Chapter Three

Charlie

F ucking hell, I should have told him everything back at Randy’s. Now I was looking into the eyes of a man who’d been hurt, and I hated that I caused it by lying to him. He wasn’t angry. No, his fallen expression was one of disappointment, and that was worse.

“Where did you get the picture? Why do you even have it? This is me.” Trent pointed to himself as an eleven-year-old, standing with a group of six kids.

“And this is me.” I tapped the image of myself in overalls and pigtails.

“No, that’s my best friend—” He swallowed hard and lifted his gaze to mine. “My bestie, Charlie. ”

I nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you who I was right away when I recognized you at the diner. It was a mistake and—”

“You’re my Charlie?” His whisper was quiet.

“Yeah. I’m just living as my true self now.” Would he understand?

Tears welled in his eyes, and I panicked.

“I’m so sorry, Trent, please let me explain.” Air whooshed out of me as he crushed me to his chest. Geez, the dude could collapse my lungs if he squeezed harder. I patted his back and breathed through my nose. His citrusy cologne and the warmth of his body invoked memories of us sitting on his porch and eating oranges, then riding bikes to the park with our hands sticking to the handlebars.

The wheeze that came out of me was involuntary and Trent let go of me, holding me at an arm’s length.

“I missed you. For over a decade, I wondered what happened to you. One day you told me your dad got a better job in the city and the next thing you were gone.” He spoke fast and slid his hands from my shoulders to my sweaty palms.

“I didn’t want to leave, but a fresh start for my family and no one knowing us gave me an opportunity to come out to them. In a way, that move was a blessing in disguise. They were very supportive and helped me get the medical attention I needed to live as me.” I squeezed his hands.

“As a man.” He searched my face as if uncertain if it was really me.

“Well, yes.” My stomach was in my throat. I had surrounded myself with friends who understood me, and it had been a while since I had to explain my transition to someone I cared about.

“Okay. Are you happy?” Trent was still processing, but his shoulders relaxed, and his frown smoothed out.

“With my body? Yes.”

He nodded. “I knew your parents were good people.” He picked up the frame and traced the photograph with a finger. “Those are great memories. And after tonight, I have more of those with you.” The smile that reached his teary eyes broke me in the best way.

“Oh, shut up.” The bastard was gonna make me cry. “Are you staying?”

“Well, Trixie promised me a beer, so yeah.” He stood up and pulled me into a hug again. His big, warm body was like a blanket I could pull around me to feel everything would be okay.

By the time we entered the kitchen, several friends had already arrived with snacks.

“I brought my dad’s empanadas.” Felix lifted a bag packed with tupperware and set it aside to fix the bun on his head. He’d come with his girlfriend and boyfriend—all three of them a part of our friends’ group for years.

“I ordered pizza, so these can be for me.” Sabrina took the bag from him, but Trixie snatched it away.

“We’ll eat it all.” I pushed Trent into the kitchen. “Everyone, this is Trent.”

“Hi. I’m an old friend, but we recently reconnected.” He served me that infectious grin of his. “Nice meeting you all.”

Recently, huh? More like a few hours ago.

The doorbell rang.

“I’ll open it.” Trixie handed me a plate of empanadas and gave Trent a bowl and a bag of chips.

When we moved to the living room, I made sure to sit next to Trent on the couch while the triad nested on the beanbags around the low table.

“Hands up! FBI!!” Hal yelled as he stormed in holding Laurie’s hand. As usual, when they visited after work, he and his husband wore three-piece suits in sensible shades of gray.

“What happened?” Trent looked from us to the newcomers, raising his hands up slowly.

“Chill, I was just kidding.” Hal patted Trent’s shoulder.

“We call them the FBI because of how they dress.” Sabrina elbowed Laurie. “But we enjoy having our lawyer boys at parties. They’ll loosen their ties soon enough. This is Hal and Laurie.”

“I’m Trent.” Trent shook hands with them as they sat next to us on the sofa. “I sense a story there.”

“Oh yeah, and it’s a fun one.” Laurie said, smoothing his smartly cut hair back.

“We were airing our brains on the benches outside of the courthouse after a grueling case that had dragged on for months.” Hal unscrewed a beer from the box they’d brought and took a sip. He sighed and leaned back, as if remembering how tired he was.

