Chapter Twenty-Three

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Theo kept his promise — neither of us slept that night.

In fact, I found myself lacking sleep every night after that, too, as we crawled the rest of the way down the Italian coast and crossed over to Greece.

Effortlessly, I slipped into a new way of life with Theo Whitman.

We spent our days relaxing in the sun or exploring the foreign shores that Philautia took us to. We ate pasta and tasted fresh olive oil, dug our toes into golden sand, fell in love with Italian hospitality, splashed around in turquoise waters, and lost many afternoons where we couldn’t leave the bed at all.

It was all so new, discovering each other, and we both seemed content to spend hours upon hours trailing fingertips over each other’s skin, touching and feeling, kissing and tasting.

In the evenings, Theo spoiled me with luxurious dinners onboard or by taking me to the nicest restaurants on shore. Sometimes we would read together, side by side in bed, or Theo would work while I edited photos.

Most times, not much reading or work got done at all.

I spent time with Emma, too, as the weeks passed, and she started to feel like a friend I would have for life. Wayland and Captain Chuck joined us for dinner a few evenings, and I even got acquainted with the four crew members who had replaced Joel and his band of thieves. It seemed with them gone, the partying downstairs in the crew mess was less and less rambunctious.

No one seemed to mind.

One of Theo’s goals was to make his crew feel like family rather than employees, and there was no question in my mind that they felt that way. Theo gave them numerous days and evenings off to enjoy themselves, and I particularly loved those nights when we were alone on the boat.

I found inexplicable joy in the smallest things as the August mornings turned to dusk, day after day, night after night, carrying us through the tail end of summer. I reveled in moments like when I found out Theo’s favorite color was black, which I told him wasn’t really a color, but rather a shade, and he pinned me down in the bed tickling and kissing me until I relented and said it could be a color, too.

Or like when Theo didn’t believe me that my favorite movie was Pulp Fiction until he put it on one night and laughed uncontrollably as I quoted it word for word, even acting out the action scenes with air guns. I then found out that his favorite movie was Casablanca , so we watched that next, and ended the night with him between my legs whispering, “ Of all the yachts, in all the seas, in all the world, she walks onto mine.”

I even got a taste of Theo’s adrenaline-addicted side when he booked a parasailing trip for us. Whereas I was toying with the thin line between this is exciting and I’m going to have a heart attack with my legs dangling below me and the kite-like contraption carrying us over the water along the Grecian coast, Theo was hooting and hollering and throwing his hands up in the air, demanding the tour guide dip us in the water over and over.

“We’re like shark bait!” I screamed over the wind.

“We’re alive! ” Theo argued back.

He tried to get me to go skydiving after that, to which I responded with a hearty laugh and an offer to watch him from the safety of land, thank you very much.

I loved peeling back the layers that made Theo Whitman who he was, like the nickname ‘Cap’ his friends had given him in sailing club because his last name was Whitman, just like the poet who wrote O Captain, My Captain! Or like how he was an uneasy, grumpy version of himself if he didn’t get out for his morning row, or at the very least get a strenuous workout in before the sun came up. And Theo could spend entire nights awake with me, drawing circles on my skin while I told him about my studies in college and my childhood memories growing up in Colorado, like how Mom and Dad had taken Juniper and me to the Telluride Bluegrass Festival every summer since we were born.

My head fit perfectly into the crook of his arm, and I became addicted to being the first thing Theo thought of in the morning and the last thing he saw at night. No matter the exotic things we saw on shore, or the intriguing guests he brought aboard, nothing compared to staring into his eyes as we fought sleep — all in the name of talking until our throats were hoarse and our eyes could no longer stay open.

I was in the calmest, most content state of being.

Until the night we anchored off the shore of Santorini.

“Don’t tease, okay? I’ve only been with one man before you,” I reminded Theo as he fought back laughter. “I didn’t know a penis could be pretty.”

Theo barked out another loud laugh, curling over like his stomach hurt. I smacked his chest, but laughed, too, simply because I loved the way Theo looked when he was filled with so much joy.

“I’m sorry,” he said, holding up his hands before he pulled me back into his chest. It was after midnight, and we were curled up in the sheets, trying to recover from the three rounds of fun that had kept us in the bedroom since dinner. “But come on, you’ve got to let me indulge in at least a little jest over the fact that your ex-boyfriend and the asshole little thief I kicked off my boat has a funny-looking dick.”

I pinched his side. “I didn’t say funny-looking!”

“You didn’t have to.”

