Chapter Two

Bothilda

Aka BOB

G oddess, my head hurt, and my ears were still ringing after shaking all day, but the nannies had finally tired of me, fanning out around my vessel onto their backs, satisfied smiles etched into their faces. Only a solo candle flickered, casting dull shadows on the wall. All other candles had been doused by the nasty stuff that sprayed from between the nannies’ legs, the same sticky stuff that coated my silicone prison. Gross.

I froze when I heard the flap on the door open and the creak, creak, creak of squeaky wheels as four bucks pushed in a rusty roller skate. What in Goddess’s name were they doing? They stopped the skate beside me, then heaved and hawed while lifting my vessel and trying to put it inside the skate, but the darned thing kept rolling away from them. Several nannies let out blubbery snorts while rolling onto their sides, and I feared they’d wake at any moment.

Finally, the skate stopped when it was wedged against the corner of a wall, and they dropped me onto the floor twice before finally stuffing me inside the stinky skate, depositing me next to a small phone with a cracked screen and only half of its battery life left.

And then a cry rang out. Followed by another. “Them taking our shaky weewee!”

The bucks gasped and then broke into a run, pushing me down a ramp and through a narrow passageway, running as if their lives depended on it, the stampede of hundreds of angry nannies echoing behind us. When we dodged several toothpick spears, I realized the bucks’ lives certainly depended on how fast their stubby little legs could carry us.

We turned a corner and ran down another ramp, then out through a hole in the wall and across an uneven floor. A woman hollered, her snakes rattling on her head as she jumped up from a worn sofa and grabbed a broom. When she raised that broom above us, I hit her with my light, my only defense while I was tied to my silicone prison.

She screamed, shielding her eyes, then slammed the broom down on top of a cluster of nannies behind us just as we passed through another hole in the wall. A handful of nannies who hadn’t been crushed retreated with terrified screams, though two managed to get around the broom and continue the chase. The bucks should’ve been able to handle two nannies, but they picked up their pace, running and screaming as if the hounds of hell were on their heels. That’s when I noticed one of the nannies wielded a sharp pair of hair nostril trimmers like a spear.

We ran through another tunnel, and then were hit with a blinding light when we resurfaced in an outside alley that smelled of garbage and mold.

The bucks shouted when a yowl sounded from behind, followed by a hiss. An orange tabby and a mangy black cat landed on top of the screaming nannies, smacking the weapons out of their hands and batting them between their paws before snapping their necks. The bucks came to a halt, the skate tipping on its side when it hit a pothole. Two more mangy cats landed in front of us.

The bucks yelled, waving pencils at them. The cats answered with ghoulish hisses, their hair standing up on end, and I knew the gnomes were cat food if I didn’t intervene. I turned on the vibration and rolled out of the skate, startling the cats who jumped into the sky with terrified hisses as if their feet were spring-loaded.

“Go, go, go!” one of the gnomes hollered. They rolled my vessel back into the skate and pushed us out of the hole. My head rattled as we raced across the uneven gravel, disappearing into another crack in the opposite wall.

Chieftain Dingleberry of the tribe Fungi-Toes

“THIS BAD IDEA,” brUDER Sixfingers grumbled as he pushed the skate with a groan. “Me know we shouldn’t go on quest.”

Chieftain Dingleberry was tired of hearing the other bucks complain after pushing the skate all day through abandoned buildings that stank of mold and decay. They had already eaten and drank most of their cheese and beer and had no way to replenish it without any pantries to raid. He leaned his staff against the skate wheel and removed the watch lamp attached to his head, setting it on the floor. The light illuminated the dark, dank space between the walls. He scowled at Bruder Sixfingers while wiping sweat from his brow. “Then turn back if you coward.”

“Me not coward.” Bruder Sixfingers stopped pushing, the color draining from his ruddy cheeks. “Cats ate tribe nannies!”

“It okay,” Bruder Gobbleneck said. “Those ones ugly.”

Bruder Bumblenose balled up his fists and puffed up his wide chest while his big nose turned as red as a dragon’s pecker. “One of them cousin.”

Bruder Gobbleneck threw up his hands. “They all cousins!”

“Silence!” Chief D banged his staff and gave them all an angry look. “We bring more cats with fighting.” Then he yanked the map the mage had given him out of his vest pocket, spreading it out on the dusty floor. “We follow map here.” He pointed to a big red X in the center of a cluster of what the mage said were trees that appeared to be at least another day’s journey. “And leave shaky weewee in park of many trees.”

“No.” Bruder Sixfingers used his extra thumb to point through a crack in the wall toward a rusty toilet. “We go that way and leave shaky weewee in sewer of many poops.”

Chief D shook his head while ire heated his chest and face. “Weewee must go to trees or dryad curse tribe.”

“Me no care.” Bruder Sixfingers pouted, stomping a foot. “Sewer is closer.”

“Nannies might find weewee in sewer,” Bruder Gobbleneck said.

Bruder Sixfingers shrugged. “It be broke by then.”

“It not be broke. It run on magic, dummyhead!” Chief D smacked Bruder Sixfingers across the back of the head with his staff. “We go to park.”

Scowling, Bruder Sixfingers rubbed the back of his head. “You bad chieftain.”

The other bucks gasped.

Chief D was big mad. He clutched his staff so hard, he felt the plastic bend beneath his fingers. He glared at Bruder Sixfingers. “You push back of skate for whole journey.”

