Chapter Nine

CHAPTER NINE

I couldn’t sleep.

Even though I was exhausted, and even though I was warm and cozy under the sheets of our bed watching Guinevere, my mind wouldn’t stop racing. I was restless, from where I chewed my nails to where I bounced my foot under the covers. So, about halfway through the movie, I paused it to take a walk.

It was strange, being on the boat without anyone else on it. I knew Matthew, one of the engineers, and Claude, the head chef, were somewhere on their watch. But usually, I couldn’t walk more than ten feet before I ran into someone — Ivy cleaning a room, Ace rushing around the main deck, Emma and Eric discussing the day’s itinerary, Captain Chuck smiling over his coffee as he tipped his hat at me. Tonight, the constant hum of work and conversation was muted, replaced by the quiet sound of the water lapping against the boat.

I wrapped my cardigan around me a little tighter, feeling the cool teak wood under my feet as I explored. I traced the expensive marble of the main deck bar with my fingertips, watched the glimmering crystal chandelier in the salon of the owner’s deck, and inhaled a deep lungful of the salty fresh air when I climbed my way up to the sun deck.

Already, my heartbeat was steadier, my breaths more even, and I stood there at the top of the stairs with my eyes cast toward the stars, inhaling deep breath after deep breath.

It was a helpful reminder, to see that I was so small, and in turn, my problems were, too.

“Ah, and here I thought I was alone.”

I jumped at the deep voice, blinking over and over as I pulled my eyes from the first quarter moon above and let them adjust. Slowly, a figure came into view, a dark shadow in the hot tub on the other side of the pool. The more my eyes adjusted, the more I recognized Theo’s long, slightly bent nose and square jaw.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry,” I rushed out, already turning for the stairs.

Theo chuckled, and I heard the water splash behind me as he lifted both hands out of the water. “No, no, please, stay.”

My cheeks were on fire as I shook my head, so embarrassed by being caught lost in space like a weirdo that I didn’t even have the right words to decline. “I’m sure you want privacy, I’m sorry for interrupting.”

“I’ve had enough privacy today to drive a person mad,” he insisted, and I glanced back over my shoulder. “And obviously you’re looking for something to do, no?”

I chewed my cheek.

“Go change and come back up,” Theo said.

“I… I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“And sitting alone in your stateroom is?”

I couldn’t see his eyes clearly from that distance, but I felt them like warm rays of sunshine on my skin. I’d declined going out with Joel and the rest of the crew, but there was something enticing about the offer to be with Theo.

All the more reason to decline.

A moment of pause passed between us, and then Theo stood, the steaming water cascading down his chest and abdomen, the rivulets illuminated by the moonlight.

“Go get changed and get in this hot tub, or I’ll come over there and drag you in.”

His voice barreled like a wave crashing over me, sending chills down my spine. And as if I had no other choice, I nodded, skipping down the stairs and back to my room. I changed more quickly than I ever had in my life, and then I was back, a towel wrapped around my swimsuit-clad body.

Theo smiled when I joined him again, gesturing with a wet hand for me to sit opposite him in the tub. He grabbed his tumbler of what looked like scotch next, sipping it, his eyes never leaving me as I tiptoed to the water’s edge.

God , how I wished he would look away.

But he was unashamed, a slight smirk on his lips, an arch in his brow, hand still wrapped around the glass.

I looked left and right, as if it was the possibility of someone else coming up that made it hard to drop that towel. The truth was, I had to look away to find the confidence to do it.

With a deep breath I tried desperately to make seem casual, I pulled the towel away, draping it over the back of one of the nearby chairs before making my way into the tub. I kept my eyes on the water the entire time, not brave enough to look up and see if Theo was watching me. The water was perfectly warm, and when I was submerged up to my chest, I sighed, melting into it.

When I finally lifted my gaze, I was met with Theo’s.

His expression was different now — smirk gone, brows furrowed instead of arched. I thought I saw the bob of his Adam’s apple before he cleared his throat, setting his drink on the edge of the tub and letting his hand rest around it. “There,” he said, lips curling up just a bit before they fell again. “Not so bad, is it?”

I rolled my eyes, sinking deeper into the water with a groan. “I didn’t realize I was sore until this very moment.”

