Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

Juno couldn't stop thinking about Piper. He pictured him in the kitchen, swallowing down his pill with water. He could picture the way his throat would bob and the way he'd swipe his mouth with the back of his hand. He could see him clear as day, taking a moment with eyes closed to absorb the enormity of what he'd done.

Because Juno knew this moment was important.

Piper had been afraid to get hard, afraid to exert himself. Afraid to come. He had no idea what it would do to him, and he knew that hearing the news from the doctor that he could have this was something he hadn't been expecting. Piper was like him in a lot of respects: he was afraid to hope.

So tonight was a gift. He had no idea if the medication would work, but at the very least, he was going to make Piper feel good. He didn't care what it took.

He sank further into the water, his eyes still closed as he felt popping bubbles all around him. The rental was stocked with a bunch of freshly unwrapped items from Lush—he recognized the smell from the few times he'd let himself indulge over the years.

He used a bath bomb and a bubble bar, and he was simmering in floral, pinkish water with suds all the way up to his chin. It was nice. He had his hair piled high on his head, and he ran his fingers through the bubbles.

This was something he could do blind. He didn't need sight to treat himself like this. The feel of it, the smell, it was enough.

Then the door opened, and Piper walked in. He felt a small burst of heat from the large tent Piper was sporting in his sweats. He'd changed into comfy clothes, and he looked so fucking good. He had a V-neck T-shirt, which showed off a bit of chest hair, which was dark but starting to grey, and his forearms bulged as he braced himself, going down to his knees beside the tub.

"Looks like it worked," Juno said.

Piper hummed as he stuck his hand in the water and ran it back and forth through the bubbles. "Yeah. It feels…"

Juno waited.

"Different."

"How?" Juno rolled to the side and hooked his arm over the tub as Piper's hand moved up and down his back. He arched into the touch like a cat.

"Not artificial, but it feels like I didn't work for it," Piper admitted. "I think it's a mental thing."

"Do you stay hard like that the whole time?"

At that, Piper laughed. "No, sugar. I didn't get hard until I started thinking about you here in this tub. Naked. Touching yourself."

"I wasn't touching myself. I was waiting for you," Juno told him.

Piper groaned softly and leaned over, his fingers searching until he found what he was looking for. He grazed a hand over Juno's balls, easing his legs apart wider—wider—until he could cup them in his palm. Juno grunted softly, his hips moving in the water. It sloshed against the side, getting Piper all wet, but the older man didn't seem to notice or care.

"More," Juno begged after a long forever of feeling Piper's hand get close to his cock but without taking it in his hand. "Touch me."

Piper grinned down at him. "I am touching you, gorgeous."

Juno's eyes narrowed. "You know what I mean." For a moment, he felt a small surge of panic. Was Piper going to make him beg for it? Plead for it? For him, that idea wasn't sexy at all. It reminded him far too much of being a child, of adults getting off on watching him want, listening to him ask and denying him over and over.

But Piper seemed to know, almost like an instinct, because instead of teasing him more, he leaned further over the tub and took Juno's hard dick into the circle of his fingers. "Like this?"

"Yeah," Juno breathed. "Fuck."

"Mm. Definitely plan to do that later. Right now, I want to make you come." His hand sped up. Water was getting absolutely everywhere. Bubbles flew into his face as Juno rocked his hips, making waves like a miniature sea in a hurricane as his body moved with the rhythm of Piper's arm.

His orgasm was the eye of the storm. It couldn't be stopped. He couldn't delay it. He was powerless to the thunder in his veins as pleasure crashed through him. He had no idea why it was so powerful. He succumbed, his vision whiting out, his ears ringing, his body almost numb save for the ecstasy hitting him in waves and bursts.

He felt himself spill into the water, his dick twitching as Piper squeezed the tip, then dragged his hand to the base to hold him. It was glorious, until it wasn't. Until suddenly, he realized the water was soiled.

The idea of spunk in the water took him out of the postorgasm bliss with an almost violence. He felt panicked about it, and he pulled himself out of the tub, almost knocking Piper over.

"Hey," Piper said as Juno scrambled for a towel. "Hey, what happened?"

He didn't know. He had no idea why that hit him. He was trembling all over, and the moment Piper touched him, pulling him into his lap, he went boneless. A sob lodged in his throat, and he buried his face against Piper's neck. He didn't feel like crying, though. He felt like screaming.

"What did I do?"

Juno shifted and felt Piper's cock against his hip. It was soft now. He'd fucked it all up. "I'm sorry." His voice trembled in the back of his throat. "I—I don't…" He took a slow breath and tried to focus. He had flashes of memories—visions of a home he'd been in when he was four. He was forced to share water with four other kids close to his age. One of them had pissed in it.

He cried, but the woman caring for them had told him to quit complaining and wash up. He'd felt dirty for days. He swore he smelled like piss, though there had been plenty of soap to wash himself.

But the fact that he hadn't been allowed to get clean with fresh water—to actually feel clean—it had tormented him.

He just hadn't realized how deeply that moment had burrowed into his soul.