Bruder Sixfingers’s face fell, his ruddy cheeks matching the red in his beard. “That not fair.”

“That right.” Chief D puffed up his chest, daring Bruder Sixfingers to challenge him. “Me bad chieftain.” When Bruder Sixfingers averted his gaze, Chief D knew he’d won, but he also feared the others would side with Bruder Sixfingers once they ran out of beer and cheese. It didn’t take much for a chieftain to lose favor with his tribe, and he needed them to complete this quest or else suffer the wrath of the dryad.

AFTER PUSHING THE SKATE all day through alley of bad smells while hiding from big, scary cats and almost falling into the sewer of many poops, the bruders of tribe Fungi-Toes finally arrived at a large house at the end of the block. Many houses on this block had been empty, but this one smelled like bread and fried onions, so the bucks hoped they would find cheese and beer.

They squeezed the skate through a crack in the wall and used their phone light to see into the dark, musty space, gasping when they were met with hundreds of pairs of blinking eyes. Chief D gave a start, fearing they were about to be eaten by giant spiders.

“Uhh, Chieftain.” Bruder Gobbleneck nudged Chief D in the side. “We got company.”

Chieftain D shone his light on the eyes, then breathed a sigh of relief when he saw they were other gnomes, though they wore their beards shorter than the gnomes in tribe Fungi-Toes and many had eyes that crossed and big front teeth.

One gnome, with a bushy red beard and a crown that looked like a woman’s diamond ring on top of his head, stepped forward with a grunt. “Friend or foe?”

“Friend.” Chief D puffed up his chest. “I Chieftain Dingleberry, but you may call me Chief D. We are from tribe Fungi-Toes.”

The red-bearded chieftain nodded. “And I Chieftain Wigglestick, but you may call me Chief W, and this tribe Moldy-Bread.” He motioned toward the others behind him. “You come to steal our nannies?”

Chief D grimaced at the cross-eyed nannies that looked at him with eager smiles, their two front teeth making them look like beavers. “No.” He vehemently shook his head. “We go on quest to park of many trees to deliver dryad in shaky weewee.” Chief D cringed when the nannies all gasped, their eyes uncrossing long enough to gape at the purple menace sticking out of the skate.

Chief W banged his staff on the floor. “Explain.”

Chief D stepped protectively in front of the skate. “Me rather explain to chieftain alone.”

Chief W widened his stance while protruding his broad chest. “What you can say to me, you can say to all.”

Chief D swallowed while nervously eyeing the nannies who all crowded forward. “Shaky weewee make nannies go cuckoo head.” He gripped his staff as the nannies pressed in closer. “It has spirit of dryad inside. We release her in park of many trees.”

The nannies ‘oohed’ and ‘ahhed,’ their eyes crossing and uncrossing while they eagerly licked their lips and rubbed their stubby hands together.

This was no good. Chief D didn’t want to have to battle these nannies, too. If they weren’t almost out of cheese and beer, and also afraid of cats attacking them while they slept, he would’ve retreated, but they had nowhere else to go. He shrugged the sack off his back, rummaging through it. “We bring offering to tribe Moldy-Bread,” he said as he pulled out the shiny button from the bag. “It from witch of pretty clothes.”

The crowd gasped as Chief W took the button and held it up for all to see. “It look like button from Enchantress coat.”

“Yes, it do,” Chief D said while exchanging looks with his bruders. “We ask in exchange for cheese and beer and place to sleep.”

His bruders grumbled their agreement while rubbing their hungry bellies.

“Me sorry,” Chief W said as he passed the button on to another buck, “but shaky weewee no allowed inside Moldy-Bread den or nannies go cuckoo head, too.”

“Aww.” The nannies collectively sighed.

“B-but cats will eat us,” Chief D stammered, angry that they took the button.

Chief W dragged a hand through his beard, a faraway look in his eyes. “Many moons ago, our nannies find shaky weewee called Magic Bullet. We no have offspring for two month until we throw weewee in sewer of many poops.” He scowled at the closest nanny. “We can offer shelter, but no with us.”

Chief D swallowed back his apprehension. “Where?”

“There.” He pointed through the crack in the wall leading toward the alley where a trashcan sat upside down. “Cats can no get inside.”

Chief D’s bruders grumbled their displeasure.

“It stink there,” he blurted.

Chief W shrugged. “It better than being eaten like mice.”

Chief D dragged a hand down his face, heaving a blubbery breath. “Okay.” It’s not like they had much choice. Besides, the shaky weewee would probably be safer there.

“We bring you cheese and beer,” Chief W said. “You be safe there until morning. Then you must leave before nannies wake.” He placed a hand across his heart and humbly bowed. “We wish you luck on your journey, bruders, and many blessings from the Enchantress.”

Bruders Sixfingers, Gobbleneck, and Bumblenose all sighed at the mention of her name.

Chief D arched a bushy brow. He’d never heard of Enchantress blessings. He’d have to remember that one, for the thought of her instantly warmed his heart. “Thank you bruders and seesters.” Placing a hand across his heart, he bowed, too. “We wish tribe Moldy-Bread the blessings of many keys, cheese, and shiny phones.” He cleared his throat, adding, “For to watch Enchantress.”

The bucks of tribe Moldy-Bread all sighed, too.