Chapter Twelve

CHAPTER TWELVE

“Ugh!” I huffed when I made it to the stateroom, slamming the door behind me before I let my back fall against it. As soon as I was alone in that room, the tears I’d been trying to hold back flooded, rushing down my hot cheeks as I swiped at them. I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to show any kind of pain or weakness.

I wanted to be mad.

I ripped Celeste’s swimsuit off, tearing at it like it was the enemy before I threw it across the room. I thought seriously of shredding it with a pair of scissors, but then remembered I didn’t have any. So, with another huff, I pulled on a pair of cotton panties and the one sleep shirt I had with me. It was light gray, soft and long, hitting me mid-thigh and the sleeves almost reaching my elbows. The moment the fabric fell over me, I found a sigh, my first real breath since I’d left the top deck.

And with it, my face contorted with another wave of tears.

“Come on, Aspen,” I whispered against the pain. “Get it together.”

I dragged myself into the bathroom, almost laughing at my ridiculous reflection in the mirror. I didn’t have any of the miraculous makeup remover my sister had at home, so I settled on a hot, wet washcloth and soap.

I scrubbed at my makeup, watching as the black and golds and pinks swirled together in a Picasso fashion on my face. And all the while, two sides of myself battled in my heart.

He’s just drunk. He doesn’t mean it.

It doesn’t matter if he’s drunk, that was mean.

He’s right, though, you’re not usually around. And this is the way they all act with each other. You may not understand it, but it’s the culture.

Bullshit. Your boyfriend shouldn’t grab another girl’s tits. Period.

Ivy is your friend. Look, she even did your makeup tonight!

You can trust Ivy about as far as you can throw her.

But Celeste…

DIDN’T STAND UP FOR YOU. No one did.

Joel loves you.

You don’t even know who Joel is anymore.

Everything is fine, just go to sleep and you’ll feel better in the morning.

Nothing is okay. Who even are you anymore?

With each volley, I scrubbed harder and harder, making my skin red and agitated. Most of the makeup was coming off, but the mascara was waterproof and stubborn. I scrubbed it as much as I could before I gave up and tossed the washcloth in the sink.

I stared at my reflection — at my tired, puffy eyes, my red cheeks, my disheveled hair. My eyes caught on the stupid pair of bedazzled earrings Ivy had given me to wear and I growled, fussing until I got one of them off and then the other. I accidentally dropped one of them, and I cursed, falling to my knees on the floor as I scurried around looking for it.

The girl had fondled my boyfriend under the water with me right there, and yet I didn’t want to be the jerk who didn’t return her earrings.

Typical.

I was on my hands and knees, padding around on the bathroom floor looking for that stupid earring as more tears flooded my eyes.

And that’s how Theo found me.

I heard the door to the stateroom creak open, and I looked up, thinking maybe Joel had come to talk.

Instead, Theo walked in, his dress shoes tapping along the wood until he stood at the doorway of the bathroom. He slipped his hands in his pockets, looking down on me with bent brows. “Sorry I didn’t knock,” he said, but he didn’t look sorry at all.

I sniffed, wiping at the tears on my face and trying to hide the mess I was from his gaze as best I could.

“I was in the salon on the main deck when you blew past,” Theo said after a moment. “You looked upset.”

“I’m fine.”

“Oh, so we’re back to lying to each other?”

I breathed a laugh, shaking my head, and all the while I was still looking on the floor for Ivy’s earring.

“What happened?”

I sat back on my heels, looking up at Theo with a helpless shrug as more tears flooded my eyes.

As soon as he saw them, something washed over his face — Anger? Pain? Longing? — and then in a motion that shocked me still, Theo dropped to his knees, too.

His eyes were level with mine, now — steady and strong while mine were puffy and glossed. His gaze searched mine, and when I tried to look away, to hide my emotion from him, his fingers caught my chin, holding me so I couldn’t.

I shivered at the touch.

“You wanted to know something true,” he said, voice soft and low. “The other night.”

My eyes flicked back and forth between his, a flash of that night in the hot tub hitting me like a subway train. Suddenly, I realized how close we were. Suddenly, I realized we were alone. Suddenly, I remembered what he’d said earlier, about what he would have done if I were his.

What would it be like to be his?

Theo let out a steady breath, his thumb brushing my jaw where he held me. “So here it is,” he said. “Something true.”

His eyes traced my features, taking in every inch of my face before he locked his gaze on mine once more.

“For some impossible reason I cannot fathom, I care for you,” he said, and it wasn’t a whisper, but a sound, steady statement. “It’s kept me up at night, Aspen. I’ve had one question haunting me.”

I swallowed.

“How could a seemingly ordinary girl from Colorado who wasn’t even supposed to be on my boat at all, become the center of my focus and attention, of my every waking thought and every sleepless night?”

My throat tightened with a new wave of emotion, and my next breath was labored and hot.

“There’s a truth,” he whispered, moving closer, his fingers sliding up until his entire palm rested against my cheek where I leaned into the touch. “And seeing you upset like this makes me want to light this entire boat on fire, if it means destroying whoever it was who brought you this pain.”

My face twisted, and the tightness in my chest let loose all at once in the form of another rush of tears. I choked on the sob, and Theo pulled me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me and holding me tight against him as I surrendered to the breakdown.

I let him hold me, let my fists twist in the fabric of his suit jacket, tugging him closer as much as I was pushing him away. I sobbed into his chest as he ran his fingers through my hair, loosening the braid it had been in and calming me with a gentle command.

Shhh, shhh. I’ve got you. I’m here.

I cried even harder at those words, and for the longest time, that’s how we existed — me in his arms, him shielding me from the world on that tiny bathroom floor. I cried until I had no tears left to give. I sobbed until my breaths had no choice but to steady. My eyes dried up, and then they closed, and exhaustion flooded over me, taking me under.

I couldn’t be sure how long we were there, how long he held me and soothed me until I fell still and silent in his arms. The fatigue that found me was all-encompassing, and I couldn’t open my eyes, let alone lift my head to thank him.

In the distant haze of my awareness, I felt Theo lift me from the floor. I felt him carry me into the room, lay me on the bed, pull the sheets and comforter up and over my shoulders. I felt his hand brush away the hair from my face, and that was the last touch he gave me before the light clicked off, and the door opened and closed again with a quiet snick.

And I fell into a fever dream, one where the yacht was on fire, the flames licking the dark night sky while Theo carried me dazed and confused down the dock toward the shore.

Toward safety.