“Too much walking on shore?”

I smiled, closing my eyes as I let my head fall back against the lip of the tub. “Definitely more than I’m used to.”

“I could arrange a car for you next time,” Theo offered. “If you’d like.”

I shook my head, eyes fluttering open to find him across the steamy water. “It’s okay. I prefer to walk — I capture more that way. I just can’t help but get caught up in it, when I’m in the zone like I have been. I end up walking more miles than I’ve trained my body to handle.”

Theo relaxed, sipping his scotch before setting it aside again. He reached behind it for his phone. “I think I should have your number.”

My head rolled up in a snap from where I’d been resting, eyes wide. “What?”

“In case you get lost while you’re on shore, or need a ride back to the boat,” he clarified, and then he stood, the water dripping down his bare chest like it had before. Only this time, I wasn’t across the deck by the stairs. This time, I was just a few feet away from him — distance that he closed slowly as he moved toward me, extending his phone in my direction. “It would make me feel better to know you had a way to contact me if you needed to, and I to contact you.”

Theo paused where he towered above me, the moonlight behind him making his face nothing but a shadow. I couldn’t decipher his eyes, only the valleys and ridges of his abdomen, the deep cut of the V that pointed down to the hem of his swim trunks.

I swallowed, taking the phone from his hand. I thought about pointing out that Joel had my number, and I had his, so if I really needed something, I could just call or text my boyfriend.

But I already knew that Theo didn’t like to ask twice.

Besides, what if Joel was working and didn’t have his phone on him when I needed something?

Maybe it was a good idea for him to have my number.

Just in case.

I tapped the screen until I got to the contacts app, putting my name and number in quickly and handing the phone back to him. Theo smiled, but instead of crossing back to where he’d been sitting before, he lowered into the water next to me.

“There,” he said, tapping out something on the screen. “I texted you so you’ll have my number, too.”

Theo set his phone aside then, and he got up long enough to retrieve his glass before he was beside me once more, one arm draped over the back of the tub as he watched me.

“How’s it been on shore? Have you been getting the kind of photographs you envisioned?”

“It’s been…” I smiled, shaking my head as the memories of the last couple of weeks floated through my mind. “Absolutely incredible. Life changing. More than I could have imagined.”

“Yeah? What’s been your favorite place so far?”

“I loved Portofino,” I said. “The people there were so friendly, and the bright houses, the little hidden alleyways and streets. It was like being in a movie.” I paused. “And Nice,” I added quietly. “I liked Nice.”

Theo nodded. “Me, too.”

“Oh, yeah? What did you do there, other than work?”

“Had breakfast with a pretty girl.”

The blood drained from my face, but Theo just smiled, watching my discomfort over the top of his glass as he took another drink.

“Have you taken any time off, or has it been all work and no play?” I asked, ignoring his comment and the way it made my skin heat.

Theo sighed, sinking a little lower in the tub. “I think I discover more and more the older I get that, for me, work is an ever-present part of life. Time off doesn’t exist.”

“Sounds like you need to hire someone to be here traveling with you,” I said. “A Vacation Enforcer.”

He laughed at that. “Oh yeah?”

“I’ve seen you trying to relax,” I commented. “It’s like watching a fish try to fly.”

“So you’ve been watching me, Miss Dawn?”

My smile vanished.

Theo just chuckled, sipping more of his scotch. He sucked his teeth at the burn of it. “To be honest, that’s how it feels for me, too — like I’m out of my element. It’s uncomfortable for me, to rest. I can’t even think about trying to go enjoy a day just being a tourist without breaking into hives.” He shrugged. “But it’s different than what people perceive. I like work. I enjoy it. I worked hard to make it that way. And they say if you love what you do…”

“You’ll never work a day in your life.”

He tilted his glass toward me. “Exactly.”

“I think I can understand,” I said. “I mean, if I ever get to make a living off photography, I don’t think I’ll want a day off, either. It’s hard enough now to put my camera down when I’m not being paid for it.”

“You will,” he said confidently. “Make a living off it, that is. But I hate to be the bearer of bad news — it’ll put pressure on your creativity, once you have financial implications.”

“Does it put pressure on you?”

