this was probably Juno's last chance. Juno hadn't said anything, but Piper could tell something was going on. He was messing with his right eye more, closing it and trying to focus with his left. He was practicing.

Piper's heart was breaking a little because while he knew that going blind wasn't a death sentence—hell, it would only offer a handful of roadblocks, and so many people thrived without any sight at all—he knew it was hurting his lover.

His boyfriend .

He felt silly being his age and using that word, but Juno had offered it timidly and tenderly when he'd come back upstairs, so Piper embraced it with everything he had.

He stood up, toeing his shoes on, then grabbed Juno by his long sleeve and tugged him close. "Boyfriend," he said aloud.

That got him smiling. He turned his face up and took a kiss, which Piper offered happily. He still didn't say anything, but he kept in close as they made their way down through the empty lobby and to the car.

"Tell me you're okay," Piper asked the moment they got on the road. He tried to see the lights in the distance, but the trees were too thickly lined. They had half an hour to the field, and he didn't mind driving in silence so long as Juno wasn't spiraling.

"I'm okay." Juno's voice was sleep-thick and rough, but he didn't sound upset. "I was dreaming about you."

Piper glanced over at him. "A good dream?"

To Piper's horror, he shook his head. "You left me on the side of the road. And you were driving really slow, but my body was doing that thing, you know? In dreams?"

"Where it feels like you're running on sand?" Piper offered.

"Yeah. And I was shouting your name and begging you to come back, but you just kept going."

"I won't."

Juno laughed. "Oh, honey. I know that. My therapist and I talked about shit like this years ago. It's my subconscious dealing with my fears. For a while, it was so bad we both thought I might have BPD. I'm kind of surprised I don't, actually."

"I don't know what that is," Piper admitted.

"Borderline Personality Disorder," Juno said. "Tends to happen to guys like me who go through what I did. I relate with people who have it. I can get super irrational if I'm afraid that things are going to fall apart. But I was able to control those compulsions on my own, and I cope a little better than I did when I was younger. Now, it tends to manifest at night when I'm asleep."

"What can I do?"

"Your kisses help," Juno said.

"They're all yours."

They fell into an easier silence as Piper continued driving, and after twenty minutes, the road curved, and the road opened up. He could see them there. The lights. They were thick greens dancing in waves along the skyline. He knew it wasn't as intense or profound as people saw them in Scandinavia, but they were enough.

They rolled and waved gently and slowly, and while he understood the science behind it, that ceased to matter as he pulled onto a dirt road and eventually to a little pullout. The lake was in the distance, and the sky was opened brightly to them.

"I see it," Juno whispered.

Piper hadn't realized how badly he needed to hear those words. He had no idea how far gone Juno's eyes were now, and he knew he'd need to ask. But for now, this was enough. He climbed out of the car and walked around to Juno's side, offering his hand after he opened the door.

Juno took it, and the pair of them crawled carefully onto the hood of the car. Juno lay back against the glass, and Piper followed him, curling in close while keeping his face tilted toward the stars.

"It looks like magic," Juno whispered after a long forever.

Piper picked up his hand and kissed his knuckles. "It is magic."

"Is that your scientific opinion?"

Piper grinned at him and gently toyed with the tips of his fingers. "It is. My extremely educated, doctoral scientific opinion."

" Are you a doctor?" Juno asked.

Piper laughed. "Yes, I am a doctor of astrophysics."

Juno sat up, taking his eyes off the sky, fixing his gaze on Piper. "Shouldn't you be a fancy professor in some university lab with a bow tie and a vest and briefcase, getting kids excited about space and shit?"

"I wasn't meant for the classroom," Piper told him. In truth, he didn't know what he was meant for. He'd always followed the path that seemed most logical. Being with Juno was the most reckless thing he'd ever done, and he wanted to keep being reckless. He was done doing what people expected of him. "I'm happy with how I am now."

Juno eased back down, laying his head against Piper's chest. He lifted a hand and traced the wavy shape of the green lights. "Is this your first time out here?"

"Yes," Piper told him. He leaned down and nosed along Juno's curls. "I'm glad it's with you." Piper knew he didn't have a lot of firsts left in his life, so he planned to hoard all the ones he had with the man in his arms. "Was it worth it?"

"All of this has been worth it."