“I was sipping my coffee in peace and looking at the water, because Hal wasn’t talking for once, when this lot sat on the bench across from us.” Laurie pointed at me, Sabrina, and Trixie.

I remembered that day well. “We were psyched to land a spot supporting a local band with our original set, and Mulder and Krycek here moped over their coffees, ruining the vibe.” I poked Laurie in the chest. “Something had to be done.”

“You guys glared at us.” Laurie straightened his suit with mock disgust.

“We were afraid you were thugs. You looked battle ready, Mad-Max style.” Hal chuckled. “Then Charlie unceremoniously asked us what’s up and got the conversation rolling. One thing led to another, and he invited us for their gig that night.”

“No way!” Trent was listening to the interaction with eyes blown wide. “What did you say?”

“After the day we had, we figured we could let off some steam, so we followed them.” Hal patted his husband’s thigh. “It was quite a trip to be the most weirdly dressed people in the room when we wore suits. The concert was fantastic though. Laurie and I had more fun than on our first date.”

“That’s probably true, yeah.” Laurie grinned. “And the rest is history. We’ve been attending gigs on and off and inviting ourselves over to parties since then. Charlie still calls us Mulder and Krycek when he’s drunk.”

“Oh, I don’t mind. They were hot.” Hal fanned himself with a coaster. “But seriously, it’s insane that you don’t have a record deal yet.”

“Oh, shut up.” I shoved Hal, and he grasped onto his husband with drama befitting a lawyer.

“I totally agree. I saw you for the first time tonight and you smashed it,” Trent said. “I’d love to hear your original stuff. If you invite me.” He gave me an exaggerated version of puppy dog eyes, melting my heart.

“Of course.” I ruffled his short, blond hair.

I gasped when he caught my hand, then fake-bit it, the way he used to do so long ago.

The laughter that escaped us both filled the room, reminding me of how easy it had been to be his friend.

“Ew.” I wiped my fingers on his shirt and realized all my friends were staring at us—at the grin on my face, at the blush on Trent’s. “We grew up next door to each other and some things never changed, I guess.” My hand was still on Trent’s chest, his heart beating under it fast. I snatched it back and stood up. “I’ll bring more snacks.”

“I’ll help you.” Trent rushed after me.

“The new boy has the hots for Charlie,” Hal whispered loudly enough for everyone to hear.

“No nasty business on the clean countertops!” Trixie waggled her finger at me, but her grin betrayed her mirth. Fucker. I flipped her the bird, sending the entire room into giggles.

Leading Trent by the elbow, we made it into the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” I pushed him against the wall and held him there with a hand between his pecs. Fucking hell, they were massive. He could easily swat me aside, and my hours at the gym would mean nothing in the wake of his bulk. But he remained still, even though his heart was hammering under my palm.

“I’m sorry.” Trent lifted his hands up in surrender.

Fuck, he’d look good handcuffed… Focus, Charlie, for fuck’s sake.

“What for?”

“I don’t know. Embarrassing you?”

Ugh, this big ball of fluff. “You didn’t—” Words stuck in my throat when he put his hand over mine, pressing it to his chest.

“I’m just happy to see you.” He cupped my cheek—the paw like a pillow I could sleep on. “But I’m afraid you’ll disappear again.”

What was this woozy feeling? As if I’d crumble if someone pulled us apart. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“We were supposed to go camping that summer. Real stuff—not pitch a tent in your parents’ backyard.” He stroked my hand, still on his chest. “But you were gone by then.”

“I know. We always had bigger plans than it was sane to have. Our parents wouldn’t let us go alone, anyway. It was a good dream, though.” One I cried over that entire vacation. But I couldn’t contact Trent. Severing ties to my old life had been the best way to transition and start living as me.

“Some dreams are more important than others.” He ran his thumb over my stubble and smiled. “I think Hal was right. I may have the hots for you… It’s confusing and so fast.”

He dropped his hands and stepped to the side, then looked around the kitchen. Grabbing an empty glass, he filled it from the tap and drank the whole thing.

Confusing? Cold dread dripped down my spine. “What do you mean?”

