Chapter Thirty

CHAPTER THIRTY

Milo

The following morning, I showed up at the hospital to sit with Dad. I hadn’t been sleeping the best. I’d been running into nightmares more often than not, leaving my mind exhausted by the time I’d wake. Starlet mentioned speaking to Dad from the heart, and that messed with my mind because my heart was pretty fucked up as of late. Starlet made my heartbeats a little tamer at times, but that didn’t stop the fact that I was still struggling day in and day out. I wished love was enough to erase the hard parts of life. Instead, it worked as a calming balm. It didn’t fix the cracks in my heart, but it soothed it every now and again.

I didn’t know how to speak to Dad.

I didn’t know where to start or where to end. I didn’t know if he could even hear me, honestly. I felt a bit ridiculous doing it but watching him hooked up to those machines was enough to make me want to try anything at least once. I wasn’t good with words. Mr. Slade would probably agree with that fact. Still, I was going to try my best.

“I’m pissed off at you,” I told him, staring at all of the wires hooked up to his body and the tube sitting down his throat. The echoes of the machines in his room were sounds that haunted my dreams. “I’m so damn pissed at you for ending up here. I needed you,” I whispered, pulling my chair to his bedside. “I needed you, Dad, and you weren’t there. And that pisses me off.”

I sniffled before clearing my throat. “Mom would’ve been by my side. If it was the other way around, she would’ve sat with me and told me we’d be okay no matter what. She would’ve been on top of every angle of my life. She would’ve noticed something was off with my vision before I even considered it an issue. She would’ve been there for me. So, screw you,” I told him, wiping the tears that fell down my face. “Screw you for thinking we had to drown alone instead of together. Screw you for falling apart and not thinking I could help you. And screw you for trying to leave me now. You don’t get to do that, okay, Dad? You don’t get to check out from here and find Mom because I’m not done being mad at you yet, okay? I’m not done with you. I’m not done with us. So, wake up. Please? Please, Dad? Will you wake up? Please wake up now, so we can be broken together. Get up, Dad,” I cried, placing my head against his shoulder. “Wake up, wake up, wake up.”

The machines kept beeping, but Dad didn’t open his eyes. He didn’t come back to me at that moment, but I kept cracking. I mourned the man he once was and the man he’d become. I regretted our missed opportunities to heal together. I mourned the pain that both of us had suffered. Then I came back the following morning and spoke to him again.

***

On day two, I held his hand as I talked. “They’re talking about getting me a guide dog,” I told him. “It would be way down the line. You’d be amazed at the process it takes to get one. It’s kind of funny to think about. I’d been begging you for a dog since I was a kid, and now I get one while you can’t say no.” I leaned my chin against his shoulder and looked up at his closed eyes. “So how about you wake up and tell me no, Dad? How about you tell me how you don’t want to deal with dog shit?” I nudged him slightly. “If you don’t wake up soon, I might mess around and get two dogs for the hell of it.”

I jumped somewhat when I felt a slight squeeze of my hand. My eyes shot to his hand in mine, waiting to see if I felt it or if my delusions were becoming too strong.

“Come on, Dad. Wake up.”

Nothing.

I said good night and came back the next morning for day three.

***

On day three, they removed his breathing tube and replaced it with an oxygen mask. That felt like a forward movement. I really needed forward movement.

“Her name’s Starlet. You might not remember this, but you slow danced with her on your anniversary. She’s everything good in this world, Dad,” I mentioned as I paced his hospital room. “She’s smart, kind, and beautiful. She’s so damn beautiful, but oddly enough, that’s the least interesting thing about her. She’s driven in a way I’d never been. She makes me want to be a better person and watches over me when no one else is around. I try to do the same for her, but it seems she has her life together much better than I ever have. She knows what she wants from life, and I have no doubt she will achieve all her goals. Sometimes, a lot of times, I think I’m not good enough for her, especially with all my issues. I don’t want to be a burden on her life with my sight issues. At my group therapy session, they talked about the extra burden that falls on their loved ones sometimes. I don’t want that. I don’t want her to lose herself as she tries to help me. Anyway, that’s Starlet. I love her. I love her so much, Dad. You would too if you met her. I think everyone falls in love when they meet her. Oh, but here’s the kicker.” I moved over to him, bent down near his ear, and whispered, “She’s an employee at the high school. My student teacher. Wild, right? Weston would lose his shit if he found out, and I’m sure you would have a field day cursing me out if you could. So here’s your chance. Cuss me out, Dad. Wake up. Tell me how much of an idiot I am.”

