Chapter Five

CHAPTER FIVE

Blakely

“Now this is self-care.”

I lift my foot out of the water. Bubbles form a chain around my ankle, dripping lazily back into the tub. I close my eyes, resting my head against a bath pillow that doesn’t slip no matter how much I move. And, after fiddling around with the buttons on the side, I discovered the glass opens onto a small balcony, essentially allowing you to bathe outside … but not.

It’s incredible.

Citrus and eucalyptus scents fill the room. I searched high and low for bubble bath but came up empty. My shampoo sufficed, and thanks to a candle by the bed, I created a mini in-room spa experience. Close enough, anyway .

Hot water caresses my body, causing the stress and tension I’ve been carrying to leach into the tub.

And, apparently, my emotions.

Tears prickle my eyes as I gaze through the windows and across the Strip. It’s a beautiful view from a luxury suite that I’m enjoying while preparing for a night out with three of my closest friends. I’m so lucky, so grateful. But still …

My chest burns from holding back an ugly cry just beneath the surface.

Birthdays are always hard.

Growing up, Mom would treat birthdays with the pageantry of a royal coronation. There would be balloons greeting you in the hallway when you woke up. A cupcake for breakfast. A rendition of “Happy Birthday” that was off-pitch and wonderful. There would be the warmest hugs and multicolored icing—enough sprinkles to drown a small child. And laughter— so much laughter .

I’ve been dreading this day for weeks. I dread Brock’s too. With every year that passes, it’s more time without Mom—the sound of her voice fading, the warmth of her hugs harder to remember. I’m that much closer to losing Brock, too.

Although I’d never admit it to him, or anyone, I secretly fear the day he gets married. I hate that I feel this way and feel so guilty about it. But he’s my only family, and I’ll be alone when he starts his own.

Unless I get my shit together and start one myself.

“I’m not alone right now,” I whisper, pulling my fingers out of the water and watching droplets form and fall into the bath. “So go enjoy the night, live it up with my friends, and start Operation Get Your Shit Together tomorrow.”

I sniffle before taking a deep breath and blowing it out slowly. Breathe in new beginnings and exhale the old.

“Hey, Blakely. I need your help,” Ella says from the other side of the bathroom door.

I sink lower beneath the bubbles. “Come in.”

She nearly trips on her armful of dresses and catches herself on the sink.

I giggle. “If you had packed less, you would have fewer choices to struggle with.”

“Don’t talk to me like that.” She drops a load of colorful fabrics on the counter. “Negative energy isn’t welcome here.”

“I’m sorry.”

She blows a lock of hair out of her face and sits on the edge of a footstool. “I’m glad you’re as far behind as I am with getting ready.”

“How long has it been?”

“Since I was up here, and we agreed to leave in an hour? Forty-five minutes.”

“ Shit .”

She laughs. “It’s fine. I think Brock knew better and made the reservations for later to begin with. I don’t know what I was thinking, giving us an hour to get ready. Did I forget who we are?”

I eye the dresses filling the basin. “So how many have you narrowed it down to?”

“Four.”

I snort.

She pulls out an emerald-green garment. “I love this color, and this cut is great on me, but I’m not sure it’s birthday festive . It might be more holiday party .” She holds it against her body. “Thoughts? Opinions?”

“That’s definitely Christmas with acquaintances.”

“That’s what I thought.” She trades it for a canary-yellow option. “What about this one?”

I hum in thought. “That’s more beach vacation, I think.”

“Dammit. You’re right.” She picks up a black dress with a bit of sparkle. “I really like this one.”

I run my hands through the water, ensuring the bubbles cover my bits. “Me too. And you are always hot in black. But what else did you bring?”

“This.” She holds up a red number that I know from previous outings looks incredible on her. “I love this one too. But I feel super bloated today, and I’m not sure how it really looks. I tried them all on for Brock, but he was no help at all.”

“I bet he was absolutely riveted about the dress options with you standing naked in front of him.”

Ella shrugs. “You do make a valid point.”

“Try on the black and the red ones for me. We’ll see which one makes you feel the prettiest.”

Relief washes across her face. “You’re the greatest.”

“I know.”

We exchange a smile as she strips off Brock’s T-shirt. Modesty left this friendship months ago.

“So,” she says, grinning. “How was it with Renn?”

I smile, sinking even deeper into the water.

“Go. Put some distance between us. Now.”

“Oh, it was fine,” I say, hoping I can blame my blush on the water.

“ It was fine , my ass. Things are never fine with the two of you unless that means on the verge of fornication.”

I laugh. The movement causes a wave of bath water to roll into my open mouth, choking me.

Ella laughs harder. “See? God knew you were about to lie to me and stopped you.”

My palm presses against my chest as if the motion will help expel the liquid from my lungs. I cough and sputter until all that’s left is the taste of soap.

“How’s this?” Ella does her best model walk across the travertine. “Black is slimming, and the lace peeking out at the tops of my boobs is super sexy, right?”

“You’re hot. Try the red, though, to be sure.”

She busies herself by swapping dresses.

My mind, however, floats to Renn.

“Remember something,” he says, eyes sparkling. “You said no.”

“No, I didn’t. We said no.”

He releases me slowly, smirking. “I didn’t say shit.”

Even if nothing can come of it, Renn’s attention is fun. It boosts my confidence. It makes me feel like Ella looks in the black dress— sexy .

I usually avoid being so outright playful with men, lest they get the wrong idea. There aren’t many men, maybe zero, that you can tease without them thinking you’ll sleep with them later. The line between flirting and fucking muddies too easily. But with Renn, too many reasons exist for us not to blur those lines, and we both know it.

