Chapter Six

Trent

T he bar we entered wasn’t sports themed, which was a blessing considering the crowds at the game. Normally, I prefer hanging out by the long bar to talk to the staff and be open to anyone joining me. But tonight, I was glad we took tall chairs at a tiny table by the window, sitting with two drafts of Sam Adams and a bowl of peanuts.

“I used to love popcorn when we had movie nights as kids.” I pointed at the snacks.

“Yeah, but with pop, not beer.” Charlie chuckled. “That’s what we’ll do next Friday when you come over.”

“Remember when we had a sleepover in your room and your mom thought we were watching a horror flick?” The memory was very vivid in my mind—the two of us curled in sleeping bags on a pile of blankets on the floor, our sleepy eyes glued to the TV.

“Yeah. We cried all night watching The Notebook and promised to never tell anyone.”

“Even your mom.”

We both laughed, the joy of the shared childhood moments like a tether pulling us closer.

“You already played guitar then. You kept plunking that dum dum dum dum song on the top strings. What was it?”

“Oh God, how do you still remember that?” Charlie raked his fingers through his hair, making them stand up even more. “It was Come as You Are by Nirvana. One of the first songs I taught myself.”

“I played the flute at school, but I wasn’t born for music. That was always clear.”

Charlie snorted a laugh, then took two sips of beer. “You can still play the flute if that’s your thing.”

I kicked him under the table, but his smile grew wider. “Maybe it is. I’m not sure yet.” Holding his gaze, I finished my drink and waved to the bar for another round. “I’d like to watch you play, though. The guitar. When’s your next gig? Or are you planning a concert with your original songs anytime soon?”

“The parties are not regular, but we’re doing a Y2K night next month.” Charlie magic-ed a pick out from his pocket and fiddled with it, as if it was a coin at a casino.

“You don’t sound happy about it.”

“I am. Playing covers lets us vibe with the crowd since they already know and like the songs. We learned the craft on other people’s stuff, but yeah, my dream is to get that energy from people when we’re rocking our own tunes.”

“You don’t usually get that?”

“We do, but only from a handful of people. When we support a small band with our original set, most concert-goers usually skip us and arrive for the headliner, so we’re not breaking through to many people. The handful that know the lyrics are amazing though and give me hope that we don’t suck. Sure, we posted a few singles online, even broke into an abandoned library once to shoot a video, but a few hundred fans from over the country won’t travel to Boston for our gig.”

“I can see how that’s tough. But you’re trying and you have something that glued me to your performance.”

“Thanks. We got a spot to open for a local alternative band with our own set. But that’s in three months. We’re afraid no one will turn up to hear us.”

“I’m sure that won’t be the case. But speaking of—when will you let me listen to your music?”

Charlie grumbled. “I’ll send you a link tomorrow so you won’t abandon me here to listen.”

“Fair. Or maybe you could play for me like you used to?” I folded the napkin into a hat and slid it across the table.

“That could be arranged.” Charlie took my napkin and continued folding it into a boat.

I stretched in the chair, my shoulder cracking. “I need a good workout. The construction work is great, but it’s such an uneven use of muscles that they end up strained.”

“Can you hit a gym to balance it out?”

“I was looking for one around here but—” I sighed, recalling my latest attempt at doing just that. “Remember when you guys asked me what brought me to Randy’s that day?”

“Yeah, you were upset, but never told me about what.”

“I panicked at the local gym.” At Charlie’s surprised expression, I elaborated. “I’m used to the bro culture in the gym back home, but I thought it would be different in a big city. I’m ashamed to admit the ‘boys-will-be-boys’ jokes didn’t bother me much for years. It was just how it was. Then I went into construction work, and it was one dick measuring contest after another. Talking about pussies, as if they weren’t attached to people. I nod and want to run away. It’s like that every day.”

“Sorry, that’s fucked up.”

“I can’t imagine what you must have gone through. Thinking about it fucks with my head.”

“It wasn’t easy, but becoming my true self was more important to me than some idiot’s opinions and attempts at bullying. Besides, I had my family and friends who accepted me.”

“Makes me so happy when you say that.” I raised my glass to his and took a few sips. “Maybe I’m overreacting, but after my little sister came out as a lesbian last year, every homophobic comment feels like a jab at me, my family, and my values. It’s like a dam that has been holding my own sexuality and real views, finally broke. Louise is packing up her stuff to move here too, but what’s the point if it’s not any better here than at home?”

“When is Louise coming over?” Charlie leaned forward. “She must be what? About twenty?”

“Yup, twenty-one next month. She’ll celebrate her birthday with her friends, then come over here. How fucked up am I to actively despise the toxicity only after it directly touched me and my family?”