His eyes fluttered, but then nothing.

***

On day four, he was breathing on his own.

I sat in my chair and stretched my feet onto the railing of Dad’s hospital bed. “You know how you were convinced someone dented your car at a grocery store when I was fourteen? That was Savannah and me. We were playing in the garage, and I knocked it with my bat. I was shocked you didn’t notice, but when you came home from grocery shopping and were convinced someone did a hit-and-run, I figured, why come out with the truth? Oh, and when I was eight, I was mad at you for punishing me, so I put your toothbrush in the toilet and called you poop breath to my friends for two weeks. Oh, and when you were deployed when I was in the first grade, I told the whole class you were actually in Hollywood filming a movie with Brad Pitt. I didn’t want them to know you were off at war. I didn’t want to think about it in case something bad happened to you.”

I stared at him, hoping for anything. Any sign of him getting closer to waking.

I kicked my feet off the railing and pulled my chair closer to him. “Come on, Dad,” I murmured, staring at his face that held so many of my features. “Give me something, will you?”

“Some are just a bit more stubborn,” a nurse said as she walked into the room with a smile on her face. “I’m sure any day now, you’ll be talking to him, and he’ll be chatting back.”

“It’s been five days of nothing,” I told her.

“That’s not true,” she said. “He doesn’t have that big tube down his throat anymore—progress. And he’s breathing on his own—progress. And he’s listening to you.”

“What? How do you know?”

“Right there.” She pointed at him. “When you speak, his head moves slightly in your direction. He’s just tired, that’s all. He needs a little rest.”

“Like bread,” I murmured, thinking about Mom’s recipe card.

“I’m sorry?”

“Nothing. Thank you. I should get going. I know visiting hours are almost over.” I stood from my chair and squeezed Dad’s hand. “See you tomorrow.”

It could’ve been my imagination, but I swore he squeezed my hand back.

***

Weston forced me to attend school the following two days, which was the last thing I wanted to do, but I also knew I couldn’t fall behind again.

After the sixth period, I started feeling a bit better about being at school because that meant I’d be able to see Starlet in the next hour. That always made the days a little better.

On the way to English, I ran into Bonnie and Savannah, who were chatting it up with one another as always. Bonnie gave me a big grin and nudged me in the arm. “We have good news for you.”

I grimaced. “Should I be nervous?”

“No. You should be excited, my friend. We know you’ve been going through a lot, especially since your dad is in the hospital,” Bonnie explained.

“Why do I feel like you’re about to say something crazy?”

“Because she’s about to say something crazy,” Savannah replied.

“We think you need to get laid,” Bonnie said matter-of-factly.

I arched my eyebrow. “Come again?”

“I know we voiced how we wished you’d use therapy over your sexcapades techniques throughout the years, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Guess what we overheard in the girls’ bathroom this morning.”

“Why do I feel as if I don’t want to know?” I murmured.

“It was the twins Beth and Amanda. They were bickering about who could get you in bed first,” she told me. “You have two of the hottest twins frothing at the mouth for you.”

Savannah agreed. “You can definitely use it to your advantage, especially with everything going on with your dad. We know you use sex to disconnect a bit. So—”

“I don’t do that anymore,” I confessed.

The two girls stopped in their tracks. “What?” they said in unison.

I shrugged as I approached my locker. “I said I don’t do that anymore. I don’t hook up with girls like that.”

“Oh my gosh,” Savannah said in shock. “You’re in love!”

“What? No, I’m not,” I lied as I opened my locker.

“Yes, you are. Why in the world won’t you tell us who she is?” she asked me.

“Savannah has been convinced that you’ve been in love with some secret girl for a while now. She keeps going on and on about how different you’ve been,” Bonnie said.

I grabbed my books from my locker. “There’s no one.”

Just then, Starlet came walking by. I met her stare and gave her a small smile. She smiled back at me and then at the girls. “Good afternoon, ladies,” Starlet said before she let her eyes fall on me again. “Good afternoon, Milo. See you in class in a few,” she said before walking off, my eyes following her the whole time she walked away.

Bonnie’s and Savannah’s jaws dropped. “You’re dating Ms. Evans?!” they whisper-shouted.