Theo fell silent for a moment, thinking. “Yes and no. My job is a little less creative, though, and more technical. I used to love to code, but I’m so out of touch with it all now. I’m more focused on strategy, and charming clients for an afternoon and then spending an evening busying my mind with how the next software update could benefit them and us both.”

“It sounds to me like you don’t like to be alone with your thoughts.”

Theo frowned, slowly turning until his eyes met mine. I knew by the way he watched me that no one had ever said anything like that to him before.

I wondered if I’d pegged him down the way he’d done so to me in Nice.

“And,” I added, aiming to lighten the moment. “Like you need a little more fun in your life.”

Theo’s expression relaxed. “That so? And what should I do for fun?”

I shrugged. “Read a book for pleasure instead of work. Watch a movie. Learn an instrument. See a concert. Use your ridiculous amount of money to go shopping or eat at a cool restaurant. Jump off a cliff.”

“Jump off a cliff?” he echoed on a laugh. “Well, that’s one way to tell a person how you feel about them.”

“I mean like cliff diving!”

“Uh-huh, sure. It’s fine. See if I ever offer you an all-expenses paid trip on a yacht through the Mediterranean again.”

I laughed, my head tilting back, and it felt good — the way that sound reverberated through me, the way Theo’s smile widened at the sound.

Then, the laughter faded, and Theo’s smile waned, and in the quiet night with nothing more than the waves washing softly against the boat, I became suddenly and breathlessly aware of the fact that I was half-naked in a hot tub with Theo Whitman.

“So,” he said after a moment. “Should we address the purple elephant in the room?”

My heart stopped in my chest, kicking back to life with a sharp thud. “What elephant is that?”

“Why aren’t you on shore with everyone else?”

I sank deeper into the water on my next exhale. “Oh,” I said, relief flooding me, though I wasn’t sure what else I thought he might have been referring to, instead. “I was just too tired to go party all night,” I said with a shrug. “Honestly, I don’t know how they do it — working all day like that just to hang out all night and get up early to do it all again.”

“It definitely takes a special kind of person,” Theo agreed. Then, he tapped his fingers absentmindedly on the side of his glass, eyes glancing at the stairs behind me. “Joel didn’t stay behind with you?”

My stomach twisted at the reminder of what I’d been trying to forget all night. “No… but it’s okay. He was really excited about getting off the boat and seeing Italy. I don’t blame him.”

“I’m sure you two have spent a lot of time together anyway.”

I smiled.

At least, I think I smiled.

“Yeah.”

Theo tilted his head. “You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?”

“Biting your tongue. Denying yourself the satisfaction of saying what you really want.”

I frowned. “I’m not… I wanted him to go. I wanted him to have fun, he deserves it.”

“And what about you?” Theo asked, and though it was only a marginal distance, I felt the heat of him moving closer, like he was the source of the hot tub’s warmth altogether. “What do you deserve?”

My breath caught in my chest, lips parting on a breath as Theo watched me. This close, even in the dark, those blue dusk eyes were so striking they rendered me speechless. And his gaze never wavered, not until so much time had passed that a chuckle left his lips.

“It really does make you uncomfortable, doesn’t it? To think of yourself instead of others.”

I didn’t respond. I was too busy reminding myself how to breathe.

In and out.

Inhale.

Exhale.

“I think I know what it is,” Theo mused. Then, he leaned back, giving me enough space to clear the dizziness. He finished what was left in his glass, setting it aside before he pointed at me. “You’re scared of hurting someone, or of being judged. You’re afraid that by saying what you actually want, you’ll disturb the peace.”

I frowned, opening my mouth but not sure what words to give it to speak. “I’m… I’m not…”

“It’s co-dependency in its truest form,” he continued. “Instead of asking yourself what you want and then doing that, you ask yourself what will make everyone else happy, what will make them feel okay.”

I shook my head, but the truth of his words made the motion feel sticky and slow.

“You are. You’re too scared to be honest.”

“I am not!” I said, louder this time, with enough determination to make Theo tilt his head.

“Okay then,” he said, and he dipped lower into the water, until it slipped over his chin and met the bottom of his lower lip. The moonlight reflected off the water and into his eyes as he inched closer to me. “Tell me something true.”