"Can we not do that again? Uh. In the bath?"

Piper lifted his chin. "Never again." He didn't ask why. He didn't want an explanation. He just made the vow like it was the easiest thing in the world to do. It hit Juno hard because even his friends would have wanted to know what was going on in his head.

They would have demanded he relive it aloud. They would have called it therapeutic—and maybe it would have been—but he couldn't face that here.

Piper touched his jaw carefully. "May I kiss you?"

"Yes." God, yes. He needed that. It was cleansing. Piper's lips were soft, and his tongue was warm. The kiss had none of the previous demands Piper had laid on him. It was claiming, but it was also freeing. "I'm sorry I ruined it."

"You didn't ruin anything," Piper said. Juno's eyes cut down to where his ass was pressed against Piper's crotch, and Piper laughed. "Sugar, I had no intention of coming right now. I plan to save all this up for after dinner. When we're in bed and I can fuck you properly. Bathtub sex is never fun."

"Or clean," Juno said.

Piper lifted a brow, but he said nothing more. He eased Juno off his lap, then climbed to his feet and tugged him close again. "Go get dressed in something comfy. Dinner's almost ready. The steaks are resting, and I have rice on the stove and veggies roasting."

Simple fare and exactly what he needed. Small comforts for a small man living a small life. But he liked himself that way. And he couldn't help but notice that Piper seemed to also.

Dinner was quiet. At first, Juno thought it was because of his freak-out, but Piper was calm and relaxed, smiling and nodding every time Juno spoke. He listened like he wanted to, not like he was obligated, and when they were done, he stacked the dishes and told Juno they could worry about them in the morning.

Juno expected to be dragged back to the bed, but Piper instead pulled him into the solarium. There was a huge sofa with massive, squashy cushions, and the ceiling was glass, like they were in a giant greenhouse.

As Juno got settled, Piper turned off all the lights. Darkness surrounded him almost in a rush, and his heart began to pound. He couldn't see much of the dark with his left eye. The blind spot was a hazy, unchanging grey fog. And when he looked up at the sky, he realized it was almost impossible to see the stars. Even if he closed his left eye, he couldn't stop his awareness of the loss.

"Bad idea?" Piper asked as he settled next to Juno.

"No." His stomach was sitting at his feet with his realization. "I think I can't see the stars anymore, though."

"Give it time," Piper promised.

Juno wanted to be angry at him. What the hell kind of advice was that? But his right eye began to adjust to the darkness, and then he saw them—little pinpricks of light. Most of them were small and hazy, but there were a couple that were bright, like a little tea light out in space.

"Better?" Piper asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, it is." Juno didn't mind admitting that he'd been wrong. "Do you know what that bright one is?"

"Jupiter," Piper told him without having to stop and think about it. "She's always out this time of year."

Juno turned his head to look at him. "Why do you call Jupiter a she? Isn't he the king of the Roman gods?"

Piper's smile was very soft. "Which would make you his queen?" He touched Juno's cheek briefly. "I call her that because she protects Earth. I've never really believed in any sort of god before, but she's in the exact right spot that keeps asteroids from destroying us. I don't think a man would do that."

"You would," Juno said quietly.

Piper huffed a laugh and shrugged. "Maybe now. When I was younger, I was an asshole. I was tired and frustrated and overworked. I could have been kinder. I used to hate that I wasn't a better man back then, but maybe if I had been, I would have found someone to fall in love with."

"Why is that a bad thing?" Juno couldn't help but ask. That was the dream, wasn't it? To find love? To spend your life without being so damn lonely?

Piper knocked his forehead against Juno's temple and breathed deeply. "Because then I probably wouldn't be here with you, and that thought is unbearable."

Juno felt those words like a physical blow—not unkind, but powerful enough to knock him off his feet if he hadn't already been lying down. He turned his face toward Piper. He'd seen enough of the stars for now. He'd seen enough of the stars for a lifetime, in fact, but not nearly enough of Piper.

It felt almost cruel to lose his face so soon after finding it. He reached for him, and Piper surged into his touch. "Tell me what you're thinking, sugar."

Juno couldn't. He didn't want to give voice to his fears then. He wanted to bask in the moment of quiet stillness and simmering want. He turned his face up, and Piper understood immediately. He cupped Juno's cheek and pushed his tongue between his lips. Juno accepted the kiss with a heavy groan, his body rolling into Piper's.

Massive hands reached for his thighs, pulling him, twisting their bodies until he was straddling Piper's waist, his legs in a wide v. And then he felt it. Piper was hard, throbbing against his own stiff cock, and Piper let out a heavy groan as Juno rolled his hips.

"Not here," Piper said in a ragged whisper. "The bed. Please."

Juno didn't argue, though he kissed him for a long, lush moment before pulling away. His knees trembled a little as his feet hit the floor, and he offered a hand out to Piper, who took it. They stood there a moment, just staring. Juno did his best to paint another picture in his mind. Maybe he'd forget one day. He probably would.

That was life.

But he'd hold on to it for as long as he was allowed.