Piper almost asked him then about his eyes, but the moment felt precious. It was tender and quiet and good. He wasn't going to ruin that. There was time to talk later. They had a long road ahead, and his brother's wedding next. And then they'd be going back home where real life was going to hit them whether they liked it or not.

"My brother wants to see me," Juno said, his voice so soft it was almost a whisper.

Piper took his time to respond. He didn't want his words to startle Juno. He didn't want to do anything that would stop his boyfriend from opening up. "Is that a good thing?"

"I think so. I didn't think I'd feel this way," Juno said. He started to play with the hem of Piper's sweater, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger. "I thought I'd feel…I don't know. Apathetic? Maybe curious? When I found my aunt and a couple of my cousins, I was just looking for some kind of connection, but they were so hateful and angry—like it was my fault my mom turned out the way she did. And I don't know, maybe I was the reason."

"You were not," Piper said fiercely.

Juno sighed and shrugged. "Anyway, he's my half brother through my dad's side. He didn't know him either. His mom died when he was little, and he was brought up by his aunt."

Piper stroked a hand down Juno's back, refusing to interrupt.

"He was kind. He was…I think he was happy to hear from me. He wants time to tell his wife and kids." Juno let out a trembling breath. "He has a trans daughter. He's a queer ally."

"Were you worried about that?"

Juno laughed. "Very. He could have been some bigoted whacko who hated everything I am. But he's not."

Piper held him a little tighter.

"He lives in Connecticut. I don't know where, but I thought maybe I could— we could—go visit when I get back. It's close to Rhode Island, so I could see Oliver. Miles can come with. You could meet everyone."

"Is that what you want?"

Juno pushed away from him and turned, resting his forearms on Piper's chest. He held his gaze as he nodded. "That's what I want. I want you. And they're my family. It's important to me."

"And if they hate me?"

Juno laid his head back down. "Then I'll dunk them in the fucking lake repeatedly like a medieval witch until they get their heads out of their asses and see how amazing you are."

Piper blinked, then burst into laughter and held Juno as tightly as he could without stealing his breath.

Juno wanted to go antiquing the next day. Piper wasn't sure Juno knew what that meant, but he looked up a few places on his phone and found a small town fifty miles down the road, so they went. They had lunch, and Juno bought a couple of vintage cross-stitches still in their wooden frames.

Piper had been browsing old telescopes and was debating about buying one when he looked over to see Juno running his fingers over the cloth. He walked over and leaned in, pressing a kiss to Juno's cheekbone.

"You like them?"

"I was thinking I might need tactile decorations," Juno said softly, tracing the letters. One of them was a poem that Piper thought he recognized, but he couldn't place it. TS Eliot, maybe? Something about the moon and her memory, but Juno's fingers were still in the way. "I don't have a lot of art. You saw my place. There wasn't a lot of space to decorate. But, uh…maybe when I move in…"

"We'll figure it out together," Piper promised. He took the cross-stitch out of Juno's hands and set it aside, then held Juno's knuckles to his mouth for a long moment. "The extra room will be yours. I want you in my bed every night, and I don't think it's too fast for me, but I want you to have space, okay? I want you to feel like some of what I have now belongs to you."

Juno swallowed so heavily Piper heard it click in his throat. "Thank you."

Piper had a feeling Juno needed to hear that. He lifted his chin and kissed him. "Get the cross-stitches. Whichever ones you want."

So he did. And then he got a figurine of a crow sitting on some books. Piper didn't end up getting the telescope, but he got a couple of old black-and-white photos of the Milky Way shot in Yellowstone. He laid everything carefully in the trunk, and then they found a quaint spot for lunch before heading back to town.

They had hours before they were supposed to meet Adam at the observatory, and for the first time since they hit the road, Piper was feeling the travel in his bones. He wasn't an old man, but he was older. Life hit him a little harder.

"Do you mind if I nap?" he asked as he shut the door to their room.

"No." Juno lifted high onto his toes, taller than Piper when he did that, and he kissed him. "I'm going for a walk."

Piper almost asked Juno if he wanted him to tag along, but he realized Juno probably needed the space. It didn't hurt his feelings like he thought it would. He understood it more than anything. So instead of saying that, he stole a kiss, then flopped on the bed and started to doze to the sound of Juno's quiet laughter.

He was out before the door was shut.