“You understand it now, and that’s what matters. We all learn as we go.”

I wiped my hands on my shorts. “Sorry, I got verbal diarrhea, and I’m talking about myself again.”

“Don’t ever apologize for that.” Charlie’s stern tone was full of warmth. “You shared really important stuff and I’m grateful. And I’m so proud of you for drawing those conclusions on your own. You don’t have to hide from me, Cupcake.”

I bit my lip to keep it from trembling until I tasted blood. My chest felt open and raw, but I had to get everything out. “If I can’t even fit with the muscle himbos, where am I supposed to fit? How can I help my sister find a place here?”

“Breathe.” Charlie nudged my beer my way, and I took a sip.

“Sorry. Sometimes I overreact. I feel uncomfortable in crowds or in unpredictable situations.” I didn’t want to call it anxiety, even though my childhood therapist had said it was exactly that.

“Does anything help? Apart from the lollipops.”

“It’s that obvious, huh?” I reached for Charlie’s hand over the table. “Familiar touch helps. It grounds me.”

Charlie smoothed a thumb over my knuckles. “I’ll remember that. And you make a really cute muscle himbo.”

My cheeks heated. “If you say so.” My hand in Charlie’s felt like it belonged there. I let my gaze roam from his forearm to his biceps. It wasn’t big, but Charlie’s body and how he moved told me he was active. “Do you work out?”

“Yeah, but nothing too hardcore. Sabrina used to have some equipment in her basement but she had to get rid of it as she’s selling the house soon. So I’m screwed and so is Trixie. Lately, I’ve been going on longer walks, and Trixie installed a pull-up bar at her door frame, but that’s not the same.”

“I wish we could all go to a gym where it wouldn’t be a place to get buff, but a safe space to be who you are. It’s shit that these thoughts came to me only after I realized I’m more than an ally—I’m on the flag itself.”

“It’s never too late to embrace who you are. And every journey is different.”

“Yeah. I told you I did a lot of research. And boy, was it an interesting month.”

Charlie leaned forward. “Don’t make me stop you from telling me. I’m all ears.”

I looked at my empty glass. I had only had three beers, but I felt like my tongue was looser than usual. And that said a lot. For the first time since forever, I truly believed that the person sitting across from me wanted to listen to what I had to say.

“Between several porn websites, I scrolled through all pairings, and in each one I found some category or video that spoke to me and my dick.”

“What was your favorite?” Charlie’s smirk and the clear interest in his gaze gave me confidence.

The blush on my face had to have reached my ears but I could blame it on alcohol. “I had several. A big guy being railed into the mattress by a smaller one. Those were hard to find. I liked the ones with restraints and dildos. Fuck, I was so horny one night and—” I snorted. “I’ll spare you the details.”

“Na-ah. Now I have to know.” Charlie folded his hands on the table.

Thankfully, a server brought us a new round of beers, and I thanked him and took a solid gulp.

“I have a pink gym bottle. It’s less likely to get mixed up with some other dude’s black or green.”

“Smart. But what about it?”

“So I’ve been watching porn and got really horny, obviously. And didn’t have any dildos…”

Charlie gasped, hand on cheeks, full-on Deadpool-style. “You did not!”

I nodded. “I tried, but it wouldn’t go in, even with plenty of lube.”

“That’s extremely dangerous. It doesn’t have a flared base.”

“I know. I was horny and stupid.”

“Was, huh?”

“Still am. But when I use my fingers, I get distracted and come too fast.” A couple passing us by gave me an odd look but continued walking. Charlie ignored them completely, lured in by what I was saying. So I milked it. “So, if you’d be willing to teach me…”

Charlie straightened in his seat. “Teach you what?”

“Ass stuff.” I grinned. “I don’t trust anyone with this. And I can’t go on dating apps when I’m not sure what I’m into.”

“Clearly, it’s butt stuff.” Charlie lifted his eyebrows.

“Yeah.” I shook my head to clear it. Didn’t work. So I distracted myself by applying strawberry chapstick to my dry lips. I loved the smell of that thing, but I avoided using it in public after my gym buddies and dudes I work with laughed about it. “Sorry, I asked too much. I’ll call an Uber.” I took out my phone, kicking myself for being so honest. My stupid mouth had pushed people away so many times and yet I still blabbed around Charlie.

“I’m not saying no, but let’s talk about it later. Now, I’m coming with you.” Charlie stood up and slid a tip underneath his glass.

“I’ll be fine.” I grumbled, showing Charlie that my ride was two minutes away.

“But I want to see you home safely, anyway.” Charlie offered the crook of his arm as if he was a gentlemanly hero and I looped my hand through it. The contact and Charlie’s fond smile let me breathe easily as we made our way into the car waiting outside.