Chapter 5

5

GILLIAN

I was too old to be holding to some pact I made when I was only twelve years old. My conversation with Kane had made that clear.

I'd been going along like a good girl, not questioning things, following my friends' rules. We didn't even see each other in person anymore, we were so spread out. We stayed in touch through an app where we spoke to each other through video clips and responded whenever we could. They were always on some exciting adventure in some exciting location while I was in my apartment or on the commute to and from work.

They'd never said anything to make me feel bad—aside from the occasional teasing—until the day they dared me to come up here alone and camp where bears could get me. I was starting to question those friendships and the meaning of the pact we'd made more than a decade ago. Maybe it was time to show them just how adventurous I could be.

I reached for the tequila bottle and uncapped it, telling myself only one more swig. This time for courage. I did just that, and when I looked back over at him, he was staring at me.

Was that concern I saw on his face? Maybe he thought I was getting drunk. Far from it. Not drunk, just courageous.

"How old are you?" I asked.

His brow furrowed. Was he assessing my age? I'd made it clear I was working on my veterinary degree, so it stood to reason I'd be in my early twenties.

"Thirty-five," he said.

"I'm twenty-three," I said, just in case he was wondering. "So have you been with a lot of women?"

His eyebrows arched at that. He hadn't expected me to be nosy, but I'd just given him my full sexual history, so I wasn't really asking a lot.

"Not since moving here," he said. "But I've been around the block a time or two. I have the experience necessary to make the person I marry a happy, happy woman."

Those words seemed to put him deep in thought. He wasn't the only one. My mind was spinning as I reviewed what he'd said.

He planned to marry someday. That was good news. The way he'd isolated himself up here, it wouldn't have surprised me to hear that he planned to spend the rest of his days alone. But he wanted to share his life with a woman, and I wanted that woman to be me.

Where had that come from? I frowned as I thought it over.

I wanted to move back home to Sweetheart Falls. I'd be close to my parents. That was a good thing. And if I was married, they couldn't butt into my life anymore, right?

I doubted that, but it was a comforting thought.

"So what's your idea?" he asked.

"I want you to help me prove I did what I was dared to do." I looked over at him. "And then some. But to start, I just need pictures of the tent and me camping. They don't need to know about my ankle."

Why I didn't want to tell them about that, I wasn't sure. But maybe it felt a little like it proved I couldn't handle all this.

"I want a picture of you, shirtless, in my tent, maybe even looking like we slept together," I said.

Even in the fading daylight, I saw the subtle flash of disappointment in his eyes. He didn't like that at all. Maybe he didn't want me using him for some silly dare.

"You don't have to do that part," I rushed to add. "I understand if you're uncomfortable."

"Hand me that," he said, holding out his hand.

It took me a second to realize he was talking about the tequila. I passed it to him. He uncapped the tequila and took a hefty swig, then handed it back.

"I'll do it," he said. "On one condition."

I was almost afraid to ask. "What's that?"

"You get mostly naked too," he said. "In fact, maybe we could get a picture of you in my T-shirt."

I hadn't even thought of that. It was a great idea. So why did I feel a little bugged about it?

After a few seconds more of thinking on it, I figured out what was bothering me. I didn't want to pretend I'd lost my virginity to this man. I wanted it to be for real.

"You might have to help me off this rock," I said with a laugh. "And maybe even out of these clothes."

His gaze darkened at those words, and the look he was giving me was different. More intense. He was looking at me like he wanted me.

For the first time in my life, I got it. This was why women had told me for years that I didn't know what I was missing. They were right. This was what I'd been missing, and it was a damn shame.

"I'll go first," he said.

He handed the tequila bottle to me and reached for the hem of his shirt. My breath caught as he lifted upward, revealing the same washboard abs and muscular arms and chest that I'd admired earlier.

Only this time, it meant more. This time, it felt like I could reach out and touch those muscles. My fingers itched to do just that.

Instead, I took another swig of tequila, which I immediately regretted, then reached for a piece of sausage to get the taste out of my mouth. It was the only thing strong enough.

"Your turn," he said.

My eyes widened as they met his. "My turn?"

"To take off your shirt."

I looked down. I was wearing a T-shirt and shorts, but underneath it, I had on a sports bra and cotton panties. Nothing sexy. I was going for a hike, not on a date. But even if I'd known what was in store, I wouldn't have had a bra fancy enough for this.