“Can we sit?”

I guided him out with a hand on his lower back as his words echoed in my head. The living room was out of the question with that bunch of nosy fuckers. My bedroom was the only sane choice.

He plopped on my bed like a sack of potatoes, his hands on his lap as if he was waiting for a scolding. Then he fished out a lollipop from his shorts pocket.

“Do you want one?” He unwrapped the strawberry-patterned wrapper and popped the candy in his mouth.

“No, thanks.”

He crushed it in his teeth and pocketed the stick. Then did the same to a second one. His lips turned a shade pinker and glossy, looking inviting and kissable.

“Why do you eat lollipops if you don’t lick them?” I pulled myself away from looking at Trent’s lips. “You can carry a bunch of candy instead.”

“I like the strawberry flavor.” He shrugged, reached into his pocket again, then stopped himself. “And I can order them online in bulk. They give me a shot of sugar and something to do, calming me down somewhat.”

I nodded, sat next to him, and took his hand. “You said you’re confused. Is it about me?”

“No. It’s me.” He pulled a chapstick from his pocket, slid the lid up and down several times, then pocketed it.

“Listen, Trent. It’s okay if it’s about me. My transition has been difficult to process for some members of my family and friends I’ve met since then. That’s why staying away was the choice my parents made for me then. And I agreed.”

“Oh, that’s not hard for me to understand. It’s not that at all.”

What? Taken aback, I squeezed his forearm. “Then what’s wrong?”

“You’re… you. And that’s so beautiful. You are so handsome, so—” He swallowed and looked at me with those big blue eyes.

“Oh, Cupcake.” The childhood nickname rolled off my tongue, propelling me back to the past, to how I loved spending time with my best friend. But I said it like a pet name, as if we were already half-naked. In a way, that’s what it felt like.

Trent leaned in, his hand on my thigh sending shivers through me. He searched my face, and I understood what he was silently asking for. I also knew it was a mistake. But I nodded anyway.

His lips tasted of strawberry candy.

I closed my eyes, luxuriating in the soft kiss, the warmth of his body so close, and the citrusy scent of his cologne. He was the embodiment of the unconditional acceptance I so desperately needed, even after so many years post-transition. It was about us connecting again, not about my journey. He was the home I left behind, the easy laughs, and the sunny days. But he was also a piece of my past that welcomed my present with open arms and heart.

He was too good.

I knew this new thing between us would end badly, the way it always had for me. A few dates, sex, finding out we’re not compatible, and an imminent heartache.

I couldn’t lose a friend I’d just gotten back. Pushing at his chest, I gasped in a breath.

“I’m sorry.” He scooted away. He had nothing to apologize for.

His pink lips and flushed cheeks added to the adorable look on his face.

I couldn’t hurt this man. I wouldn’t. “Are you?”

He squeezed his nape, shrugging one shoulder. “No. I guess that’s what I’m sorry for.”

“Don’t be.” I’m not. “It doesn’t need to mean anything.”

He nodded and stood up. “I better go.” Like a panther, he walked on the balls of his feet, moving his bulky body through the corridor.

“It was great meeting you all.” He waved at everyone in the living room and slipped out of the apartment.

I stood like a dummy, watching the closed door as if it would burst open and Trent would march back in like he had at Randy’s. But he didn’t.

“What did you do to him?” Sabrina asked when I rejoined my friends on the couch.

“How do you know it was my fault?” Ignoring inquisitive stares all around, I grabbed my beer and took a sip. Ugh, it was warm.

“He left with a kicked puppy expression on his face.” Trixie moved the chips bowl away when I reached for it. “Well?”

I released a heavy sigh. “Fuck.” I turned to the door, but he was long gone.

“Well, you can call him and fix it.” Sabrina threw me a bag of chips.

I caught it and set it aside when the realization hit me. “Shit. I didn’t get his number.”

A series of groans echoed through the room, and a loud slap as Felix smacked himself in the forehead.

“Oh, come on, Charlie! I really liked this one.” Sabrina pouted.

“I’d tap that,” Hal said, then flinched when Laurie slapped his thigh. “Ouch! You would too!”

I loved my friends, but sometimes they were assholes.