I rolled my eyes, but settled into his chest with a smile. “And what about you, mister? I’m sure you’ve seen some odd-shaped boobies or something. What was your sex life like before me?”

I asked the question casually, easily, like we could talk about it just as candidly as we did mine. It didn’t occur to me until the long silence stretched between us that maybe I was asking a question I didn’t actually want the answer to.

“Does it matter?” Theo asked after a moment.

His deflection made my stomach roll, my smile fading.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Humor me. You know all about my past.”

“Yes,” he agreed. “But I’m eleven years older than you. I’ve had a lot more time to…”

“Sow your wild oats?”

Theo chuckled. “Something like that.”

I traced shapes on his bare chest, fingers brushing the slight hair that dusted his skin as the walls of my throat closed in. “Have you ever had a serious relationship?”

“My lifestyle isn’t exactly conducive to long-term or serious engagements,” Theo answered. “With anyone — whether friendly or romantic.”

“Oh…” I said, and I couldn’t ignore the way my heart thumped to life in my chest, hammering in my ears as those words sank in. “So… you’ve never had a girlfriend?”

“I guess it depends what that title means to you.” Theo shrugged, and I was thankful I was staring at his chest and not into his eyes when he said, “I’ve been with many women, some who I could picture a future with, sure. But in the end, they had their own lives and I had mine. The most serious I ever got was seeing them when I was back in their country, or state or city, depending.” He paused. “I guess you could say I have international affairs.”

Theo laughed with the joke, squeezing my side, but I didn’t find anything humorous about what he’d just said.

Because suddenly, after living in a fantasy bubble for weeks, I realized just how completely na?ve and stupid I had been to think this would last.

I sat up slowly, tucking my hair behind my ears before I crossed my arms over my chest. “So… I guess I’m Colorado?”

I couldn’t look at him when I asked the question, and my entire body chilled once those words hung in the space between us.

Theo shot up from where he’d been reclined, reaching for me. “What? Of course not. Why would you ask that?”

“Because you just said your lifestyle isn’t conducive to a long-term relationship.”

Theo swallowed. “I did, didn’t I?” He sighed, shaking his head and pulling me into him. He held me tight, but I still kept my arms crossed. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t talking about you. I was referencing the women I’ve been with in the past.”

“But how is this any different?”

At that, Theo scoffed, pulling back to frame my arms with his hands as his eyes searched mine. “Are you kidding?”

When I didn’t answer, Theo motioned for me to crawl into his lap, and he wrapped me up in his arms again, kissing my forehead.

“You, Aspen Dawn, are different in every possible way. You have ignited a spark in me that no one else ever has, or ever could. I desire you for my own more than I desire anything .”

Theo fell quiet, and though I wanted to melt at his words, my stomach churned with anxiety that he could be lying. Or even if he wasn’t lying, even if he did feel that way now — how long could it possibly last?

The new and exciting feelings we were experiencing now would fade.

And then where would we be?

“I want to be with you,” he whispered, kissing my neck. “Now. Tonight. Tomorrow. Next week. For as long as I can see my life, I see you in it.”

Tears pricked my eyes, and I sniffed them back, burying my head in his chest. “How can you be so sure, if you’ve never been serious with anyone else?”

“That’s exactly why I’m sure,” he said. “Don’t you see? Since I laid eyes on you, I have lost all desire for every other woman.” Theo chuckled. “You’ve bewitched me.”

Again, I wanted to believe him, but it was like there had been warning bells going off in the distance and I’d had on noise-canceling headphones. Theo’s admission of his past relationships — or lack thereof — had ripped those headphones off.

And now, I couldn’t ignore the blasting whistles and horns and giant red flags warning of the pain to come.

The longer we were there in that bed, the more the smoke seemed to clear. I saw it all so clearly, so suddenly. I saw the beautiful fantasy I’d lost myself in, the magical possibilities I’d convinced myself were abundant.

In reality, I was just a billionaire’s current fascination.

And just like this summer vacation, I wouldn’t last.

We wouldn’t last.

“Hey,” Theo said after a moment, tilting my chin until our eyes met. “I’m sorry I gave you any reason to doubt me. Or us. Or what we have.” He frowned. “Just… give me a chance, okay? I’ll prove that I mean what I say.”

My heart squeezed hard in my chest, but I nodded, anyway, and Theo dragged me down into the sheets with him until we were curled together. He kissed the back of my neck, rubbing my hip and thigh with his fingers to soothe me until his breaths slowly evened out into soft snores.

But once again, I found myself in a sleepless night.

And the reason for my restlessness was a lot less fun this time.