My eyes widened at their comment. I slammed my locker shut, turned to them, and whispered, “Shut up, ladies.”

Savannah placed her hands on my shoulders and narrowed her eyes toward me. “Milo Corti, I’ve known you since you were in diapers, so don’t think you could lie to me for a second, okay? Are you, or are you not, in a secret relationship with Ms. Evans?”

I blinked a few times. I blinked a few times more. “It’s…complicated.”

“OHMYGOSH!” they shouted in unison.

I was fucked.

The bell rang, so I headed toward my next class. Bonnie had to go in the opposite direction, but Savannah kept her pace beside me. “You need to tell me everything,” she whispered. “Everything!”

“No, actually, I don’t.”

“Milo! I’m your best friend. I deserve every single detail.” She narrowed her eyes and forced me to stop walking. “Is she good in bed?”

“I’m not answering that.”

“So, you’ve had her in your bed.”

“I’m not answering that, either.”

“Oh my gosh, she’s the best sex you’ve ever had, isn’t she?”

I sighed. I pinched the bridge of my nose and shook my head. I knew I wasn’t going to get out of that. “Yeah, she is…but that’s not all it is…I… I love her, Savannah. You can’t say anything to anyone. But I love her.”

Savannah’s eyes glassed over as she flew her hands over her chest. “OHMYGOSH!” she cried out.

For fuck’s sake.

I didn’t know how much more I could take of this.

We headed to English class, and I didn’t look at Starlet. I didn’t need to make the situation more obvious than it’d already been. Savannah passed me a note as class started.

Does she love you, too?

I read the words and crumpled up the paper.

She passed another one.

Are you going to marry her?

Crumpled.

Can I be your best woman when you get married?

Crumpled, crumpled, crumpled.

Oh my gosh. You’re screwing our teacher!

Crump-fucking-crumpled.

Tom has been convinced that you two have been screwing for a long time.

“Stop it,” I whisper-shouted, tearing up the last piece of paper.

Savannah seemed unfazed by my shortness with her. “This is just like the soap operas my grandma watches every day. Scandalous. I love this for you. You needed a better story arc outside of the sad stuff. I think it’s good for you. I think she’s good for you.”

I grumbled and ignored Savannah’s commentary.

She wasn’t wrong, though.

I knew Starlet was good for me, too.

For the next few minutes, I overthought how I’d have to tell Starlet that my friends had found out about us. I’d also have to hammer it into said friends that if they spoke a word about it to anyone, I’d rip them in half and toss them into the lake where no one would ever find them. Halfway through class, Weston showed up to the class with a look of dismay on his face.

“Sorry for the interruption, Mr. Slade, but I need to borrow Milo from class,” Weston said as he straightened his glasses. He turned to me, and a small smile found his face. “He’s awake.”

He’s awake?

I shot up from my desk, grabbed my backpack, and started in Weston’s direction. When I passed Starlet, I noticed her eyes on the verge of tears as a smile stayed plastered on her face. My sweet, sensitive Star. She mouthed, “He’s awake.”

I felt her words roll through my soul, and I nodded and continued to head out with Weston.

He’s awake.

***

Weston and I flew to the hospital, and the moment I walked into Dad’s room, I saw his eyes. I could still see him, and he could still see me. I worried for so damn long that I wouldn’t be able to see his eyes ever again if he hadn’t chosen to wake up. Yet there he was—awake.

“Hey, Son,” he whispered, his voice hoarse and tired.

I rushed over to him and wrapped my arms around him. I began to sob against his shoulder as he fell apart against mine. All the fighting we’d done over the past year didn’t seem to matter at that moment. All of the hurt and struggles we’d faced seemed to evaporate right then and there. Nothing mattered except for the fact he was okay. He was alive. He was awake.

“Don’t ever do that again,” I scolded him, feeling as if my heart would fly out of my chest from how hard it pounded against my rib cage. “Don’t ever fucking do that again, Dad,” I repeated.

Once I let him go, his tears kept falling. He brushed the back of his hand beneath his nose and sniffled as he looked toward Weston and me. “I think I need to get help,” he confessed. “I can’t stay this way. I want to get better. I need help.”

Hearing him say those words felt like music to my ears. I hugged him again and softly spoke. “Okay, Dad. We’ll get you help.”

“Okay.” He sighed.

I sighed, too.

Okay.