I think .

“What’s that face about?” Ella asks, checking herself out in the mirror.

“Nothing. Just thinking.”

“About …”

“Why are you so nosy?” I laugh.

She whips around, hands on her hips. “Because I know the answer. I was just being polite and allowing you to bring him back up.”

My laughter fades.

“May I just make one quick point?” she asks.

“You’re going to anyway, so sure.”

“And you will never tell Brock I said this?”

I look at her warily.

“I’m taking that as a yes,” she says, perching on the stool again. “There’s a difference between flings, feelings, and forever.”

“Wow. Look at you getting deep.”

She rolls her eyes. “I’m ignoring that.”

“Great.”

She doesn’t ignore it.

“Look, I haven’t seen you and Renn together in a while. But as soon as he walked toward us, it may as well have been the Fourth of July with the fireworks around the two of you.”

I force a swallow, wanting to squirm. But if I do, the water will splash, drawing attention to my discomfort with this conversation. That’s the last thing I need .

“I get why Brock doesn’t want you with him, and you know, he might be right,” she says.

“Oh, he’s right .”

She leans forward, her boobs ready to fall out of the cups. “But, Blakely— he might not be right either .”

I still. What’s she up to?

If there’s one opinion I trust more than any other, it’s Ella’s. She’s never used me for her own gain, asked me for anything, or given me bad advice. She has the best heart, means well, and would hop on a plane at the last minute to celebrate her friend’s birthday without blinking an eye.

We’ve talked about Renn a thousand times, but she’s never said anything quite like this.

“It’s not just Brock who thinks I should avoid Renn. It’s me too ,” I say.

“ Uh-huh .”

“I mean it, Ella. Before you came in here, I was thinking about how done I am with dating and how I’m going to find a nice guy with a nine-to-five who wants a puppy.” Or something like that . “Renn is not that guy . He’s the prototype of the same men I’ve been seeing—just maybe leveled up. But that would only make him worse . He would … swallow my whole existence.”

“Sounds like a good time to me.”

“ Ella …”

She laughs. “Let me put it to you this way. Controlled explosions are better than ones that unravel in the heat of the moment. Trust me. I’ve been there.”

I hold my breath, letting her continue.

“I adore your brother,” she says, “but he has ulterior motives. He would be in the middle if you and Renn have a falling out. And that would affect him personally and professionally.”

Exactly .

“On the other hand, I have no personal agenda here. I just want what’s best for you. And as your friend, and as a bystander, and as a person who has eyeballs—”

I laugh.

“You and Renn are a ticking bomb. And I’m not saying you should get serious with him because I hear your objections and can’t argue them. But it’s okay just to have a good time with someone.”

She folds her hands on her lap.

Glad that’s over . “I think the red dress—”

“I haven’t made my point yet.”

“Well, get to the point then. I’m getting cold.”

She reaches over and turns on the hot water. “There. Stop bitching.”

I want to glare at her, but I can only laugh.

“If you’re going to fall over the ledge, it’s better to repel down it carefully with a rope and a pulley and those sticky shoes I saw on—”

“ Ella .”

She sighs. “Right. Focus.” She closes her eyes briefly. “It might be better to accept reality and defuse this thing before it goes off in your face. That’s all I’m saying. I’ll help you pick up the shrapnel, but I’ll say I told you so the whole time as you recall what I’m guessing would be the best sexual experience of your life.”

I don’t know whether to laugh, roll my eyes, or allow that to make sense. Thankfully, she transitions out of it for me—like a real friend.

“Black or red?” She holds her arms out and twirls in a circle. “I know what I think. But I need your expert opinion.”

“Black.”

She smiles. “Right answer.”

I reach up and turn off the tap, keeping one arm glued to my chest.

“What are you wearing tonight?” she asks, getting back into Brock’s T-shirt.

I shrug. “I don’t know. Want to pick something for me? I only brought two dresses, so don’t be disappointed at the lack of options.”

“That’s okay. I brought backups you can use if you need them.”

Of course, you did .

Ella disappears into the cavernous walk-in closet just off the bathroom. She shouts a few things, but none are clear enough to discern, so I ignore her. Instead, I grab a towel and climb out of the water.

Her words echo through my head. “It’s okay just to have a good time with someone.”

That sounds amazing.

“I want to do something big for my birthday. Something fun. Something wild that I’ll remember forever.”

I smile, pulling my towel tighter.

“This one,” Ella says, holding up the silver dress and heels. “You don’t even have to try it on. I know this will be fire on you, and it’s perfect for your birthday.”

The image of my silver heels dangling from Renn’s fingers flashes through my mind. “These are fucking hot.”

I grin, taking them from her. It’s kismet. “This is it, then. Thank you.”

She scoops up her dresses, blows me a kiss, and closes the door softly behind her.

“ There is a difference between flings, feelings, and forever .”

I set the heels down and finish drying myself.

Ella’s words percolate through my brain. She’s right—there is a difference between a good time, loving someone, and committing to another person forever. And if I’m going to start looking for a forever candidate, I better get all the good time out of my system while I can.

I drop my towel next to the sink and look at myself in the mirror. A flush of excitement pinks my cheeks and has the golds popping out in my irises.

“Could I just have a good time with Renn as a one-time thing? Something explosive, and then … we’re done? Everything would be fine?”

I stare at my reflection in the foggy glass.

“Stop overthinking this and get dressed,” I say, heading into the closet for my lingerie. “I have a birthday to celebrate.”