I swallowed, heart racing more and more the closer he came. When I was sure I’d pass out if he came even an inch closer, he stretched back, elongating himself over the water and floating for a moment before he sat upright again, the water at his chest.

He stared at me.

Waiting.

“Go on,” he said. “Tell me something so true you’ve never spoken it out loud.”

I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest at the ridiculous request.

Theo just arched a brow.

“I don’t know what you want from me.”

“Oh, there are many things I want from you, Miss Dawn,” he said, sliding across the water until he was so close I felt his breath on my nose. He watched me for a long moment, eyes flicking back and forth, lips curling a bit when he noticed the way my chest heaved in my next breath. “Tell me something you’ve never told anyone else.”

And I couldn’t explain it, what happened next, with his eyes on me and the steam of the water drifting between us. A chill raced up the spine of my neck, hairs standing on end, and below the water, my fingers curled under my thighs, as if I were Eve and I needed to sit on them to keep from reaching out for the forbidden fruit.

“You’re right,” I whispered. “I am afraid.”

Theo shook his head. “Tell me something else, something I don’t know.”

“I like the way you look at me.”

The words slipped from my tongue like oil, slicking my inhibitions on the way out. I couldn’t believe I’d said them.

I couldn’t believe I wasn’t tripping over myself to take them back.

Theo inhaled a stiff breath through his nose, nostrils flaring a bit, his eyes bouncing back and forth between mine. His lips parted like he wanted to speak, but something held him back.

Around us, the night came alive.

The water seemed swept away in a storm, a sudden gust of breeze sending it crashing instead of softly lapping as it had been. I somehow heard laughter floating over the water, all the way from shore. I somehow saw every crater on the moon reflected in Theo’s eyes. I suddenly felt the vibration of each star in the sky, humming through me like a bass drum.

“Your turn,” I said, and I would have sworn it was someone else possessing my body when I inched toward him in return. “Tell me something true.”

Theo swallowed, and it was inexplicable, what that simple notion did to me. I watched the bob of his throat, the hollow area where his neck met his collarbone as it ebbed, and something hot and bewitching slid between my legs. Every muscle tightened, a frenzy of fire and ice, and I squeezed my knees together against the ache I’d never felt before in my life.

“Something true?” he asked softly.

I nodded, lips parting of their own accord.

A breath of a laugh came from his nose, and he shook his head, almost imperceptibly, like I’d asked him an impossible task. Then, slowly, he glided through the water, closer and closer, until the confidence I’d had moments before vanished in a puff of smoke.

I swallowed at the intensity of his gaze, backing away from him like I was his prey until my shoulder blades hit the edge of the tub.

“I always get what I want,” he husked, his nose skimming the tip of mine.

“Something I don’t know,” I said, throwing his own words back in his face.

His eyes cast down on mine, and the corner of his lips tilted up just a tick, like I was just a toy he’d dragged out of his toy box out of boredom, completely at his mercy.

Under the water, warm fingertips brushed the outside of my thigh — just above the knee, and just lightly enough that I questioned I’d felt it at all as my next breath lodged in my throat.

Suddenly, Theo pushed back, the water parting for him as if he were Moses. He turned just as my breath came back to me in a kick, and in one fluid motion, he pushed himself up out of the hot tub as the oxygen burned my lungs.

He turned to face me then, water dripping from his hair, down his chest, over his arms and the swells of his abdomen. His jaw was set, arms rigid, back straight and shoulders square.

But my eyes locked on where a large bulge strained against his wet shorts, the fabric outlining every single inch of him.

Theo had to have known where I was looking. He had to have known that I could see it now, the way I affected him, but he stood rock solid and proud and unashamed.

And that icy-hot ping of electricity struck me at my core again, making me squirm under the water.

Without another word, Theo swiped his towel off the back of the chair behind him, wrapped it around his waist, and let heavy, wet footsteps carry him across the deck and down the stairs, leaving me in the toy box yet again.

Later, when I was back in my room, I stared at the text he’d sent me after I’d given him my number.

Bonjour .

I stared at it until the word no longer made sense, until the letters blurred and the syllables became more foreign than the language the word was written in.

Then the phone buzzed in my hand, and a new text came through.

Goodnight, Miss Dawn .