I wanted to put a pause on things and take a quick trip to a lingerie shop, but that wasn't going to happen. The tequila was doing its job, though. It was lowering my inhibitions and giving me the courage to do what I might have chickened out of otherwise. No wonder they called it liquid courage.

"One thing first," I said. "It's something I've been wanting to do a while."

As he watched, I slid the purity ring off my finger, stared at it a long moment, and threw it as hard as I could. All I would have had to do was give it a tiny toss, and gravity would have done the rest. But throwing it felt good. It was like I was suddenly announcing to the world that I was in charge of my life.

"Whoa," he said, leaning forward. "That one's a goner."

I looked at both hands. No jewelry whatsoever. The next time I had a ring on one of my fingers, it would be an engagement ring.

That thought flashed through me, and I sat up a little straighter. It was definitely way too soon to be thinking about marriage to this guy. That was the problem with being a virgin. Guys automatically assumed you were ready to get married and have kids just because you were waiting. And now here I was thinking marriage with the first guy I'd ever even considered sleeping with.

But that wasn't adventurous. An adventurous person did it without knowing the security of happily ever after was waiting on the other side. An adventurous person threw all caution to the wind.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and reached for my T-shirt, yanking it out of my shorts and pulling it up over my head. I tried not to think about the unsexy white cotton sports bra that I was revealing to this guy.

"How does that feel?" he asked.

I opened my eyes and looked over at him. Had I missed something? What was I supposed to feel right now? I'd half-expected him to be reaching out to touch me when he asked that. And now the only thing I wanted was for him to reach out and touch me.

Kane obviously noticed my confusion because he quickly rushed to add, "Having the ring gone. And having your top off."

I looked down and winced. "This isn't exactly sexy or revealing."

"I beg to differ."

I looked up at him, and the heat in his stare was impossible to ignore. Oh yeah, he definitely liked what he was seeing. His gaze was firmly planted on my chest. And was that a bulge in his pants?

My college friends talked about looking for the bulge. That's how you knew you were turning a man on. But this was the first time I'd looked at that area on a man and seen that.

"Women go to the gym in sports bras," I said.

Not me. I didn't add that part, though. Not that Kane would be a gym rat or anything. The guy clearly built his muscles the natural way. But he might not like the fact that I didn't invest hours into building muscle and toning.

That was obviously my own insecurities though, because his gaze made it clear he liked what he saw. So much so that he was reaching for the fastening of his pants.

I gasped. "What are you doing?"

"Getting undressed," he said. "You want pictures, right?"

"Oh yeah, right."

Was this foreplay, or did he really have no interest whatsoever in going beyond this? I hoped it wasn't the latter.

"You wear boxers?" I asked as he lowered his jeans.

He had to stop to take off his shoes, and the crotch area of his shorts gaped a little. I couldn't see anything, but the sight sent heat flooding straight to the area between my legs.

"Depends on what I'm doing," he said. "But lately, I've been wearing them more and more. They're just comfortable, you know?"

No, I didn't know, but I nodded. He wasn't looking at me, anyway. His focus was on getting his jeans off while still balancing himself on the rock.

We weren't in danger of falling—there was plenty of room. But it felt a little weird to move around with the drop-off being so close.

"Take a picture," he said, scooting around on the rock until he was facing me.

The view behind him was breathtaking. Not nearly as breathtaking as the view of him, though. It matched how I felt every time I looked at him.

I grabbed my phone, which I'd set on the rock next to me, and snapped some pictures. If this didn't work out, I'd probably spend the rest of my life avoiding looking at these shots. It would hurt too much to remember the guy I'd wanted that I couldn't hold on to.

"My shirt?" he asked as I scrolled through the images.

I looked up to find him holding his T-shirt toward me. He'd mentioned me wearing it. And only it.

"Should I take my bra off first?" I asked, eyeing the shirt. "It's so big, I doubt they'll be able to tell."

I wasn't a tiny woman, but this guy was huge. His shirt would engulf me.

"My vote is for the bra to come off," he said. "If, that is, you're comfortable with it."

I shouldn't have been comfortable with it. In fact, it should have gone against everything I'd stood for my entire life. But suddenly, all I wanted was to be naked in front of this guy. To amp up the heat in his eyes and make him want to touch me. Make him unable to resist touching me.

It was this new side of me that reached behind me and unclasped my bra. A bold, confident side of me that he was bringing out. And I knew, no matter what happened this weekend, I'd never be the same.