Chapter Thirty-Eight

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

Milo

Don’t get over it. Get under it.

Eric’s words stayed with me as I went into the week ahead. I missed Starlet so much that it was hard to focus on anything else. But I also knew if I ever wanted to be the man she deserved, I had to focus on myself, on my life, and on getting it back together the best I could. I first had to be my best self for myself so I could be my best for her. I also had to give her space to become the person she was meant to be, too.

Still, missing her didn’t get easier. I allowed myself to drown a bit in that sadness. I realized how lucky I’d been to be able to miss a person like her. It was a damn honor to even know a love like hers.

“I can give you the letter now,” Weston mentioned as I sat across from him in his office on a Monday morning.

I stared at my uncle, a tad bit confused. I hadn’t slept in a while, and the few hours I did sleep weren’t the greatest. I’d been tossing and turning most nights. Staying in the house where my parents raised me without said parents felt bizarre. I hadn’t even known how quiet the house could be. I missed the small sounds of Dad walking around. Him opening and shutting doors while cursing at the television. Now, there was nothing but silence. I didn’t know that silence could be so painfully loud. I couldn’t wait for Dad to come back.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“The letter from your mother that she wrote you for your graduation. I can give it to you now if you want.”

I narrowed my eyes. Was he really offering me that? Was the letter on him now? I could’ve really used a letter from Mom at that very moment. I felt so distant from her lately. Not even the sunrises and recipe cards seemed like enough to push me through.

I could’ve said yes.

I could’ve ripped open the letter from her and fed on the words she crafted to try to give me a sliver of hope.

But she said it was meant for graduation.

How could I go against her wishes?

“I’m okay,” I told him, surrendering the opportunity. “But thanks.”

Weston grimaced. “If you change your mind, just let me know. I know you have Starlet to help you get through these issues, but—”

“We broke up.”

He paused, stunned. “What?”

“I ended things with her. I figured I have too much going on in my life, and I had already ruined hers a good amount. Therefore, I thought it was best to go our own ways.”

“Is this about me finding out? Because I told Starlet—”

“It has nothing to do with you, Weston. It was my choice. Our lives are just in two different places right now. My focus has to be on school and getting better. Hers has to be on her life. We couldn’t figure it out.”

“Yet.” He cut in. “You couldn’t figure it out yet.”

I snickered. “Weren’t you the one who was against us when you found out?”

“Yes,” he agreed. “And then I heard your story and saw how you two cared about each other. What you two had was different. It’s what your parents had.”

That made me pause because I felt that, too. A stupid part of me felt as if Mom knew I needed love, so she sent Starlet my way. But I couldn’t jeopardize her life because I craved having her around. Plus, she felt like a safety blanket of sorts for me—something to work as a distraction to my depression. If I really wanted to heal, if I wanted to get better, be better, I needed to learn to stand on my own. I had to sit with my demons and allow them to tell me their side of the story as I told them mine.

Weston smiled a sad grin my way as the bell rang.

I placed my hands on the chair arms and pushed myself to stand. “I guess that’s my cue to get to class.”

“Yeah. I guess so.” He stood, too, and slid his hands into the pockets of his slacks. “Hey, Mi?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you doing okay?”

My mouth parted, and my first thought was to lie, but instead, the truth slipped out. “No. I’m not.” I was in a sea of bullshit, struggling to remember how to breathe most nights.

“Should I be worried about you?”

“No. I have to be not okay for a while. I’ll check in if it gets too much, but otherwise, I’m looking forward to that letter in two months.”

His smile seemed less worried as he nodded. “I can’t wait to give it to you.”

“And, Weston?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I stay at your house for a while? I don’t want to be alone. Plus, I might need help getting to some of my appointments for my eye issues and whatnot.”

“Are you kidding me? Of course. We’ll have a room ready for you in no time. Let me know when and where you need to be for your appointments. Your aunt and I have you covered. Milo…you’re family. You’re not alone.”

***

“You broke up with her?” Bobby asked as we sat in the ice cream parlor on a Sunday afternoon. The weather outside showcased spring peeking through. Everyone was now out of their winter coats and wearing hoodies and light jackets.

“We didn’t break up, per se. We’re just on a break.”

“Like Ross and Rachel from Friends ?” he questioned. “Do you both know you’re on a break? Because that didn’t work out too well for them.”

“Why the hell are you watching Friends ?” Henry yipped toward his grandson. “Shouldn’t you be watching Blue’s Clues or something more your age?”

Bobby leaned toward me and whispered. “Don’t mind him. He doesn’t know really know how to be cool. All he watches is old episodes of Matlock .”

“It’s a great show,” Henry chimed in. “Back to what matters, a break, huh?”

“Yeah. We figured it was the best option,” I said, picking up a scoop of my chocolate ice cream.

“Is she hot?” Bobby blurted out.

I arched my eyebrow. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“I’m just asking. Is she? I bet she’s hot.”

I snickered a little. “She’s very hot.”

“Wow. I can’t believe a guy like you gave up a very hot girl,” he commented.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I griped.

He shrugged. “Don’t take this the wrong way—”

“He’s about to offend you,” Henry said.

Bobby continued. “But you’re kind of ugly.”

“What?” I laughed. “You can’t even see me!”

“Yeah, but you have an ugly voice. I can tell that your looks match,” he joked.

Leave it to Bobby to humble a person fast.

“Does your mom know she’s raising a little shit?” Henry asked his grandson.

“Does your son know a big shit raised him?” Bobby countered.

“Language,” Henry scolded.

“Sorry, grandfather,” Bobby mockingly replied.

“ Step -grandfather,” Henry yipped.

I smiled at the two. I was grateful they crossed my path when I needed some guidance in my life. We spent a few more hours chatting before I headed off to Savannah’s house to meet my other group of friends.

Even though I missed Starlet, I was keeping my promise to her. I wasn’t alone.

Not by a long shot.